Monster
by OMWG
Summary: It had been a tiring day, and all the guys wanted to do was go to Five Guys and have the best burgers in the world. James getting kidnapped was not on their plans for the night. Rated M for violence and language. NO slash!
1. Four Guys at Five Guys

**OMWGNOTE: **Womp hello! If you're reading this for the first time, then consider yourself lucky because this is the new-and-improved Monster! If you're re-reading this, then I hope you enjoy the changes! Most of it is grammatical stuff and general improvements in the quality of the writing. I haven't decided if there are going to be actual story line changes since I haven't really edited the entire story yet. But stay tuned and you'll find out!

HUGE thank yous to **jdmazz **for being wonderful and beta-ing this for me, to **Miss Fenway** for being ever-supportive of anything I do, and to **EpicInTheLibrary** for having so much faith in this story it's actually sometimes overwhelming. Also a shout-out to my tumblr buds, who encouraged the re-write of this story.

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Big Time Rush or any characters affiliated with the show. Richard Rolle, Kurt & Shane Diamond, and _The Stray_ are entirely my own creations (ahem especially Shane Diamond because I introduced him to this fandom).

* * *

It had been a long day.

Although dead tired from all of the work Gustavo had put them through, Kendall, James, Carlos and Logan were no strangers to long days of hard work. Their demo tracks had gotten approved, and now Gustavo was working them harder than ever to make the first album perfect. They had spent hours recording the same song over and over again, working out the harmonies and deciding who sounded best on which verse and whose voice should be the loudest during the chorus. All of this had gone on with little to no break time, and after twelve hours cramped up in the studio, Gustavo had finally let them go at eight-thirty.

The four boys had left the studio tired, irritated, but most importantly, with the appetites of fully grown elephants.

There's really only one place they went when they were as hungry as they were. As they all piled into Logan's car—the first to get his license, he was deemed the chauffeur of the group—they didn't even have to speak to know where they were going. Their stomachs were only growling in anticipation as they got off the exit that would take them to the absolute best fast food in all of Los Angeles.

Five Guys, of course.

Five Guys was a fast food joint located in a quiet L.A. plaza, only a few small stores being its neighbors. Across the parking lot sat an assortment of storage lockers and empty warehouses. Five Guys was the only place in the entire plaza that was even remotely busy, and with an In-N-Out right down the road, it usually wasn't bustling with people.

From Rocque Records, it was a fifteen minute drive. And even though it was closer to the studio than the Palm Woods was, their hunger was something they couldn't put on hold.

"Logan," Kendall said melodramatically, clutching his stomach. "Can you please drive faster? I'm starving." The request was almost pointless, since Logan, ever-cautious, was always one to go the speed limit. Although he knew he wouldn't get busted for going a few miles over the posted limit, he always became anxious when he did.

"Will you shut up?" He growled, never taking his eyes off the road. "I'm going faster than I'm supposed to be right now, so stop whining and deal with it." Logan usually only got this harsh when he was irritable, and after the long day they've had combined with his hunger, he was definitely on edge.

Thankfully, Kendall didn't protest any further, nor did the other boys in the car. Before they knew it, though, they were pulling into the Five Guys parking lot. Once Logan's car was still, Kendall and James were already shooting out of the car and they quickly walked inside the eatery. After chuckling at their two friends' eagerness, Carlos and Logan made their way inside.

By the time Carlos and Logan had gotten inside, they could see the other half of Big Time Rush already at the counter, wallets out and giving the employees at the counter their orders. The smell of pure grease assaulted Carlos and Logan's senses, and instead of being disgusted by it, it only made them hungrier. They quickly got into line behind their other two friends, eager to order.

Eventually, all four of them retrieved their food and sat down at an empty table, Carlos and Logan on one side and James and Kendall on the other. They didn't even bother to speak; instead, they began indulging themselves in greasy goodness.

After half of all of their burgers were gone and most of their French fries, they were finally satisfied enough to talk. It was mostly whines about how late Gustavo had kept them and how hard he had worked them, each of them throwing in something they had found particularly horrible about the day. It was always good to vent after tiring work days, and even when it seemed they had run out of things to complain about, one of them would bring up something that would set off a chain of more agonizing memories from the day.

It was quiet between their horror stories from work, aside from the groans of tasting particularly delicious food. They continued to eat through their on-and-off conversation, though with each bite, their food became less and less appealing. Although Five Guys was delicious and made some of the best burgers and fries known to man, too much of it makes a person sick. Having it more than once a month can cause heart attacks.

It was Logan who gave in first. He dropped the last portion of his burger and stared at his oily fingers, repulsion evident on his face as he wiped away the greasy residue. The others continued to eat, but not for long. Carlos, despite chattering about how good the food was in between complaints about the work day, was the next to put the remaining quarter of his burger down and slump, completely full, into his seat. However, this didn't stop him from staring longingly at the rest of his burger, wishing he had the will power to eat it. Two minutes after Carlos gave up, Kendall had surrendered to his protesting stomach, pushing the food away from him and looking away so that he wouldn't get sick. James was the only one who remained eating, and it didn't go unnoticed.

Kendall glanced at his best friend.

"Holy crap," He said, watching in amazement as James completely finished his burger. "I've never seen anyone finish a Five Guys burger before. You're seriously talented, man."

At this, James smiled proudly. And although he was beaming on the outside, his insides were churning. It was seriously unsettling, and James absolutely hated to vomit. He let out a large burp, desperately hoping it would help him, but it didn't. As if to torture him further, he could feel his dinner beginning to leave his stomach.

On cue, Carlos said, "I'm surprised he hasn't upchucked yet," and the three guys laughed. However, James was far from laughing. In fact, he put his hand to his mouth, and without another word, rushed out of the restaurant. This only made Carlos, Kendall, and Logan laugh harder.

"Dude, you spoke too soon!" said Logan in between laughs. "I've never seen James run so fast!" They all continued to laugh at the misfortune of their friend, but outdoors, James wasn't laughing at all.

Actually, he was being re-introduced to his dinner, coughing it up into the foliage surrounding the area. It was disgusting. James absolutely loathed throwing up, and it was rare for him to do so since he had a very good immune system. He can only remember throwing up twice in his entire lifetime, so throwing up now is especially gross.

After retching up what he hoped to be the last of the food he'd just consumed, he straightened himself from the hunched position he was in. Smoothing his hair, he took in his surrounding area.

For Los Angeles, Five Guys was in a fairly remote location. James could see a thrift store, a pawn shop, and a music store, but that was it. With the exception of Five Guys, all of the stores closed at nine. Knowing the closing times because he had been to the plaza so many times, James pulled out his phone and noted it was a quarter past closing for the surrounding stores. He slipped his cellular back into his pocket, turning his attention away from the various shops and turning towards the parking lot. He recognized Logan's car, and a few others that he assumed belonged to either the employees or customers currently in the restaurant. His eyes then wandered to the warehouses and storage lockers across the street.

He didn't know why, but there was just something about these buildings that made him cringe every time he and the guys came here. He supposed he had watched too many crime and murder shows involving brutal murders in warehouses or frozen corpses stored in the lockers. Just thinking about all of the cases he'd seen involving warehouses and storage lockers made a sense of uneasiness wash over him.

Feeling panicked and a little ridiculous, James turned back to the restaurant and hurried inside. However, in his sudden desire to get away from what was spooking him so, he seemed to forget why he had went outside in the first place. The minute he opened the door, the smell of grease hit him like a bullet, making his stomach lurch. Kendall, Carlos and Logan all saw James' expression and watched in amusement as he clamped his hand to his mouth again and ran back outside.

James found himself at the bushes again, bile burning his throat as he vomited. He was clutching his stomach, hoping that was the absolute last of whatever he had left in his body. He stood straight again, self-consciously wiping his mouth on his sleeve to get rid of the throw up or whatever he could feel there. As he backed away from the bushes, choosing not to look what he had just produced, he noticed something—or rather, someone—that he had not seen just thirty seconds ago.

The man must have just arrived here, because there was certainly no one there when James had first come out to throw up. The man was standing around six sidewalk-blocks away from James, not making eye contact with him. He seemed to be waiting for something, but James wasn't sure. He was really just standing in front of the fast food joint with his hands in the pockets of his large coat.

James decided not to assume things about what the man was doing here, because as he had told his little brother many times, "When you assume, you make an ass out of 'u' and 'me.'" Shane had always gotten angry at James for saying this to him, but it was a true statement and a good life lesson to not judge people by how they appear. Although the man appeared to be some sort of drug dealer judging by the bulk in his jacket, James washed away all presumptions of the man and came to the conclusion to ignore him.

Instead, James resolved to playing Monopoly on his phone. Although it was a four hour game with other people, playing against a computer was much easier. James always won his monopoly games, but that was partly because he always put the computer on the easiest setting.

He was still submerged in playing the cell phone version of the board game when he heard the door chime behind him. He turned around, hoping that the mysterious man had gone inside, but he instead saw someone coming out of the restaurant. And this was no stranger; this was his best friend.

James watched as Kendall walked toward him, a small smirk tugging at his lips. Kendall was always smirking; it was practically his default expression.

"Hey," Kendall said when he reached James, looking James up and down as if he were checking him out.

"How you doin'?" He asked flirtatiously. They both laughed, knowing that Kendall was only joking. They'd always acted like this towards each other, starting when they were fourteen.

"Well, you know," said James, folding his arms over his chest, "aside from throwing up my dinner twice, I'd say I'm doing okay."

"Oh really?" Kendall asked skeptically, holding something behind his back. James instantly became very suspicious and very afraid, knowing perfectly well what his best friend was capable of.

"How you doin' now?" Kendall asked in the same tone, and revealed what he had behind his back: a Five Guys French fry.

He waved it menacingly in front of James' face, and James eyes followed it, trying to hold his breath. However, Kendall would not be having James ruining his master plan. Quickly, he ran behind James, covering the taller boy's mouth with his hand and putting the French fry under his nose. James hadn't gotten the chance to breathe before this happened, and now his lungs were burning.

He bit Kendall's hand, desperately hoping he would release his grip on James' mouth so he could run away, but apparently Kendall had a high tolerance for biting, because he didn't let go. James really had no choice but to breathe from his nose now, and he instantly regretted it.

His stomach flipped again, and Kendall quickly removed his hand as James bolted for the bushes. Laughing, he popped the offending fry into his mouth.

It's not that Kendall was mean and liked seeing his friend throw up—though it was slightly hilarious how violently James has reacted to a single French fry—he was simply getting payback for what James had done to him when they were seven years old.

One day in June, Kendall had been feeling extremely sick. He was disappointed because he had really wanted to go play hockey in the street with James because it was such a nice day. Kendall had had to cancel their plans, but James, being the good 'bestest friend' that he is, went over to Kendall's house instead to give him some company. He didn't care if this caused him to get sick as well, but he knew he was probably safe because his immune system was so strong, even at such a young age.

A few minutes after James had gotten there—and had a thorough discussion with Knedall about Power Rangers—Mrs. Knight had decided that it was time for Kendall to take his medicine. She had her husband pick up some orange-flavored children's Motrin before he left for work, and was eager to see how it worked on Kendall. No one knew why, but Mrs. Knight absolutely loved it when he kids were stick. For her, it was an opportunity to get out her big spoon and nurse her babies back to health.

However, all didn't go according to plan. The Motrin reeked of citrus, and Kendall had to plug his nose just to get it into his mouth. Even then, there was the strong after-taste of the medicine, and he felt worse than he did before he had taken it. Five minutes later, Kendall had produced an orange mess on the floor. After that, James fled from Kendall's bedside and went home to watch more television.

Kendall hadn't been able to eat oranges since, or even anything citrus, but he had recovered from his cold a few days after the incident. However, Kendall was the complete opposite of James. He was one who would catch absolutely any and every virus that was going around, and thus, a month later, he was on bed rest with a stomach flu.

James, being the good friend he is, visited Kendall yet again. Kendall had been laying in his bed, James sitting next to him in a chair they discussed a recent episode of Hey Arnold! that had aired the night before. However, James had something devious and sort of mean planned, but he felt that Kendall deserved what was coming; after all, Kendall _did_break James' favorite hockey stick two weeks before, and revenge is a little twisted for seven year olds.

James' master plan was quite simple, really. In his backpack, along with his Power Rangers action figures, was a single orange.

Of course Kendall didn't know this, and James put his acting skills to the test. He pretended as though he wasn't secretly planning for Kendall's barf fest, and Kendall went along with everything. When Kendall had been expecting for James to pull out his last action figure, instead James had pulled out his orange and began peeling it.

Kendall threw up several times that day.

Now that James was throwing up, courtesy of Kendall, the blonde didn't feel that bad. His revenge plan, nine years in the making, had finally been put into action and justice had finally been served.

Apparently, however, James seemed to have forgotten the Power Ranger/orange incident, because he came back from the bushes with an angry glare on his face.

"What the hell was that for?" he demanded, wiping his mouth yet again.

Kendall just smirked. "I'll give you a hint: orange incident of 2001."

Realization dawned on James' face, and Kendall continued, folding his arms over his chest.

"Payback is a bitch, isn't it?" The smirk was back on his face again.

"Way to keep a grudge for nine years," James muttered, glancing away from Kendall.

"Baby…"

The word was said under James' breath, but he knew Kendall would be able to hear it. A sideways glance at the blonde, who was looking mock appalled, proved him right.

"What did you just call me?" demanded Kendall, pushing James playfully.

James smirked back in response, getting closer to Kendall and standing to his full height so he was looking down at his blonde friend. He loved to revel in the fact that although he was a month younger than Kendall—the youngest in the group, actually—he was still the tallest of the four of them, and therefore had the most physical advantage.

"A baby," he said now, pushing Kendall back. "What are you going to do about it?"

He raised his eyebrows, awaiting Kendall's answer.

Said boy got an evil glint in his eyes. "Bring it, Diamond." He immediately tensed, like he would if he were back home in Minnesota at a hockey game.

James only smiled in response, mirroring Kendall's stance. "It's already been brought, Knight," he responded, and with a final smirk at each other, they lunged.

For any wandering passerby, it might have been a bit odd to see two sixteen-year-old boys wrestling in the parking lot of a Five Guys restaurant. To Kendall and James, and even Carlos and Logan, it was completely normal.

In fact, Carlos and Logan were extremely familiar with Kendall and James' wrestling habits. They even often placed bets on who would win; Carlos usually favored Kendall, and Logan was almost always rooting for James. The outcome of the small rough-housing matches was always a surprise, though; although James worked out every day and was more gifted in the physical department than Kendall was, the winner was also heavily based on what mood James was in. If he was feeling crappy, Kendall's victory was almost guaranteed.

Considering James had thrown up three times in the last twenty minutes, one would think that he'd be losing the battle to. Kendall. But seeing that he was currently pinning Kendall to the sidewalk beneath him, mood obviously wasn't a deciding factor today.

"Payback is a bitch, isn't it?" James said, smiling. Kendall only smirked up at him because he had a secret weapon hidden in his pants pocket.

Both Carlos and Logan knew about this secret weapon—which was only a French fry—and this began to make Logan feel very uneasy. Suddenly, he whipped out his phone and dialed James' number, ignoring Carlos' screams of, "_You interfered! That's an automatic win for Kendall!"_

James, who was still pinning Kendall to the ground, heard the muffled tones of his phone ringing coming from out of his pocket. He brought both of Kendall's arms into one of his hands and used the other to fetch his phone from his pocket. "Hello?" He spoke into the receiver, though he already knew from caller ID that Logan was on the other line.

"Get out of there, Kendall's got another French fry!" It took a moment for James to register what Logan meant, but when he did it was already too late. In his momentary distraction, Kendall had gotten one of his arms free from James' grip and was reaching into his pocket to retrieve what James was sure would make him throw up for the third time that night.

James quickly got off of Kendall and started to run. "Thanks for the heads-up!" The words were rushed as James ended the call and slipped the phone back into his pocket. James turned the corner and began running behind the restaurant, and although he was running as fast as he could, he could still hear Kendall's footsteps behind him.

James rounded another corner that brought him back around to the front of the eatery, running by the man who had caught his attention earlier. As he was passing the man, Kendall finally caught up with him. He tossed the fry in the nearest trash can before pausing to catch his breath. "I wasn't going to really make you throw up," He said in between breaths, placing his hands on his knees. "But since you made me run, now I really have to pee. Later, man." Kendall waved goodbye before quickly running inside and heading straight towards the men's restroom. James simply just chuckled before taking in his surroundings again.

He noticed now that the man was staring at him, and barely registered that the stranger was now walking toward him. Although he still didn't want to assume things, James was prepared to be offered some form of illegal substance as the man stuck his hand out. Only after a few seconds of simply staring at the man's extended hand did James realize he was supposed to shake hands with the stranger.

He did, and noticed that the suspicious man had an incredibly strong grip. He also noticed that the guy had his other hand shoved into his jacket, and for a brief moment James wondered what was beneath that coat. But before he could think too hard on it, a deep voice caught his attention.

"Hello," the man said, smiling in a way that made James feel queasy all over again. "I'm Richard Rolle, but you can just call me Rick."


	2. Vindictive

**OMWGNOTE: **Womp hello! If you're reading this for the first time, then consider yourself lucky because this is the new-and-improved Monster! If you're re-reading this, then I hope you enjoy the changes! Most of it is grammatical stuff and general improvements in the quality of the writing. I haven't decided if there are going to be actual story line changes since I haven't really edited the entire story yet. But stay tuned and you'll find out!

HUGE thank yous to **jdmazz **for being wonderful and beta-ing this for me, to **confusedastronaut **(tumblr) for making the amazing cover, to **Miss Fenway** for being ever-supportive of anything I do, and to **EpicInTheLibrary** for having so much faith in this story it's actually sometimes overwhelming. Also a shout-out to my tumblr buds, who encouraged the re-write of this story.

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Big Time Rush or any characters affiliated with the show. Richard Rolle, Kurt & Shane Diamond, and _The Stray_ are entirely my own creations (ahem especially Shane Diamond because I introduced him to this fandom).

**P.S. **Follow my writing tumblr! (omwg dot tumblr dot com) You'll get all of the updates on when I'm writing, what I'm writing, plus tumblr-exclusive sneak peaks, story outlines, etc!

* * *

First and foremost, James was relieved that this Richard Rolle hadn't offered him any drugs. Maybe he was jumping the gun, but up close, James realized that it didn't really look like Rick was stashing crack in his coat. It looked a little bulkier, but James had no idea what it might be. He wasn't exactly an expert on inspecting what strangers might be hiding in their coats. Plus, Rick might not be hiding anything in his coat at all—albeit creepy, the man seemed pretty friendly.

When Rick first introduced himself, James was a little taken aback by his directness. But he quickly recovered, like all social butterflies do, and responded quickly as to not make an awkward silence.

"I'm James Diamond. Nice to meet you," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets. James was never one to be impolite to strangers—especially ones who hadn't done anything to give him a reason to be rude—but he couldn't deny that the situation was awkward. He didn't really spend all of his free time striking up conversations with strangers outside of Five Guys, so to say that James was at a loss for words would be an understatement.

"So what brings you to Los Angeles? Going for a wrestling career?" Rick asked, beginning to laugh. James, who often was self-absorbed, thought it was a little much to laugh at your own jokes.

"No," he replied, smiling as to not offend the man. "Actually, I'm in a band." This seemed to spark interest with Rick, because he immediately turned to James with excitement plain on his features.

"Really?" he asked, taking a nose dive into the conversation. "What band are you in?"

James sighed. "You probably haven't heard of us," he admitted, looking towards the ground. "We just got our demo approved, and now we're trying to make an album. We're called Big Time Rush."

Rick frowned then. "I haven't heard of you," he said. "But I'm sure you'll take off soon. I wish the best of luck to you and your band mates." He was quiet for a moment, and James thought that maybe his friends would pop out of the restaurant and he could go home. But just as James remembered Carlos had digestive issues with Five Guys, Rick spoke up again.

"You know, I _am_ an ex-record producer," Rick continued. "What record company do you work for? Maybe I've heard of them."

"Rocque Records. Owned by Gustavo Rocque and Arthur Griffin." The minute James said Gustavo's name, something flashed in Rick's eyes that the sixteen-year-old couldn't quite place.

"I've heard of Gustavo," the man before him said, "but I've never worked with him. I have worked with Arthur Griffin, though. Knows what he's doing."

"Well, consider yourself lucky," James said quietly. "Gustavo isn't always in a great mood. He hates me, but at least he's helping my dream come true."

"I see," Rick mumbled. "And your friend—he's in the band with you?" he added, speaking up.

James nodded. "Yeah, that's Kendall. My other two friends are in the band with us, but it's really Kendall who got us here in the first place." He paused, and then added, "Gustavo likes him the most. He has 'the fire' Gustavo has been looking for, and I just remind him of Matthew McConaughey, who I guess he hates. But I don't really have to worry about my job because Kendall has already told him that he won't do anything unless we're all in a band together, and Gustavo really likes Kendall, so I think we're okay."

"I see," Rick commented, smiling. "It must be a lot of fun working with your best friends." Again, something flashed in Rick's eyes, and James couldn't really identify what it was before it was gone. Suddenly, he felt a sense of uneasiness wash over him, leaving him confused: Rick was being very polite, so why was James feeling uncomfortable around him?

"It really is," said James, trying to push his discomfort aside. After all, Rick was being incredibly nice and there wasn't really a reason for James to be afraid of him. "So how was being a record producer?"

"It was great while it lasted," Rick began. "I was doing everything with my best friend, too. I'd known him since I was five, and we did everything together. And the one thing we loved doing most was making music."

James frowned. "If you had such a good life, what happened?"

"Well," Rick started. "Everything started out great. First we both worked for the same internship, and when we had saved up enough money, we started our own record label. Things were going really well; we worked with a lot of boy bands, and it was a lot of fun. We would stay up late writing songs all the time. I usually wrote the music itself and he wrote the lyrics. We were a really great team.

"But then we discovered our newest band," Rick continued. "The Stray. They were from Connecticut; all of them were completely stubborn and arrogant and quite frankly, pretty annoying. But they were best friends, and they'd do anything for each other. It reminded me and my best friend of our own friendship." Just hearing the story made James immediately think of Kendall, Carlos and Logan.

"What happened, though?" James pressed.

"They quickly became our favorite band," Rick dragged on. "They had the most talent, and the songs we wrote for them were our best work. They eventually stopped being so difficult and we all warmed up to each other after a while.

"We worked long and hard on their first album," Rick continued. "And when it finally came out, we were all really excited. But that's when things changed.

"I had worked just as hard as anyone else on that album, and yet I wasn't really getting any thanks for it. When I looked through the album credits, only half of the songs were credited to being written by me, even though I helped write all of them. I thought it was a printing mistake.

"I asked my best friend about it, and he played dumb. It was obvious that he had taken all the credit for himself, because his name and no one else's was on the credit for all of the songs. I couldn't believe that he would lie to me like that. I had lost my best friend to Hollywood, and so I left."

James nodded, but something about Rick's story wasn't convincing. "Do you ever miss it?" he asked regardless.

"Sometimes," Rick said. "I mean, it was fun while it lasted. But it just goes to show that fame can and will change people."

James began to protest, attempting to say that Kendall, Carlos, and Logan weren't like that at all, but Rick interrupted him.

"Just be careful, kid." Rick said, turning to look at James now. James felt uneasy looking at the expression on his face: his eyes were hard and cold. "I know being with your best friends now is what it's all about, but they might turn around and stab you in the back."

James shook his head. "Thanks for warning me," he started, "and I'm sorry that your best friend screwed you over, but my friends wouldn't do that to me. I've known Kendall since pre-k, and Carlos and Logan since second grade, and I'm positive that they wouldn't betray me like that without a second thought."

"We've known each other since we were five. That didn't stop him." Rick said, and turned away from James. _Finally,_ James thought, relieved that the conversation was over. He had to admit, although Rick seemed nice at first, now he was kind of creeping James out. The look in his eyes once he finished his story was one James would never forget.

Suddenly, James' phone vibrated in his pocket, and he pulled it out to look at the screen.

_KENDAAAAAALL! (Reply | Ignore)_

James chose to reply.

_Hey pukey,_

_We're gonna be a while. Carlos is taking a while in the bathroom, and Logan is apparently too full to drive. I'm inside because I don't trust you not to barf on me._

_Luckily for you, we're not getting anything to go. Logan doesn't want you barfing all over his precious car._

_Anyway, we'll be out whenever Carlos is done clogging the toilet._

Kendall, unlike is other friends, always used completely correct grammar when he was texting. James did too most of the time, but when Kendall made James angry, James got payback by typing like an illiterate idiot. It was one of Kendall's biggest pet peeves.

_Hey asshat,_

_Ok. 2 buzy throwin up owt hur anyway. Tell Kirlos 2 shit fastur and tell Lonag 2 stawp bing a pansy._

_I want 2 go howm. Hury up idiots._

He hit send and smiled. Kendall might come outside and strangle him for that one, but James really didn't care. It hurt his intelligence to type like that too, and it was Kendall's fault anyway for making him throw up.

Needless to say, James got an angry text message not even two minutes later, Kendall explaining to him how to use correct grammar and spell like 'a civilized human-being,' along with a few choice words for James that may or may not have been profanity. James just chuckled and slipped his phone back into his pocket, not bothering to respond to Kendall's angry words. Even if it was fun, James didn't want to anger Kendall more than he already had—the blonde being annoyed with him would result in James being denied of his Gamecube privileges, and he really didn't want to risk that.

But right then, all James really wanted was for his friends to hurry up and take him home. He was looking forward to not only old school gaming, but getting away from Rick, who was still standing by.

Unfortunately, he knew how long Carlos could take in the bathroom, and how lazy Logan and Kendall could be. It would be at least another five minutes before his friends emerged from the restaurant.

James had planned to spend those five minutes awkwardly standing on the pavement, trying to avoid looking at the warehouses where the four-headed warehouse monsters were lurking. However, James didn't have time to become irrationally afraid of the warehouses across the parking lot, for Rick decided to strike up a conversation again.

"So," he started, looking back towards James. "Is it fun working with Gustavo Rocque?"

James picked up on how Rick was trying to act nonchalant, but for some reason, he had the feeling the man was going to be very invested in what he was about to say.

"I guess," he said. "Like I said, he doesn't really like me. He picked Kendall over me at our audition, and Kendall wasn't even _trying_ to audition. I guess that means I should probably consider myself lucky to be working for him, seeing as he hates me and all, but who am I to complain? I get to make music all day. That's all I ever wanted.

"Plus, even though he has a hard time showing it, I think he likes all of us now," James continued, unsure why he was revealing so much about his life to a man he just met. "We don't let him push us around, and I think he likes that—that we fight back. No one gets away with doing something to one of us without having to face the other three."

_Yet another reason why my friends would never betray me,_ James thought.

Rick shook his head, though.

"You know, you seem like a great kid," he started, "and I'm sure your friends are, too. And you all must be very talented if Gustavo Rocque is keeping you around—but you shouldn't have to put up with the shit he gives you. Just because he's helping you reach your dreams doesn't mean you should have to deal with him being a jackass. If you were under my label, I'd treat you right."

"I never said he was a jackass," James said, instantly suspicious. "All I said was that he hated me, and I literally just said that I think he likes all of us now. I never said anything about how he treated us or that he gave us shit, and you said yourself that you never worked with him, so why would you just assume he's an asshole?"

James wasn't sure much, but something about what he had said set something off in Rick. There was that same look in his eyes again, but this time, James could recognize what it was: bitterness, anger, hostility. He quickly pulled his lucky comb from his pocket, avoiding Rick's chilling stare and instead picking at the teeth of one of his most prized possessions.

"That's the thing about Gustavo," Rick said, choking on a bitter laugh. "He's probably the biggest asshole in the business, and yet people always jump to his defense when anyone says a negative word about him."

"But how would you _know_?" He asked, looking up at the man again. He had no idea why he started to defend Gustavo to a man he barely knew, but he was. "You literally just said five minutes ago that you had never worked with him, which means you don't know what he's like, meaning you wouldn't know if he was an asshole or not."

Rick laughed. "You know, pretty boy," he began, "you're a lot dumber than you look."

"And you're really creepy," James retaliated. "Like, none of what you're saying adds up. You say you don't know Gustavo, but you obviously do if you know he has a shit attitude half of the time. But I'd deal with Gustavo any day if it meant that you weren't my record producer. You're a liar as far as I can tell. Plus, you're really creepy. Telling a 16 year old you met outside of Five Guys your life story? Who _does_ that?"

In retrospect, James wished he had shut his mouth much sooner. He wished he had sucked it up and gone inside with his friends. He wished that his friends weren't idiots and took so long in the bathroom.

Rick's eyes flashed yet again, but this time, he reached into his coat. Before James could process it, he was staring down the barrel of a gun. A chill spread throughout his body, rendering him unable to move or to even speak, and he dropped the lucky comb in his hand.

"Of course I know who Gustavo is," Rick laughed. "After all, he _was_ my best friend for fifteen years." The hand he was holding the gun in was shaking slightly, and James didn't know if this was because of anger or because Rick was insane. "Except he destroyed my dreams, and now I'm going to get him back. Because like you and your friend said, payback is a bitch."

In one swift movement, Rick was suddenly next to James, the barrel of his gun pressing against James' temple. James felt his mouth go dry, and he wanted nothing more than to run back to Minnesota and hide under his bed; that, or for his friends to return from their Five Guys excursion, because James _seriously_ needed them right now.

With the barrel of the gun still resting against James' temple, Rick began guiding him towards a slick black sports car.

"Get in, pretty boy," Rick demanded. James wasn't one to argue with a man whosea gun was pointed towards his head, so he quickly followed directions and clumsily got into the front seat of the vehicle.

Rick slammed the door behind him, quickly crossing the front of the car and getting into the driver's seat. He immediately pointed the gun at James again the minute he was seated, ensuring that James wouldn't try to escape—not that James would have tried, anyway. He slammed his own door shut and quickly pulled out of his parking spot, speeding out of the lot for Five Guys and towards the warehouses.

As they sped away from the restaurant, James started to get a grip on what, exactly, was happening. He was being kidnapped by some psycho who had a grudge against his boss. This kind of stuff only happened on America's Most Wanted, or so he thought, because now it was happening to him and James didn't know if he was still going to be alive by the end of the night.

They sped down a few rows of the warehouses and James wondered if his friends knew he was gone yet, or if they were still inside and had no clue their best friend's life was on the line.

Before he could think on it any further, he felt a blunt force to the side of his head, and then nothing.


	3. James is Missing, Panic is Present

**ONE MAN WRITING GAMES: **Again, thanks for leaving awesome reviews. I'm not really replying to them this chapter because I'm short on time, but I definitely appreciate every single one of them. I feel bad for leaving you with a cliffhanger, so I'm trying my hardest to get this chapter up real soon without it being sucky and rushed. This chapter will be switching back and forth between James and the guys. As you can see, the rating of this story changed from T to **M**, because of violence and language. Just making sure you guys know now.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Big Time Rush or any of its characters.

* * *

3. James is Missing, Panic is Present

Kendall was relieved when Carlos was finally off the toilet and Logan was awake enough to get going. He felt a little bad for leaving James out there alone after puking, even if the boy did highly irritate Kendall for the text message he had sent. He knew that James was just messing around with him, but when people typed like that Kendall just assumed that they were illiterate idiots who were too lazy to spell out words. He gave James his standard lecture, and went a little overboard with the swearing, but James was his best friend. Kendall was sure that James knew he wasn't really that upset.

Leaving the smell of greasy goodness behind, Kendall opened the door to the restaurant. The fresh air hit him nicely, and he inhaled deeply, as if the air would cleanse his arteries of all the unhealthiness they had come into contact with. He didn't have to look behind him to know that Carlos and Logan were doing the same; he could hear their large intakes of breath.

Looking around, Kendall really didn't see James anywhere. He was sure that James had been standing right by the restaurant's door, a little closer to the bushes in case he needed them any time soon. He couldn't possibly imagine where James had run off to—all of the surrounding areas were closed.

It was then that Kendall noticed that James might be playing the payback card again. Kendall knows better than most people that it sucks to throw up more than once in a day, and perhaps since this had happened to James he felt like getting his revenge on Kendall.

"James?" He called out tentatively, and Logan and Carlos seemed to just notice their fourth band member was nowhere in sight. No one could really blame them, because they were having an intense conversation on whether or not it was delicious to dip your French fry in your milkshake (Carlos was totally against it, and Logan thought it was simply milkshake-ology). They all began to look around then, Kendall expecting James to pop out from behind the nearest trash can and tackle him.

But several minutes passed, several minutes of the boys calling James' name, and there was no response. At this point, they had scoped out the entire area surrounding the restaurant, but there was still no sign of James.

Kendall began to feel incredibly worried. His mouth got that funny feeling you get when you realized you've lost something, even if it was right there two seconds ago. He started calling James' name more frantically, but it was no use.

It reminded him of the time during freshman year when he had lost his cell phone. It was in his bag at hockey practice, and when he went to call his mother to pick him up afterwards, it was gone. His mouth had gotten that same dry feeling that he had now, and he had begun to internally question himself. _Where can it be? It has to be here…Why isn't it here? Was it stolen, or did I just misplace it? _In the end, Kendall had discovered that one of his team mates jacked his phone. He ended up getting it back, but it was a frightening experience nonetheless.

A similar thought process began to run through his mind, only this time, it was something much more important than losing his cell phone. _Where the hell is he? Why did he run off without telling us? Is something wrong? _He may have thought the exact same things he had in previous matters, but you can't really misplace a person. Besides, it wasn't like James was kidnapped. He was just screwing with them, and Kendall, Carlos, and Logan knew that.

However, the longer James didn't pop out from behind a bush, the more Kendall began to get worried.

"James, I'm serious. If you're fucking with us, then I swear on my life I'm going to brutally murder you!" He hoped this would work, still looking around. _Nothing_.

Kendall began to pace back and forth, back and forth, his fingers intertwining themselves into the dirty blonde locks. He was mumbling meaningless nothings to himself, and Carlos and Logan began to worry that their friend was going crazy.

"Kendall," Logan said, attempting to be comforting. "Wherever James is, he couldn't have gotten far. He's on foot. Just call him before you start freaking out more than you already have." Kendall glared at this last comment, but whipped out his cell phone anyway and dialed the number that, at this point, he knew by heart.

The tall, dirty-blonde boy had expected James to pick up on the second ring. James always had his phone with him and the ringer on high, and he would answer it on the first ring but he didn't want to seem too excited to answer the phone. So when the phone rang a third time, and then a fourth, and a fifth, Kendall became extremely worried.

_Hi, you've reached the incredibly diva-tastic James Diamond_, the voicemail version of Kendall said (He had stolen James' phone and made a voice mail for him. James did the same with Kendall's phone). _I can't come to the phone right now because I'm applying make-up and primping my hair. Like, leave a message after the beep!_ Kendall had finished this voice mail in a very girly tone, and now wondered why James had never changed it.

However, now there was a more important issue at hand: where the hell _was_ James?

"Guys," He said, turning to Carlos and Logan without bothering to leave a message. "He didn't pick up. He always picks up. Where is he? " He continued pacing, and then something caught his eye; a small black object, laying haphazardly on the ground near the bushes. He walked over to it, ignoring Logan and Carlos' calls. When he reached the object, he found a horrible sense of familiarity fill his gut.

He bent down to retrieve James' lucky comb, the item that was so very precious to him. "His lucky comb," He said under his breath, and then turned to his friends. He held up James' most prized possession as evidence, and began to scream, "Look! It's his fucking lucky comb. He never goes anywhere without it—you said he would be okay, Logan! You said he would answer his phone, which he didn't, and now I've found his lucky comb and he only leaves it behind if something abso-fucking-lutely horrible happens to—"

"I didn't say that he would answer or that he would be okay! I just said that he couldn't have gotten far. Just call Mrs. Knight—I mean, your mom--and we'll figure things out. We'll find him eventually. And the comb—maybe he just dropped it." Logan said this last part with a sense of uncertainty, because he knew just as well as Kendall that James never went anywhere without his comb. But it was at least enough to calm Kendall down a bit.

Sometimes, Kendall was glad that Logan was the voice of reason in the group. Carlos tended to be a little impulsive at times, not thinking before he says or does anything. James normally goes with his first instinct, but considers other options as well. Kendall, however, is a mix in between. He goes with his gut like James does, but he doesn't consider the other options, similar to Carlos. Logan was the only one who really thought things through and actually used logic in his decisions.

But Kendall did agree with Logan that calling his mother would probably be best. She was a bit over-protective at times, but she did help all of them out in tough situations or when they were panicking. Now was a time for some knightly reassurance.

Kendall needed only to dial 'M' for "mommy" on his phone, since his mother had somehow gotten a hold of his phone and made it so. It was, however, fairly useful for times like this.

His mother was even more enthusiastic when it came to answering her phone. She picked up halfway through the first ring. "Kendall?" She asked in a maternal voice. Kendall almost wanted to shoot himself in the foot because he knew what he was about to tell his mother might lead to her having a heart attack.

"Mom…there's a problem." Kendall said, and Mrs. Knight was about to speak, but he beat her to it. "James isn't…really…you know, currently with us. And we're unaware of his present location…"He began to play with the teeth on James' comb, trying not to flinch as his mother was flipping out on the other line.

* * *

There were two reasons why James woke up.

First of all, his head was absolutely throbbing. He had no idea what he did to make it hurt like it did, but once he found enough strength to open his eyes he was going to go grab a Tylenol from the kitchen. Maybe he could even get Mrs. Knight to do it; she did like to take care of sicklings, and boy, did James feel like one.

The other reason was that he was extremely uncomfortable. He was sitting in an awkward position with his hands behind his back, and even though it was uncomfortable, he was too lazy to move them. He also noticed that he was sitting on something hard—did he fall asleep in the dining room chair? That would be odd…wouldn't Kendall or Carlos or Logan have woken him up?

After much debating on whether he had enough energy to get up, he decided to at least go find his friends so he could yell at them. However, when he opened his eyes, expecting to see the bright greens and blues and oranges of his apartments, he saw a different scene entirely.

He looked around to see a room made entirely of cement, and from what James knew, he figured that he was in a basement of some sort. There were many posters of boy bands on the walls, including names like _BOY QUAKE_ and _BOYS R US_. Further inspecting the room, he noticed a plasma screen TV with a camera attached to the top of it—it looked like a much larger version of a Mac Desktop. Looking down at himself, he noticed that he was in the same baby blue V-neck and dark wash jeans that he was in when he went to Five Guys—

Five Guys! That was it. He last remembered being in the fast food chain restaurant, indulging himself in his double cheeseburger (plain, with nothing but the two burgers and cheese; he was a picky eater) and his cup of fries. He remembered that Carlos, Kendall, and Logan had all succumbed to the protests of their stomachs after eating half of their meals, but James was so _hungry__**. **_He knew that he had continued to eat, but then got sick.

It then all flooded back to him. Running out of the restaurant in a hurry, throwing up into the bushes. Kendall coming outside only to taunt him and make him throw up again, then their wrestling match…and then he talked to Richard Rolle.

Richard Rolle, the one who turned out to be neurotic and kidnapped him. He vaguely remembered being hit in the side of the head with the barrel of a gun, and then waking up here.

Inspecting his surroundings again, he definitely knew that his suspicions were correct—he saw a poster for _The Stray_, the band that Rick had mentioned, hanging on the wall directly behind the Mac TV thing, which was facing toward him directly in front of where he was sitting. He saw the _ROCQUE N' ROLLE RECORDS_ logo underneath the band name and picture, and had the sudden desire to get the fuck out of there.

Rick was a revenge driven, absolutely insane, completely creepy ex-record producer who had a grudge against his boss. But when he tried to get up, he noticed that he could not move his hands. It was not from laziness, like he had thought earlier; no, it was because his hands were tied behind his back, basically binding him to the hard metallic chair. He started to struggle, possibly thinking that if he worked hard enough, the rope bind on his hands would magically disappear. Obviously, this wouldn't work, and it did hurt James to try—his wrists were beginning to get rope burn on them.

Sighing, knowing that it was no use, he began to stop struggling. He felt that his pocket was empty, and started to look around for his cell phone. It was nowhere to be seen in front of him or in his peripheral vision, so he decided to crane his neck. He noticed it sitting on a table near the base of a staircase, and James knew his past assumptions of this being a basement were correct.

He wondered how long he had been there, considering there was no clock to be seen wherever he looked. He began to panic: Did his friends know where he was? Had there been a ransom set for his release? Where the hell was Richard Rolle, and what was the creeper going to do to him?

As if on cue, James heard a door open from what he figured was at the top of the stairs. He quickly maneuvered his head so that it was resting in the same position on his shoulder as it was when he woke up. He tried to keep his breathing steady as who he assumed to be Rick clomped down the stairs, hopping off the last landing.

Whoever it was came towards James, bending down to eye level. James could feel the person's warm breath hitting his face, and he was a bit disgusted because it smelled horrible. But he made his face remain expressionless, his breathing normal, as he tried to look like he was sleeping. He felt pretty confident that it was working fairly well—after all, he did get hired for an acting job once.

However, whoever was standing in front of him wasn't easily fooled. "I know you're awake, pretty boy." A voice said, which James immediately recognized as Rick's. James kept on his sleeping façade, however, because he didn't want to deal with Rick right now. In fact, he didn't want to deal with Rick ever again.

"I said, _I know you're awake!_" The man spat, and he slapped James hard across the face.

James opened his eyes and looked up to Rick with such hatred that Rick would be dead if looks could kill. His face stung, and it only added to the throbbing of his head. But he kept his throbbing and stinging head held high, filled with sudden confidence that he had no idea he had.

"You're a sick bastard, you know that, Rick? A sick, washed-up, grudge-holding bast—" Rick slapped James in the face again, this time harder. James bit his cheek to keep from talking again, and Rick's face moved even closer to his own.

"And you're a little bitch who needs to learn respect," He spat, and then turned to turn on the Mac TV device. It sprang to life, and began loading like any normal Mac computer. James, at this point, was convinced that the high-tech device was just an enlarged version of a Mac and Webcam, designed to be exactly like a normal plasma screen television.

After seeming satisfied that the Mac was working, Rick turned and passed by James, who craned his neck again to see where Rick was going. The older man simply went to the table at the base of the stairs where James cell phone lay, and picked up the item in question. He was fiddling with the small piece of technology as he made his way back to James, who was glaring at him the entire way.

"This is a nice little phone you have here," He said, turning James' phone over in his palm. He then opened the phone and started pressing buttons, obviously looking for something.

"What the hell are you doing?" James said, and shrunk back a little when Rick looked up to stare at him. James certainly didn't want Rick's hand to fly toward his beautiful face again, and made a mental note not to lose his temper too often.

Rick chuckled, and James felt relief in the fact that not one of his hands moved. "Demanding, aren't we?" He asked, and looked back down at the phone. In truth, he was scrolling through James' contacts, looking for the two numbers that he needed. "What was your friend's name again? Kendall?"

Realization dawned on James then, and he struggled to get up from his chair again. "Kendall has nothing to do with this! Leave him alone," James spat, glowering at Rick again.

Rick looked up from the phone now, having already found the other contact he needed. "Don't worry, pretty boy," He said, and James flinched at the nickname. "Kendall does not have anything to do with what I have planned…yet." He hit a final button on James' phone, and then held it up to his ear.

James began to feel worried that Rick was calling Kendall, and again struggled harder to get out of the metal chair. He was only furthering the pain in his wrists, but he did not care. Rick only chuckled, and put James' phone on speaker so that the boy bound to the chair could hear the entire conversation.

It rang three times, and James wondered why the hell Kendall was not picking up. Kendall always answered his calls—then again, Kendall had probably called James twenty times, depending how long James had been gone.

However, the person who answered the phone was not the person he had expected. It was a voice much deeper than Kendall's, and a lot older.

"Hey Gustavo," Rick said into the receiver, and James' eyes widened a bit. "It's your old buddy, Rick. You'll never guess who I'm hanging with."

* * *

**ONE MAN WRITING GAMES NOTE: **So yes, this is an incredibly short chapter compared to the others. But this is what I'd like to call one of my 'bridge' chapters, and it's just here to build suspense for chapter 4 (which, let me tell you, is the beginning of all of the Big Time Drama). Sorry that this took me so very long to post. I made the softball team so I had practice Thursday and Friday, and I had band affairs and I just watched the KCA's…but I hope you like this chapter, and tell me what you thought in a review. I'm working on the next chapter right now, and it will be better than this cliffhanger one, I promise. (BTW—did anyone catch VicTORIous? It was really good. And the boys were presenting all this stuff…I nearly died. Haha)


	4. Anger

**ONE MAN WRITING GAMES NOTE: **Thanks for the reviews! This is a short author's note to say…sorry, but this is another bridge chapter. It's going to be longer than the last, but it's still setting up absolutely everything for chapter 5—which, you know, is where the _real_ drama begins. And which, you know, I'll _probably_ be posting the same day that I post this chapter.

***This chapter is another one with interchanging point of views, but eventually it will become general..**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Big Time Rush or any of its characters.

* * *

4. Anger

"What do you mean, James is missing?" Mrs. Knight demanded over the phone, and Kendall flinched a bit at her tone. He nearly dropped James' comb, but he held onto it tightly; the thing had already been abandoned by its beloved owner—it definitely didn't need Kendall to drop it.

And Kendall knew James being gone was seriously affecting his mental health, because he just put the feelings of an inanimate object into consideration.

"I mean," Kendall said into the phone, shaking his head. "That I was outside with him, but then one thing led to another and we ended up playing tag…sort of. And it wasn't a really good idea for me, because I really had to pee. So I went back inside, but James didn't because he got sick from all the food he ate. So I was waiting for Carlos and Logan to get their butts in gear, and I was texting James. And then when we all came out like, five minutes later, he was…gone. And he's not answering our calls or anything." When Kendall finished this explanation, he felt ridiculous. He sounded like a little boy who was asking his parents to scope his room for monsters. He wasn't like that; he was the strong one, the leader. He was the one who was supposed to tough it up and make things right again. He wasn't going to sound like some pussy in front of people who looked up to him.

On the other line, Mrs. Knight decided something that one might think of as irrational or stupid. "I want you to listen to me, and do everything I say." She started, her tone serious. Kendall knew she meant business, and didn't dare interrupt her. "I want you to leave Five Guys and come home. Right now,"

Kendall brought the phone away from his ear and looked at it, making sure that this was his _mother_ that he was talking to and not some alien. After reading that the caller ID did, in fact, say "Mommy," he put the phone back to his ear. "Did you hear me? I said that James is _missing_, and you want—"

Mrs. Knight cut him off abruptly. "First things first, do not use that tone with me." She said harshly, and Kendall shrunk back at bit. "Second, I told you not to question what I'm telling you. Get in the car and come home right now." Kendall was about to protest again, but his mother had already hung up on him. Sighing, he closed his phone and shoved it back into his pocket.

"What did your mom say?" Carlos asked anxiously. Kendall turned to him, but did not look at the helmet wearing teenager; he was too busy fiddling with the comb that belonged to his best friend.

When he did look up, he noticed that both Carlos and Logan were staring at him waiting for an answer. Still playing with James' lucky comb, he answered, "She told us to go home." He said, but it sounded more like a question to his ears than a response.

Carlos' eyebrows scrunched together, perplexed. "But that makes no sense! What if James came back? Then he wouldn't know we were home and he'd just be even more lost."

Kendall shook his head, not knowing what to say. He agreed with Carlos' reasoning, but he did not want to argue against what his mother said. Mrs. Knight had helped him and his friends through so many tough spots before, and although what she suggested might have seemed crazy at first, it always worked out in the end. Even though Kendall strongly disagreed with her reasoning now, he knew he should probably listen to her. She had never failed him before now.

Logan looked at Carlos, shaking his head as well. "She wants us to go home because if James does come back, he'll call one of us and all we'd have to do is come get him. It's pointless to wait out here for someone who we do not even know is coming back." He said. "And besides, he might be on his way home now anyway."

Again, Kendall shook his head. "He would have called us if he were going home. I would know," he said. "I have the feeling that something is not right here. But while I agree with you, Carlos, I also agree with Logan and my mom—the best place to go right now is home. James is smart enough to figure out that's where we went if he comes back here."

Carlos nodded, but he still did not particularly agree with his friend's decisions. Putting his own feelings aside, he walked to Logan's car anyway, still feeling uneasy about leaving James behind. Kendall and Logan quickly followed suit, Logan taking out his car keys from his back pocket.

Logan and Carlos in the front two seats and Kendall in the back, Logan began to back his car out of his parking space at Five Guys. They were all silent as they turned onto the highway, and hadn't spoken once when they reached the intersection that would bring them onto the road to the Palm Woods Resort.

The lack of sound in a car full of sixteen-year-old males could have been due to anything; they were all sleeping, or perhaps none of them had vocal chords to speak. But as rare as it was for normal teenage boys to sit in a car without making a single sound (other than breathing, of course), it was even more rare for the boys of Big Time Rush to accomplish this silent trip. The reason for this lack of noise was really that they were all off in their own little worlds.

Logan, for one, was feeling calm but conflicted. Although he was not sure what had happened to James or where he went, he didn't see the point in freaking out about it. Freaking out only made you lose your common sense, and common sense is something that Logan relied on all too often. Common sense is not so common, and Logan always made sure he was the one that you could always find it in. However, right now his best friend was failing him; there was no way James would have run off by himself, especially in an area that he was not familiar with. Something horrible must have happened to James to make him leave his friends as abruptly as he did, but Logan didn't want to dwell on this. After all, keeping your cool was the only thing Logan knew how to do in stressful situations like this.

On the other hand, Carlos was feeling just disturbed. He didn't agree with Mrs. Knight's plan at all, and leaving Five Guys behind was like leaving a part of himself behind. He had a feeling that James was still there, even if this feeling was only there because that's where he last saw James. But regardless, Carlos felt extremely uneasy about leaving Five Guys without James. He and James had never been particularly close, but they were friends nonetheless. Carlos didn't feel it was right to leave James behind when they hadn't even searched for him for that long.

But Kendall was definitely thinking and feeling the worst things. He felt like he was going to throw up, and he kept thinking James had been raped and killed and was now lying dead on the side of the road. Other scenarios involved the same thing, only James had been cut into many pieces and shoved into a freezer. Kendall's imagination got the best of him sometimes, but this was only when he was feeling worried. Kendall wanted to believe that his mother knew best, but he just had a gut feeling that James would not be calling them any time soon. Quite frankly, the only thing that was keeping him from jumping out of the car and screaming his head off were the now familiar teeth of James' comb. Kendall had a feeling that it was the most tangible thing he could get to represent James, and he just pretended that this comb was actually his best friend.

All three in their separate worlds, they felt no need to talk to one another. After all, they had their own me, myself, and I's to talk to.

Carlos and Kendall were vaguely aware when they pulled into the parking lot of the Palm Woods, their temporary home in Los Angeles. Of course Logan was, for he had to watch the road no matter how much he desired to think.

Logan turned off the engine, but not one of the boys made a move to get out of the car. It felt almost as if they were bound there, like some invisible force was stopping them to get out of the car.

And all three of them knew it was because James being gone meant that something was definitely not right.

* * *

James was stunned in to silence. For one, he didn't even recall ever putting Gustavo's telephone number into his contacts. Putting this fact aside, however, he was more surprised that Rick even called Gustavo in the first place. James had been sure that when Rick was scrolling through his contacts, he had been looking for Kendall's name so that Rick could mess with him. He had even confirmed that Kendall was, indeed, the name of James' best friend! The fact that Rick had turned around and called Gustavo instead was surprising to James, although he figured it shouldn't have been.

Gustavo, as well, was silent on the other line. Rick definitely noticed this, and said, "Fine. If you're not going to guess, I'm just going to have to tell you." Gustavo still hadn't said anything, and James wondered if he was even still on the phone.

"Well," Rick said, walking around the room. James flinched every time the man neared him, but Rick didn't seem to notice. "I met one of your buddies down at Five Guys. You know, James Diamond? He was a little reluctant at first, but I just _had_ to hang out with him."

On the other end, realization seemed to dawn on Gustavo. One, this definitely was the Richard Rolle that he hadn't seen for a decade, the one that was his ex-best friend. Two, he had to have James with him; looking at his caller ID, Gustavo noticed that the call was being made from the dog's cell phone.

"What are you doing with one of the dogs?" He demanded, his deep voice booming over the phone. Richard laughed and turned to James.

"Why don't you tell him, _dog_?" Rick asked James, patting the sixteen year old on the shoulder. James flinched, not liking the close vicinity with Rick. He shook his head, also not wanting to let Gustavo know he was here.

Rick didn't seem to appreciate him, because he slapped James for the third time that day. James screamed in protest, and then turned his head to the phone grumpily.

"Hi Gustavo," He said glumly, his cheek still stinging from the slap he had just received. "What's up?"

James winced at Gustavo's tone in his answer. "What's up? _WHAT'S UP? _What's up with you, mutt? Why are you with my ex-partner?" Something had definitely sparked within Gustavo, though James had no idea what since he was the one to backstab Rick.

Usually James just sat there and took Gustavo's out-of-the-line anger. He never wanted to make the record producer too mad; after all, he wasn't even supposed to be here in Los Angeles. If it weren't for Kendall, James and Carlos and Logan wouldn't even be here. So even when Gustavo made his blood boil, he knew he had to hold back. He knew that if he didn't, he might as well be packing his bags and heading home. He already knew that Gustavo hated him the most, which is why James always went out of his way to make the large man happier with him.

But the way Gustavo talked to him, like it was _James'_ fault that he was taken to some unknown location against his will, James' anger flared up like it never had before. He was tired of being blamed for horrible dancing, off key notes, and never being good enough. He was not going to put up with Gustavo's shit, especially not now, not when none of this was actually his fault.

"Oh, I don't know," James said sarcastically. "Would you prefer that some creepy psycho path _didn't_ kidnap me next time? I know this must be a burden to you."

Gustavo fell silent on the other line, not sure whether the shock he felt came from James' sudden confidence or what James had actually said. But the man decided that there was no way that he heard James right—Rick couldn't have kidnapped the dog! Rick would never do something like that (at least, not while he was friends with Gustavo!) and kidnapping only happens on America's Most Wanted, not in Los Angeles (though many people probably thought the same thing when one of their friends or family members were kidnapped).

But he couldn't, for the life of him, come up with a better reason as to why James and Rick were in the same room; hell, he couldn't come up with a reason as to how they even knew each other in the first place. Gustavo had never told any of the boys about his ex-best friend and production partner, and they were all too stupid to notice that it said _ROCQUE N' ROLLE RECORDS _on all of the band signs hanging in his recording studio.

Only starting to feel even remotely worried, he asked, "What did you say?"

James fidgeted in his chair, becoming a little more than frustrated with his music producer. "I said that Rick, also known as the 'creepy psycho path,' kidnapped me, and I'm pretty sure you heard me right the first time." He said dully, staring at his phone with a monotonous face.

"Since when does Rick kidnap people?" Gustavo asked, more to himself than to Rick or James.

Rick rolled his eyes. "Since I want revenge, dipshit." Gustavo's eyes widened a little at the hostility in Rick's voice, but Rick continued anyway. "Now what I want you to do is go in one of the meeting rooms in the record company," He instructed, pacing around James' chair. "If I remember correctly, there is a computer-like television there with a webcam hooked up. I want you to turn that on and connect to the network 'LAlinksys." I'll see you there, imbecile." And effectively cutting off whatever Gustavo was about to say, Rick ended the call.

The older man turned to James now, who was staring at him with an uncomfortable look. Rick walked right up to James, and bent down so that they were eye level. "Psycho? Really? There's nothing wrong with my mental health." He flicked James in the nose, who in turn, cried out an, "Ow, what the hell?"

Again, Rick rolled his eyes. "Baby," he muttered, and turned around to grab James' phone again. He scrolled through the contacts again before finding the number he wanted. "You're going to have a talk with Ken-doll, alright, pretty boy?" James shook his head as Rick pressed dial, but Rick put the phone to James' ear anyway, keeping it on speaker.

It rang twice, long enough for Kendall to see who was calling and pick up. "James, where the shit are you?" Kendall demanded the moment he picked up the phone.

"Uhhh," James stalled, looking to Rick for an answer. He was going to say the same thing he had said to Gustavo, that he was where he was because some creeper kidnapped him, but obviously that's not what Rick wanted him to say. "Rocque Records," James finished, for it was what Rick had mouthed to him. Rick nodded in approval.

"Why are you at Rocque Records, and how the hell did you get there so quickly? It's a 30 minute drive from there to Five Guys, and there's no way you could have walked there in the same amount of time." James silently cursed Kendall for not being an idiot. He didn't particularly like lying to his best friend, but he also did not want Rick to hurt anyone but himself. He looked to Rick again, hoping he would have something, but Rick only mouthed one thing: _lie._

"Well," James said, still trying to come up with a bluff that he hoped Kendall would believe. "Gustavo called me and told me that I left my favorite bandanna there," he said quickly, fully knowing that his favorite and biggest bandanna was stowed in his back pocket. "And you know me, I need my bandannas at all times. And he said Kelly was already on her way to pick me up to get it, so I just went with her."

In Logan's car, Kendall's bushy brows knotted together. "Why didn't Kelly just bring it to you at Five Guys?" He asked, and James gulped. "And even if what you're saying is legitimate, then why didn't you call us to tell us where you were going?"

James didn't like being put on the spot like this. He wasn't good at lying in the first place, and he had never been able to come up with a good one off the top of his head. "Kelly has horrible allergic reactions to cotton, which we all know is the main material in bandannas," He lied. "And I dropped my phone and the battery fell out. I couldn't find it because Kelly's car was dark and it was somewhere on the floor…" He trailed off, looking at Rick. He knew that even Rick wasn't convinced by his lying, and he knew that Kendall wouldn't be either; Kendall could read James' mind like it was his own, and James had never been able to properly lie to him.

And like James had predicted, Kendall knew he was lying. "If Kelly were allergic to cotton, she wouldn't be able to wear most clothing. And that's got to be the most pathetic excuse I've ever heard," Kendall said, his tone harsh in the receiver. "Really, James. Where the hell are you?"

"I told you! I'm with Gustavo," He said, and he tried his hardest to make it sound more convincing.

Kendall still didn't buy it though, because he asked, "Really? Can you put him on the phone then?"

James' heart sunk into his stomach. "No," He said quickly.

"Why not?" asked Kendall.

"Because he does not want to talk to you," James lied, slightly impressed with his quick lie. "And can we stop playing 20 questions? It's kind of annoying." He said, hoping Kendall would let it go so that he wouldn't get hurt. James didn't want _any_ of his friends to get hurt, let alone involved. He felt like something incredibly horrible was about to happen, and he didn't want Kendall or Carlos or Logan getting in the middle of whatever was going to happen—that is, if anything was going to happen. James had a tendency to have a pessimistic outlook in sticky situations (like being kidnapped by you record producer's ex-best-friend/music-production-partner), but he usually ended up not being surprised when the worst happened because he expected it. And because there was the familiar unpleasant tingly feeling in his gut right now, he really didn't want his friends to interfere with whatever was about to happen.

"What's even more annoying is that I _know_ that you're lying to me," Kendall said, and James sighed in frustration. Couldn't his internal prayers be answered just once?! Couldn't Kendall stop being nosy for just one day?! "James, seriously. Tell us where you are. We're all seriously worried right now."

James groaned audibly. "Kendall, I told you already. I'm with Gustavo. Now would you—" He stopped abruptly when Rick slugged him in the back of the head, and he looked up at the man with an angry, curious look. "Ow! What the hell?"

"James?" Kendall asked, becoming more worried. "What's going on?"

Glaring at Rick, James said into the receiver, "Nothing. Everything's fine."

"Everything's not fine, idiot!" Rick shouted, whacking James' head again. "You suck at lying, and now I have to do the dirty work myself."

"Who's there with you?" Kendall demanded now, deep worry and concern filling his voice. Carlos and Logan looked at Kendall, both in the dark about what was happening. But judging by Kendall's facial expression, it couldn't be good. "James? _James?_" He asked again when there was no answer from the other line.

Rick had successfully gotten James to shut up now, who was sitting there with panic flooding his mind. _I'm so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Now he's going to get Kendall and Carlos and Logan involved in this, and they're going to get hurt and it's going to be all my fault. Why can't I lie better? Why does Kendall have to know me so well, so well that he can basically read my mind? Why did Rick have to kidnap me? Why does the world hate me? _He had asked so many 'why's' in his head, and all of them were left unanswered. And as Rick pulled the phone away from James' ear so that he could properly talk to Kendall, James felt like the worst best friend in the world.

_My fault. This is all my fault._

"Hello, Kendall," Rick said into the phone.

"Who the hell is this?" James heard Kendall demand, and he still felt horrible. "Where's James?" He demanded again, and Rick chuckled. James decided that it was a horrible sound, Rick's laughter, and that he never wanted to hear it again.

"Why, this is Rick Rolle." He said, and he still had that bittersweet smile plastered onto his face, perhaps thinking that if he smiled big enough, Kendall would be able to see it through the phone. "James isn't able to come to the phone right now—he's too stupid to lie. What makes you think he can talk?"

Kendall's anger flared up (and also a sense of panic and dread, because he knew that James being with whoever Rick Rolle was probably meant bad news), and he responded, "First off, don't call James stupid. He's not stupid," Kendall defended, and James couldn't help but smile at Kendall's comment (even if at the moment James completely disagreed with it). "And two, give my friend his fucking phone back."

Rick, irritated now, said, "I already told you, imbecile, that James _is_ too stupid to talk on the phone right now. Obviously, you have the same mental capacity as him, because if you were actually intelligent, you would have understood the first time I told you." Kendall's eyes narrowed on the other line, and Rick continued. "Now I'm going to say this once, and I suggest you write it down because you're clearly not the sharpest tool in the shed.

"Go to Rocque Records and find Gustavo. He'll give you more details on where James is…I would myself, but I feel as though you're too idiotic to even comprehend a simple sentence. See you on the flipside, boys." And before Kendall could even speak, Rick snapped the phone shut.

He then threw the phone carelessly behind him, and James watched it break into two upon hitting the floor. "What the hell?" He asked, glaring at Rick. However, he did not expect to see Rick glaring back in a much harsher manner.

"What the hell is right, pretty boy." He said, moving closer to James. James wished that he could back away, and he helplessly moved against his restraints again. "You're an idiot, just like the rest of them." And with that, Rick pulled his fist back and let it fly towards James' face.

It made contact with his right eye, sending his head turning sharply to the left. He kept his head there for a moment, adjusting to the new throbbing sensation in his eye. He knew he should probably keep it closed, for he probably was not going to be able to see out of that eye for a while anyway. He waited another moment before turning his head back to glare at Rick with his functioning eye. He huffed in frustration and hatred, but chose not to say anything. He didn't want anything else going wrong.

Rick stared right back at him with a look of disgust on his face, and James had only received that look from one other person; Gustavo. But Rick's was so much worse than Gustavo's was, and James was thankful when he turned away from James to connect to 'LAlinksys.'

Sitting there in that chair, his eye throbbing and head sore, he realized the feeling that had just sunk in. It was something that hadn't really hit him until now, not until he looked at Rick: he was scared.

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**ONE MAN WRITING GAMES NOTE: **It may or may not be 12:15 AM right now, and this chapter may or may not be late because I was playing 'Draw My Thing' on OMGPOP with my friend. But it's here, and chapter 5 (This is Only Round One) will be coming tomorrow, probably late as well. I hope you enjoyed this second bridge chapter, and the next one is DEFINITELY not a bridge. It's more of the…climax of James' stay with Rick. Anyway, review, and I'll type away at chapter 5.


	5. This is Only Round One

**ONE MAN WRITING GAMES NOTE: **This is me losing half of my document of this chapter and having to type it all over again. Woo-fucking-hoo. Seriously, I hate my computer right now. So much. Aside from me being angry with my computer, thank you all so much for the reviews and story alerts. I'm trying my best to get these chapters posted as quickly as possible while making them still good. But really, I can't thank you enough for all the nice comments.

**WARNING: **_This chapter is a big contributing factor as to why this story is rated M. Please don't read if you don't like violence and swearing._

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Big Time Rush, characters, or a computer that recovers my lost documents.

* * *

5. This is Only Round One

Kendall sat there after "James" had hung up on him, and turned only to see both Carlos and Logan staring at him from the front seat. He supposed that they were waiting for him to explain, for he did not put his phone on speaker and they were completely blind as to what just happened.

"What's going on?" They asked simultaneously, and Kendall was a little freaked out that they could read each other's minds so well. Though he should not be that surprised; Carlos and Logan had a similar, if not identical relationship to he and James—the four boys of Big Time Rush were already broken off into pairs before they became a group of four.

The tallest boy sighed, raking a hand through his dirty blonde locks. "I honestly am not sure," he admitted, and the two boys staring at him from the front seat looked at each other with confusion on their faces. "I was talking to James, and he was making up some shit about being at Rocque Records because he left his favorite bandanna there.

"I called him on his bluff, because it was the stupidest excuse I think I've ever been unfortunate enough to hear, and I can always tell when James is lying anyway. But I guess James really didn't want me or us or anyone to know where he was, because he kept lying to me."

Carlos interrupted him then. "Why not?!" He asked, honestly believing that Kendall may have the answer to the question he asked. Kendall gave him a look, one that harshly said, _How am I supposed to fucking know, Carlos? _The raven-haired boy immediately shut up after that.

"I was beginning to get really pissed off, but then I heard a 'thud' and James say, 'Ow, what the hell?'" Kendall said, and Carlos and Logan looked at each other again, sharing the same look for the second time: _This cannot be good._ But they let Kendall continue anyway. "Then this guy who was definitely not James grabbed the phone—I think he said his name was 'Rick Rolle'—and started saying how James was too stupid to talk on the phone.

"Then he called _me_ stupid and told me that we should go to Rocque Records and talk to Gustavo, because, apparently, Gustavo knows where James is." Both boys whom he recited this to looked completely confused.

Then Logan spoke, his eyebrows still scrunched together. "Well, I guess that means we're going to Rocque Records," He said, but it sounded more like a question to him than a plan. Regardless, he turned around and put the keys back into the ignition anyway, expertly backing out of his parking spot at the Palm Woods.

They pulled out of the parking lot, Logan feeling uncomfortable for going five miles over the speed limit but too concerned to care. They raced to Rocque Records, Logan groaning impatiently when they had to stop at the light or stop signs. Carlos was a little taken aback that Logan of all people would be a speed demon, but he was being one at the moment.

Quite frankly, Kendall did not even notice how fast they were going. He barely even noticed they were moving.

Sometimes, Kendall got into a deep train of thought. It was usually those times where he had no idea what to do, and those times scared the shit out of him. He tended to have a Logan-type tendency to lock himself away in his mind when he felt helpless.

Currently, he was wondering how long the average human could keep their eyes open without blinking. He was attempting this right now, and he was pretty sure he could get into the 2011 Guinness Book of World Records. Of course, his counting was probably not the most accurate, but he was pretty sure that he could hold his eyes open for seven minutes and twelve seconds straight without his eyes watering up. He was not even cheating, either; he was counting Mississippi's and all.

Kendall legitimately thought that the blurring of the buildings and pedestrians and hobos were merely them staying in the same spot, the only thing making them unfocused due to Kendall's eyes watering for having them open so long. It wasn't until he blinked and his eyes were relieved that he realized they were actually moving. Pretty fast, actually.

But Kendall's mind was far from being on Logan's questionable speeding. It had drifted to the one thing—or person—that he really did not want to think about right now.

James.

He felt an uncontrollable sense of guilt wash over him; if Kendall had stayed outside, had he stayed with James, they would know where James was. James would not be avoiding them and be hanging out with whoever the fuck Rick Rolle was. No, James would be where he belonged, with he and Carlos and Logan. And Kendall felt like it was all his fault that James was gone right now.

Besides the horrible guilt, he felt like he needed to make Logan pull over so he could throw up his dinner. He kept thinking of horrible case scenarios involving James, similar to the ones back at Five Guys. Though these ones were much worse; they involved whoever Rick was killing James brutally with a chainsaw, or James being…violated. Kendall did not like to think of these things, but he could only think of the worst right now.

Kendall shook his head. He had to stop thinking of the worst case scenario. He had to start being optimistic, because James wasn't going to die and he wasn't already dead. He just decided to go back to his Guinness World Record training and forget about James for a while.

It was not until they were driving toward the intersection (at a speed that Logan, in any other circumstance, would not approve of) that would take them directly to Rocque Records did Kendall realize that his mother was still waiting for them to arrive home. Quickly pulling out his cell phone, he called the first and only contact on his speed dial.

"Hello?" His mother asked after picking up the phone. Kendall sighed and began with his explanation.

"Mom, we know where James is…sort of," He muttered the last part, and prayed to God that his mother did not hear him. Luckily for him, she did not. "So we are going to go get him. We'll be home later, alright?" Mrs. Knight quickly agreed, and that was the end of the conversation. Carlos turned around at the snap of Kendall's phone, as if this almost inaudible click of the phone snapping shut were the loudest thing in the world. And considering how quiet it was in that car, it might have been.

Kendall barely noticed his surroundings as they drove the rest of the way to Rocque Records, his mind completely off James and World Records and absolutely anything else that might make him _feel._ The unfamiliar buildings and signs merged together as they passed them, making it look as though they were traveling underwater. Again, it was completely silent in the car. None of them dared to speak, not when they had no idea what was going on with James.

Before Kendall was entirely aware of their location, they pulled into the parking lot of Rocque Records. The minute Logan parked the car, they all immediately got out of the vehicle so they could talk to Gustavo as soon as possible.

Kendall was about to slam the car door shut when he noticed something small and black sitting forgotten on the seat. Sighing, he picked up James' most prized possession and muttered, "Sorry," staring at the black item with a frown on his face. James had already lost his precious comb; the poor thing did not need Kendall to forget it as well.

He shoved the comb into his back pocket like James always did, and when he looked up both Carlos and Logan were staring at him like he were crazy. His face flushing a bit, he pushed past them without any acknowledgement. That was the second time today that Kendall had taken a _comb's_ feelings into consideration, and he already knew that he was probably losing his sanity. He did not need Carlos and Logan to prove this.

He could hear Carlos and Logan's footsteps behind him, and he walked a bit faster toward Rocque Records' entrance. Not because he was trying to get away from his friends; more of because he had stupidly chosen to wear another long sleeve shirt today (he really needed to go buy some California-appropriate clothing, because he was dressed for summer in Minnesota right now) and it was humid as hell, even at night.

Kendall ended up reaching the door first, and he opened it eagerly, the air conditioning pouring out of the building like a tidal wave. Kendall rushed inside, knowing that Carlos and Logan were close enough that he did not need to hold the door open for them. He sighed in relief when he was inside, the cool air enveloping his body nicely. This relief didn't last for long, however, when he remembered why he was here in the first place.

None of the boys had really been here past 9:30—which, at this point, it was 9:45—and it was a very different scene then what they were normally used to.

During the day, the record company was filled with people, Gustavo and Griffin's workers alike. They were always getting coffee or dropping off demos or doing stupid things for their bosses, but none of the boys had really ever gotten a chance to talk to any of them.

However, after hours, it was like Rocque Records had transformed into a completely different place. It was completely empty; no bustling workers, no noise, and they were not even sure if Kelly was still there.

But they did know that Gustavo was there, and Kendall led the way to the man's office so that they could find him.

They walked down the red and white halls quickly, the now-familiar path to Gustavo's office seeming annoyingly long at the moment. Kendall sped up to a speed walk, deciding that if they did not reach Gustavo's office soon he was going to go into a full on fucking sprint.

But his internal prayers were answered, because when they rounded the last corner that would take them directly to Gustavo's office, they came into contact with something bigger and better: Gustavo himself.

He seemed a little taken aback at seeing the boys all right there, and Kendall, Carlos, and Logan backed the hell away from the portly man, afraid that if they were too close, he might bight their heads off.

Gustavo gasped, seeming to have just run the mile. "I was just about to call you, dogs."

Kendall laughed, though it was too monotonous to be considered even a giggle. "Really? Because we were just looking for you," He folded his arms over his chest, and Carlos and Logan stood on either side of his shoulders, flanking their leader. "Where's James?" He demanded, his eyes narrowing.

The large man sighed: he was hoping that the boys would know nothing about James. But he also should have known that Rick is an asshole, and will go out of his way to piss people off. Gustavo supposed that sending a pack of angry dogs after him was part one of Rick's "revenge."

"Follow me," Gustavo said, and the three boys suddenly got very excited. Maybe James actually was here! Maybe Richard Rolle was actually a fellow record producer, and James screaming about getting hurt was him getting a paper cut, and the phone being taken away from him was because Rick wanted to meet his friends…? The more they thought about it, the worse the felt. And the worse they felt, the more they knew that whatever Gustavo was going to tell them about James could not be good.

He ended up leading them to the same exact meeting room they had talked to Fugizaki in about their first recording and music video for Big Time Rush. Looking at the giant television, they saw that it was on and ready to connect to a network called 'LAlinksys.' All of them extremely confused, the turned to Gustavo.

"How do I put this lightly?" He asked to himself, and the boys were all still expecting an answer. Looking up and noticing this, Gustavo said, "Well, I used to have a partner in the record producing business. He was my long time best friend, Rick Rolle…blah blah blah. Anyway, he ended up going crazy and almost destroyed our label, and Griffin fired him. He apparently has a grudge against me because once he found out who James was, he kidnapped him and now—"

Kendall's eyes widened, and he cut off Gustavo. "Kidnapped? James was _kidnapped?!_"

The fat man looked away, avoiding eye contact. "Well, you could use the word 'abducted' as well…"

Kendall was furious. "Where is he?! I want to talk to him." He said, and the boys behind him nodded in agreement, too shocked to even speak.

Gustavo sighed, knowing that he would give the dogs what they wanted even if they weren't aggressive; he had—unfortunately—taken to liking the boys, despite all of his efforts for them to remain on his bad side. They had that same spunk that 'The Stray' did, and Gustavo liked that. Hell, Gustavo _needed___that.

He walked over to the television, pulling out the sliding keyboard from underneath. He connected the network, and a webcam screen popped up, exactly how it did with Fugizaki. It only took a moment, and then a man that Kendall, Carlos, and Logan did not recognize was on the screen.

"Gustavo," He said, smiling. "Glad you could make it." Peering behind the large man, he now laid eyes on the three fourths of Big Time Rush. "And I see you brought the boys. Lovely!"

Behind Rick, James' eyes widened. _No! I did not want them to get involved in this!_ He thought, uselessly squirming again, maybe thinking that this would make his friends leave. He had no such luck.

With Gustavo, Kendall glared. "Where's James?" He asked, and James' heart sank. _No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no._

Rick smiled at Kendall, almost as if he were reminiscing. "He's just like Cameron, Gustavo. I can see why you like him." Gustavo flinched, and Rick turned back to Kendall. "If you want to see James so badly, you only needed to ask nicely. But, alas, I'll let you see him anyway. Rick stepped out of the way, revealing James in the chair behind him.

He was looking down, not wanting his friends to see him like this. Vulnerable, beaten, and surely messy. James did not want them to see his absolute hideousness, or get involved, for that matter.

Kendall moved closer to the webcam, much closer than he should be. "James? James? Look up." Said boy shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes. "Come on, James. We won't laugh." James wondered how Kendall knew that he thought they were going to laugh, but he looked up anyway (for reasons unknown to him).

All three boys gasped when they saw James' face. His right eye was completely swollen and purple, on its way to being black. His cheek was incredibly red as well, most likely from being slapped in the face so many times. James flinched when he heard all three of his friends gasped, and turned his head away from them. He did not want them to have to look at his face any longer.

Seeing James shy away from them like this, the boy's anger flared up. Just two hours ago James was completely obsessed with himself and looking into any reflective surface he could find. And now he was shying away from them all, clearly embarrassed for having these marks on his face. Kendall was about to say something (using not so nice language), but Gustavo of all people beat him to it.

"What the hell have you done to him?!" He demanded, pushing Kendall a bit out of the way to get into Rick's face (or as close as possible). The sadistic man just chuckled.

"He made me angry. He deserved to be taught a lesson."

It was Carlos now who spoke up. "You need to be taught a lesson on how _not_ to be an abusive asshole!" He said, rolling up his sleeves as if he were a threat to the man.

Rick just laughed again. "Obviously, no one was taught you not to speak out of turn," He said, glaring down at Carlos. Said boy shrunk back, and went behind Kendall as if he were a shield. "But let's get down to business. James can encounter much worse than what he has already, and to prevent that, I give you a proposition.

"Come to the address I will give you with a $125,000 ransom, and you can have your precious little James back. Bring the cops, and James gets a bullet in his head."

Everyone was taken aback by the obscene amount that Rick had demanded, even if Gustavo could easily pay every last penny. But no one was more surprised than the $125,000-worth boy sitting in the metal chair behind Rick.

James sat silent for a moment, staring at his lap. He was tired of being slapped in the face, tired of being used as a tool to get revenge; but despite what he was feeling, he was the one who had gotten himself into this mess. He had always believed he was amazing and he loved himself, even with a bruised face, but $125,000? Gustavo should not have to pay that much money just for him. The man already hated James, and James didn't want that hatred to deepen. And when he looked up from his lap, he said something that surprised everyone.

"Don't give him the money," he said simply, his face straight and determination in his eyes. The people he knew so well had expressions of shock on their faces, and he only wished to be in that room with them. He wished it were someone else in this chair with this psycho, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to bear it if any one of his friends was in his position.

"What do you mean, don't give him the money?" Kendall demanded, getting a bit too close to the webcam. "James, you can't be serious—"

"I am serious, Kendall." James said, cutting off his best friend. "Gustavo should not have to pay money for this psycho to let me go; I'm not worth it."

Carlos pushed Kendall out of the way then, trying to get to James although they were miles apart. "Yes you are!"

James was getting a little frustrated now. His friends were too supportive sometimes. "No I'm not, Carlos. Gustavo, I don't want you to pay the money."

Behind Carlos, Gustavo was confused and shocked at the same time. What had happened to this boy? Earlier he was completely obsessed with himself and fixing his hair every five seconds. Now he was saying that he was not worth $125,000 (which Gustavo could easily pay) when his life could be on the line? "James, I—"

James cut him off as well. "Please. Just don't pay him the money."

Rick knew that Gustavo liked this band. They were so much like _The Stray_ that there was no possible way that he couldn't. And when James pleaded with Gustavo like that, begging him not to pay the ransom, Rick knew that it was only a matter of 'pleases' that Gustavo caved in. And that wouldn't work for him. He wanted that money. He wanted Gustavo to _lose._

He had been planning to do this at one point or another, but not on camera. But as he pulled the knife out of his back pocket, he figured it probably would be better for Gustavo and his dogs to witness this event; he would probably get more money out of it, and if the boy died, well, there goes Gustavo's chances of regaining fame.

Now, he walked toward the boy with an angry glare on his face, making sure that the knife wasn't visible to anyone. He turned toward the camera, spitting at the webcam. "Oh, you'll pay that money," he spat, his grip on the knife becoming tighter. "That is, if you ever want to see dear James alive again."

And with everyone in Rocque Records having a horrible feeling, Rick turned to James, who also knew that whatever was coming could not be good.

Rick crouched down next to him, making sure that the boy was still visible to Gustavo and his friends. He lifted the knife so that it was in everyone's view—James', Gustavo's, and the boys'—and then plunged it halfway into the left side of James' lower stomach.

James let out an agonized scream; one filled with such horrifying pain that the boys were the ones feeling tortured when they heard it. For someone who was normally so handsome, it was disorienting and disturbing to see James' face twisted into a look of sheer pain and discomfort. The boys had seen many hockey injuries gone wrong in their years, but right now those injuries seemed like nothing. Although James was the one with the knife inside of him, the boys were the ones feeling tortured.

And Rick was getting some sick, twisted amusement out of the screaming boy in front of him.

"Do you want to rephrase that sentence, pretty boy?" Rick asked, smiling in a sadistic but sweet way.

James started to gasp, not wanting to give Rick the enjoyment of hearing him scream again. "What sentence?" He asked, playing dumb. He didn't exactly know why he did this; playing dumb isn't the best thing to do when you're with a revenge-driven psycho path, especially when said psycho path has a blade stuck in your lower abdomen.

Rick didn't seem to appreciate this, either, because he twisted the knife that was currently inside of James. "Don't be a smartass," He said over the boy's scream. "Now rephrase that sentence of yours."

In that moment, James decided that there was no one in this entire world that he hated more than Richard Rolle. And James is a competitive person; he doesn't like to back down to any challenges, specifically when it's a challenge given by a person he does not particularly like. But James was smart, too. He knew when it was better to back down. And even though Richard Rolle was number one on the "People I Abso-Fucking-Lutely Hate" list, he knew that he could not keep pissing the man off. If he did, he would surely be dead by the end of the night.

Black was shrouding the edges of his eyes, and he legitimately felt like he was going to pass out from the great pain that he was enduring. Head throbbing, he began to gasp some more, seemingly not being able to get enough oxygen in his body. But he eventually got the words out, and they were defeated. "Give him the ransom," He said under his breath.

Rick twisted the blade again, causing James to cry out once more. Carlos and Logan flinched, and Kendall was about to jack Logan's car keys and find his best friend, even if he only had a learner's permit at the moment. When James caught his breath again, he said, "Give him the fucking ransom," only this time it was louder.

However, Rick still was not pleased with this. He twisted the blade again, and James screamed in turn. At this point, Kendall had started screaming James' name in vain. Both Carlos and Logan had to hold Kendall back, for it seemed like the dirty blonde boy would have jumped through the television if it were possible.

At this point, James knew that it was only a matter of seconds before he passed out from the pain. If he didn't give Rick what he wanted now, James could kiss his consciousness goodbye. "Give him," He said, raising his voice as if he were calling to someone from across the room. "The damn money."

Rick smiled then, and removed the knife from James' body (much to James' relief). He looked at the blood-coated blade happily, as if it were a stack of bills that someone had just handed him. He grabbed a rag from the table that James' cell phone had been on and wiped the blade clean, not wanting it to be dirty in case he had to use it again.

James, however, was feeling far from relaxed. He could feel the blood trickling out of the wound he had just received, and he knew that his baby blue shirt was staining horribly. It felt like he was on _fire. _Looking down, he noticed that he was not on fire, but right about both of his previous thoughts; and he was also very disgusted to find that he could actually see _into_ his body if he tried hard enough. He turned his head away from his wound quickly, leaning his head back and shutting his good eye. He felt extremely exhausted, feeling as though he had gotten two hours of sleep and had just run a marathon. It didn't help that absolutely everything hurt, either.

Carlos, Kendall, and Logan weren't exactly feeling calm either. James' screams and cries still echoed in their minds, giving them all permanent twitches. It did not help that they could see James, either. The blood pouring out of his wound, his swollen and purple eye, and the fact that he was basically passed out in the chair he was bound to. They had never seen James looking worse; not even when he had a bad hair day, or was attacked by a mob of girls looking for Dak Zebon.

No, for once in his life, James Diamond looked horrible. And the surprising thing was that James did not even care.

Rick either did not notice the boy's discomfort or did not care, because he walked straight up to the camera, blocking Gustavo and the boys' views of James. Smiling, he said, "Well, why don't you consider paying that ransom? I'm not sure how long I can keep James alive without him getting on my nerves…so you ponder over that, and I'll be back in an hour." And without another word, he walked right up to James. He raised his hand to pat him on the head, and James flinched from the touch. Rick patted his head anyway, making sure to mess up James' hair before clambering up the stairs and slamming the basement door.

Once he heard the door slam shut, Kendall broke free from Carlos and Logan, running too close to the camera. "James?" He asked, and said boy looked up, seeing entirely too much of his best friend's face. "Are you alright?"

James rolled his eye. "Totally," He said weakly, smiling. "I have never been better."

Suddenly, Kendall was pushed out of the way, and Logan was now in James' view. "James, do not be sarcastic. If you are seriously in pain we need to pay the ransom right away so you can see a doctor." Carlos then pulled his friend away from the camera lens, so that everyone in Rocque Records could see James properly.

At this, James scoffed weakly. "You are not going to pay that ransom," He said, struggling to get into a more comfortable position. "I have a plan." When the four males in his view looked confused and curious, he added, "And yes: it involves bandannas."

* * *

**ONE MAN WRITING GAMES NOTE: **Sorry this took so long to update, guys. Softball is seriously time-consuming. But I hoped you liked it and are excited to hear James' "plan" and see it put into action for the next chapter. Please review, and please look at the poll in my profile, which is concerning another story I'm planning on doing. I gave a brief summary of the ideas and right now the Kames friendship stories are tied for first. Make sure you vote so I can know which story of all of them to upload first.

ALSO: ?!?!?!?! SCOTT FELLOWS IS TOTALLY JACKING MY IDEA! http: // tweet photo. Com / 17843468 (remove spaces) Err, looks like they're doing an episode where the boys get kidnapped…if it helps your viewing perspective, James' position is the most like Logan's, without the ropes on his chest and feet. And his hands are also behind the chair so he cannot get up at all. But anyway, I think this is kind of funny.


	6. Turbulence

**ONE MAN WRITING GAMES NOTE: **Alright, so I want to say thank you for the reviews I've received so far on the fifth chapter. You guys seriously rock.  
Also, even though you can look in my profile for the results, the story with Kendall and the Kames friendship won the poll. And if you're interested, go to my profile and see the songs hand-picked for the Monster playlist.

Oh, and lovely. My computer didn't save my document…again. ):

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Big Time Rush or any of its characters.

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The four males who had just heard James' sentence looked at him in confusion. How would bandannas be a reasonable solution to the situation that James was in? The only thing a bandanna could do right now was be a 'fashionable' accessory. Or at least, this is what 3/4ths of Big Time Rush and Gustavo Rocque thought.

But James' inclusion of bandannas in his plan was far from idiotic, and not based off of fashion at all. In fact, in the situation he was in, this plan was not only going to be effective, but incredibly smart of James to think of doing this in the first place. James was very confident in his plan, and he had every right to be, so he ignored the looks that said, _James, Goddamn, bandannas are just not cool!_ And smiled at his friends instead.

"What kind of sensible plan could possibly involve _bandannas_?" Gustavo asked, his eyebrows furrowing together. The other three boys wore a similar look. None of them could figure out where James was going with this, and James was a little disappointed.

"I'll get there," He said. "But first, let me explain something to you: Rick is an absolute idiot.

"My hands?" James wiggled his arms a bit for more emphasis. "Are tied with the thinnest rope imaginable. It's so weak that if I didn't have chaffing marks on my wrists to prove it, I would probably think it was a shoelace. But speaking of shoelaces, the rope is tied in a bow. A perfect fucking bow! And all I need to do is pull some strings…literally…" he chuckled a bit at his own joke. "And then I'm free! Then I just find a way to get up the stairs without Rick noticing, and I'm all set."

Carlos nodded in appreciation, but Logan spoke what both Gustavo and Kendall were thinking. "And what does this have to do with bandannas?"

James shook his head in disappointment. He said, "I thought one of you would have gotten in by now," Logan looked ashamed with himself after James said that. Was there something he missed? James continued regardless of Logan's inner scolding. "I suppose I'll explain my master plan.

"Well, I have a bandanna in my back pocket. It's one of my big ones that can go completely around my waist. And quite frankly, this" He gestured his head to his stab wound. "Is bleeding a lot. Like, seeping-through-my-clothes-and-staining-them-horribly bleeding."

Logan's face suddenly lit up as he understood where James was going with this. "And you're going to wrap your bandanna around your waist to stop the bleeding, right?" He asked excitedly.

James nodded, smiling widely. The whiteness of his teeth was great in contrast to the purple of his eye. "You got it, Logie." Logan smiled back, as did Gustavo and Carlos.

And in a room full of smiling people, Kendall felt extremely left out for frowning. "I don't think this is a good idea," He said, crossing his arms over his chest.

James' smile immediately faded. "You would rather I bleed to death on this chair?" He asked.

Kendall violently shook his head. "No, no, no! The bandanna part is a good idea. Actually, when you first mentioned bandannas, I had a pretty strong feeling that your plan was going to be so incredibly stupid that I would have to cry." James frowned, but Kendall continued. "No offense. But I just do not think it's a good idea for you to go try and escape afterwards."

"Why not?" James asked, his brows furrowing in confusion. "I want you to disregard everything I said while Rick was in here. I _do not _want you to waste $125,000 on me, not when I can get out myself because it was my fault in the first place."

"It's not your fault this dude is crazy," Said Kendall. "And what happens if Rick catches you, James? What are you going to do? You have already been stabbed and punched in the face. This guy isn't small by any means. He could—" He paused, intertwining his fingers in his hair, blonde tufts sticking up in the spaces between each one. He looked very frustrated. "He could _kill_ you, James. Do you not understand that?"

James remained silent for a moment, and then said, "You think I'm not fully aware that he could kill me? That he has the power to kill me? In the last two hours, I've gotten a black eye, a stab wound, and a gun held to my head. Kendall, there's no doubt in my mind that he could kill me."

"Then why would you try to escape? The stairwell is your only way out as far as I can tell, and Rick could easily kill you the second you got up there. I like taking risks, but not when my life is on the line."

"You do not understand Rick's thought process here, Kendall." James said, becoming a little frustrated with his friend. "If I stay here, I have a greater chance of dying than if I try to escape. You haven't seen this guy off camera. I'm here because Big Time Rush is Gustavo's ticket back to the top." Gustavo nodded, and James continued. "Rick is fully aware of this. He finds out I'm in Big Time Rush, he kidnaps me to get back at Gustavo. Don't you see? He's not going to make you pay the ransom! He's going to kill me so that Gustavo loses no matter what! If I don't get out now, I'm not going to get out at all."

After James said this, they were all silent. No one really expected that Rick would do this, but after they heard James say it aloud, they knew he was right. If it was revenge Rick wanted, it would not make sense for Gustavo just to pay the ransom, get James back and be done with it. Sure, Rick would have Gustavo's money, but Big Time Rush would still make it to the top and Gustavo would ultimately win, making the whole James-kidnapping completely worthless. If Rick killed James, there was no way that Big Time Rush would make it to the top. Carlos, Kendall, and Logan all had fairly nice singing voices, but James was the one that brought them to the next level. He also brought in many fans because of his good looks, and without James, Big Time Rush would be a Big Time Failure.

"What are you waiting for, then?" Gustavo asked, breaking the silence and startling them all. "Get to work. I'm not having you dying on my watch."

James did not say anything, but got to work on untying his hands. It took him a bit of time to find the right string to pull first, and a little bit longer to pull the second string. Once he had both of them pulled, he attempted to separate his wrists. He was very relieved to find that Rick was so idiotic that he completely forgot to even double knot the bind, and James was able to free himself very easily.

He pulled his wrists to his front and looked at them as if he hadn't seen them for a decade. He also noticed that his wrists were red and shiny from the chaffing the rope had done when he struggled. James knew that he had brought this upon himself, but it still hurt a lot.

Gripping both sides of the chair, James pushed himself up so that he was sitting with a perfect posture. He winced at the pain this caused him, but ignored it. He knew that he could not waste any more time. He had already spent 15 minutes so far, in that time convincing Kendall he should escape and then untying his wrists. He only had half of his time left, and he had to use it wisely.

James put his hand on the back of the chair, planning to use it to push himself into a standing position. With a grip that was holding onto the chair for dear life, James pushed himself up. He seemed to have forgotten that he was supposed to be careful, because he did it very quickly, sending a fiery pain to flare up in his abdomen. He cried out, clutching his wound and falling to the floor on his knees.

"_James!_" He heard from the direction of the screen, the chorus of his friends' voices startling him a little bit.

He pulled his head closer to his body, as if being in the tightest fetal position ever would stop the pain. "I'm fine," James hissed, his face scrunched from the pain. None of his friends believed him, even if his hair was shielding the agonized expression he had on his face.

Reaching out one shaky hand, James placed it on the seat of the chair and held on tightly. Using it again to give him support, James began to push himself up, slowly this time. He winced many times during his mission to stand upright, for his abdomen kept screaming in protest. But James knew that he needed to do this quickly, because he had only a good ten minutes to stand up, put on his makeshift bandage, and escape without Rick noticing.

He was crouching at this point, and was not using the chair for that much support anymore. Because he had so little time, James knew that he had to do this at a much quicker pace than he was going at now. His hand still clamped on his still-bleeding stab wound, he pushed himself up completely.

"_Jesus Christ,_" He hissed again, but refused to fall to his knees. He needed to get out of there right at that instant.

One of his hands still holding his side, he reached with his other hand into his back pocket, pulling out a large black bandanna. It was still unfolded, and James knew that he would have to fold it perfectly for it to fit around his waist—he also knew that to do so, he would have to use both hands.

And that means he would have to remove his bloody palm from where it was pressed tightly at his side.

Looking away, he let go of the wound in his abdomen, refusing to look at it or his hand. He could feel the blood still seeping from where he had been stabbed, and the blood on his hand just felt wet and disgusting.

James began to fold the bandanna, first in half so that it was like a triangle. Then he folded the tip of the triangle over so that it would make a long rectangle. If he were making a headband, he would fold it once more. But since this was going around his waist and he would rather have the bandage be fatter than thinner, he left it how it was and put it around his waist.

At first, when he tightened it around him, he felt a sharp pain from the bandanna meeting with the blemish in his side. But when he got the bandanna completely tied and tight around his waist, he automatically felt better.

Perhaps it was because the makeshift bandage actually took away some of the pain, but James did not think this was the case.

Every time he had gotten a cut when he was little, he always whined and possibly cried until he got a bandage. However, if it was a normal bandage, he would cry more and more. Not only did he do this because the band-aid was normal, but because his boo-boo did not _truly_ feel better. James only found _cool_ bandages acceptable when he was hurt. This was why he made his mother go out and buy him Transformers or Toy Story bandages, so that he looked cooler and actually felt better.

It was a very similar situation here. If James happened to have gauze on him, he would have used it to stop the bleeding, but it wouldn't necessarily stop most of the pain. Because James had used a bandanna, this officially made his "band-aid" cool, which put all of the pain out of James' mind.

Of course, when he took one step in the direction of the stairs, he stumbled a bit from the pain that erupted again.

"Be careful, James," said Logan. "Just because you have a bandage does not mean that you are healed. Take it easy; you do not want to strain yourself and make matters worse."

James knew that Logan wanted to be a doctor, but sometimes Logan's doctor lessons (as James liked to call them) annoyed him: yes, he knew he should be careful. No, he did not know that he could strain his wound and make things worse for him. No, he did not care about that because he only cared about getting out of there.

But James did not want to be rude to his friend, either. After all, Logan probably was not having a party seeing James get treated as he was, and James hated to make people feel uncomfortable or sad. "Thanks, Logan. I'll try to be more careful."

But James' carefulness only extended to a certain point, because he had to get out of that basement as quickly as possible. He only had a good eight minutes left, and he could not waste his time being cautious when his life was on the line.

He put his hand back to his wound, pressing against it slightly. It hurt, but he wanted to stop the bleeding. James continued to walk towards the stairs, his hand firmly placed at his abdomen and limping a bit on his left because of the pain. Within two minutes, James made it to the foot of the stairs, in more pain that he had been in before. Of course he did not show it too much, for he did not want his friends to worry.

Looking at the stairwell before him, he saw that only half of the stairs were exposed to Kendall, Carlos, Logan and Gustavo. The other half was blocked by a wall. Although James was a little unsettled that his friends would not be able to see him the entire time, he was a bit comforted by the fact that there was a railing going all the way up.

He turned his head back to his friends and gave a strained smile, and then turned back around and lifted one foot to go on the first step.

"James," Kendall said, and the voice made James turn around again. Kendall was looking at him with such seriousness, the type of seriousness he had when they had gotten into other situations beforehand. "Be careful." He warned, although Logan had said almost the same thing a few minutes before. But Kendall and Logan's warnings were entirely different.

Logan told James to be careful because he did not want James to become more injured than he already had been. Logan, being the doctor of the group, knew what could happen if James did not take it easy when he had that stab injury. Logan's advice was influenced by his medical knowledge.

However, when Kendall told James to be careful, it was more of an, "I'm-scared-shitless-and-you-can't-die" sort of feeling. Kendall knew that somehow, James was going to leave Rick's grip with more injuries than he had now. He really wished that it was just a feeling and that James would make it out okay, but he just could not shake that feeling off. Kendall's advice was influenced by worry.

James nodded to Kendall's advice, and continued his ascent up the stairs. He gripped onto the railing tightly with his left hand, figuring it would be the best to keep him steady because it was his dominant one. He moved his right hand to his wound, and was a little disgusted by the fact that now both hands would be covered in blood.

_At least the blood on my good hand is already dried…or drying,_ James thought, for he could feel the blood starting to seep through his bandanna. _I'll have to get a new one of these if I make it out of here alive. _But even as the 'ifs' filled his mind, he had to believe that he would make it out of there, because if he did not set his mind to it, he knew he would not get out.

He was slow-going, but still very determined to get out of Rick's grip. And even though a jolt of pain was sent through him with each step, he kept going.

James finally reached the top of the stairs, only feeling a little uncomfortable that he couldn't see his friends anymore. He figured it had taken him around three minutes to climb the entire staircase, so James knew that he only had around five minutes left before Rick would come back. He would have to escape and find help before then.

Still gripping onto the railing tightly, he removed his hand from his bandanna-covered wound. Some blood had already seeped through the thin material, but James figured it was better than having nothing there at all.

He reached out the crimson stained hand and placed it on the doorknob. It was a little wet from the blood, but he got a good grip on the doorknob anyway. He twisted it, and then pulled the door open.

James let out a scream when he saw Rick standing there.

"Whatcha doing?" He asked, leaning forward and smiling at the sixteen year old.

Said boy gulped. "I…uh…"

"Was trying to escape, I presume?" James did not say anything, but Rick already knew that the boy's answer would be a big, fat 'yes.' "Well, I'm sorry, but that's not going to work out for you." Still smiling, he pushed James backwards.

James' hand slid on the railing, desperately trying to get a good enough grip so that he would not fall. But although his left hand was his dominant hand, he could not find the strength in it to stop himself from falling. His hand slipped off the railing, and he began to fall backwards. In a desperate attempt to break his fall, James put his right hand behind him, hoping that it would at least slow down his descent.

Instead, James heard the sickening crack of his wrist breaking and felt the pain shooting up it. He cried out as his body turned over, starting to roll down the stairs quickly. Despite the now throbbing pain in his wrist, James tucked his head in and put his arms around it like a shield. The last thing he needed was a bonk to the head, resulting in a serious head injury.

He seemed to fall down those stairs forever, and the men in Rocque Records watched anxiously for James to come into view. All they could rely on was their sense of hearing. They knew the situation could not be good, for they heard James' wrist snap and a lot of banging as he fell down the stairs.

Finally, the wall blocking the upper-half of the staircase was gone, and the guys in the recording studio could now see James tumbling down the stairs in a fetal position. Their faces were contorted into a mixture of concern and anger (mostly anger on Gustavo's part) as James rolled down the last few steps.

James, at last, reached the landing and rolled over one last time. He lay on his back for a moment, shutting his eye and clutching his newfound injury in his other hand. James groaned at the stabbing pain in his wrist, with the new additional pain that came with every breath. He figured that he broke, or at least cracked, a few ribs, because it felt incredibly painful just to inhale. James had broken a few ribs from bad checks in hockey before, but it never became less painful.

As James was lying there embracing his pain, and as the men in Rocque Records were screaming questions at him, James heard Rick clomping down the stairs. His head turned to the direction of the stairs and his eye snapped open, seeing Rick clambering down the steps with a sinister look on his face. James' eye widened, and he rolled over on his stomach. He began to army crawl away from the landing, not knowing how this might help him; he had nowhere to go.

It was an effort in vain, for Rick caught up to him regardless. He kicked James in the side, causing James to cry out and stop moving.

"You've got nowhere to hide, pretty boy," Rick said, bending over to look at James' face. "And right now, I'm going to make sure that you know that."

Rick kicked James again, this time much harder. The kick seemed to hit its mark, because James was sure that Rick's foot had just made contact with his broken rib. He cried out again, and he was vaguely aware that his three friends were calling his name. Both he and Rick ignored them.

The ex-record producer and partner of Gustavo Rocque delivered another couple of kicks to James' stomach, becoming more and more satisfied with the way James was screaming. "Do you have anything to say for yourself, James, darling?"

James coughed up a bit of blood on the ground next to him and looked up. Rick did not fail to notice the fear in James' good eye. He smiled as James said, "Please stop. I won't try anything again—just please _stop._"

Rick bent down again and said, "Oh, you want _more_?" James began shaking his head, but Rick stood straight again and started kicking James with much more force than he had before.

In Rocque Records, the boys were completely freaking out; Kendall more so than the others. He had begun to call out James' name desperately, shaking violently and looking like he could punch someone in the face at the moment—specifically Rick.

Kendall was a person of action; he did not like to sit around and watch things happen without doing anything about them. This was why he challenged Wayne-Wayne, why he spoke his mind to Mercedes, why he wanted to be _himself_ when they were interviewed. Kendall hated being fake, and he hated being helpless. Right now, he was completely helpless to what was happening to his best friend, the boy so close to him that they could probably be considered brothers. Watching James get beat up and having himself be far away, not being able to defend him, was absolutely tearing Kendall apart. If given the chance, he might just go wreck Gustavo's office again.

Suddenly, Rick stopped kicking James. The boy on the floor took many deep breaths, squeezing his eye shut and trying his best not to whimper in pain. But when James thought Rick was going to go upstairs and leave him alone, he was completely wrong.

Out of nowhere, the ex-producer hauled James up by the collar, sending jolts of pain throughout everywhere in James' body. Successfully getting James into a standing position, he backed the boy against the wall. James cringed at the contact the wall made with his sore body.

Rick let go of James, causing James to slouch. His stab wound was still bothering him the most, and it did not help that now his entire body was filled with pain with every beat of his heart.

"You listen to me," Rick spat at James, glaring at the boy. When Rick noticed that James was slouching, he grabbed James by the collar again and screamed, "_Don't slouch_!" Once James was in a good standing position, he delivered a hard blow to the sixteen year old's face. James did not cry out when he received the smack, but he stood as straight as possible while Rick was still staring at him.

"If you try to escape again, I swear, I **will **kill you in the slowest and most painful way imaginable." He said darkly. James tried to show more fear, but he knew what Rick was capable of.

Rick was capable of killing him, and James sure as hell did not want to die.

When James only showed fear in response to Rick's words, Rick smirked. He grabbed James by the front of his shirt again, and flung the teen with much force onto the ground. James stumbled and finally fell near the chair he had been sitting in, clutching his wounds and groaning in pain.

Rick looked down to smile at the boy, then stepped over him to talk to Gustavo. Kendall, Carlos, and Logan were all glaring at him, but Rick just chuckled.

Kendall hoped that Rick was glad that they were not in the same room, because Kendall would have beaten the living shit out of him if they were.

"I suggest you pay that ransom, Gustavo. James will be dead within the hour if you don't." Rick said seriously. James flinched from behind, and Gustavo didn't fail to notice that.

There was a funny thing about Gustavo Rocque, and it was this: no matter how irritated he became with the boys, or how much he claimed to hate them, at this point in their relationship, they could have been his very disobedient and annoying sons. So what if James reminded him of Matthew Mcconaughey? James was still in the hands of his ex-best friend, who had been a hostile, grudge-holding person all of his life. Gustavo knew that if he did not pay the ransom that Rick had demanded, Rick would surely kill James.

Plus, it was practically his fault that James was there anyway. If Rick did not hate Gustavo so much, Rick would not have had to kidnap James. As much as Gustavo hated to admit it out loud, James was a huge part of Big Time Rush. He easily had the best voice, even though Gustavo had claimed many times that he had no talent. Gustavo Rocque would be nothing without those boys, and he needed James to be alright.

"If it's the damn money you want," Gustavo said. "It's the damn money you'll get. Where are you?"

To be honest with himself, Rick was a little surprised. He did not think that Gustavo would give in. "Warehouse 143, behind the Five Guys restaurant. Your…'dogs' should know where it is."

Carlos suddenly became very outraged. "Are you fucking kidding me? You've been behind Five Guys the entire time?" Carlos knew that James was somewhere near the restaurant! That was why he was so reluctant to go with Logan and Kendall away from Five Guys on Mrs. Knight's orders. He did acknowledge that Mrs. Knight did solve most of their problems and was usually always right, but he could not shake off the feeling that James was closer to them than they had thought. Now that he had been proven right, he felt ashamed and frustrate that he did not convince his friends to continue their search.

"Yes, you imbecile, we've been behind Five Guys the entire time." Rick said monotonously. "I'll see you and your pack of dogs soon, Gustavo." Without another word, Rick stepped over James again and trudged up the stairs, slamming the basement door behind him.

"James?" Gustavo asked, but was careful not to show any concern.

When the boy on the ground looked to him, Gustavo cringed a bit. James's lip was cracked and bleeding, most likely from the blow Rick had just delivered to his face. His wrist was bent at an awkward and grotesque angle, and he still had the bleeding stab wound and black eye that were not pleasant to look at. James looked entirely broken lying there, but that was not what bothered Gustavo so much.

When Gustavo first met James, he absolutely despised the boy. It was because James wore his heart on his sleeve, and that bothered Gustavo. He had always hated it when people's emotions shined through them. This made James entirely too easy to read. When James was hopeful, Gustavo could tell by the shining in his eyes. When he was sad, or frustrated, or angry, Gustavo would always notice. It was so different than the other boys, who hid their emotions all too well. Gustavo could not understand how Logan, Carlos, and Kendall were hard to read and James was just like an open book, waiting to be understood.

What bothered Gustavo the most about seeing James was the look in the boy's eye. It held traces of pain, and maybe even a few unshed tears. Gustavo could deal with pain. He could not deal with the very apparent look of hopelessness that was engulfing the hazel eye.

James did not answer, but Gustavo spoke regardless. "We're coming to get you, alright? Hang in there, kid. We're coming to get you."

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**ONE MAN WRITING GAMES NOTE: **Dear whoever is reading this,  
I am very, very, very sorry that I have not updated in almost a month. I have been busy with softball and I just came back from a three day trip for band. I was going to post it before I left, but I didn't have time to finish it, so again, I'm sorry. But at least you're getting it now.  
Because you've waited for so long and haven't even left me one mean review, I'll be working on Chapter 7 straight away. After Chapter 7 is posted, you'll get Chapter 8 straight away, because Chapter 8 is officially completed with _7,076 words and eleven pages in Microsoft Word._ So, my loves, I would appreciate it if you reviewed this chapter, and the next two that you'll be getting!  
Love, One Man Writing Games


	7. Monster

**ONE MAN WRITING GAMES NOTE: **I've had this chapter planned out since day one, and I think you'll be happy about some things and really, _really_ pissed about other things. But I ask you to read and leave a review about how you liked it or hated it, because I want to keep it in mind on what you guys like when I do later chapters. And I really tried my best to add a tiny bit of humor to this chapter, because I don't want it to be overly depressing.

**Disclaimer: ** I do not own Big Time Rush or any of its characters. The only character I own is Richard Rolle, and he's not hot and he's a bastard. Oh, the irony.

…

7. Monster

James lay there in silence, not responding to Gustavo's words. They were barely comforting to him, because the pain that took over his body at the moment was the only thing he was really worried about. The guys in Rocque Records were all waiting for him to answer, but he couldn't.

The only thing James could manage right now was breathing, and even that was coming ragged and shaky. He figured it was like this because he was probably going to burst into tears at any moment: he never went through this kind of pain, and it would be hard for anyone to go through it without crying at least a little bit.

"James, you need to hang in there. I know it's hard and you probably want me to shut the hell up, but you're going to get out of there." Gustavo said. James nodded weakly. He still could barely manage to speak.

Carlos stepped forward. "Hey, James? We're gonna throw a killer party when you get out of there, alright?" James smiled and nodded again.

It was Logan's turn to step forth and talk to his friend. "Remember not to exert yourself too much, not that you will anyway. And make sure you keep your hand on that wound—you don't want to bleed to death. And—"

"Logan," James interrupted, and Logan stopped only because James sounded so weak. "I know."

Logan smiled tightly. "Just making sure. We'll be there soon, buddy."

It was Kendall's turn to step forward, and he winced when he did. James did not look good at all; he was essentially covered in blood, and Kendall could see every one of the bruises that were forming. "I just have to say one thing," Kendall said. "If you die on me, I will personally murder you in the afterlife."

James smiled then. It was a weak smile, but a smile nonetheless. "I'll try. God forbid I get killed in the afterlife."

Gustavo pushed his way past Kendall, coming back on. "James, I'm going to turn this off. We'll be there within forty-five minutes. Just—stay put."

"Actually, I was going to try and escape again. But if you want me to sit here and wallow in my pain, that's okay with me." None of them knew how James was being so sarcastic when he was like this, but it raised their spirits a little bit. If James was being sarcastic and smiling and making jokes, it meant that his recovery process would be a short one.

All of the boys waving goodbye, Gustavo disconnected from the network and turned off the television. It was slightly unsettling to them all that they could not see James anymore, but they knew that if they got the money quickly enough, they would see him in person very soon.

Speaking of the money, the boys had no idea how the hell Gustavo was going to get $125,000 within the hour.

"Gustavo," Logan began, deciding to say what was on all of the boys' minds. "We really appreciate that you're helping us save James. If we were put in this same situation three months ago, we probably would have expected you to say _¡Adios, los perros! _and walk away without second thought. So really, we definitely admire that you're helping us right now. But we have one question: how the hell are you going to get $125,000 within the next hour?"

Gustavo shook his head, smiling. "For once, dogs, I'm going to listen to James. Meaning, I'm not going to pay that ransom."

All three boys looked at him as if he had grown another arm. "But if you don't pay him the money, he'll kill James! I mean, I know you don't like him, but you cannot hate him enough to where you want him to _die_."

"No, you're interpreting me wrong." Gustavo said. "What I mean is, I'm going to pay Rick counterfeit money."

A wave of understanding washed over the boys, but it was suddenly replaced with confusion. "Brilliant idea," Kendall said. "But don't you think it's a little risky? If Rick finds out while he still has James, there's no doubt that he will…you know. And besides, where are you going to get counterfeit money anyway?"

The boys nodded in agreement. Counterfeit money was illegal to use. If Gustavo Rocque had $125,000 worth lying around his mansion, the boys would have to suspect that their boss was some sort of felon.

"Griffin has some stored in Rocque Records for situations such as these. Do not ask me where he got a hold of counterfeit money: it's probably some rich guy thing. I just know that there is enough to cover what we need for James and more, and Rick will not know we tricked him until he tries to use the money." Gustavo said.

They all nodded again, all of them very nervous about the soon-to-be transaction between them and James. All three had a horrible feeling in the pit of their stomachs, like Rick was going to go back on his word and kill James regardless of whether they brought the money or not. They also did not like to be pressured by this time limit—it was very unsettling that their best friend only had an hour to live if they could not save him.

Without another word to them, Gustavo left the office. The boys assumed that he was getting the money and a briefcase or some other storage device to hold it in.

Once he was out of the room, Carlos turned to the others. "What if Rick kills James?" He asked quietly. Carlos did not like to be put in bad situations such as these, and he was scared shitless at the moment. He felt as though his insecurities were shining out of his ass for the world to see, and he did not like it one bit.

Logan sighed. "Don't think about that, okay? We can't save James when we're thinking he's going to die the entire time." Carlos nodded.

"But it's a possibility!" Kendall said, cutting in. "This bastard kidnapped James to get revenge on Gustavo. What James said before is right. Rick has every intent on killing James, and how do we know that he won't do it before we get there with the money?"

Neither boy answered.

"Exactly," said Kendall. He kicked one of the chairs beside him. "James is going to get fucking murdered, and there's nothing we can do about it. This is all my fault."

Logan cut in then. "Kendall, there's no way in hell you can put the blame on yourself. You could not have stopped Rick from kidnapping James."

Kendall turned to look at Logan, the expression on his face livid. "You don't fucking get it. If I didn't leave James alone, it wouldn't be James in that chair. It would be _me. _I would rather get hurt than have any one of you get hurt. And the fact that I'm not in James' place makes me feel like a living, breathing, talking shit bag of _guilt._"

Logan was about to say something, but Carlos cut in. "You think that Rick the Dick would have taken just you? Even if you begged, he would have taken both of you. It would have been a much worse situation."

"We get that you would rather be in James' place right now, Kendall. Because believe me—so do we." Logan chimed in. "But you have to understand that if you and James' situations were reversed, James would be feeling the same way. He doesn't want you to get hurt as much as you don't want him to get hurt. Like Carlos said, Rick would have taken both of you. James would beg for Rick to hurt him if that meant it protected every hair on your head."

Carlos stepped towards Kendall, whose anger was fading quickly. "We know you feel like it's your fault, Kendall." He said in a soft tone. "But you have to understand that James is one hard kid to break. No matter how bad it looks, James is going to pull through this. He always does." Carlos' own fear was replaced with optimism; Carlos never liked to look on the dark side of things. He was more of a, 'let's thing about kittens!' kind of guy. Not that this was a situation where thinking about kittens was okay, but it was better than thinking that their best friend wouldn't make it out alive.

Kendall seemed to think the complete opposite. "You don't know that, Carlos. He might die."

Logan came up behind the tan-skinned boy, smiling tightly. "Well, we'll deal with that if the time comes. Right now, I'd like to save our best friend."

…

James absolutely hated this.

Not that anyone in his situation could love being on the floor, bleeding out your life in your lonesome, but he still felt upset about it.

It was scary. With every drop of blood that escaped from his body, he could feel every molecule of life he had in him escape with it too. It was no surprise that James was feeling incredibly weak at the moment, how he felt like he would never be able to move a muscle again. He supposed these things happened to people who were stabbed, pushed down a flight of stairs, and beat up within the course of a few hours.

James had never been in so much pain in his sixteen years, which was saying something. This boy had been slammed into countless walls of skating rinks, had gotten many bad cuts from skate blades meeting skin, and had even broken bones from collisions with other players. James thought he had faced it all with his hockey injuries, but it was nothing compared to how he was feeling now.

With every inhale, there was a sharp pain practically everywhere in his body. And with every exhale, it was just a moment of relaxation before it would start up again.

And the pain filling him right now was all in completely different places. Of course, there was the ever-present discomfort of the blood flowing out of his abdomen wound, with pain resulting in every little movement he made. It felt like his lungs were just two huge balloons that were pressing way too roughly against his ribs, because it was like they were being crushed with every breath. And if he even moved his wrist, just the slightest bit, he would have tears in his eyes. Hell, looking down and seeing the bone looking like it wanted to break through his skin brought tears to his eyes.

He had no fucking clue a person could feel this kind of pain.

_Just keep breathing, James. You have to endure this. Gustavo and the guys will be here soon and then you'll be safe. Rick won't kill you. Rick won't kill you. Rick won't kill you…_

But even saying it to himself sounded like a lie.

…

Gustavo came into the room just then, carrying a large silver briefcase in his hand. The three of them shut up regarding their conversation before as Gustavo walked around them to set the briefcase on the table. He opened the latches and then the top, revealing neat rows and stacks of money that looked very, very real.

"Let me introduce you to our ticket to getting James back: $125,000 worth of counterfeit money." Gustavo said. The boys' eyes widened; although they knew the money was not real, they had never seen so many bills in one place at the same time, at least not in person.

The boys said nothing. They were still too shocked to say anything.

Gustavo closed the briefcase, snapping the boys out of their daze. They shook their heads and looked up to him. "Well what are you waiting for, dogs? Let's go get James."

…

James really, _really_ hoped that his friends would get there soon.

All he wanted at the moment was to get out of this stupid basement of this stupid warehouse. He was losing his sanity, being in the same building as Rick and not knowing whether or not he would ever see the light of day again.

It scared him to death.

With nothing else to do but wallow in pain in fear, he replayed the day's events in his mind. Was he really singing his heart out no less than five hours ago? Was it really today that he had gone to Five Guys with his best friends in the world? Had he really only been here a few hours when it felt more like a few years?

Thinking even harder, he remembered his irrational fear of being near the warehouses and being afraid that a five-headed warehouse monster who only ate good looking pop stars would come out and devour his soul. Now thinking about it, his fear wasn't irrational at all; Richard Rolle may not have had five heads, but he was certainly a warehouse monster who devoured the souls of good looking pop stars such as James.

The singer sighed, and then winced when he felt even more pain wrack his body.

Where were they? His time (on earth) was running out.

…

They all piled into Logan's car, the vehicle dropping a bit as Gustavo sat in the driver's seat. Well, after he moved the seat back as far as it would go, crushing Carlos' legs in the process.

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive?" Logan asked for the fiftieth time, very uncomfortable with the fact that he was sitting in the passenger's seat of his own damn car. "I can get to Five Guys from here by heart. It's really no problem."

_Please let Logan drive, _Carlos thought. _I'm going to lose circulation in my legs in about five seconds._

Gustavo turned to look at the boy, who winced under his glare. "I know how to get to Five Guys, Logan." He said. "Do you really think I've never been there before?"

Logan did not answer. He feared his head might be ripped off.

_Fuck. My. Life. _Carlos thought. He winced as the car sped forward, knowing that he would not be able to move his legs for the rest of the ride.

The drive to the famous fast-food chain was a silent one, and it seemed as though it were taking forever to get there. All four in the car were anxious that they would not get there in time to save James.

At this point, it was nearing 11:00. They only had around thirty minutes left, but they were all still nervous. What if the car broke down or ran out of gas? They knew it wasn't really appropriate to be thinking like a pessimist in a situation when you had to look towards the best, but they couldn't help it. This was a matter of life or death, and not even their own. Somebody else's _life_ was in their hands. A living, breathing soul was depending on them so that he could keep living and breathing. It was a shitload of pressure, and none of them liked having James' world on their shoulders.

It took them a long time to get there, or maybe it seemed that way. Logan was pouting in the front, upset that he didn't get to drive his car on this great rescue mission. He did not care that he was being immature (especially in a situation like this)—his car was his baby. He did not like anyone else driving it, and Gustavo moved the seat way too far back.

Carlos wanted to get the hell out of the car. Not only because he wanted to save James, but because he was sure that his legs would have to be amputated if he did not get out of the vehicle soon.

Kendall could not even put what he was feeling into coherent thoughts. He was sitting like a vegetable in the back, staring at the back of Logan's seat. Maybe he was brain dead, and if he wasn't, he wished he was. It would be so much easier than having to deal with this right now.

Gustavo was the most afraid of all of them. He had this sense of determination that none of the boys would be able to understand at the moment. This whole experience was one giant helping of déjà vu for the man, and he had no reason to be worried now.

Last time he got there too late. And there was no way in hell he was going to be too late this time. Not with James.

…

Gustavo pulled into the entrance to Five Guys with no intent of eating at the establishment. Instead, he veered to his right, towards the direction of the warehouses.

They sped down the aisles of the close-together buildings, passing numbers that ranged from 200 to 300.

"What was that number again?" Gustavo asked, taking a sharp left to go down the next aisle.

"143," Logan replied. "And would you please be careful? You act like you're going to kill my car."

Gustavo made a sharp u-turn then, maybe just to piss Logan off. In reality, it was because he turned down a street where the warehouses' numbers were in the 400's. Logan glowered anyway.

"Would you shut up about the car? If you want me to be careful, then I'll be careful. But don't come crying to me at James' funeral." He said harshly.

His words didn't only affect Logan. All three of them gulped, and Logan would be damned if he said another word about his goddamn car.

They started speeding down the aisles again, this time the numbers on the sides of the buildings blaring integers in the 100's. Gustavo started to slow down once they hit 135.

Finally, they reached warehouse 143. It seemed like a cliché movie, because everything about the place seemed dark, gloomy, and absolutely terrifying.

Once the car stopped, Carlos unbuckled his seatbelt quickly and jumped out of the backseat. He hit the pavement and stumbled quite a bit, almost falling to his knees. Both of his legs were asleep, and it was not easy to walk with them like that. The other three followed suit, though not as quickly and clumsily as Carlos.

Gustavo, briefcase in hand, walked directly up to the entrance of the warehouse in question. The other three boys came up behind him and stood next to each other, arms crossed, as if they were his little posse.

The large man started to bang on the door. "Open the damn door, Rolle."

They only had to wait a few moments before said man opened the door.

The three sixteen year olds behind Gustavo all sharply inhaled—they did not think that Rick would be this big. He looked to be around 6'5", which was taller than James' 6'2". He was pretty toned, but not overly muscular. And there was this feeling about him that he was just creepy and sadistic.

Which was true, because anyone who kidnaps a teenager and beats the living shit out of him has to be mentally unstable.

"Gustavo! I see you brought my money—" He said, his eyes on the silver briefcase. "And the boys. What a pleasant surprise." And Rick was looking at them all, and they felt so naked and exposed and they did not like this, not one bit.

And maybe Kendall is an asshole, because he does things like this all the time. "Pleasant surprise my ass," He said, and everyone turned to look at him. Something darkened in Rick's eyes and Kendall felt nervous. He swallowed the lump in his throat and continued. "We have your money. You have James. You made a deal."

Rick laughed, a laugh that was so terrifying that it sent shivers down Kendall's spine. "Feisty, you are. I said it before, and I'll say it again. You're just like Cameron." Gustavo seemed like he was going to burst out into a fiery rage or cry, like he couldn't decide which. "But you are right—a deal is a deal. I'll go get your precious James for you.

He left the four males standing awkwardly outside of the warehouse as he descended down the stairs.

James heard the footsteps clomping down the steps, and he involuntarily flinched. He could not help it; Rick's presence had that affect on him.

"Get up," Rick barked as he came to the foot of the stairs. James flinched again, and put one blood-covered hand on the floor to help himself get up. He could not use his right hand, it being broken. And even though his left hand was his dominant one, he could not muster the strength to hoist himself up from his position on the floor. His body was screaming in protest too loudly.

Rick, seeing how weak James was, kicked the boy harshly in the side. James cried out in pain, curling up into a ball. "You can't do anything right." Rick said, grabbing James by the collar with his hands and pulling the boy up.

James' entire body felt like it was on fire, whether it was because he moved too fast or standing up was too much energy. No matter the reason, it still fucking hurt.

"Let me share something with you, boy." Rick spat in James' face. "Your little friends are here to save you, but don't think you'll get off the hook that easily.

"You'll leave this place and go to the hospital, where all of your little wounds will be treated and your friends will be by your side. Who knows? Maybe you'll have to deal with some mental issues, because I see the way you flinch or wince every time I even get close to you. After weeks of being in the hospital, you'll be able to return home. It might take you a while, but you'll eventually recover from the little encounter you had with me. It will have been so long that you will think I have forgotten about you and your friends."

James gulped. He knew whatever was coming next couldn't be good.

"But I won't forget, James. No matter how many days or weeks or months or _years_ pass, I will never forget about you and your little friends. And right when you finally feel safe, right when you finally think I have forgotten, I'll come back for you. I'll make sure to let you know I haven't forgotten. I'll come back and I will _murder_ you and each of your friends. And right before I kill you, you will think back and remember this conversation. And then you will know that it was your fault your friends died, because you could have stopped what happened. You could have stopped it and you _never_ did. And that, James, is when I will win."

Without another word, Rick started dragging James up the stairs. James went without any resistance, because Rick scared him now more than he ever had.

When they reached the top of the stairs, Rick pulled something out of his front pocket. "Here's your cell phone." Rick said. "Be expecting a call from me sometime in the near future." He slipped the phone into James' own pocket, and proceeded to drag the boy towards the door of the warehouse.

They finally reached the door, and Rick opened it, revealing the night air to James.

The boys gasped when they saw James.

He looked even worse in person. His black eye was just screaming at them from James' face, and their eyes traveled down to his split lip, which he received from the slaps.

Looking him over further, they saw his wrist, the bone looking like it wanted to rip through the skin. The bandanna around his waist, completely wet and dark in the spot where he was bleeding.

The cuts, the brusies. The pain in James' eye, the fact that Rick holding him by the collar was probably the only reason he was still standing.

_Monster. Monster. Monster. _The word kept repeating in their heads, because there was no other way that they could possibly describe Rick and have the adjective fit him so perfectly.

"Let's make that trade we talked about," Rick said, smiling. "You give me the money, and then I'll give you Jamesy-poo."

"How do we know you'll give us James if we give you the money first?" Asked Logan. The boys nodded in agreement; Rick didn't look like the type of person who could be trusted.

Rick laughed that sick laugh again. "Oh, Logan. You don't trust me?" Logan didn't say anything, but flushed when Rick said his name. "Well, how about I make it so you _do_ trust me?"

None of the boys had to ask how in the hell they would be a able to trust Rick, because he pulled out a gun from his back pocket just then.

"Do you trust me now?" He asked, putting the barrel of the weapon directly against James' head. James stiffened and felt his mouth go dry again. He hated the feeling of knowing that the decision to end his life was in the hands of the person he hated most.

The boys nodded meekly at Rick's question.

"Cut the crap, Rick." Gustavo said. "Here's your money," He placed the briefcase at Rick's feet, and backed away from him, his hands in the air. "Now give us James. You made a deal."

Rick smiled, and his smile was almost as terrifying as his laugh. "I did, didn't I?" He laughed. "Well, I'm not going to go back on my word. But maybe, just for fun, I'll spice up our deal a little bit."

He moved the gun to James' shoulder, watching in amusement as Gustavo and the boys' eyes followed his every movement.

Without another word between any of them, Rick pulled the trigger.

The shot rang through the air, and was the loudest thing any of them had ever heard. It filled their ears and maybe even left them partially deaf.

And even though the gun was only fired once, it could have been shot a thousand times for all Kendall knew. Because all he saw at the moment was his best friend cry out as the bullet entered his body. Kendall watched on in horror as James stumbled forward, now free from Rick's grasp, and began to fall towards the ground.

He ran forward to meet up with James, making sure that his friend did not fall flat on his face. James fell into Kendall's arms heavily, leaning all of his weight on the dirty-blonde haired boy. Kendall, absentmindedly feeling tears run down his face, kneeled to the ground, bringing James with him. He didn't even notice that Rick had disappeared into the darkness of the warehouse, unfairly avoiding the punishment for the horrible crime he had committed.

Kendall lay James' head on his lap, part of James' upper body resting in the same place. Kendall already had some of James' blood on his hands, and now it was staining his jeans as well. But blood ruining his clothes was the last thing on his mind at the moment—it was more the blood running out of James' body that was the big concern.

"James?" He asked frantically. "James, can you hear me?" His head whipped around to where Logan, Carlos, and Gustavo were all standing, too shocked to move. "Will one of you call 911?" As soon as he said it, Logan whipped out his cell phone and began dialing.

Kendall turned his attention back to James. "Come on, James. Don't die on me, buddy. James?"

James, breathing slowly, turned to look at Kendall. He noticed the tears streaming down his best friend's face (even though Kendall was not even aware of it himself), and his brows furrowed in confusion. "Why are you crying?" He asked weakly. "Am I going to die?"

Kendall didn't know the answer to that one.

"I'm going to die, aren't I?" James asked. He felt as though he already knew the answer; he could feel his consciousness fading with every waking moment.

The blonde violently shook his head. "No, no, no, no. You're not going to die. We're best friends. We're supposed to grow old and play hockey with our canes before we die. You are not going to die now."

"I'm sorry," James said, shutting his eye.

Kendall choked on a sob. "James, no. You're not going to leave me. There is _no fucking way_ in hell you are going to leave me!" James didn't respond. He just…observed.

As if from far away, James could hear Logan informing the operator of his situation. He was vaguely aware that Carlos had knelt down next to him as well, and was holding his left hand tightly. James also noticed that he was gripping onto Kendall's shirt as if he were holding and for dear life, and maybe he was.

"James, no," Kendall said. "You have to stay awake. Stay awake, stay with me. Come on, _come on,_ stay with me!"

But no matter how hard James tried, he could not reopen his eye. He was so goddamn tired, and hadn't he been through enough today? He deserved to get some sleep. Right now Kendall was being selfish and inconsiderate, taking James' much-needed sleep away from him. James was begging for death, because maybe it would take his pain away. "I'm tired," James mumbled, hoping he would be left alone.

James tried to tell Kendall to stop, to be quiet, but he couldn't find the words. He felt another presence by his head, and assumed it was Logan since he couldn't hear him on the phone anymore.

"Please, James, don't die. Come on, don't fucking die on us!" Carlos said. James wanted to tell his friends that he was still here, that he wasn't dead _yet_, but he still could not speak. What would happen if he did die? Would he go to heaven, hell? Would he be reincarnated? He did not know, but he realized that no matter what happened, he would not see his friends for a long time. They would not kill themselves just to be with him. He would have to wait another 75 years if they lived to be the average age of humans. Could he wait that long alone?

James decided that he did not want to die anymore.

But as he came to this realization, he could feel everything becoming much more hazy. His sense of hearing, his sense of smell, his feeling. It was all becoming numb, and he opened his eye so he could savior his sight while it lasted. He saw the worried faces of Kendall, Carlos, and Logan peering down at him, each saying something different to him. He couldn't quite make out the words, whether it was because he had lost his sense of hearing or they were talking so fast that their words huddled into one huge jumbled mess that even a person with a very acute sense of hearing could not make out. He decided to go with the second one, because he did not want to believe that he could not hear anymore.

Plus, he heard the sirens of the ambulance heading towards him. He knew that he was not going crazy, for he saw the blue and red lights flash, illuminating his friends' faces.

Suddenly, he was being lifted off the ground, presumably by the paramedics that just arrived at the scene. James was still gripping Kendall's shirt, and Kendall rose with them. One of the paramedics pryed James' hand away from Kendall, and he could hear all his friends cry out in protest as he was brought away from them and put on a stretcher that was all too cold and uncomfortable.

Kendall ran forward as James was being lifted into the ambulance, reaching his arm out to grab James. A paramedic stopped Kendall, staring down at the blonde with a sorry expression on his face. "I'm sorry, son," the man said, "But only family members are allowed to ride in the ambulance."

Kendall felt a wave of paranoia wash over him; he _needed_ to be in that ambulance with James. If he wasn't, he was afraid that James would die, as if Kendall's presence guaranteed that the boy would live. "I'm his brother," Kendall lied quickly, and Carlos and Logan gave him confused glances. He gave them a look back that said, _say anything and I'll never talk to you again,_ and alas, they kept their mouths shut.

The paramedic gave Kendall a disbelieving glance. Kendall and James could be brothers for how close they were, but they did not look it. The paramedic sighed, and said, "Alright. Get in."

Kendall smiled, despite the situation he was in. "Thank you, sir." He said, climbing into the ambulance.

James was still conscious, and saw his best friend slide into the ambulance.

"James? Hey, bud." Kendall said, grabbing James' hand. "You're gonna be fine, alright?"

James took a deep breath. "You're lying," He said, and Kendall was about to protest. "Just don't leave me." James said weakly, closing his eye.

"I won't," Kendall said, squeezing James' hand. James squeezed back, and Kendall was glad he even got a response. He was sure James was already dead.

James couldn't hold on for much longer. He knew Kendall was there, but he could barely register that they were holding hands, even when James was holding onto Kendall's in a death-like grip.

Finally, James could feel everything slipping away. All of his senses were now gone, and so was the feeling of Kendall's hand against his. He could not even hear the beeping of the machines in the ambulance anymore. It was completely silent, and it scared the fuck out of James.

He was dying. He was actually _dying._

James did not even have time to dwell on this. No time to build up fear, say goodbye, or even prepare himself for the world of the non-living. Because in a moment's time, James was gone.

…

**ONE MAN WRITING GAMES: **Sorry that this is all short and everything. I just really needed to get it done and I couldn't add any more to it, even if I wanted to. Anyway, after writing this chapter, I have the strong desire to write some Kames slash. Ehh, I might. Also, I'd like to take this time to say: reviewers, I love you. I'm making a point to respond to every reviewer for this chapter and the next, so please review both. Don't forget that the next one is already up.


	8. You Can Never Hold It Together

**ONE MAN WRITING GAMES NOTE: **I know that most of you already hate me for that last chapter, but since this was updated same day you'll read it regardless of your feelings for me. Also, sorry if there's anything in here about Logan hating hospitals and doctors. I never saw the first episode, and after watching Big Time Blogger I just found out that Logan actually wants to be a doctor. In the original version of this chapter (which I wrote way back when Chapter 4 was under way), Logan is on Carlos and Kendall's side. Please point out these mistakes if they're there and I will fix them as soon as possible.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Big Time Rush or any of its characters.

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8. You Can't Hold it Together Long Enough to Please Everyone

Hospitals are incredibly nerve-wracking, depressing, and completely horrible in every single way imaginable. At least, according to Kendall and Carlos.

For one, they believed that it was a place of death. A good majority of the people who came here came out only to be put in caskets. They didn't care that hospitals were also places of life, where people get better and where little itty bitty babies are born. The hallways were contaminated with disease and death, and you could always hear or see someone sobbing in the waiting room, most likely having been told the one they wanted so desperately to live did not. It was a place where hope died, where _people_ died, and it just felt depressing to even be there.

Secondly, it was incredibly antagonizing for the waiting party. Whether they be in the waiting room or sitting with their beloved, the chairs were totally uncomfortable and stiff. This is what really annoyed them, since most of the time the waiting party is delivered bad news. Can't you at least feel comfortable when the doctor tells you your sickling isn't going to live, or is going to have to lose an arm? Half of the four members of Big Time Rush thought as much.

But lastly, the thing that annoyed them about hospitals the most is how much respect the doctors get. They all waltz around, expecting lower members of the hospital staff to do things for them. The only thing they really do is use words you don't understand and attempt to save your loved one's life. They all wondered how seriously a doctor really takes it when a patient dies under his or her hands. Will they be able to make it through the day? Sleep at night? Try harder the next time? The answer is none of the above. They'll put a half-ass job into it and just pray on their jobs that they did at least something right. Then when the patient dies they get the fun job of telling the family and friends, saying things like "We did everything we could." It was agreed between Carlos and Kendall that they didn't really care about the family's feelings; as long as they got their money, they were okay. Plus, it did not really help that they all knew 50% of all doctors graduated at the bottom of their class. Not only were doctors assholes, but most of them were idiots, as well.

And that's why the boys of BTR hated hospitals so.

Or at least, most of the boys of BTR. Logan actually wanted to be a doctor (Kendall and Carlos sincerely hoped that their friend wouldn't turn into an asshole like the rest of them), and they hadn't really gotten to ask James his opinion yet, since he was lying unconscious in a hospital bed. This was only another reason to add to the list of hating hospitals: seeing your best friend on the hospital bed without knowing what the hell he was thinking, and whether or not he would live.

Carlos and Logan were taking this pretty tough. Although they hadn't known James as long as Kendall, they still felt a strong bond towards him that had only gotten closer since they had moved to Los Angeles. They hated seeing their normally perfect-looking friend clad in an ugly hospital gown, his face extremely pale and practically every inch of him covered in bruises. His hair had even lost its normal glossy shine, which was replaced with a dull look that made it look like it hadn't been washed in a few days (and considering he'd been missing for a few hours and James had low-tolerance hair, it was probably the equivalent of such). Not wanting to see their friend like this, they usually didn't stay long. It wasn't that they didn't care for James; they just had a different way of coping than Kendall did.

Kendall was taking it the worst. Having known James since they were five years old, they shared a brotherly bond that absolutely no one could break. They told each other everything, from girls they liked to secrets they had. Between James and Kendall, there were no limits on their friendship. They had barely even gotten into a fight for the past eleven years.

This was why Kendall was taking it the hardest. It was as bad as if it were Katie or his mother lying on that hospital bed. Here he was, sitting in a hard, uncomfortable chair, while his best friend_, _his_ brother_, was fighting for his life. This caused Kendall to be at James' bedside with no break for the past two hours, his eyes red-rimmed and puffy from the tears he had let escape as he stared at his best friend. He did not even care that it was nearing two in the morning; he was too awake to sleep for even a minute. The fact that Kendall had to see James like this was traumatizing, and something Kendall would very much like to forget. But the past few days' events had been etched into his brain, seeming as though he could never forget them.

Staring at his best friend on his hospital bed now, Kendall couldn't help but replay what he had seen in the conference room. James screaming in agony as he was stabbed…the hopeful look on his face when it seemed as though he had the chance to escape, only to literally be kicked when he failed…and worst of all, the bullet to his right shoulder blade that sent him into Kendall's arms, bleeding uncontrollably. It was the most horrific experience of Kendall's life, and although he didn't want to, he would always remember it.

In fact, Kendall felt extremely sick sitting next to James.

His best friend's condition was far from what he normally looked like. He had been put into an induced coma, which the doctors apparently thought would help him. His hair was a mess, splayed out around him on the pillow. He had a huge bruise over his right eye, which he would not be able to open if and when he woke up. His right arm was in a cast, even though he had only broken his wrist. And although Kendall couldn't see it, he knew that James had a bullet hole and stab wound under the covers. He looked so fragile; someone who had taken so many checks in hockey, someone who was so obsessed about being perfect, and someone who wasn't supposed to look like this at all. He looked like he couldn't take a hit, like he was imperfect, like this was how he always was. And this scared the shit out of Kendall. But he really wanted to set James injuries aside and worry about other things.

Like how right now, he was trying to remember why James was still in the hospital bed when he had been here a little under two hours now. He still had the bullet in his back! Weren't they supposed to remove it by now? He didn't really know anything about doctors or health or medicine, nor did he want to, but he was pretty sure that when someone was shot they weren't supposed to sit around with the bullet still lodged in their body. Hell, he thought James would look a lot better if he didn't have a chunk of metal hanging out somewhere in his body.

But Kendall knew deep down that no matter how shitty his friend looked or how much pain he was in, he was strong. Kendall knew that James would pull through it. He had to, right? There could be no Kendall without James, no James without Kendall. The thought that James _wouldn't_ make it through this was completely out of line to Kendall. James would pull through this. James had to pull through this. Kendall needed James to pull through this. Because Kendall couldn't imagine himself walking out of his hospital knowing his best friend wouldn't be doing the same. He would stay by his friend's side until he was sure that he was going to be okay.

And if he wasn't? Well, Kendall would cross that bridge when and if he got there. But for now, Kendall just relied on James to make it through what was happening right now.

Currently, Kendall was sitting in a stiff chair pulled right up to James' hospital bed. His elbows were on his knees and the lower part of his face was cupped in between his hands. He honestly did not know why he was sitting how he was—his hands were covered in blood, _James'_ blood. He did not want to leave James' side for one minute, and had not gotten the chance to wash them. He was staring intently at the boy in the bed, as if staring at him would cause him to wake up and get better. He knew this wouldn't happen, but it couldn't hurt to try. He had been sitting like this for a few minutes until the opening of the door to James' room had caused him to look up.

Carlos and Logan were standing in the doorway, Logan with a coffee cup holder. Inside, there were three steaming cups of coffee from the cafeteria.

"We figured you would need some," Logan said, walking over to Kendall to hand him a shitty coffee cup. Kendall took it, but didn't make any moves to drink it. Logan shrugged and pulled up a chair next to Kendall, as did Carlos when he closed the door.

The boys sat in a comfortable (well, as comfortable as you can be when your fourth best friend is fighting for his life in front of your eyes) silence for a few minutes, all looking at James. They were all slightly comforted by the steady beeping of the heart monitor and James' chest rising and falling, but slightly was the key word in that sentence. They all just remained silent, not even knowing what to say. But after a while of not saying anything, Carlos couldn't take the silence anymore. He spoke up, saying anything as long as it wasn't quiet.

"This fucking sucks." He said bluntly, taking a sip of his coffee. Both Kendall and Logan looked at him and nodded in agreement before taking sips of their own cups.

"And think," Logan added, "Just a few hours ago we were having a great time at Five Guys. Now we're sitting in a hospital hoping our best friend will live. Life is just cruel." He hadn't taken his eyes off of James the entire time he spoke. None of them had.

"People are cruel." Kendall corrected, he too not looking away from their fourth band member. "What kind of sick, twisted monster would do something like that?" It was clearly a rhetorical question, and Kendall let it hang in the air for a few moments. "I hope Richard Rolle rots in hell." And the thing that bothered him the most was that Richard Rolle was still out there. He was still a free man, still had the chance to come back at any moment and cause more damage to James. That made Kendall clinch his fists, wishing he could fling them at Richard Rolle again and again until the stupid man died.

Logan and Carlos nodded, not saying anything. They knew that what Kendall had said was true, but they also knew if they voiced anything he would take it further and get carried away. Instead, they chose to remain silent, periodically taking sips of their coffee while still staring at James.

Despite James' obvious good looks, he still looked absolutely horrible. The doctors had said that in addition to the stab and shot wounds (which had been patched up, but not fixed), he had three broken ribs (most likely from falling down the stairs and getting kicked, they had said), a broken wrist, many cuts and bruises, and a bit of head trauma (they said this was also a result of the stairs). Essentially, this kid was seriously fucked up right now. And of course, the doctors hadn't done absolutely _anything_.

As if on cue, Kendall spoke up about this. "What the hell is taking them so long?" He asked, referring to James' surgery. His doctor said he would need it to remove the bullet and get rid of possible internal bleeding in the stab wound. Kendall just wanted to get this over with so he could know his friend was okay.

Logan sighed, realizing that he was, apparently, the only one who listened to James' doctor's words. He always thought that a doctor's words were some of the most important words you could ever hope to hear. They brought news of whether your loved one would live or die, whether it was good news or bad news. This was why Logan payed so much attention to James' doctor, since it was one of his best friends in the situation now. "They said that James had to be stabilized before he went into surgery. If he went into the operating room with such a weird heart rate, they said he would probably die." He choked a bit on the last word, but successfully kept his voice from wavering. And although this was a success, his eyes still held the same state that Kendall's did; red, puffy, and bloodshot. Carlos possessed similar qualities.

"How pleasant," Kendall said glumly. "You would think he has a better chance of dying from you know, _blood loss?_ He has been stabbed _and_ shot. Of course, stupid doctors don't take that into account…"

"Kendall," Logan said in a warning tone. "They _are_ taking James into account. I hate being in this situation as much as you do, but I'd rather have James be alive during his operation than for him to suddenly die because his heart beat is out of control." Kendall hadn't really thought about that, but he didn't care.

He was mad. And when Kendall was mad, he always had to be right. However, he didn't want to voice his opinions. He felt like a huge fight with Logan—in front of a hurt James, no less—was the last thing that anyone needed right now.

Instead, he kept his mouth shut and continued staring at James, praying that he would wake up so Kendall would know he was alright; even if it was just for a little while.

It was silent between the boys for what seemed like hours, even though it was just a few minutes. The only noise in the room was coming from James' heart monitor and the occasional slurp of one of them taking a swig of coffee.

While sipping said coffee, the door opened again. They all expected to see Mrs. Knight standing in the doorway, but it wasn't her.

Katie and Mrs. Knight hadn't really been in the hospital room much. Katie, actually, wasn't even allowed. Anyone under the age of 13 were not permitted in hospital rooms where patients were recovering from major trauma. Because of this, Mrs. Knight had only stopped in periodically for a few minutes at a time, not wanting to leave Katie alone for long (one would assume this was because Katie was too young to be on her own in a hospital, but Mrs. Knight knew that Katie would go off and gamble and con anyone in the area if she was left alone for too long).

No, instead, it was James' doctor standing in the doorway. He was tall, had dark, curly hair, and was incredibly handsome. Although his looks were striking, he had a cocky atmosphere about him that was bound to be annoying. He carried one of those binders with all of the patient's information inside, and the boys could read "J. DIAMOND" labeled on the side.

"I'm Dr. Drake," James' doctor greeted, smiling. "Are you the family of…?" He opened his binder, reading the page inside. "James Diamond?"

"I'm his brother," Kendall lied again smoothly. He figured that the only way to get information out of this guy was to lie. "These are his friends," He said, gesturing to Carlos and Logan. "But they're not leaving, so don't even ask." He crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for the doctor's response.

Dr. Drake wasn't at all surprised with Kendall's attitude. In fact, three or four "family of the patient" clients he dealt with in one day had the same attitude towards him. Hardly bothered, he decided to tell them what he came here to say. "Aright…well, it seems that Mr. Diamond has a few broken ribs, a broken wrist, minor head trauma, and major shot and stab wounds. It also says here that he was put into an induced coma to try to heal any possible brain damage." He looked up from giving a summary of his clipboard into the faces of the three conscious teenage boys in the room.

"Yes," Kendall said, trying not to sound too annoyed (after all, they already _knew_ all of that information). "Are you going to take him into surgery or are you just going to sit around and watch him die?"

Dr. Drake sighed. "We needed to wait until his heart rate was stabilized. You don't want your brother dying on the operating table, do you?" When Kendall didn't answer, Dr. Drake simply ignored it and continued. "The good news is that Mr. Diamond seems to have a stabilized heart rate now, and is ready to be taken into the OR…" Kendall sighed in relief.

"The surgery is a fairly simple one," Dr. Drake began, looking over his clipboard again. "Mr. Diamond's x-rays show that the bullet that entered through the back of his right shoulder is still currently lodged in his body. The bullet, however, is lodged closer to Mr. Diamond's chest than his back, so we will be operating from the front to remove it." He looked up to make sure that the boys were listening, and then continued. "The only other thing that requires surgical attention is the stab wound in Mr. Diamond's abdomen. We need only to check for internal bleeding, and the stab wound will then be stitched right up. Of course, it might leave a nasty scar, but that is to be expected. Any questions?"

The boys just stared at him, all feeling like they really didn't need to know how James was going to be saved; the only thing that they cared about was that he _was_ saved.

"Alright, just one more thing," Dr. Drake added, finally closing his clipboard and folding his arms over his chest. "I need parental consent."

Kendall huffed, crossing his arms. "Can't you have sibling consent?" But right after he asked this, Dr. Drake already began to shake his head.

"No," the arrogant doctor replied, staring down the sixteen year old. "I need the consent of a parent or guardian."

Scowling, Kendall replied, "His—I mean, our—parents are in Minnesota. But my—Mrs. Knight is our guardian, and she's right outside." And without another word, Dr. Drake went to get approval from Mrs. Knight.

After Kendall was sure that Dr. Drake was out of earshot, he turned to his two friends. "I don't like him," he said grumpily.

Logan rolled his eyes, and Carlos said, "Neither do I. But we sort of have to believe that he's going to save James' life. If we don't have hope, we don't have anything."

Kendall didn't respond to this, but instead looked at his best friend on the hospital bed. He really wished James would make it through this, but he wouldn't put it as far as hoping. He gave up on hope and miracles long ago, since they never seemed to help him out anyway. He learned that you need to rely on yourself to make things you want to happen occur, and not some unseen force that people only feel for.

But James needed all of the help that he could get, and Kendall was going to give that to him. Feeling a little ridiculous, he grabbed James' hand, a little surprised at how cold it was. Shaking it off, he looked to Logan and Carlos, who, just by reading Kendall's eyes, knew what he wanted them all to do.

"Hey buddy," Kendall said, looking back to James. He felt a little awkward talking to someone who he was not even sure could hear him, but looking back, he could see Logan nodding in encouragement.

"Most comatose patients can hear sounds going on in the outside world. I bet this would probably make James feel less alone." Logan said, and was confident in his statement because he was very serious about becoming a doctor when he grew up, and he would always look up information about random medical facts and diseases after he went on his MySpace and Facebook accounts to talk to his Minnesota friends. He had learned many things about various types of cancers like Lymphoma and Breast Cancer, a few phobias (he found Somniphobia, the fear of sleep, the most interesting), and some weird abdominal diseases such as Peritonitis. After he looked up these diseases and illnesses on the internet, he would go to the library and check out a book on them. Basically, Logan's brain was as equipped as any other doctor working in the hospital they were in.

Kendall nodded. "Look, I really need you to make it through this. Hell, _we_ need you to make it through this. I know that it is a lot to ask from you, considering all that's happened the past few hours. But life without you would be horrible and dull and…" He trailed off, trying to find the right words.

"_Aburrido_," Logan said, and when both conscious boys looked at him with a questioning glance, Logan translated his Spanish into English. "Boring,"

Carlos smiled, slyly adding, "And no one would be here to be the Hollywood Super Party Kings of Hollywood with me." Both boys gave him a look, but continued anyway.

"And life would not be worth living at all," Kendall said, and both boys nodded in agreement. "So James, we need you and your hair-obsessed, girl-crazy insanity to keep us going. Life would never be the same without you, so we really need you to keep on living." He paused, and then added, "And besides—you can't leave this world until you become famous." Kendall finished, and both Carlos and Logan nodded in agreement, placing their hands on the unconscious boy's arm. They all could have burst into tears at the moment, but they all held it in.

After all, they did not want to cry in front of the stinking doctor who had just walked into the room, right on time.

"We've been given consent by Mrs. Emily Knight, and we can proceed into the operating room." He paused for a moment, and looked at Kendall. "If, of course, we have sibling consent." He added sarcastically, and Kendall just glowered. Dr. Drake walked out of the room again, only to return mere moments later with a team of nurses.

"Let's bring this kid into the OR," He said, and the nurse staff started unplugging James from a few things. Kendall dropped James' limp hand carefully, and the boys surrounding his bed all got up and backed away a little bit, watching the nurses do what they were good at. Once James was free from all of the restraints that were binding him to his hospital room, the nurses, very carefully, lifted him and placed him on a stretcher that would take him to the OR. And without another word to any of the boys, the doctors were all gone.

Kendall, Carlos, and Logan couldn't help but stare at the empty hospital where there best friend had just been seconds ago. Carlos and Logan seemed rooted to the spot where they stood, simply staring. Kendall, however, began to back away from the bed, taking deep breaths. He could feel the presence of the wall coming up behind him, but he didn't really care if he crashed into it.

Even though it was a good thing that James was going into surgery (it was going to save his life, right?), Kendall couldn't help but feel like something was going to go terribly wrong. He was so scared, and he just leaned against the wall trying to catch his composure. Logan and Carlos seemed to sense his uneasiness, because they turned from their rooted spots to see Kendall taking in shaky breaths against the wall.

"Kendall?" asked Carlos softly, taking a step toward him. "Are you alright?" Carlos asked again, and Logan stepped toward him as well, having an equal amount of concern as Carlos.

Kendall nodded, but he could already feel fresh tears forming in his eyes. "I'm fine," He said, though his voice cracked. "Why wouldn't I be fine?" This question was rhetorical, and Carlos and Logan knew this and didn't answer, despite their concern about Kendall's behavior. But Kendall himself answered it, and his answer acted like a trigger.

_No, Kendall. You're not fine. You're beyond not fine. Your best friend since fucking kindergarten might not be alive after today, and we all know that if James weren't here, you'd be nothing. You'd be so far from fine that they'd have to come up with a new adjective just to define what you were feeling—which, by the way, is definitely not fucking __**fine**__._

Taking in more wavering breaths, he slid down the wall so he was sitting on the floor. He knew he was going to cry—he could feel that choked feeling in his throat, feeling as though he couldn't even speak.

He was going to gain composure. He needed to gain composure. He looked anywhere but Carlos and Logan; the wallpaper, the stiff chairs, his own jeans.

The latter probably was not his best idea, for the denim was still stained with blood. And not just any blood—the blood of his best friend, of James.

And that's when he started to lose it.

But even as the tears started to roll down Kendall's face, he couldn't help but feel extremely embarrassed. He was supposed to be the leader. He wasn't supposed to cry. But here he was, crying in the middle of the hospital room, right in front of two people who had always looked up to him. And those people were staring at him with pity, something he had always hated. So he continued to cry, because he hated this whole world right now.

In fact, he wasn't even crying anymore. It had escalated into sobbing, and he pulled his knees up to his chest, smelling dried blood with every inhale. But no matter how much he wanted to stop, he couldn't. It was so exhilarating to cry, he realized. And now he couldn't stop.

He cried because he might never see his best friend alive again. He would miss telling all his secrets to James, miss walking into the bathroom and finding it hard to breathe because of all the hairspray. He cried because he was just so goddamn embarrassed that he was so vulnerable, because he liked being the strong one. He cried because his dad had died when he was only eight years old, that he had already lived half of his life without a father-figure. He cried for all those games they lost in hockey, even if they were totally murdered instead of losing by one point. He cried because he hated pity, because that's what he was getting with both Carlos and Logan staring at him with sorry expressions.

And Kendall cried because he hadn't cried in so long, because he was always the strong one. He cried because he wanted to cry, too, and no one would ever let him.

He heard Logan murmur something to Carlos, though his words were drowned out by Kendall's sobs. Kendall was vaguely aware that Logan had, at this point, moved in front of him and was trying to console him. It was only when the room was filled with clacking heels and the strong smell of perfume that Kendall knew everything was going to be better, even if only for a little while.

He openly accepted his mother's embrace, even though it made him that much more embarrassed. But at this point, Kendall didn't really care—he hadn't bothered to wipe his tears, so they were rolling down his neck and he felt incredibly wet and disgusting. So he just sobbed, and didn't care what anyone thought of him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_James opened his eyes to find himself in the same light blue v-neck and jeans he had been wearing for the past few days. However, looking down at himself, he saw no bloodstains or tears in his shirt. In fact, he was completely spotless. Wasn't he stabbed? Didn't he get pushed down a flight of stars? His hand was broken, right? Wasn't there a bullet in his shoulder? But looking down at himself, he saw no injuries. As if to prove this, a full-length mirror popped in front of him, showing him exactly how he looked when he was at Five Guys. Perfectly flawless, with every hair in its place._

_Wondering what was going on and where the hell a full-length mirror came from, James looked around. He saw nothing really, just him standing on some invisible surface with a mirror in front of him._

_When he turned back to the mirror, the scene changed. The mirror was still there, but what was reflected was different than what he saw just a second ago._

_It was him, of course, except for this time he looked how he originally thought he did. A bruised eye in which he couldn't even open, every inch of his entire visible body covered in bruises and scratches. His chest hurt every time he inhaled, and his wrist was throbbing, swollen, and purple. Inspecting himself further, he saw blood all over his baby blue shirt, turning the places it had stained a gross brown-ish color. He noticed the blood was coming from the stab wound he knew he got, seeping through the brightly-colored bandanna used as a makeshift bandage. And the fact that he could feel wetness pouring out of his shoulder made him sure that he had gotten shot, too._

_He also noticed that the scene reflected in the mirror was different as well. He noticed the gray, cement walls, the band posters…and when he turned around, he almost threw up._

_He recognized the stairs he had fallen down, the Mac television that he had used to talk to his friends and Gustavo. He turned to look where he had sat for four hours straight, where he had hoped he would escape, but instead of seeing the hard metal chair, he saw something much more horrific._

_There were three metal chairs. In them sat Kendall, Carlos, and Logan, their hands bound behind their back like James' had been. James ran over to them, ignoring the pain that was sent through his body with every step. He knew that something incredibly terrible was going to happen to them. He tried to untie Kendall's hands first, but noticed that his own hands went right through the bond. Becoming frustrated, he ran around to face his three best friends._

_They were all looking extremely scared, probably having the same feeling that James was feeling at the moment. He decided that they could escape the same way he had tried to. The man James had come to loathe and fear was nowhere in sight._

"_Kendall!" He screamed, trying to get his friend's attention. He didn't even look at James. "Carlos! Logan!" He tried, but they didn't look at him either. No, instead they were all looking at each other, awaiting their fate. "You need to get out of here!" He desperately tried again, but it was no use. They couldn't hear him. James seemed to be the only one who could hear himself._

_All of the sudden, James, Kendall, Carlos and Logan all heard a loud bang, presumably from a door being slammed. Not even three seconds after, they heard someone trudging down the stairs. James' heart dropped to his stomach. He was too late. But that didn't mean he couldn't try._

_The man made his way towards James' three best friends, and although they couldn't see it, James clearly saw the gun in Rick's right hand. He placed himself between the man and his friends, glaring at him. It was an effort in vain, for Rick walked right through him. James ran back over so that he was facing his friends again, trying to warn them again. They were too busy to pay attention now, even if that had seen or heard James. The man was speaking to them now, standing directly in front of Logan._

"_As much as I hate Gustavo," He said, a sinister glint appearing in his eye as he raised the gun to Logan's head. "He's right. You are a pack of dogs." He pulled the trigger, the bullet flying and lodging itself into Logan's skull._

"_LOGAN!" James, Kendall, and Carlos screamed. It was no use. He couldn't hear them now._

_Carlos looked the man straight in the eye, a clear expression of hatred on his face as the man raised the gun to Carlos' head as well. "You sick fucking bastard." He spat, and those were his last words. The sadistic man pulled the trigger again, and Carlos' head finally rested on his shoulder, blood sprouting profusely from his head._

"_CARLOS!" Kendall and James screamed at the same time, their voices echoing through the room._

_The man walked to Kendall last, who turned to glare at him with such hatred in his eyes that James knew Kendall was taking a chainsaw to Rick in his mind. He raised a gun to Kendall's head as well, bending down a bit so he was eye level with Kendall._

"_Any last words, tough guy?" He smiled sickly, and James felt like he was going to throw up._

"_Go ahead. I don't want to live if you've killed my three best friends in the world. I'll embrace death; unlike you, coward." And with that, Rick pulled the trigger, ending Kendall's life. James didn't fail to notice that Kendall said that __**three**__ of his best friends were dead. That must mean he was dead, and this was his personal hell._

"_No…Kendall!" He choked, falling to his knees sobbing. He didn't care that he was dead. In fact, the knowledge that his best friends in the entire world were dead just made life that much less worth living._

"_Yes," Rick said, turning to him. James looked up, glaring, unhappy that the only one that could see him or hear him was the man he hated so much. "They deserved it. And so do you, you worthless little piece of shit." For emphasis, he kicked James hard. James was coughing up blood on the floor, his face close to the ground. The man kicked him again, this time making it so James was lying flat on his back._

_He put his boot to James' neck, putting pressure on it so James couldn't breathe. He raised his gun a final time, smiling down at James. "Bye bye, pretty boy." He said, and pulled the trigger a final time._

_James vaguely felt a pain in his head, but all of the other pain in his body increased. Everything was fading, but burning at the same time, and Rick and the entire basement were taken away as if a tornado had picked them up. It was getting harder and harder for James to breathe, even without the pressure of Rick's foot against his neck. It soon became apparent to him that he couldn't breathe at all._

_He began to scream, even though he had no idea where his strength to do so was coming from. He screamed and screamed and screamed, desperately hoping someone would hear him._

Suddenly, the boy Dr. Drake was working on—James Diamond, if he remembered correctly—stopped breathing. He had no idea what was going on, for it was almost guaranteed that the boy was to live through the surgery. But despite what Dr. Drake predicted, he knew what was happening. He immediately sent one of his nurses to call for a Code Blue.

As if the kid on the table were proving his case, his heart monitor started emitting a long beeping sound.

_As if from far away, James could hear a drawn out beeping sound, though he had no clue where it was coming from. He didn't know which way was up, which way was down, how to breathe, where to go. The only thing he was aware of was how tired he was getting, and he stopped screaming. He didn't know why he was screaming in the first place; he couldn't speak, either._

Kendall's sobbing had become increasingly louder since James went into surgery, and Mrs. Knight was doing her best to comfort him. Kendall couldn't hear anything over his sobbing, but Mrs. Knight heard the Code Blue that was called over the hospital intercoms, and suddenly got a very bad feeling. She was very grateful that Kendall couldn't hear the Code Blue that was called, because she feared he would have started to cry harder if it were possible.

_Everything was completely fading to black now. He felt claustrophobic, and he didn't even want to try anymore. He knew he was dying, and realized that it was so much different from than what he had heard in stories. _

_His life didn't flash before his eyes. If it had, he would have seen Kendall, Carlos and Logan—Mrs. Knight, Katie, his parents, his brother Shane—Gustavo, Kelly, Griffin, the Jennifers Guitar Dude, Bob, Camille and Jo; maybe even Mr. Bitters and Wayne-Wayne. Instead, he saw nothing but darkness. In fact, he was surprised that he could even remember the names of these people. He knew that they all played a role in his life (some more important and prominent than others), but he could not picture even one of their faces in his mind. Not even Kendall's, who he had known for the better part of his life._

Many of Los Angeles General's best doctors were huddled around James now, trying to figure out why the boy had suddenly stopped living. There was no real reason as to why this happened, but there was no time to dwell on why James had died—there was only time to save him. And the 'amazing' doctors surrounding James were determined to do just that.

_James knew that he must be leaving something or someone behind. He knew that somewhere, there were people waiting for him to wake up. Somewhere, there were people who wanted and __**needed**__ him to live. And James was aware that he was leaving friends and family behind, but he felt like being selfish. All he cared about in the real world were his friends, and he would do anything for any of them. But now, he felt like it was time to put himself in front of his friends for once. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't keep holding up the weight that was pressing down on him so harshly. He was so very tired, exhausted, and it felt like he would never be able to move another muscle again. James was so tired that he let the weight that was pushing down on him crush him, knowing that he could not hold it up any longer. He felt bad for all of the people he was leaving behind, but even as the darkness was shrouding around him, he could not help but to feel good. He had finally done something for himself, even if that meant it was hurting other people. He wondered if Kendall or Carlos or Logan would do the same, but he could not accurately imagine it, based on the fact that he couldn't even remember what any of them looked like. So succumbing to darkness, James waited. He waited because he realized that even if he had tried to hold the wait up, he would have caved in eventually, anyway. No matter how strong his desire was to live, it would never equal to or top the amount of strength that was required to hold off such a heavy weight. After letting the large weight smother him, he knew that it was out of his control anyway. That no matter what he did, he could not go any further: he could not rely on himself to pull out of this mess. He now had to rely on someone else to save him, to lift this large weight off him that was taking every inhale and exhale from his body. Someone else needed to save him if he even had a hope of living in the real world. He had no idea who would save him, but he did know it was in someone else's hands now._

_After all, he had never really learned how to save himself._

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**ONE MAN WRITING GAMES NOTE: **Holy pancreas that was a long paragraph at the end! Also—all of the diseases mentioned (besides breast cancer) are going to be included in my other stories. Anyway, do you hate me? Love me? Review, please and thank you. (:


	9. Lost and Found

**OMWGNOTE:** This chapter might be a bit confusing to you, so let me sum things up: James basically went into limbo. He's not dead (yet…not that I'm implying that he will die, just that he gets to choose in this chapter), just clearing things up in the "OMG YOU KILLED HIM!" reviews. This will probably be a long chapter, only because I have a lot to cover. By the end of the chapter, you _will_ know whether James is dead or alive.

**DISCLAIMER:** I have no ownership towards Big Time Rush or any characters affiliated. I own Richard Rolle, and that's all.

…

9. Lost and Found

James did not know where he was or how the hell he got there, but he did not really mind.

He opened his eyes and found himself staring into the sky above, the sun shining brightly and causing his eyes to squint at the newfound light.

Shielding them with his right arm, he propped himself up with his left.

He was in a field. The grass was a luscious green—the kind of green that was created with the perfect blend of sunlight and rain. Looking down, he noticed the buttercups all around him, reflecting a yellow light on his arm and clothing in random places. The field was lined with trees, full of leaves and blossoms. They were nothing like the bare, dull ones of Minnesota that James had grown so accustomed to.

Looking down at his own body, he found that he was wearing his lucky white v-neck and a pair of white skinny jeans. He seriously hoped that none of his friends were around, because he did not want his lucky v-neck to become ruined again.

Laughing a bit to himself, James pushed himself up completely. As he stood up, he could feel the blades of grass tickle at his bare feet, sticking up between his toes. It felt really weird to stand, though he had no idea why. It was almost as if he shouldn't be _able_ to stand. Becoming a little freaked out, James looked himself over again.

Nothing but his white clothes.

_Why is this so strange?_ James thought to himself, his eyebrows furrowing. He knew that there was something that he should remember, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't.

James decided to shake it off. If he could not remember it, then what he was currently forgetting must not be that important. He again focused his attention to the view around him, smiling and closing his eyes. He could feel the sun's rays warming his skin. Quite frankly, he would be perfectly content just standing here forever.

Then a light wind picked up from behind him, making his hair fly around his face. The wind felt nice, he realized. But even so, the smile faded from his face. He felt as though it were some sort of sign…

Opening his eyes, James turned around slowly.

He found that he was standing at the top of a very steep hill. Looking at the bottom of said hill, he noticed a magnificent large castle-like building situated at the base.

Well, what the hell was that doing there?

For some reason unknown to him, James felt drawn towards the mysterious building. Normally, he would have fled from it. James did not like the unknown; this is a major reason why he thinks that four-headed warehouse monsters reside in empty storage buildings. But there was something about this building that was calling to him, as cheesy as it may sound.

He did not even realize that he was moving towards the building until he tripped on a rock and started to tumble down the hill.

James was sure that this descent would be a rough one, but he surprisingly did not feel any pain at all. That was a little concerning, but James put it out of his mind as he reached the bottom of the incline, rolling over onto his back and coming to a complete stop.

He just stared at the sky for a moment, too lazy to even think about getting up. Just as he was about to, though, he heard laughter fill the silence around him.

James thought that maybe he was going crazy; that it was actually _him_ laughing, and that he just did not realize it. It happened a lot in books that he had read; where the character was doing something they weren't even aware of.

But this laughter was a lot more obnoxious than his own, and judging by the fact that James _knew _he was completely still, the laughter had to be coming from some other source from himself.

Meaning, James wasn't alone.

Just then, he saw a laughing, smiling, familiar face appear above his own.

"I can't even begin to explain how _hilarious_ that was," Carlos told him. "Too bad you didn't have this baby!" He reached up and patted his helmet for good measure. He then threw something on the ground next to him and reached out his now free hand to help James up. "Here, let me help you up," he said, a trace of amusement still in his voice.

James accepted the boy's offer and let himself be pulled up by his friend. He, however, did not speak to the energetic boy before him. He still had no fucking clue how Carlos got there.

"If you're wondering why I'm here," Carlos said, seemingly reading his thoughts, "It's because I'm the guard to this lovely castle…thingy." He bent down to pick up his discarded hockey stick from the grass.

Carlos then made a show of marching back and forth in front of the door, slamming his hockey stick to the ground every few steps.

James' eyebrows rose. "Alright, you're a guard." He said, and Carlos stopped in his tracks. "But why would someone let _you_ guard…well, anything?" He asked.

Carlos smiled. "You tell me." Upon seeing James' face adapt a look of sheer confusion, he added, "I mean, it's your imagination. Obviously, you must trust me if I'm guarding a place like this." He gestured to the magnificent castle behind him.

"Wait," James said. "You're telling me that everything here is a part of my imagination?"

Carlos laughed. "More or less. It's really your way of convincing yourself whether to choose to live or move on."

James suddenly became very confused again. "I get to choose?"

"Do I have to spell it out for you? _Yes. Si. Ja. Oui. Ano—_"

He was cut off by a quickly-getting-frustrated James. "I get it! Would you stop with the languages?" He paused for a moment. "What languages did you speak just then?"

Carlos smiled again, this time more broadly. "English, Spanish, German, French, and Czech—in that order."

"Where the hell did you find the time to learn four new languages?" James asked, a mixture of curiosity and amusement in his voice. The tall boy had no idea that Carlos even knew certain English words, let alone Spanish, German, French, and Czech.

Carlos laughed. "Well, you took a long-ass time to get here. What with the whole basement scene," James flinched, "You deciding to give up on life, and then your conscience telling you that dying probably wasn't the best idea, I've been waiting here forever. So I ordered, like, eight sets of Muzzy. I originally did it just to get the free stuffed animal, but freaking Kendall took them all." Carlos pouted. "So I just watched the movies, and damn, they were cool."

James laughed at the prospect of Carlos getting his eight little Muzzies stolen from him. "Some guard you are," He mumbled.

Carlos' pout turned into a glare as he got on his toes to reach James' eye level. He waved his hockey stick menacingly as he said, "What did you say?"

James only laughed again, backing up a bit. "Just sayin' that you must not be a very good guard if you let Kendall steal your stuffed animals,"

Carlos' angry expression suddenly turned into a happy one, and he laughed. "Oh, there's no doubt about that. Then again, _you're_ the one who put me in charge, so the joke's on you."

"This is true," James said, even though he never technically did such a thing. "But honestly, who else would come here? Didn't you say this was my mind?"

Carlos laughed again. "Well, I'm here, aren't I?"

James laughed as well, but it was an uneasy laugh, a nervous one; if Carlos was able to access the depths of his mind, then who else would be able to?

…

After James' uneasiness faded away, Carlos had let him enter the magnificent building that was supposed to symbolize his mind. The inside, however, was far different than anything he could have imagined it to be.

The exterior of the building being so extravagant with intricate details carved into the stone of the building, James expected the inside to be a sight for sore eyes. He expected regal furniture, chandeliers, and the most beautiful interior design when he walked inside. But instead, he was inside a _library._

Not that libraries were horrible and all. In fact, James would be pretty content if this was a grand library, something exquisite and beautiful to look at. Instead, he found himself in a dull, mingy old place with books sure to have missing pages. Hell, James was pretty sure that this was the public library back in his hometown of Little Marais, Minnesota.

He suddenly felt a presence to his left, and turned to see none other than Logan Mitchell standing beside him, looking at him with a smile on his face.

"Oh," James gasped a little in surprise. "Hey Logan," He waited a moment to recover from his surprise before continuing. "What are you doing here?"

"Well," The short brunette began. "If this was _A Christmas Carol_ and you were Scrooge, then I'd be the Ghost of Christmas Future. Or in this case, the Logan of James Future," He chuckled softly.

James nodded. "Well, alright. But then why are we in a library?"

Logan laughed, shaking his head. "We're in a library because I like books. I had a feeling that you were going to take a long time to show up—which you _did_—and I needed to find something to occupy my time."

"Did I really take a long time to show up?" James asked. Carlos had said the same thing, and apparently James had taken so long that he had had the time to learn four new languages. _Watch Logan have read every goddamn book in here_, James thought to himself.

Logan sighed. "Yes, you did. But I don't blame you—I mean, you were dead for most of that time anyway."

"Dead?" The tall boy squeaked out. Since when had he _died?_ He knows that Carlos said that he had given up on life, but had he really died? James had thought that he had just been transported here to see if he wanted a second chance. He did not know that he actually stopped living first.

"Oh, yeah," Logan said, beginning to walk forward. James took this as a sign to follow him. "You had this whole dream sequence-like thing going on in your head during your surgery," Logan explained. "You were transported back to the basement in the warehouse that Rick held you captive in, but instead of _you_ being held hostage, you saw Kendall, Carlos and I in the same situation."

James remembered part of this now, but he was grateful that Logan continued. He knew that he could not remember it all on his own.

"Anyway, there was this whole gruesome killing scene—by the way, thanks for making me die _first_, asshole—" James smiled apologetically. "And then Rick started torturing you and then everything was sort of gone, and in reality, you legit died on the operating table. I mean, they brought you back you life and everything, but still. You died."

James nodded again. At this point, they had stopped at the main desk in the library. "So if I died, then why am I here? Carlos said it was some way of me deciding whether I want to live or die, but I don't understand how that makes sense if I _already_ died."

Logan began, "Well, my friend, you are here because you chose to die, but you were brought back to life. So now everything is all screwed up because you don't know whether you want to live or die. I mean, if you _really_ wanted to die, you wouldn't have let them shock you back to life, right?"

"Right," James said quietly. "So, you're the uh, Logan of James Future, huh?" James asked, trying to change the subject.

Logan beamed. "You bet I am."

James smiled back. "And as Logan of James Future, I'm assuming you're here to tell me about my future."

"Way to go, Einstein." Logan said, still smiling. But then he suddenly got serious, and said, "Now, James. Future is a _big_ factor on deciding whether you want to keep on trucking or…not. Because, honestly, you wouldn't want to keep living if you found out your future sucked." Logan didn't really mean to say this, but he couldn't help denying James information that would have such a great impact. Logan knew that if he found out he would be stupid in the future, or die alone, he would choose to die now. He wanted to let James know that it was okay if he chose to die instead of facing what was sure to come.

At Logan's statement, James nodded in agreement, something he found himself doing often whenever he was in the brainiac's presence. It was how James and Logan's relationship worked; usually, Logan did all the talking and James just listened, giving Logan his input every now and then. In other situations, James would do the talking and Logan would do the listening. The two seemed as though they weren't very close when they were in public together, but that's because only one of them ever talked. Otherwise, their relationship was all about listening.

"So this is where our relation to _A Christmas Carol _ends," Logan stated. "I'm not going to hijack you in your pajamas on a snowy December night and show you your future—and I'm not going to push you into your own grave, either." Logan added, causing James to laugh lightly. "Basically, I'm just going to _tell_ you about your future instead of showing you it."

Logan and James being in a library made much more sense to James now. Although Logan had claimed before that they were surrounded by books because he knew he would get bored, James saw a more logical reasoning behind it. Logan was _informing_ him of his future, not showing him it. This library was filled with books filled with words and not pictures. It sort of showed James that there wasn't always a clear picture on life, and Logan was showing him that.

"Alright," Logan began, signifying James to snap out of his internal ramblings and focus and what he was about to say. "If you choose to die, it's going to be really, _really_ easy for the rest of…well, for the lack of a better term, your life." James nodded yet again. "You're not going to heaven, per say, but something like it, or at least what people make it out to be. Essentially, if you choose to die, you won't ever have to try ever again."

James wasn't sure how he felt about this; wouldn't having everything handed to you get boring after a while? "If you choose to live," Logan continued, pausing to make sure he had James' attention. "Your life is going to be difficult. You'll have to deal with a shit load of pain, and overall you are going to have a rough time getting over what happened. But believe me when I say that it _will_ get better. You'll eventually be okay."

The information he had just received from his witty friend would cause him to make one of the most difficult decisions he would ever have to make in his life. A kid of sixteen should not be choosing whether or not he wanted to live or die; he was too young for that.

Or was he? No one was too young for anything, really. James remembered a boy from the same school he went to. He was a grade ahead of the boys, although the same age, and he was a very friendly, well-liked boy. During a football game, he was tackled and in the huddle, he had collapsed. Doctors had performed brain surgery on him, and when they put the boy into an induced coma to heal any more brain damage, he suddenly went brain dead. James remembered how hard of a blow this was to Little Marais High School; people who did not even know the boy were mourning his sudden death.

A boy of sixteen, having his life taken from him. James knew that he probably had no choice in the matter, not like what James was being given. But James _did_ have a choice in the matter. James got to decide whether he lived or died.

He was suddenly reminded of all of those people after the poor kid's death. How those who didn't even know him were affected. It hurt James to think of the boy's best friends, who were never the same after that.

It hurt James even more to think of _his_ best friends after his death—if, after all, he chose do die. He winced; could he really do that to the three people who mattered most?

As if reading James' thoughts, Logan said, "Ah, yes, I almost forgot to tell you about how your decision affects the people in your life." James waited for Logan to continue. "If you go with the option of dying, you _are_ making it easier for yourself. But you're not making it easier for Kendall, Carlos and I.

"This is weird, talking about myself in the future and stuff. But, technically, I'm a figment of your imagination, so I'm not _really_ talking about myself—"

"Logan!" James interrupted, smiling a bit at his friend's tendency to ramble on and on. Logan smiled apologetically back at him, and continued with what he was saying before he let himself wander off track.

"Anyway, by dying you're making things easier for you. But the guys and myself won't really have an easy time. I respond to the situation a bit unexpectedly; _I'm_ trying to be the strong one, not Kendall. After you die, I become the strong one of the group, but not nearly as fearless as Kendall ever was.

"Carlos, on the other hand, is completely drained out. He stops wearing his helmet, and hell, he stops doing everything that makes him _Carlos_. He is not like the Energizer Bunny we used to refer to him as; he's dull and lifeless and shit, it's scary.

"Then, of course, there's Kendall." Logan said, and James winced at what he's sure to come. "I can see that you can probably see what's coming. Kendall…well, if you die, Kendall will go into a serious depression. Like a, talk to no one, brooding loner depression. He barely eats, he barely sleeps, and we're lucky to get one word out of him a week."

_Well, shit,_ James thought to himself.

Logan continued. "Then, of course, there's always how you affect us if you choose to live. Which, is sort of bad for you and me and the guys, but it's better…slightly." James winced again. "We're all going to be really worried about you, man. _Especially_ Kendall; he's going to be hovering around you like he's your mother and you're going to get really fucking annoyed."

James sighed. "Well, it's better than having him practically dead." He ran a hand through his hair, making a few pieces stick up.

"I'm not going to say anything," said Logan, looking away.

"Why not?"

Logan laughed a little, looking back to James. "Because I'm not allowed to influence your decision in any way, according to the rules of being the Logan of James Future."

"Can we stop saying that?" James asked, smiling. "It's a mouthful."

Logan laughed again. "Alright, then what do we call me?"

James replied sarcastically, "How about just _Logan_? I mean, that is your name."

"That's true," Logan said. "And by the way—I don't really have anything else to tell you, so you can go if you want."

James nodded. He was about to go through the double doors that would take him God knows where, before something popped into his mind. He turned back around to see Logan still watching him.

"Yes?" The shorted boy asked, laughing. He had a feeling that James wasn't done with him.

"Let me guess—I'm talking to Kendall next?" James asked, smiling.

Logan nodded. "Way to use your predicting skills. But, uh, be prepared for being cold. _Really_ cold, seeing as you're not wearing shoes," James looked down, shocked to see that he forgot he was barefoot. He gave Logan a questioning glance, but the brunette shook it off. "Just get your ass out of here." Logan said.

James laughed again, and pushed through the double doors that would take him to Kendall.

…

The minute James found himself in a hockey rink, he wanted to turn back around and beat the shit out of Logan for not giving him a more descriptive warning. But even if he could (there was no way to get back to the library, seeing as the double doors disappeared the moment they shut), he probably wouldn't return back to where Logan was. Seeing Kendall surrounded by eight or so Muzzy dolls was priceless.

James let out a laugh, even if his feet were already to the point where he wondered if he was going to get frostbite. But he could not help it; seeing Kendall surrounded by a bunch of fuzzy, green plush toys was slightly hilarious.

"Stop laughing!" Kendall demanded, picking up one of the toys and throwing it in James' direction. James dodged the flying plush doll and gave Kendall a _what the hell is that for? _sort of look. "This is serious business!" Kendall continued, picking up another Muzzy doll and throwing it at James.

James held back a chuckle. He found nothing serious about having Muzzy toys being thrown at him, but he suppressed it only because he didn't really want to be hit in the face with one of them. "You're right," He said instead. "Get me some socks or skates or _something_, because my feet are going to freeze off." He pointed to his feet as though Kendall was unaware they were there.

"Fine," the boy with large eyebrows said, skating towards James. Before James could even process it, Kendall had a pair of skates in his hand. "Put these on then."

James gave Kendall a strange look before plopping onto the ice below him. He expertly tied the states, and Kendall reached out an ungloved hand to help him stand. Once he was standing, Kendall handed him two gloves and a hockey stick that, once again, seemingly came from absolutely nowhere.

"What's with all the hockey gear?" James asked, relishing in the feel of holding a hockey stick again.

Kendall sighed. "Well, I'm here to tell you about went down in our past. And I feel like it would be better to discuss such things if we were in hockey gear while in a hockey rink."

James became very confused. "But I remember my past? I don't need you to tell me things about it."

Now Kendall was angry. "Obviously you do, okay? Because if you _did_ remember things about your past, you would have remembered how great of friends we are, how great of friends you and Logan and you and Carlos are, and you would not have been selfish and decided to throw it all away because life became too hard."

"I'm assuming you're not happy with me," James said, watching as Kendall skated away with him and began smacking the Muzzy dolls around with his own hockey stick. Kendall turned to glare at him.

"Ya think?" The blonde snorted, skating towards him again. "But I do agree with you—I don't think you need a history lesson."

James nodded, and then tried to change the subject. "Why did you steal all of Carlos' Muzzy dolls?"

Kendall smacked his glove hand to his face in exasperation. "Okay, I lied," He said, voice muffled from the glove over his face. "You _do_ need a history lesson." He uncovered his face. "Don't you remember that time when we were eight and I saw the Muzzy commercial?"

Remembrance suddenly dawned over James, causing a smile to break out on his face. "Yes. You went and asked your mom if you could order it, and when she asked which language you wanted, you broke down and confessed that you only wanted the toy. Then she went on about how you already had a bunch of toys and you started crying."

"I did not start crying," Kendall said, glaring at James again.

James laughed. "Uh, you so did. I remember you whining, '_But none of my toys are cool enough!' _Then your mom got mad and sent you to your room."

"Okay," Kendall said, crossing his arms. "Maybe I _did_ start crying, and maybe my mom _did_ send me to my room for it. So? They were goddamn cool, and I was pissed I couldn't have one!"

James slung an arm around Kendall. "Well, now you have eight. Make that six—the ones you threw at me are mine."

Kendall pushed James off of him aggressively. "You take them, and I'll beat your ass with my hockey stick."

Ignoring him, James began to skate towards the two discarded Muzzy dolls, his smirk hidden from Kendall. Just as he was about to pick one up though, a force from behind suddenly slammed into him, making James hit the wall surrounding the rink harshly. As he fell to the icy ground, he looked up to see a smirking Kendall above him.

"I told you that they were _mine_," He said harshly. He held his hand out again, and helped James get back to his feet. "Now get out of here, you've passed your history lesson."

…

To be honest, James expected a longer meeting with Kendall. They _were_ best friends after all. Who the hell made Kendall Ghost of Christmas Past?

Oh, right. He did.

But still, he figured some long, hearty talk like the one he had with Logan. Not having Muzzy plush toys thrown at him and then being slammed into a wall when he tried to take one.

But now that he had faced his three friends, he had _no_ idea what—or who—he would be dealing with next. He had basically gone through all of his friends, and having already learned about the past and the future, he couldn't quite decide what he was going to learn about now.

Well, for one thing, once he left the hockey rink he found that he was in a hospital room. Which, he realizes, is _his_ hospital room.

He can see his own broken form on the bed, face marred with an ugly bruise and looking completely shattered. Kendall, Logan, and Carlos all sat in positions around his bed, doing nothing but stare at him. He noticed, with a painful ache, that their eyes were all red-rimmed and puffy from crying, Kendall emitting small sobs every few seconds.

"Heartbreaking, isn't it?" James whipped around at the sound of his own voice, and turned to see none other than _himself_ standing there. There were now three James' in the room, and it was a little disorienting that the only one who was physically real was the unconscious one.

James did not answer himself. He was still too confused. "Speaking of hearts, that monitor over there is basically what's keeping them sane." The other version of himself told him. "But you get to choose whether they get to keep it or not."

James turned to other James. "But what if I make the wrong choice?"

"I think you know what choice is right and what choice is wrong, James."

He was right. James _did_ know. Taking one last look at the boy on the bed, he made his decision. Taking a deep breath, he said, "Well, fine. Now how do I get back?"

The other conscious James did not answer him. But before he knew it, James felt severe pain, and then nothing. It was almost like he was floating.

Then he opened his eye and was blinded by the bright, fluorescent light attacking his retina.

…

**OMWGNOTE: **Yeah, so this chapter was lame. I get it. But I wanted to get it posted, and I don't think it could come out any better than this. I am, however, pretty inspired because my favorite song of all time is finally available on iTunes (it used to only be available in Japan) and I've been listening to it non-stop while writing this chapter, which fueled a lot of it. I hope you're happy with this update. The next one is coming very soon! (Within the next six days soon!)


	10. Eyebrows

**OMWGNOTE: **Sometimes I say I'm going to update in a six-day time period and I don't because I get Writer's Block and stay up until two in the morning the day before my flight to try and get it done, only to fall asleep at my desk for the second time in a week and save the chapter not even halfway done. –sigh- Yes, you all have permission to murder me.

Oh, if you didn't know, I was in Disney World, which has left me with a strong desire to write a story about the boys going to Disney. Not sure how this will work out, seeing as they work for Nickelodeon. And of course I _had_ internet connection in my room in Disney and then lost it halfway through the vacation so I was without my precious little . My heart broke.

But Monster hit the 100 review mark. I am very thankful to each and every person who reviews every new chapter. You guys made my week.

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Big Time Rush or any characters affiliated with the show. I own only Richard Rolle and _Kendall's Eyebrows._

…

10. Eyebrows

Kendall, Carlos, and Logan sat by James' bedside silently, their eyes never straying from the boy on the bed. He looked much better than he had before he went into surgery, even if he died in the middle of it.

This made Kendall scared and pissed off at the same time. They had waited _two hours_ for James' heartbeat to become stabilized so that he _wouldn't_ die in surgery. Those two hours went to waste, because James had stop breathing, his heart had stopped beating, he had stopped living. Kendall did not know who to be more angry at; James, the doctors, or himself.

Any normal person wouldn't blame themselves for the temporary death of their best friend—unless, of course, they were the ones who put them in the hospital in the first place. But Kendall had nothing to do with James being in the hospital, and yet he still wanted to blame himself for James dying.

Kendall was strange in this way. He always wanted to help his friends out, and at this point, it wasn't even a want; it was a _need_. If he could not put even one ounce of help into the situation his friends were in, whatever happened to them he took as his responsibility. Even though he had nothing to do with what happened between Rick and James, he still felt responsible for absolutely everything.

Even thinking Rick's name sent anger coursing through his veins. The bastard had gotten away before the cops showed up, and now he had the opportunity to come back and do more damage to James. It scared Kendall immensely.

"What did the doctor say again?" Carlos asked, breaking the silence and causing Kendall to jump.

Logan answered in a monotone voice, never looking away from James. "He said that James died during surgery, and that they brought him back to life. He also said that when James did wake up—which should be really soon—that he would have a tremendous amount of morphine in his system, meaning that he wouldn't be in pain. But he also might be a little out of it when he wakes up."

Both Carlos and Kendall nodded, even though Carlos was the one who asked the question. It was very useful to have Logan there with them; neither of the boys actually listened to the doctor.

The only sounds in the room were the beeping of the heart monitor, and the small sob that would escape Kendall's lips every five seconds or so.

He felt extremely embarrassed that he was still crying, but his eyes flickering to Carlos and Logan for a moment, he saw the tears running down their faces as well. It had been a rough day for all of them, and the day was just beginning; it was nearing five in the morning.

Not one of them had rested yet, or even changed out of their clothes. Kendall was still basically covered in James' blood, his jeans completely ruined. Carlos and Logan also had a few splatters here and there, but their hands were clean, unlike Kendall's.

Although Dr. Drake said that James would be waking up very soon, the boys did not exactly believe him. It was hard, considering he had died a few hours before and the last time they had seen him conscious was when he was bleeding to death. So, no, they didn't really think that James would be returning to the land of consciousness any time soon.

This is why when Carlos caught sight of James' finger twitching he became shocked and excited all at once.

"His finger just twitched," the boy whispered quietly, for once not showing how much excitement he was feeling. At the sound of Carlos' words, all of the boys fell deadly silent. Kendall stopped his sobbing, and they weren't even breathing.

Kendall broke the silence with his shaky voice. "James?"

The monitor beeped in response.

"James?" Kendall asked again, this time sounding more pleading than seeing if James was awake.

It was silent for another moment, the heart monitor still the only sound in the room.

The silence was broken again by a sharp inhale. It did not come from Carlos, Kendall, or Logan. It came from the boy on the bed.

_James._

Kendall reached for James' hand, shivering at the coldness of it. He waited and waited and waited for what seemed like hours, but in reality was a few seconds. The same thing coursed through each of the boys' heads: _Please wake up please, please, please, please, _please_ wake up._

The boys had always laughed and joked about how they could read each other's minds, and in that moment, it was almost like James had read their minds, because his eye opened.

A second later, it shut again.

"James?" Logan called out tentatively, reaching out and touching the boy's arm.

James opened his eye again, this time averting his eye away from the light and looking at his friends. It was completely silent for a moment, only James' breathing and the heart monitor making sounds in the room. Then a smile broke out on the broken boy's face, and he said, "Hey," as if nothing were wrong.

Kendall, Carlos, and Logan couldn't speak. They were all shocked into silence. They were silent for so long, relishing in the fact that James was awake, that the smile on James' face faded, turning into a frown.

"What?" He asked, still frowning. The other boys in the room made no move to answer him, though. They just sat there in silence.

James didn't know what was going on. "Did something happen to your vocal chords? 'Cause Gustavo won't be happy if you guys can't sing. Like, he might shit a brick." He said warily.

The three boys were dumbstruck. Did James just so happen to forget absolutely _everything_ that happened over the course of the last ten hours?

Logan decided to voice this. "James," He began. "Do you remember anything…at all?"

"Nope," He said, his mouth popping on the 'p.' "I feel like I'm high, man. Not that I know what being high feels like. But geez, if I ever smoked pot it would feel like this."

Kendall and Carlos stared at their friend worriedly, not knowing what to do. Logan, however, did, because he's Logan and he always knows what to do.

"Kendall, hit the call button." Kendall gave him a look that said, _Me? Why me? I don't know how to press a button. Make Carlos do it! _Logan glared at him. "It's _right_ next to you. Just hit it." Kendall did as he was told.

James became even more confused. "Why are we hitting buttons? I want to hit a button." The boys said nothing.

No more than two minutes later, Dr. Drake walked into the room. "Good, you're awake." He said upon seeing a conscious and confused James. He turned to the boys. "What seems to be the problem?"

Kendall and Carlos still couldn't find the words to speak, but Logan responded in a calm voice. "He's not remembering anything. Is that good or bad?"

Dr. Drake looked slightly uneasy. "That depends," he said, moving to the other side of James' bed. He knelt down next to the boy, whose gaze had followed him the moment the doctor entered the room. "Hello, James. I'm Doctor Patrick Drake. How are you feeling?"

James smiled at the man before him. "Weird. Can I have an eye patch?" He pointed to his eye, which was still swollen shut. "Personally, I like ninjas. But if I have the chance to be a pirate, I should jump on it now."

The doctor laughed lightly. "Well, I don't have any eye patches. But can you elaborate on the feeling of 'weird?'"

"Well," James began. "My head feels all floaty, or fuzzy. I can't decide. And every time I breathe it hurts. And I look like I got beat up, from what I can see of myself. Shouldn't I be in pain or something?"

Patrick glanced at the boys opposite him before responding. "You're on morphine, which takes away the pain. Do you remember anything that happened last night?"

James' eyebrows furrowed, and he looked to be very deep in thought. After a few moments, he let out a sigh. "No, everything is still all fuzzy. Is it the morphine doing that?"

"Most likely," Patrick said. "The only other cause for it would be the minor head damage you received earlier, but your hippocampus wasn't affected at all. So yes, it's the morphine."

"Hippocampus?" Carlos questioned, speaking for the first time in minutes. James turned his head at the sound of the boy's voice. He seemed surprised that Carlos could even talk.

Patrick laughed again. "It does sound funny, doesn't it? It's the part of the human brain that has to do with memory."

"How do you remember the parts of the brain?" Carlos asked again. As much as he disliked doctors, Patrick didn't seem all that bad.

"I use a trick to remember it," Patrick said. "Whenever I forget, I use a trick I made up. 'What? I don't remember there being a _hippo_ on _campus_!' Then I remember it's the hippocampus, and that it has to do with the memory."

"That's amazing," Logan breathed, smiling. "Did you learn that in medical school?"

"No," Patrick told him, smiling. "I learned it in AP Psychology my senior year."

Don't get him wrong. Kendall would just _love_ to sit here and talk about hippos and medical school and shit, but he really just wants to know if James isn't going to spontaneously combust or something. "So is James okay?" He asked quietly, interrupting Carlos telling Dr. Drake how cool hippos were (traitor).

"Yes, he's fine." Patrick told him, smiling. He spoke as if James weren't in the room, and James didn't like it. But when Patrick addressed him, James quickly forgave the doctor. "When your head clears up or you start feeling pain, press the call button, okay? I'll be back to give you a little bit more morphine, but only a little bit. You'll have to deal with a little pain."

James' eyebrows furrowed. "Why?"

"Because morphine is very easy to get addicted to," Patrick said. "I'll see you later, alright?" And without another word, Patrick left the boys to talk amongst themselves.

After watching his doctor leave, James turned back to his friends. "So what did you do with it?" He asked, crossing his arms and looking pretty pissed.

Now it was Kendall, Carlos and Logan's turn to be confused. "What?" They spoke simultaneously.

"My lucky comb," James said, as if it were obvious. "Seeing as I'm wearing the latest in hospital fashion, which of course is a _gown_, it's obviously not in my back pocket. If you could be so kind to tell me where it is, that'd be freaking _great._"

Carlos and Logan looked to Kendall, who could feel the lucky comb burning a hole in his jeans like it was a branding iron. He sat forward and pulled the lucky comb out from his back pocket, handing it to James and saying, "Here,"

Instead of thanking Kendall, James took the small comb and scrutinized it with his functioning eye. After staring at it intently for a few moments, he turned to Kendall and demanded, "Have you been using it?"

"No," Kendall said honestly. The only thing he had done with that comb was hold a conversation, and he's pretty sure James would be a bit freaked out if he mentioned that. "Why do you ask?"

James sniffed the comb once, earning strange looks from his friends. "Because it smells like you, it looks like there's freaking _blonde_ hair in the teeth, and your eyebrows look pretty tamed."

"What does your comb have to do with my eyebrows?" Kendall asked.

James rolled his eye. "Don't play dumb, Kendall. I know you used my comb to attempt to make your eyebrows look less bushy. And I appreciate your desire not to have eyebrows that take up your entire forehead, but if you could use your own comb instead of mine, I would really appreciate that attempt more."

Carlos and Logan burst into laughter, the gesture almost foreign to them with all the drama that had occurred earlier. Kendall was far from laughing.

"What? My eyebrows are _not_ big."

"If they weren't so big, then I wouldn't have written a song about them."

"You wrote a _song_ about them?" Kendall demanded, angry and hurt at the same time. Carlos and Logan continued to laugh.

_Bastards_, Kendall thought.

Between laughs, Carlos said, "Dude, sing it."

Kendall shook his head violently. "Carlos, he is not going to sing that stupid song. I mean, he's barely coherent and he obviously doesn't know what he's saying," Kendall tried to reason. "And besides, he probably didn't even write a song."

Before Carlos or Logan could say anything, James interrupted. "I'm coherent! And I did write a song about your eyebrows, Kendallicious." The three uninjured boys exchanged a look. _Kendallicious? _ "It's called 'Kendall's Eyebrows' and it goes to the tune of 'Stuck.' Gustavo already put the song you and I made up on the album, and then tweaked it to sound like 'A Shot In The Dark,' so I'm thinking that if I get more of the song done besides the chorus he'll put it on the album."

"Why don't you sing it to us?" Logan suggested, ignoring the daggers being sent by Kendall as he gestured to himself and his friends. "You know, so you can practice before singing it to Gustavo. You need to get it perfect for the, uh, man beast." Although Logan referred to Gustavo as a man beast many times, he didn't really mean it after today. Gustavo had showed today that he actually had a heart instead of the black hole the boys believed was in the place of the organ, and Logan greatly admired him for it. However, if James didn't remember what happened just yet, then Logan sure as hell wasn't going to bring it up. Logan would tell James that he didn't think Gustavo was a man beast when James wasn't high on morphine.

But James didn't even notice Logan's inner-ranting, even if Logan looked quite distracted. Instead, James beamed at his friend, obviously pleased with the suggestion he was just given. He cleared his throat, and then began to sing, facing Kendall. "Your eyebrows are so big, big," he sang, and Kendall's face flushed in embarrassment that would only intensify as the song went on.

"And they'll never be small, small," James continued. "In the middle of a perfect day people see your eyebrows and run away. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but your eyebrows are so freaking huge, huge and they'll never be small, small."

It was silent for a moment, until Carlos and Logan broke that silence with their loud guffawing. Kendall was the only one who chose to remain silent, his expression stony. His glare was directed at the wall, for he couldn't decide who he was angrier with. He decided he was angrier at Carlos and Logan, only because they laughed at the song. He couldn't really be mad at James at the moment, if only because of what had happened and _why_ James was loopy enough to come up with the song in the first place.

"You two sound like hyenas," Kendall told Carlos and Logan, turning to them. They were both laughing so hard tears sprang to their eyes.

James' face lit up at this, seemingly forgetting about how Carlos and Logan were supposed to tell him what they thought of the song. "Hyenas? Like in 'the Lion King?'"

"Yes," Kendall said. "Just like 'the Lion King.' Because the hyenas are evil, and so are Carlos and Logan."

Logan shook his head, still laughing a little bit. "We're not evil. Knight genetics are evil for giving you such huge eyebrows."

Kendall sighed in frustration as Carlos and Logan proceeded to laugh more. Sure, he was glad that the depressing atmosphere that was engulfing them a mere ten minutes before seemed to have disappeared as quickly as it came, but he wasn't too happy that his eyebrows were the reason for this change in mood.

But looking up at James, smiling and laughing with his two other friends, Kendall couldn't help the small smile that spread across his face just then. After all they had been through in the course of the last few hours, they all deserved to smile.

And seeing James happy and alive rather than on the brink of death, Kendall started to laugh a bit himself.

…

**OMWGNOTE: **This chapter is the shortest thing I've written, and it's also pretty stupid. I really don't like it, but it could be because there's almost no angst in the entire thing and, as we've all learned, angst is my drug.

Before leaving, I'd like to recognize a few things. For those of you who didn't know, today, July 19th, is the first day of filming for season 2 of Big Time Rush. It's awesome. Second, I want to wish a happy belated birthday to Mr. James Maslow, who turned twenty on July 16th.

Many of you asked about the song that inspired me to finish both C9 and C10, and that song is called _Konstantine_ by Something Corporate. It's nine minutes and thirty-six seconds long, so you don't have to listen to it or anything. But it's seriously very touching, even if it does have nothing to do with Monster.

Lastly, the dedication of this chapter is split in three ways: One goes to _EpicInTheLibrary_, who I have recently discovered is my soul mate and brought on James being loopy in this chapter. Two goes to _Sam Temple_, who leaves the most amazing reviews and leaves me beaming after every one and every update of her stories. And last, _The Lion King_, for again saving me from horrible Writer's Block.

I bid you all adieu. Prepare yourselves for more angst.


	11. Friends Are All You Need

**OMWGNOTE: **So I don't like this chapter. It's fine. When do I ever like anything that I write?

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Big Time Rush or any characters affiliated with the show. Richard Rolle is the only character that is mine.

…

11. Friends Are All You Need

Kendall was pretty sure that James was going to die again.

Not because he looked like he was going to die or something. In fact, most of the color had returned to his skin and he seemed to be extremely healthy and pain-free before the doctors sedated him because he needed his rest. No, James' actual health had nothing to do with Kendall's fear of losing his best friend.

Kendall believed James was going to die because James' nurses forced him out of James' hospital room, claiming that they "had already broken enough hospital rules for one day." Kendall didn't care about hospital rules. He was pretty convinced that if he didn't keep an alert eye on James, when he came back James' cot would be empty and he would be off lying in the hospital's morgue. So maybe Kendall's thoughts tended to get a little out of hand and morbid, but he really couldn't help it.

Especially when he was still covered in James' blood.

Coming out of James' room and going to the waiting room where his mother was, Mrs. Knight noticed Kendall's appearance for the first time that night. Now that everyone was calmer due to James being okay, she was much more observant now that she wasn't worried. And she sure as hell did not approve of Kendall walking around in blood-stained clothing.

However, when she suggested he go home, take a shower and get changed into normal clothes, Kendall thought otherwise.

"No," he said before she even finished speaking. "I've already been forced out of James' room. There is no way I'm leaving the hospital."

Mrs. Knight sighed. "Honey, I understand where you're coming from, but look at yourself." She gestured to his blood stained clothes, his hands in the same state. "You're covered in blood. I don't think James would want you to stay covered in his blood; it's going to bring back some bad memories."

Even though what his mother said was true, Kendall knew he wasn't going anywhere. He had to stay at the hospital with James, even if he couldn't be by his bedside. "I don't care. I'm not leaving, mom. If it really bothers you, bring me some new clothes. I'll wash my wands, I'll take a shower in the men's bathroom sink if I need to. But I can't leave James, I can't."

Mrs. Knight sighed. One of Kendall's strongest qualities had always been his ability to be the most stubborn boy on the planet. Mrs. Knight knew that Kendall wouldn't be leaving the hospital any time soon. "Alright," She said, defeated. "Go wash your hands, at least. I'll see if you can borrow a pair of scrubs or something from the hospital."

As his mother turned and started talking to a random doctor, Kendall made his way to the men's bathroom. Of course, he had no idea where it was, which left him wandering around the entire floor searching for the goddamn place.

It hurt Kendall to pass by people whose bodies were shaking with the sobs that wracked their bodies. After all, Kendall had been in a similar position earlier, though he was sure that their reasons for crying were completely different from his own.

Thinking of this, Kendall was reminded of how much he really hated hospitals. He just couldn't get around the fact that more than half of the patients there were there because they were sick or dying. And although in every hospital around the world, a baby is born every day, the same case goes for people dying.

People die every day. And Kendall doesn't ever want to accept the fact that James was one of those people.

Maybe Kendall should be giving doctors a lot more credit than he has been giving them. Without doctors, James would still be dead right now. If they weren't there when James died, no one would have restarted his heart and Kendall would be making funeral plans instead of looking for a bathroom.

But one thing Kendall couldn't understand is why one would want to be a doctor in the first place. They deal with death _every day_, and sometimes it's even their own fault. Kendall would never be able to be a doctor; he would never get used to hearing so many people sob over the death of their loved one, would never get used to seeing someone's body go perfectly still as they let out their last exhale.

After searching for twenty minutes, Kendall finally came upon the men's restroom. He ignored the stalls and went straight for the sinks, looking at his hands one last time before turning on the water.

They were stained a deep crimson, and Kendall remembered with a pang that it was James' blood that coated them. Inspecting them closer, he saw the dried blood filling the lines and wrinkles in his palm, filling every groove of his finger tips. They felt stiff and weird, and he didn't like the feeling at all.

He turned on the sink in front of him, then used the soap dispenser and began to rub his hands together. As the blood was coming off his skin, the soap suds and bubbles were turning a light pink color. The smell of the soap and the metallic scent of the blood mixed together, not blending nicely in Kendall's nostrils. He quickly rinsed his hands, trying to ignore how red the water looked as it swirled down into the drain and disappeared.

After getting out all of the dried blood that had collected under his fingernails, Kendall looked up from the sink and looked in the mirror.

He saw a boy with tarnished gold hair and bright green eyes staring back at him tiredly. His eyes were red-rimmed and his hair was messy, and he looked thirty years older than he actually was.

He looked worse than James had an hour ago.

Turning away from his reflection, Kendall stalked out of the men's bathroom, this time trying to find his way back to his friends.

…

James did not know that every ounce of your body could hurt all at once, but he was experiencing that kind of pain right now.

His head hurt. His eye hurt. His shoulder hurt. His stomach hurt. His arm hurt. His chest hurt. Everything hurt.

There was also the contributing factor that he felt extremely exhausted, and how he seemed to have developed a cough that kept aggravating his ribs.

He had been awake for two minutes and no one was in the room. No doctors, no nurses, no friends. Just him and the TV, which he couldn't even turn on because he knocked the remote off the bedside table while trying to get it with his cast-clad hand.

James wasn't even going to try and reach for the water he so desperately needed.

Judging by the fact that his entire body felt as though it were engulfed in flames and being constantly run over by an eighteen-wheeler truck, James assumed that the morphine that had left him giddy and almost pain-free earlier had worn off while he was sleeping. It made sense, seeing as the pain that enveloped every part of him was what woke him up in the first place.

James could already feel himself getting frustrated. For starters, it hurt too much for him to reach over and hit the call button as Kendall had earlier today. But what was even more annoying was the constant beeping of his heart monitor.

Obviously, this was a good thing. It meant that James was alive and his heart was beating at a steady rate. Of course, if James was dead, he wouldn't be able to tell. But while this was a symbol that he was, in fact, alive, it was incredibly annoying.

The small beep that sounded every time his heart beat was getting on James' nerves. It was like having a never-ending ringing in his ear and he knew that by the end of his stay at the hospital, he will have gone crazy.

He also wondered how he was going to sleep with that constant noise. Back in his own room, if he could hear his heartbeat because the veins in his neck were pressed up against the pillow, he would freak out and try to find a sleeping position where he wasn't able to hear it. If his own, quiet heartbeat cost him sleep on a regular basis, he had no idea what the heart monitor was going to do to his sleeping habits.

Then he remembered that he was probably going to get sedated like he was earlier today. James actually liked sleeping under the influence of the drugs injected into is IV; they always left him with a dreamless sleep, and he'd rather have no dreams at all than have nightmares.

James knew whose face he would be seeing when he was able to sleep on his own.

But before James could get too immersed in his thoughts and become freaked out, the door to his hospital room opened and his doctor walked in.

From what James remembered of his loopy hour, Dr. Drake was a fairly nice person. He wasn't rude to James, like what James had seen the arrogant doctor do on House, M.D.

"James," Dr. Drake said, smiling with his clipboard and pen in hand. "How are you feeling?"

James had to clench his jaw shut so he wouldn't scream. What with the annoying heart monitor and thinking about Rick, James had briefly forgotten about his pain. Of course, when Dr. Drake brought it up the pain came back with a newfound fury.

His teeth still clenched, James said, "Ow." He hoped that Dr. Drake would give him the message and give him a huge dose of morphine like he did last time. James would handle being crazy and confused if it meant that he didn't have to be in any pain.

"I'm going to take a wild guess and say you're in pain," Dr. Drake said, writing something down on his clipboard. James nodded stiffly.

'_Kay. Now shut up and give me some goddamn morphine._

Apparently Dr. Drake hates him. "I'm going to give you a small amount of morphine, okay? It's not going to get rid of the pain, but it's going to dull it." Upon seeing James' incredulous look, he added, "I don't know if you remember, but we talked about this earlier. We don't want your body relying on morphine to take away the pain. You can get addicted to it very easily that way. So the amount of morphine going into your system each time you get a dosage will always be different. You'll have to deal with a little pain, but it's better than being a druggie."

James couldn't really believe that a doctor just used the word 'druggie,' but even without the terminology, James knew that the doctor was right. Judging by the way he was practically begging for it in his thoughts no more than thirty seconds ago, he figured that it was better that the doctors were doing it like this. He sure as hell didn't need to be a drug addict on top of all the shit he already had going for him.

As the morphine Dr. Drake injected into his system coursed through his veins, James could already feel some of the pain fading. It was still uncomfortable and James would rather be completely unaware of his pain, but it would have to do for now.

"Do you have any questions before I go?" Dr. Drake asked him, stuffing the clipboard with James' medical information under his arm.

James smiled. "Only one," He said. "Can I see my friends?"

…

When his friends walked into his room, James smiled again. This time, the smile wasn't genuine and didn't touch his eyes; he was in too much pain for that.

"Hey," He said, watching as they all pulled up chairs and settled around his bed. He took in his friends' appearances and fought the urge to frown. They looked no better than he did.

Kendall was wearing a pair of blue scrubs pants, which looked comfortable but made Kendall look uneasy. His eyes were puffy and still had a ring of red around them, and James could see that he was trying not to burst out into tears. This was very odd; in all of the years James had known him, he had only seen Kendall cry once or twice. Even then, it was when he was very young. After Kendall hit puberty, he hadn't shed a tear once. Seeing his friend on the brink of falling apart made James feel even worse.

This uneasy feeling intensified when he looked to Carlos. Although the boy was smiling as he always was, James could tell that Carlos was putting on the same act that he himself was; that he wasn't hurting at all. He was holding his ever-present helmet in his hands, which James knew wasn't a very good sign. If Carlos' helmet wasn't on Carlos' head, it could mean that the world was coming to an end.

And lastly, James' eyes fell on Logan. James and Logan never seemed to be very close, but they were very protective of each other. Back in Minnesota, James would target any player that came too close to Logan or even dared to smash him into a wall. Logan would return the favor if he had a different body build, but instead Logan helped James with things like school. The two boys had a very close relationship, and like Kendall, Logan looked ready to break down.

This bothered James immensely, and his let his smile and façade fade.

"I'm sorry," He told them. No one but James had spoken, and they still didn't speak now. "I feel like such an ass, putting you guys through this."

Logan scoffed, shaking his head. "Don't apologize. It's not your fault."

"Exactly," Carlos chimed in. "You didn't ask to be kidnapped, but it happened. It's not your fault."

"I'm not saying getting kidnapped was my fault," James said. "I'm saying that I'm sorry it happened. Rick killed me, in a way. I died during surgery. And even though I'm alive now, I can see how much just being in the same room as me hurts you."

"You're so selfless it hurts sometimes," Kendall said, shaking his head in mock disappointment. "You're in the hospital. You just went through an experience that's most likely going to emotionally and physically scar you for life. And you're worried about how _we_ feel?"

James nodded. "Well, yeah. You guys are probably all scarred, too; maybe not in the same way, but I'd be scarred if one of you went through the same thing."

"Forget about how we're feeling," Carlos said. "What matters right now is _you_."

"But—"

"James," Logan interrupted. "We're fine. Carlos is right. The only thing we're worried about is you."

Kendall nodded in agreement. "Yeah, so shut up and start feeling sorry for yourself." He said playfully.

…

**OMWGNOTE: **Awesome. Another short chapter. Well I've been doubling up and been working on C12, and let me just say that there might be a bit of a tissue warning. If you like Logan and James, and you have FCMD, then you should be happy.

So I've decided that I can't do a chapter without having angst in it. I've taken it upon myself to check into Angst Rehab. Thank you Laura of Miss Fenway for being my roommate. Does anyone else need Angst Rehab?


	12. Vulnerable

**OMWGNOTE: **My chest hurts from all this angst. I feel like doing a parody of Ke$ha's 'Your Love Is My Drug' and calling it 'Boyangst Is My Drug.' Boyangst is my new word.

Question: Why is Logan basically _everyone's_ favorite character? I mean, I like him, Kendall, and Carlos all the same. While I ponder this, this chapter is dedicated to Laura of _Miss Fenway_, who loves Loganangst. (By the way, if you haven't read 'Little Hollow' yet, I suggest you shoot yourself in the foot. Then go sit down and read the 46 chapter story that constantly fuels these updates.)

**DISCLAIMER: **I hate these things. I do not own Big Time Rush or any characters affiliated with the show. I only own Richard Rolle.

…

12. Vulnerable

Out of all of his friends, Logan had always taken pride in being the most level-headed of the boys. This was because Logan liked to play it safe. He would have been perfectly content living a risk-free life. But with Logan's friends, that was impossible.

If Logan had a catch phrase, it would be, "I gotta find new friends." Of course Logan didn't really mean this when he said it, but it was something he found himself saying quite often. Whenever James, Kendall or Carlos were doing something stupid, he would always get dragged into the situation whether he wanted to be or not.

Sometimes his friends' schemes proved to be dangerous. Igniting the wrath of many female hockey players by soaking them with sprinklers was one situation where they all got hurt. Most of the time, however, their little plans were just stupid and only got them into trouble with their parents.

Logan had always been uncomfortable with what his friends did, but even though he always claimed he needed new friends, he never got them.

This was because he would never trade any of his friends for the world. His friends were the best that anyone could have, and he was grateful that he was that 'anyone.'

But while Logan loved his friends to death, he was sometimes afraid to be around them. What with their crazy actions and tendencies to get in trouble, Logan was absolutely terrified that one of these plans would put them into more trouble than they imagined.

Logan always thought that one of _their_ schemes would put one of them into the hospital. He had never imagined that an outside force could do the same.

Of course Logan _knew_ that someone outside their friend group could hurt them. He'd read stories about people getting kidnapped and even watched America's Most Wanted. But the truth was that Logan never actually thought that he would be in the same situation as the people on TV or in books.

James getting kidnapped was easily the scariest thing that had ever happened.

It was foolish of him—he should have _known_ better—but Logan had always thought of their group as impenetrable. He had always stupidly believed that the only bodily harm that could come to a member of their group was by one of them. And even then, Logan had always been sure that this injury would be an accident; after all, they would never hurt each other intentionally and most of their schemes were prone to getting hurt.

But James getting kidnapped and barely escaping with his life? Until it happened, Logan would have thought it impossible.

But it had happened. James had been taken away from them and experienced something that no one should ever have to experience. Logan was glad that he wasn't like the families and friends of people he had seen on America's Most Wanted; most of the time, their loved one ended up dead.

If James had died, Logan wouldn't know what to do with himself. Big Time Rush would be no more. And no matter how strong Logan knows their friendship is, he, Kendall and Carlos would fall apart. They only worked with the four of them together; this fact was shoved down their throats time after time in hockey when Kendall and Carlos would get ejected from the game for unsportsmanlike mooning.

Their parents often joked that the four boys were so close that they could be considered one whole. One breathing, functioning whole that couldn't be separated. They would not be able to work with three parts of that whole—it would be like trying to walk with no legs, trying to breathe with no lungs. It wasn't possible. They would crumble and diminish and they would be gone.

It wouldn't only be like that if they had lost James; the same case scenario would apply if Kendall died, or Carlos, or even Logan himself. The three surviving boys would never be the same, and they would never have the same bond that they once used to.

As Logan thought of this, tears came to his eyes. He could never imagine a life without Kendall, Carlos or James. A life without his best friends would be a life that wasn't worth living. Logan was eternally grateful that James escaped from Rick with his life. Because if James hadn't lived, not only would Logan have lost James, but he would have lost Kendall and Carlos as well.

Logan was more scared about James dying than he had let on.

Although James had only stopped living for what couldn't be more than thirty seconds, it could have been a lot longer. He could have still been dead, and then Logan wouldn't know what to do. Logan had always prided himself in having composure, but he knew that if James died he would never have composure again. Logan would be lost and that is not okay.

One tear actually made its way out of Logan's tear ducts and began its journey down his cheek, rolling down his chin and his neck until disappearing into his shirt. Logan resisted the urge to wipe the wetness from his face; he couldn't have anyone know that he was crying, even if his red-rimmed eyes already gave him away.

Logan stared unseeingly at the TV in James' room, not even watching the program anymore. If one had asked Logan what show he was watching, Logan wouldn't have an answer. He was locked away in his thoughts as usual, and he wasn't even aware of his friends.

Then a voice pulled him out of his thoughts, and it was probably the only one that could do it at that moment.

"Logan?" James asked tentatively. Logan seemed to be thinking very hard at the moment. James could tell by the way he didn't fidget at all while he was sitting in the chair next to his bed, the closest to him besides a sleeping Kendall. Carlos had passed out as well, his head slumped forward on the foot of James' bed. James was very glad that his friends were sleeping; all three of them had been up since 7:15 the previous morning, and James was pretty sure it's unhealthy to be up for more than 24 hours. It was only a little after four in the afternoon, but James was glad that Kendall and Carlos got their sleep in. The only one he was worried about was Logan, who was stiff as a board and seemingly not even blinking as he watched the TV in the corner of James' room.

Upon hearing his name, Logan turned to his friend. It still hurt Logan to look at his appearance, but he hopefully hid that hurt as he responded. "Yeah?"

James sighed. "You okay?"

Logan let out a small laugh, the action far from being connected with his emotions. "I thought we established earlier that you're not supposed to be worrying about us. The only feelings we're concerned about are yours." James sighed again. "So since we're friends and I'm concerned about you, are _you_ okay?"

It was James who laughed this time, and Logan could tell that his laugh didn't mean anything either. "I'm not going to lie to you, Logan. I feel like shit," James shook his head and smiled. "There's the fact that I have such a small amount of morphine in me that the pain is still there, even if it is less intense. And there's also the fact that I'm afraid to go to sleep without drugs. But you want to know what's the worst part about all of this is?"

Logan couldn't imagine anything worse, so he just had to ask. "What?"

"The fact that we're friends, I'm concerned about you, and you don't even give a damn." Logan flinched at the fact that James threw his own words back at you. He quickly recovered.

"I give a damn," He protested, turning his chair away from the TV so that it was facing James. "I just don't give a damn about how _I_ feel right now. I would rather focus on—"

"Me and how I'm feeling—I know." James said. "But I'm not going to feel any better if you don't tell me what's going on. This isn't a one-sided relationship, Logan. I'm allowed to care too."

Logan sighed because he knew that James was right. He knew that he was being unfair shutting James out the way he was. But he couldn't help it. After what they had all been through, James had suffered the most. James was the one who mattered. His well-being was essential for their friendship to survive.

But maybe Logan's well-being was essential for their friendship to survive, too.

James could tell that Logan was giving in. He was so glad that he was able to coax one of his friends out of their shell.

"So, Logan, let me ask again: are you okay?"

Logan looked down to the sheets covering James' bed, avoiding his gaze. He was ashamed of what he was about to admit; he knew that he wouldn't be able to look James in the eye while he told his side of the story, and not only because he was ashamed. No, Logan was afraid he was going to break down if he looked at James and was reminded of the events that occurred the night before.

Taking a deep breath, Logan began. "No, I'm not." James didn't say anything; he knew that Logan needed to collect himself to open up to him, and James accepted that fact. "I'm so far from okay that it's not even funny."

Logan took another deep breath, taking his time. "Kidnapping is real. I've read articles about it and watched TV shows and all of the stories are _real_. People are actually sick enough to take another person—another human being—against their will and torment them in ways unimaginable."

Logan didn't catch the way James flinched.

"I know that I can happen anytime, anywhere, to anyone. I know all of the tips on how to avoid being abducted and how to get help and I thought I was prepared. I thought that researching all of this information about kidnappings would prepare me to face some bastard who tried to hurt one of us. But none of that mattered. You were kidnapped. Taken against your will by some creep who had every intent on killing you. No matter how much research I've done, I didn't stop that. I didn't stop you from getting kidnapped."

Beside James, Logan fell silent. James couldn't even believe what he was hearing. Logan couldn't be tricked into thinking that James getting kidnapped was _his_ fault.

But before James could say anything, Logan began to speak again. "And you were gone. You were somewhere else and we didn't know where. Kendall was freaking out like it was nobody's business, and I could tell that Carlos was starting to lose it as well. But I kept my cool. I assumed that there was nothing wrong, that you probably just went for a walk and you would be coming back soon."

Logan laughed and shook his head. "I was so stupid to think that. I knew that something was wrong. I knew that you knew better than to wander the streets of Los Angeles by yourself. But I reminded myself that kidnappings only happened in television shows, even though I knew otherwise. I was trying to convince myself that you were okay more than the others.

"And then, of course, I find out that I was wrong. That you really _were_ kidnapped. That no matter how much I had researched the subject on the internet, you were still taken by someone against your will. And when I had finally accepted this fact, all of the other information I had learned flooded back to me, and I realized something."

When James spoke, it was barely above a whisper. "What?" He asked.

Logan looked up, finally. Telling all of this information to James meant he had to face what happened. And the best way of facing what happened was to face James himself.

"That I might never see you alive again," Logan whispered, newfound tears forming in his eyes and threatening to spill over. "That the next time I would be seeing you would be in a coffin. And it scared the hell out of me, James. It scared the hell out of me."

The tears that had been threatening to fall started flowing freely from Logan's eyes now, and James felt his heart break at the sight.

"But Logan," James whispered. "I'm right here. I made it out of there alive. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I'm living and breathing and _alive_."

More tears fell from Logan's eyes. "But you said it before," Logan whispered. "Rick killed you in a way. During surgery…you weren't living and breathing and you weren't alive. You _died_. Rick killed you and even though you're here now, that's never going to change."

James couldn't say anything. He just let his own tears fall from his eyes as he watched Logan fight an internal battle in front of him.

"And what's even worse," Logan mumbled miserably. "I'm supposed to be the smart one. I'm the one who's always supposed to get us out of tight situations. You were in a tight situation, and I didn't help you get out of it. No matter how many different scenarios I played out in my head, I couldn't think of one solution as to how to get you out of there alive."

"Logan," James whispered. "You did help me. Without you or Carlos or Kendall, I wouldn't have made it out of Rick's grasp alive. I would have given up a long time ago if it weren't for you guys."

Logan couldn't say anything. His airway was literally constricted from all of the sobs he was trying to hold back. But seeing James, tears flowing freely on the left side of his face, Logan lost it. He let the sob make its way out of his body, bubbling up in his throat and finally tearing its way through his vocal chords as it filled the air, raw and filled with agony.

James didn't have to say anything. He held his arms wide open as Logan cautiously slid forward, sobs wracking his body as he moved to hug his friend.

The hug was soft at first, light and weary as Logan did not want to hurt James. But as he continued to cry, bad memories found themselves replaying in his brain. He found himself wrapping his arms around James more tightly, surely causing some sort of breathing troubles for the injured boy.

At first, James didn't mind as Logan's hug began to get tired. His ribs were already irritating him, and Logan was only adding slight pressure to them. But as Logan continued to sob more, his grip became tighter, and soon James found himself crying tears because of his heartfelt moment with Logan _and_ the pain that Logan was unknowingly causing him.

"Logan," James said through his tears, trying to hold Logan's gaze when the boy's head moved to look at him. "This is an excellent bro hug, but you're crushing my ribs." James said it jokingly, but Logan could tell that James was holding back a lot of the pain he was feeling. Logan immediately sat up, his sobs slowing slightly as James' expression became relieved.

"Thanks," James whispered quietly. He looked over to Carlos and Kendall; even with both he and Logan crying, the two boys still hadn't stirred. James chuckled at the sight, wincing when it again irritated his ribs.

Logan watched James as James observed Kendall and Carlos. The sobs had finally stopped, but tears were still flowing from his tired eyes. Upon seeing James laugh, Logan noticed his wince and frowned at the fact that even simple actions like laughing seemed to cause James pain.

"It's really bad, isn't it?" Logan asked quietly. James looked at him, confused. "The pain," Logan clarified. "It must be really bad."

James laughed again, this time more carefully, trying not to cause himself pain again. "More pain than you can ever imagine," James said. "But I'll take the physical pain any day. It's okay as long as you guys aren't in pain."

Logan smiled. His friend was too selfless for his own good. And Logan had a feeling that this wasn't going to serve him well in the future.

But Logan ignored the uneasiness he felt about James being entirely too selfless. James was an amazing person who cared about his friends, no matter how obsessed with his hair he was.

Because Logan was absolutely sure that James loved he and Carlos and Kendall more than himself, and maybe that was okay. They all needed to be sane to make it through this, and Logan had the feeling that James' selflessness was going to keep their sanity intact.

…

**OMWGNOTE: **This chapter…my goodness. It took so much out of me. I'm quite sure I overdosed on angst. It's 2:39 in the morning and I'm exhausted. I'm also saving practically every other word because the power went out while I was writing this and I'm really thankful that my document was recovered. So this is longer than what I've been posting, and to be honest? I think this is one of my favorite chapters so far. I really hope that the rest of you like this as much as I did, because like I said…my goodness. Angst overload.

Of course, even though it's the late hours of the morning this won't be posted until before I go to work. The goddamn power interfered with my internet connection so now it's all whack.

But Laura, I hope you like this. I'm looking forward to your (and everyone else's) review(s).


	13. Face the Facts

**OMWGNOTE:** This chapter was really hard for me to write. I think that's all I have to say.

This chapter is dedicated to Falling to Fly, who loves Jamesangst as much as me and is writing a James-kidnapping story that I love because I have no idea what happens. Go read 'Repetition' right now.

Oh, and I edited C7. So this is why some parts in this might be different than you remember.

**DISCLAIMER:**__I wish I owned Big Time Rush and all characters affiliated with the show.

…

13. Face the Facts

Shortly after James and Logan had their touching conversation, Logan succumbed to sleeping with his head rested on Kendall's shoulder. Seeing his friends looking peaceful in their slumber, James smiled. He still felt guilty for putting them through such a hard time, even if they claimed they were fine. James had already learned that they were lying from Logan, and he was sure that Kendall and Carlos were just as messed up as Logan.

But while James was happy that his friends were getting their much needed sleep, he was unhappy at the same time. His sleeping friends meant that he was alone, in a sense. Although they were tangibly there with him, he still felt like no one was beside him.

It was ridiculous, really. He could hear them breathing, see the rise and fall of their chests as they completed each motion. But he was conscious and they weren't.

For a moment, he envied his three best friends. Despite what had happened and how troubled James knew they must be, they had easily fallen into the realm of dreams. Their eyelids had felt heavy and their vision was blurring so they closed their eyes and fell asleep. It was simple.

James wished it was that simple for him.

He wished that he could close his eyes without seeing Rick's face behind his eyelids. He wished that pain wasn't coursing through his body with every beat of his heart, making it completely impossible for him to sleep. He wished that he wasn't in this situation; he would give anything in the world to switch places with one of his friends right now.

But at the same time he wouldn't. He wouldn't wish this horrible experience on his worst enemy, let alone his friends. James twitched at the thought of having their situations reversed.

How could James handle it if Carlos, who was always sunshine and rainbows, was badly beaten and scared? How would he be able to watch as Logan, who he had always been protective of, was fighting for his life? And how would James be able to handle seeing Kendall, the strong one, be reduced to a trembling mass of pain on the floor? The truth was that James wouldn't be able to handle it, and he had no idea how his three best friends were still sane right now.

James could already feel his own sanity slipping.

In truth, James had been relying on his friends to keep him from thinking about what happened the night before. As long as he was talking to them about something that _wasn't_ Richard Rolle, he figured that he would be fine.

But James' conversation with Logan hadn't helped him at all. James was actually pretty sure it had made things even worse.

James knew that bottling up his feelings on what happened could only end in something bad. He knew that it was better to talk about it with his friends because that was the only way that he was going to get better. But every time he even thought about what happened, Rick's last words to him would always flash through his mind.

"_You'll leave this place and go to the hospital, where all of your little wounds will be treated and your friends will be by your side…"_

James shook his head violently, willing the memories to leave his mind and leave him _alone_. But the world couldn't let James have his way, and he continued being forced down memory lane.

"_Who knows? Maybe you'll have to deal with some mental issues, because I see the way you flinch or wince every time I even get close to you…"_

James squeezed his eyes shut and began taking deep breaths, ignoring the way that Rick's face showed itself beneath his eyelids.

"_After weeks of being in the hospital, you'll be able to return home. It might take you a while, but you'll eventually recover from the little encounter you had with me. It will have been so long that you will think I have forgotten about you and your friends…"_

The brunette boy opened his eye, its gaze falling again on his sleeping friends. From the very beginning, James hadn't wanted his friends to get involved with Rick. He would have been so much better off if Rick had never even found out about them in the first place. Granted, if Rick didn't know about his friends he would probably be dead right now, but James would take death over risking some bastard hurting his friends.

And as Rick's next words played through his mind, he flinched.

"_But I won't forget, James. No matter how many days or weeks or months or years pass, I will never forget about you and your little friends…_

"_And right when you finally feel safe, right when you finally think I have forgotten, I'll come back for you. I'll make sure to let you know I haven't forgotten. I'll come back and I will murder you and each of your friends…"_

James felt tears falling from his left eye. No, he couldn't let that happen. He wouldn't let himself be responsible for the death of his friends.

So what was he to do?

Only one option came to mind: push away Kendall, Carlos, and Logan.

But could he do that? Could he really push away three people who he practically considered family?

His eyes scanned over his friends again. No, that wasn't an option. There was no way in hell he could ever drift apart from Kendall, Carlos and Logan. They were too close, and it would only hurt them more.

But then what could he do? Being responsible for the deaths of his friends was _not_ an option. But playing back what Rick said in his mind, James realized one thing.

Rick had been so sure that James was going to forget about what happened between them. As if James could forget the most traumatizing experience of his life.

So long as James didn't forget what happened, that he didn't forget Rick's parting words to him, his friends would be safe. He would be able to stop Rick from doing anything to them because he never forgot about Rick.

It might be a hell of a lot harder on James, but he was willing to take this sacrifice for his friends. James' gaze drifted to them again, and then the clock. 6:13PM, it read. James sighed. It was getting sort of late, and as far as James knew his friends hadn't even eating anything. Considering that it was around dinner time and it was a _Friday_, James wanted them up and out of here. They couldn't miss Fish Stick Friday (with tots!) just because they wanted to stay with him.

James decided who he should wake up first. Seeing as Logan looked practically dead on Kendall's shoulder, James figured he would have a hard time waking him up. Sighing, his eyes moved to Carlos. Being at the foot of the bed, James could easily just nudge Carlos' head with his foot. But Carlos was very grumpy when woken up, and he didn't want to ignite the boy's fury.

So that left him with Kendall, who was probably the best bet from the beginning because he was the closest.

"Kendall," James said in a loud whisper, hoping to wake Kendall up without waking the other two. When Kendall didn't answer, James spoke again, louder this time. "Kendall!" But the boy beside still wouldn't budge.

Rolling his eyes, James realized he had to resort to desperate measures to get the boy next to him to awaken. Sighing, he reached out with his uninjured arm and tugged at Kendall's hair a few times, repeating the boys name until he opened his eyes.

At first, Kendall was glaring at James. He had never liked to be woken up and the same case definitely applied here. But seeing it was _James_ and not Logan or Carlos, Kendall sat up immediately, causing Logan's head to fall off his shoulder and into the gap between his back and the chair. The brunette boy didn't even stir.

"What's up?" Kendall asked softly, wiping at his eyes to get rid of the sleep that seemed to linger.

James crossed his arms. "Wake those two up and I'll tell you."

Kendall sighed. Turning around, he started to flick Logan in the nose. After the third flick, Logan's face scrunched up and he opened his eyes to glare at Kendall, silently asking why the hell he had to be woken up.

"Wake up Carlos. James needs to talk to us," Kendall said, and upon seeing Logan's face, he added, "Come on, Logan. You're the only one who can wake up Carlos without getting killed." James nodded behind him. Logan sighed; this fact was very true. He had known Carlos almost as long as Kendall and James had known each other, and he was one of the few people who could wake the boy up without getting punched in the face.

He began to nudge Carlos' shoulder, saying, "Come on, man, wake up." But when none of this seemed to coax the boy out of his slumber, Logan had to resort to desperate measures.

Eyeing the helmet that Carlos was cuddling, Logan very carefully pried the helmet out of Carlos' grip. It was only a matter of time before the rambunctious teen realized it was missing and would wake up.

To Logan's pleasant surprise, this didn't take long at all. Carlos awoke and, staring at where his helmet used to be, raised his head from the bed. His eyes began flickering wildly around the room, searching for the object of his affection. When he finally found it sitting in Logan's hands, he began glaring at his friend.

"Jerk," he said, snatching the helmet from Logan's grasp and, after putting it on his head, smacking Logan across the face. Logan wanted nothing more than to engage back, but he knew that James wanted to talk to them and fighting wasn't the best option at the moment.

"Oh shut up," Logan said. He turned away from his best friend and looked to James. "So what's up?"

James sighed. He knew his friends weren't going to be happy hearing this, but he had to voice it. "I want you guys to go home, preferably now." He tried not to wince at the expressions that crossed their faces.

"Why?" Carlos whispered, finding his voice first.

"Because I don't want you to spend all of your time here because of me," James said. "Seriously, when was the last time you guys had a decent meal?" He paused for a moment before adding, "And snackage from vending machines does _not_ count. So your last decent meal was at Five Guys, which was yesterday. And obviously you're not taking hygiene into account either. You're all wearing the same clothes as you were yesterday, aside from Kendall, who's wearing _hospital scrubs._"

"They're comfortable!" Kendall defended, even though he felt sick wearing the hospital garb.

James shook his head. "Bullshit. I know your jeans were covered in my blood, Kendall. I can see some of it on the hem of your shirt," Looking down at himself, Kendall saw that, in fact, there were a few blood stains on his shirt. "And just because I was all loopy before, don't think I didn't notice the blood on your hands. Which, by the way, I'm glad you washed off. But the fact that you were covered in my blood for _hours_ because you didn't want to leave me is both disturbing and unhealthy."

The boys sighed. They knew that James had a valid point; they just did not want to acknowledge it.

"You don't have to be so worried," James told them. "I'm okay, really. All I want right now is to sleep and for you guys to go home. So please, just go home. I'll be fine without you."

"Last time we left you alone you got kidnapped," Carlos whispered. "We're not leaving you alone again."

James sighed. "Rick's not coming back," he lied, hoping his friends wouldn't see through his façade. "Nothing's going to happen to me if you leave for one night. Go home, eat some fish sticks, sleep in your own beds. You can come right back in the morning."

But Kendall, Carlos and Logan didn't want to go home. They wanted to stay with James where they could keep an eye on him.

James sensed his friends' reluctance, so he decided to make a deal. "Alright, how about this," He began. "Whenever Doctor Drake comes in to give me my morphine and sedatives, you guys go home, okay?"

"How will you be able to know if we leave if you're sleeping?" Logan asked. James wanted to smack his forehead in frustration; Logan always had to be the smartass.

Suddenly, a very clever and very _sadistic_ idea came to James' mind. "Fine, stay if you want," He told them. "But just so you know, if I find out that you guys stayed with me, I'm refusing to take my next dosage of morphine."

The three boys' sly expressions morphed into incredulous looks upon James' words. "Are you crazy?" Kendall demanded. "If you don't take your next dose of morphine then you're going to be withering in pain!"

James nodded. "I'm perfectly aware of this. And while I'm withering in pain, you can all know it's _your_ faults because you didn't do what I asked you to."

"James, that's a little extreme," Carlos began, a weary look upon his face. "I mean, this is coming from the kid who willingly gets hurt every day. But your plan? That's like…ridiculous."

James rolled his eye. "No, what's _ridiculous_ is the fact that you refuse to leave. Just because I have to be cooped up in this hospital for the next month doesn't mean _you_ have to."

It was Kendall who rolled his eyes now. "So that's what this is all about? You wanting us to have _fun_?" James nodded. "I'll tell you what; we'll go home tonight and shove our faces with fish sticks and tater tots and play dome hockey and video games and ride the swirly slide. But even if we do all of that, none of it is going to be fun without _you_."

Logan nodded. "Exactly. The only way we work is as a _team_."

"So if we're team mooning someone," Carlos chimed in. "Then _you're_ mooning them with us."

Kendall and Logan looked at Carlos strangely before turning back to James. "Agreed?" Kendall asked.

"Fine," James said.

He knew he was right earlier; there was no way that he could ever push his friends away. Even asking them to return home for one night had proved to be a difficult task.

And while James was glad that he had such amazing friends that would never leave him, he feared that this quality was what was going to get them all killed.

"_And right before I kill you, you will think back and remember this conversation. And then you will know that it was your fault your friends died, because you could have stopped what happened. You could have stopped it and you never did…_

"_And that, James, is when I will win."_

…

**OMWGNOTE: **You know, I'm really becoming angry with myself for how short these chapters have been. But it's fine. I feel as though there was way more material to write about back when James was with Rick, and now I'm doing scene by scene in the hospital and they're just not as detailed. But I hope you like this chapter, because I sort of do. I just like the flashbacks. ;D


	14. Hug Me, Brother

**OMWGNOTE: **Yes, James lied to the boys about Rick not coming back. He's so bad. How would you all feel if Rick came back in this chapter and smothered James to death with a pillow? Because that's what's going down.

NO, NO! I'M JUST KIDDING. You may think there's a black hole where my heart is supposed to be, but there's not. Though you might beg to differ after this chapter…BUT I CRIED.

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Big Time Rush or any characters affiliated with the show. I also do not own the phrase used in the chapter title, and if any of you don't know where that's from, please tell me your favorite character so that I can kill them off in the next chapter. Anyway, I own Richard Rolle.

…

14. Hug Me, Brother

Kendall, Carlos and Logan had stayed with James until the clock read 8:23PM, which is when Doctor Drake came in to give James a dose of morphine and his sedatives. After receiving the drugs and watching his doctor leave the room, James already felt the sedatives taking their toll on his consciousness.

Sleepily demanding bro-hugs from his friends, James was out cold by the time his friends released their hold on him. Smiling softly and shaking their heads to themselves, the boys prepared to return to their own apartment.

They would be lying if they said that they were comfortable with James' request to make them return home. After walking back to their apartment with all four members for months now, one of the boys looked back every few seconds, as if James was there and just far behind. But with a mental slap and a sigh, they all continued their short trek to apartment 2J.

The boys had promised James they would continue with their weekly Friday plans as usual, but the minute they arrived back in their apartment they found this promise difficult to keep. They couldn't play dome hockey with just three people; it wouldn't call for a very fair match. The swirly slide was out of the question, for all of them were too out of it to smile and laugh. Even playing video games proved to be a difficult task, seeing as Kendall and James always teamed up in the game, vice versa with Carlos and Logan. It would again call for an unfair match, and the boys were again cruelly reminded how they couldn't go on in their daily lives with just the three of them.

After deeming everything undoable, the boys resorted to sitting on the couch and watching TV while waiting for the fish sticks and tater tots to be ready. In the midst of being there and not watching an episode of Hannah Montana, the boys and Katie were finally called to the dinner table.

They all took their normal positions around the dinner table, Katie and Mrs. Knight taking the head at opposite ends of the table, Carlos and Logan on one side and Kendall on the other. As they helped themselves to their various sized portions of fish sticks and tater tots, each person in the room could feel James' empty seat glaring at them.

Finally, after a few minutes of hearing nothing but the scraping of forks across plates, the ten-year old girl at the end of the table spoke up.

"Is James okay?" Katie asked quietly, not looking up from her food.

The four older people at the table had forgotten that Katie had no idea what was going on with James. Of course, she knew that he had been kidnapped, but she hadn't gotten much of the details besides the knowledge that he was badly hurt. The boys hadn't been paying much attention to her since the kidnapping and James being checked into the hospital, and they had almost forgotten her presence. In fact, Carlos had forgotten about her so completely that he jumped when she spoke, dropping his fork on the floor.

As Carlos excused himself to go get a new fork, Logan, Kendall and Mrs. Knight were all contemplating how to tell Katie how James was doing. Seeing Logan and Kendall's horrified expressions and acknowledging the fact that Carlos was taking an extremely long time to get a new fork, Mrs. Knight took it upon herself to tell her daughter what the condition of her son's friend was.

"Honey," She began, not sure how to break the news to a ten year old. But then she remembered that Katie was like no other innocent girls her age, and she decided to give her daughter as much of the truth as possible. "James is hurt very badly."

Katie rolled her eyes, a gesture nobody at the table expected. As soon as Carlos sat down, Katie said, "I know that, mom. You don't have to spare me the details; I watch FOX." Kendall let out a small chuckle while Katie continued. "I meant how James is doing mentally. I've seen kidnapping stories and the people who make it out alive are all messed up. I'm asking if _James_ is messed up, like the people on TV."

Mrs. Knight shook her head; she would have to start putting parental blocks on some certain channels. But she answered her daughter anyway.

"As far as I know, James is mentally stable," Mrs. Knight told her daughter. "Then again, I was with you most of the time at the hospital to make sure you didn't con any people in the waiting room. Maybe one of the boys would be better to answer your question."

Katie turned her attention to Kendall, the reaction automatic. Her big brother usually had the answers, but now he was blushing furiously and ducking his head to stare at his tater tots.

Sighing, Katie looked to Carlos, who had 'accidentally' dropped his fork again. He excused himself again to get another one, and so Katie had no other choice but to look to Logan for an answer.

Maybe Logan was the best bet in the first place, seeing as he was the only one yet who had talked to James about what happened.

"He didn't really say that much about the situation," Logan began, staring at James' empty seat as he talked. "I mean, I talked to him while Kendall and Carlos were asleep, and all he was concerned about was me." Logan paused again, racking his brain and trying to remember what James had told him earlier today. "I remember he said something about the pain, and the fact that he was afraid to go to sleep without any sedatives."

Upon hearing the last bit, Kendall's head snapped up to stare at Logan. A fork falling to the floor could be heard from the kitchen, most likely from Carlos dropping his third one after hearing what Logan said.

"Well, that sounds like a mental problem if I've ever heard one," Katie said, looking back down to her food.

Logan nodded halfheartedly, his mind whirling with thought process about his own words. Why _wasn't_ James able to sleep without the help of sedatives? Looking up, Logan caught Kendall's expression.

_We'll talk about this later_.

Logan simply nodded again, going back to his fish sticks. As Carlos sat down with his fourth fork of the night, they all continued to eat dinner without any more talking.

…

Kendall met Carlos and Logan in their shared bedroom after dinner to discuss things about James. Logan sighed as he sunk into his mattress, his friends taking positions across from him on Carlos' bed. They continued to stare him down until Logan spoke up.

"So I had a chat with James while you two were sleeping," Logan said. "And you might want to be on your guard; he's not down with the whole 'it's-all-about-James' thing, which is quite frankly pretty surprising judging by how he acts on a regular basis…"

"Okay," Kendall said. "Get to the part where he talked about himself."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Okay. Well he said that he was in a lot of pain, that he was pissed I wasn't telling him how I was feeling, and how he was afraid to go to sleep without the intervention of drugs."

Carlos' eyebrows furrowed together. "But why wouldn't he be able to sleep without drugs? I mean, James loves to sleep. He practically passes out the minute he finds a surface suitable for sleeping."

"No, Carlos, that's you." Logan reminded him. "But back to James: the only logical explanation is that James is afraid he'll have nightmares or something, but it's just an educated guess."

Kendall sat up straighter as he realized something, holding up a finger and pointing it at Logan. "_Educated_ guess is right," He told the shorter boy.

"Well, yeah," Logan said, not quite understanding why Kendall had to repeat what he said. "It's the only rational thing that makes sense. Hundreds of people have developed somniphobia because they're afraid that if they go to sleep they'll have nightmares; I can imagine James is feeling the same way."

The blonde boy shook his head. "No, I'm not talking about research you've done on the internet, Logan."

Now it was Logan's turn to be confused. "Then what were you talking about?" He asked.

Kendall smiled softly. "The research you've done on James."

"Wait," Carlos said, becoming confused again. "What do you mean by 'research we've done on James'? That makes no sense. You don't research your friends. You just _know_ stuff about them."

"Exactly," Kendall told him, turning to the boy next to him. "Logan's guess is educated because we all just _know_ this stuff about James. And when you think about it, Logan's 'guess' isn't just a guess; it's the explanation."

Logan shook his head, feeling upset that he didn't understand what Kendall was getting at. "But how do you know that?"

Kendall smiled again, this time wider. "Simple," He said. "Do you guys remember that time in ninth grade when we all watched _My Bloody Valentine_ at James' house?"

Carlos laughed lightly. "Who could forget? James' parents weren't home, and after the movie James was freaking out, thinking that he was going to have his heart ripped from his body in his sleep."

"And it took us half an hour to get him to go to sleep, and when he finally did, he woke up ten minutes later screaming his head off," Logan added.

Kendall nodded excitedly. "James has always been afraid to go to sleep after he's seen something horrible happen. It only makes sense that he's afraid to sleep now because something horrible has happened to _him_."

Then, suddenly, both Carlos and Logan understood what Kendall was saying.

"I _am_ right," Logan said, smiling as broadly as Kendall and Logan. "James is afraid to go to sleep because he thinks he's going to have nightmares about what happened!"

As soon as Kendall said this, all three of their smiles were gone as quickly as they had come.

"Oh, no," Carlos said, putting his head into his hands.

Kendall sighed, standing up. He couldn't deal with what was going on at the moment. He silently made his way towards the door before Logan's voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Where are you going?" He asked, moving over to Carlos' bed to slink an arm around his best friend.

Kendall turned back to them, running a hand through his already messy hair. "I'm following James' advice," He told them. "I'm taking a shower, because I'm sure that I smell like crap right now. Then I'm going to bed; there's nothing we can really do until tomorrow when we see James."

Logan and Carlos nodded—they knew Kendall was right. They were definitely starting to smell. Sighing, Carlos made his way to the kitchen bathroom while Logan took theirs, leaving Kendall walking to his own shared bathroom with James.

Kendall was never one to take long showers, but he felt like he had to make up for the amount of time he had gone without cleansing himself. That and the fact that he was completely out of it was what caused him to be in the shower for a full forty-five minutes.

As the warm water beat against his skin, a myriad of thoughts was floating through Kendall's mind, analyzing some of what James said to them before they left.

"_Rick's not coming back,"_ James had said. He had said it bluntly, no emotion in his voice as the words escaped his lips. Kendall had known James for so long that reading his emotions was like a sixth sense for him, and Kendall didn't miss the way that something in James' eyes changed after he said this.

The hazel that was always so light and carefree had turned darker, colder. It was the same exact look James always got in his eye when he was lying to Kendall.

At the time, Kendall had shaken it off. Now, as he turned off the shower and stepped out, he was seriously second guessing his overlook on this fact.

When he got back into he and James' room, he went straight past James' bed to his dresser, pulling out his pajamas. After pulling them on, he took his towel and began drying his hair, taking it off his head after rubbing the material against his scalp for a few minutes. He walked over to the laundry basket, placing the towel in it and then looking up, studying the details of his room.

There were pictures on almost every flat surface in the room. Whether just he and James be in them or all four of them, there was an excessive amount of memories captured in small frames. Kendall smiled fondly at one picture of James and him on their dresser; they were seven years old and covered in cake after having a cake fight at Kendall's birthday party.

Kendall also noticed that on almost every flat surface in the room there was _some_ type of hair care product. Whether it be hairspray or mousse, cans littered the surfaces of their dresser and nightstand. Kendall shook his head, smiling; that was one price to pay when one lived with James as a roommate.

His smile faded when his eyes traveled over to James' bed. It was unmade, the blankets in a crumpled heap at the foot of the bed, the two pillows James used every night stacked against the wall. Kendall wasn't surprised, really; James was very fidgety in his sleep, which caused his bed to look like he had a fight with it when morning came around. That and the fact that James _never_ made his bed (Logan was the only one out of all four of them who did) always caused it to look quite hideous to anyone but James.

But the bed's hideous appearance was not what bothered Kendall. No, it was the fact that James wasn't in his bed that affected him.

He slowly inched closer to the bed, as if he were afraid the pillows would come to life and beat him if he went too quickly. He stopped at the foot of the bed, still just staring at it.

James wouldn't be sleeping there tonight. James wouldn't be sleeping there for the next month. And it was all because of some stupid bastard named Rick.

Before Kendall knew what was happening his knees gave out, sending him painfully crashing to the floor. When the tears started flowing out of his eyes, he wasn't sure whether it was due to the pain his kneecaps were feeling or that fact that James wasn't there. It didn't really matter, because now Kendall was sobbing again and he _hated_ it.

It felt really good back in the hospital. He hadn't sobbed in years and it had felt amazing just to let it all out. But now he felt like a weakling, like a little boy who had just gotten his candy stolen from him. He felt like he was crying over something stupid even though his reason for crying was completely legitimate.

He didn't even realize when Carlos and Logan came into the room. One minute he was by himself and the next minute his head was buried in Carlos' shoulder and Logan's arms were around his torso. It took him an even longer time to realize that they, too, were crying for their fourth friend.

After crying for what seemed like hours, the boys finally fell asleep in a crumpled mess on the floor a little bit after midnight. Not one of them slept peacefully.

…

James was again woken up by the pain coursing through his body, but this time, he wasn't alone.

Doctor Drake was there with the morphine, giving James what he hoped was a large dose of the drug. He had been given half-ass doses of the medication ever since his body had been full of morphine, and James hoped he could experience that again.

"Good morning," Doctor Drake murmured, injecting the drug into James' system.

"Hi," James said, smiling softly.

Doctor Drake smiled back. "You're up for a bigger amount of morphine later on. You were going to get it now, but your friends are here and they want to see you right away, so we're postponing that for later in the day."

James nodded, his smile broadening. Of course his friends would be there the moment visiting hours started. And he would see his friends now, even if that meant dealing with a little bit of pain.

Doctor Drake only lingered for a moment, giving James a quick once-over to see if there was anything noticeably wrong with him. After apparently deeming James healthy enough to see his friends, the doctor moved to the door and opened it. This action caused Kendall, Carlos and Logan to practically burst into the room.

Doctor Drake smiled. "I'll leave you to be with your friends, but I'll be back later to give you the morphine we talked about." James nodded, and without another word his doctor left the room.

"Some people are eager to see me," James said, laughing.

Kendall simply rolled his eyes at him. "Well maybe if _someone_ hadn't made us go home yesterday, we wouldn't have had to be eager to see you because we would have already been seeing you."

James laughed again. "Okay, I never thought I would see the day where Kendall Knight would complain about having to leave a hospital. I thought that was Logan's job."

Smiling sheepishly, Logan responded, "Well, it's going to be my job, after Big Time Rush and everything. And who knows, maybe Kendall wants to be a doctor now, too."

"Are you kidding me?" Kendall scoffed. "I would never be able to deal with this doctor stuff."

"Enough about doctors," James said, laughing.

Suddenly Carlos shot straight up, remembering something. "Guess what?" He asked excitedly.

James laughed again. "What?"

"We brought Sharpies!" He exclaimed, indicating to James' right arm, covered in a cast.

The boy in the bed smiled. "Go for it," He said. Carlos didn't need to be told twice. He made his way over to the other side of the bed, pulling his marker out of his back pocket as he did so. He uncapped it, relishing in the addicting scent that defined a permanent marker. Taking James' broken arm into his lap with great care, Carlos began to write his name.

When Carlos was done, he passed the marker to Kendall, who signed his name and afterwards, handed the marker over to Logan. After writing their names, each of the boys got their turn to reclaim the marker and draw little pictures on James' cast.

Finally, when Logan finished his picture, James pulled his arm away.

"That's enough," James said, laughing as he watched his friends return to their seats. "Anyway, how was Fish Stick Friday? Please tell me you smuggled a few fish sticks for me; they're only letting me eat jell-o. I _hate_ jell-o."

The three boys shared a wary look, silently agreeing that it would be best to lie to James about their Friday night experience.

Carlos put on a fake smile. "It was awesome," he said with fake enthusiasm. "You know, we had some fish sticks. And there was swirly slide action…"

"And dome hockey," Kendall chimed in, putting on a fake smile of his own.

"And I got to play video games without having Gustavo sit on my face," Logan said happily. So maybe he _hadn't_ played video games, but he didn't feel completely bad lying because the bit about Gustavo not sitting on his face was true. In fact, none of the boys had seen Gustavo since James' kidnapping, which was two days ago.

James smiled. "Sounds awesome," He said. The three mentally sighed, thinking they were in the clear. They were wrong. "But we're best friends, and I can tell when you're lying. So what really happened?"

_Crap. _The word ran through Kendall, Carlos and Logan's minds at the same moment, taunting them, making them regret ever thinking of lying to James in the first place.

Kendall decided to take the fall. "Well we did have fish sticks and tater tots," He began. "And then Katie asked how you were doing."

"So we told her you were recovering, and then she wanted to know how you were doing mentally," Logan added.

James gulped silently. "And what did you tell her?"

"That you were fine," Kendall said. "'Course, we wouldn't really know since you won't say anything about what happened."

James felt his face flush, something that always happened when he felt guilty. He knew that Kendall was right—he knew that he should probably talk to them about what happened for his sanity's sake—but he couldn't bring himself to talk about what happened in that warehouse. Not yet.

And his friends deserved to know that.

"Listen," He began. "I know it's not good to keep things bottled up, but I don't really want to talk about anything yet. It just happened two days ago and I think I'm allowed to have more time to reco—"

By itself, the movement of the door swinging open wouldn't have stopped James in the middle of a sentence. It was the fact that a police officer, with Doctor Drake in tow, was at his door that made James' flow of words decease.

"Officer, you can't just barge into my patient's room with no explanation whatsoever—"

The officer just turned to Doctor Drake and smiled. "Doctor, with all due respect, I do have an explanation to be in this young man's room. And perhaps this young man can help me give it." The man in uniform made his way over to James, holding out a hand for the teenager to shake. "I'm Officer Bennett. And you're James Diamond, correct?"

James shook the man's hand with his good arm, nodding. He exchanged a surprised glance with his friends before Officer Bennett spoke again.

"I'd like to talk to you about a few things, if you don't mind." The officer told him, smiling softly. James knew that whatever the officer had to talk to him about couldn't be good. "If you three could please leave the room so I could talk to your friend, I would really appreciate not having to pull my badge out."

With apologetic looks to James, the three stood and began to walk out of the room.

Security guards? The boys of Big Time Rush had no problem starting a fight with them. But police officers? Yeah, not one of the boys had any desire to get in trouble with the law any time soon.

Officer Bennett turned to Doctor Drake as soon as the boys left the room (even though they were waiting just outside the door, ready to go right back in when the time came), giving him a pointed look. "Do you mind giving us a minute?" He asked, his eyes darting between Patrick and the door.

Doctor Drake simply rolled his eyes, and in that moment, James felt a strange urge to give the man a high-five. "I won't be doing that, thank you." He told the officer. "I can only assume that you're here to talk to James about what got him admitted to the hospital in the first place. Such a conversation could lead to emotional distress, which could lead to physical distress, which in turn can cause the death of my patient. I'm not about to let this boy die just because you desire to do your little interrogation alone. You can pretend like I'm not here or you can leave the hospital now; it's your choice."

The officer in question didn't even respond. He just pulled up a chair—Kendall's chair, James noted—and pulled a tape recorder out of his pocket. He put it on the bed between him and James, finger on the button that would record their every word. James stared at it, wide eyed and feeling scared shitless.

"I understand that you received all of your current injuries on March 18th, 2010," Officer Bennett began.

James nodded, still not finding the words to speak. He knew what this was about; Officer Bennett wanted him to make a statement. He wanted James to talk about what happened with Rick. But how would James be able to do that, talk about Rick? If he couldn't talk about what happened to his friends, he didn't think he would feel any more comfortable confiding in a police officer, someone he didn't even know until five minutes ago.

Officer Bennett continued then, looking at James warily. "I need you to make a statement on what happened that night."

James spoke for the first time. "I—I can't," He told the officer.

The officer looked at him sympathetically. "Would you be able to tell us what happened before and after you were held captive in the basement? Then you could give a brief synopsis of what happened in the basement, which would confirm what we already know."

At this, James became very confused. "What do you already know?" He asked. "_How_ do you know anything?"

"You were recorded while you were being held captive," The officer told him, his own eyebrows furrowing. Hadn't James already known this? "We can't hear anything that was said, but we saw everything. It's a little blurry, but we identified your captor as Richard Rolle. Is this correct?"

James nodded, not looking at the cop anymore. He found himself staring at his recently signed cast, his eye glued to the letters and drawings his friends had made.

"Can you tell me what happened, James?" Officer Bennett asked, but the words sounded distant to James. He wasn't thinking about what happened, he wasn't thinking about answering Officer Bennett. He was simply mesmerized by his cast.

Carlos' name stood out to him, large and surprisingly neat for someone who was so energetic and reckless. Underneath his name he had drawn a picture of the kitten, and suddenly James was reminded of their fight when they first got here. "Let's all think happy thoughts about kittens," Carlos had told them. James fought the urge to chuckle; of course Carlos would draw a kitten. He wouldn't want James thinking bad thoughts about what happened, he would want James thinking about kittens.

James' eye traveled to Kendall's name next, which looked hideous. Kendall always had the worst handwriting of their group. Like James, Kendall was left handed. But whereas James didn't mind smudging his words and getting whatever substance he was writing with on the side of his hand, Kendall held his writing utensil in a weird way to avoid doing just that. This caused him to have an awkward grip and his words always came out looking like he wrote them with his non dominant hand. Underneath his name, Kendall had simply drawn a smiley face. James didn't really think there was any big philosophical meaning behind his drawing.

Lastly, James found himself looking at Logan's name. It was large, like Carlos', but the letters were all squished together. Logan always feared he was taking up too much room on the paper and his letters were always on top of each other like they were on James' cast. James again fought the urge to chuckle as he looked at Logan's picture. It was him and his friends in stick figure form. Carlos with a huge smile on his face, his helmet on his head; Logan with a smile, holding a book; James with his lucky comb and a mirror, smiling at his reflection; and Kendall, whose huge eyebrows took up most of his hair space.

Looking at these little stick figure versions of he and his friends, James felt as though they were in the room with him.

"_You can do it,"_ They would have said to him.

And right when James was ready to tell Officer Bennett what happened, his friend's images did something else.

"_Rick is going to come back and kill us," _They told him. "_Remember what happened? He almost killed you. Rick almost killed you and he's going to kill us._

"_Rick is going to kill us. Rick is going to kill us. Rick is going to kill us."_

"No," James said, not sure whether he was responding to his friends' words or Officer Bennett's. Either way, Officer Bennett turned off the tape recorder. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no." James said, his voice rising with each word.

Doctor Drake could sense that James was on the edge of breaking down, and he ran over to Officer Bennett, who was now standing. He began to gently push the officer out of the room, the man in uniform confused as to what just happened. Doctor Drake could still hear James chanting 'no' over and over again, and he more or less shoved Officer Bennett the rest of the way out of the room.

The minute the door opened and the cop was pushed out of the room, Kendall, Carlos and Logan shot up from their seats. Doctor Drake gave them this look that said, _Come in here now_, and who were they to refuse a doctor's order?

"No, no, no, no, no," James chanted, shaking as he stared at his cast. Tears were falling down his cheek at a rapid pace, and he didn't even notice his friends crowding around him and asking him what was wrong.

James just kept repeating the same word over and over, his tears flowing quicker as his crying escalated into sobs. His body was shaking with each motion, each repeat of the same word tumbling out of his mouth. The violent shaking made the pain in his body flare, his ribs taking the largest impact as he was gasping for breath.

"I'm giving him his next dose of morphine now," Doctor Drake told them over James' heavy sobbing. The boys nodded as they pulled him into a four person hug, awkwardly crowding on the left side of the bed as the doctor worked on the right side. "I'm also giving him his sedatives," The doctor informed them, and the three boys nodded again.

As the drugs started making their way through his bloodstream, James could feel himself become more and more tired. The sedatives were working effectively as James' sobbing began to slow down, as his body began to stop shaking so violently.

He felt safe in his friends' arms, but he knew he wasn't the one who needed to be protected.

James' shaking finally came to a stop as the boy fell asleep in Kendall, Carlos and Logan's arms. The boys and Doctor Drake breathed a sigh of relief.

The boys knew that James was going to break down at one point. They were all insanely surprised that James hadn't broken down in the past two days. But although they knew it was coming, it still scared them to death. Seeing James gasping for air like he was just a minute ago, his body shaking and looking completely terrified.

It didn't help that, even in his sleep, James was still crying. It wasn't sobbing, but soft whimpers were still escaping his lips every few minutes.

"_We will make it 'til tomorrow and past the sorrow; I hope we never fall apart, I hope we never fall apart." –Quiet Please_

…

**OMWGNOTE: **Hi. Was that angsty enough for you? Is it angsty enough to last you a few days? Because I have no idea when the next chapter is going to be up, since I'm lazy and you know. It might be really long, like this one. Which I'm really proud of this chapter. I enjoy it thoroughly.

Anyway, the slight delay for this chapter came from my sketch pad continuously beckoning to me. It was actually really annoying because now I have 4923094 pictures of Big Time Rush. And then Heffron Drive certainly occupied a lot of my time, and me watching Big Time Rush, and me making a birthday card. I'm just a procrastinator. ANYWAY. I hope you enjoy this angst-tacular chapter as much as I do.


	15. Protection

**OMWGNOTE: **For the briefest amount of time, I changed my penname to Clams on the Freeway. Yeah, I know I'm weird. But I changed it back because I kept twitching when I saw my penname. Anyway, I edited C14 after finding a few mistakes in it that REALLY bothered me. And I also added a line to the end that is from the same song as the line in the beginning of this chapter. I'll say more about that at the end of the chapter.

Oh. And go read _'Blood Atonement' _by Year 3000. It's spectacular and fantastic and other words that are amazing and make me happy.

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own dem boys or dat show. These disclaimers are getting lazier, agreed? Oh, and I also don't own Shane from iCarly, because I always put him into my stories somehow because I just like how Shane and James are really different and I'm shutting up now.

…

"_You should know that you're the something that I hold onto when I'm left with nothing." –Quiet Please, Heffron Drive_

15. Protection

For the second time in his stay at the hospital, James had not woken up due to pain. No, James had woken up because he felt three pairs of eyes staring him down.

When James slowly opened his eye, he discovered that he was right; Carlos, Kendall and Logan's eyes were all trained to him as if they directed their gaze somewhere else, James would thus explode. After skeptically raising an eyebrow—his right eyebrow, because he couldn't raise his left—James pushed himself up into a sitting position, wincing at the pain this brought him in his abdomen and shoulder.

"Are you okay?" Logan asked, the words more or less exploding from his mouth.

James let himself fall back into the pillows, sighing in frustration. "I'm fine," He said through gritted teeth. He knew that now he had broken down, his friends would be swarming over him like nobody's business.

Kendall looked his friend over warily. "You don't sound like your fine," He said. "And in light of recent events, I'm pretty sure you're not fine."

"Shut up," James said, glaring at Kendall. The blonde seemed taken aback by this, but James continued anyway. "Just shut up. I just woke up and I already said that I don't want to talk about it yet, so just drop it."

Logan came to Kendall's defense. "James, he's only worried about how you're doing; we all are. Seeing you break down like that scared the crap out of us, and I really think that it's only going to happen again unless you talk about what happened with Ri—"

"Don't you _dare_ say it, Logan," James said. "I don't want to hear that name. I don't want to talk about what happened. All I want is for you to drop it."

"We're not going to drop it, James," Kendall said. "What happened to you was serious. You can't keep these kind of things bottled up!"

James glared at Kendall with his functioning eye. "Yes I can, Kendall. You're doing the same thing."

Kendall fell silent.

"See?" James asked. "You're keeping things bottled up! You were _crying_, Kendall. I haven't seen you cry in eight years." He turned to Carlos. "And don't think I've forgotten about you, Carlos. I saw you crying too, and I've _never_ seen you cry." Carlos, who hadn't spoken yet, stared down at the helmet in his hands. "Logan is the only one who's realized that what I really want is for you guys to stop acting like I'm the only one that matters. I said it to Logan before and I'll say it again; this is a two-way friendship. You guys matter, too."

Kendall rolled his eyes. "This is a two-way friendship. But sometimes, one person matters more than the other. And right now, _you_ matter more."

"But I already said that I'm not ready to talk about what happened, "James reminded him. "So while you wait for me to open up, why don't _you_ share how you're feeling? The fact that this situation made you cry obviously means there's something wrong with you."

It was times like this that Kendall hated that selfless side of James. Although it may sound strange, Kendall sometimes wished that James was self-centered and obsessing over his hair all the time. Sure, it gets really annoying after a while, but it's more annoying to Kendall when James focuses all of the attention away from himself when he's the one that matters most.

Kendall wasn't going to let James forget that he was the only one that mattered.

"So what if I cried? If our situations were reversed, wouldn't you cry if your best friend was on his death bed? And who knows, maybe I was crying about the fact that you won't talk about what happened!"

James scoffed. "Yeah, okay Kendall. You were crying because I wouldn't talk to you about what happened. I'm sorry, I'll try not to be unconscious next time." He said, his voice dripping with obvious sarcasm.

"Well now you are conscious, and you're not telling me anything. That pisses me off to no end, James." Kendall told him.

Through this whole quarrel between Kendall and James, Logan and Carlos both remained absolutely silent. The two taller boys hardly ever fought, but Logan and Carlos had learned that when they did, they needed to stay the fuck out of whatever was happening. Kendall and James would only become angrier if they thought Logan and Carlos were picking sides. But Carlos couldn't take it anymore.

"Are you freaking serious right now?" He asked, standing up and slamming his helmet down on the bed. "You two are ridiculous! You're fighting about your _friendship_. This is the stupidest fight I think I've ever had to witness, and that includes the fight Logan and I had about rollercoasters on deserted islands!"

James and Kendall practically ignored Carlos. "The only stupid thing in this room," James said, glaring at the blonde. "Is _Kendall_, because he asked me if I would want him to talk about what happened if he were me, and yet I'm sure he would want me to talk about what happened if I were _him_!"

Logan put his head in his hands. _That was the most confusing sentence I've ever heard in my life. This fight is so pointless it hurts._ Carlos sat down defeated, picking his helmet back up and putting it on. He continued to watch as his two best friends kept arguing.

"Well I'm pretty sure the recipient of having the snot beat out of them by Ric—"

James glared. "Don't fucking say the name, Kendall. I swear to fucking God, don't say it—"

"_Richard Rolle_ should talk first!" Kendall continued, not even fazed by what James said.

James flinched, tears welling up in his eyes as he remembered Rick's parting words to him. _Don't cry James, don't talk about it. It will go away if you don't talk about it._

"Kendall," Carlos said in a warning tone.

But Kendall didn't listen, and said, "So James, why don't you talk about what happened between you and _Richard Rolle_." He put emphasis on the name that put James in the hospital, that put all of them in this situation.

Gustavo sure was right when he said that Kendall had anger management issues.

"Get out," James said, pointing to the door with his right hand. Kendall didn't fail to notice his name written messily on the cast, a smile underneath it. He sure wasn't feeling happy now. "I don't want to talk about what happened, and since you're so insistent on making me, I don't want to talk to you."

"James, you're being ridiculous," Kendall told him. "All I want is for you to talk about what happened—"

"And he's not ready," Logan said. "Give him some time. C'mon," Logan grabbed Kendall's arm, pulling him up from the chair and towards the door.

Kendall wasn't going to leave that easily. He began to struggle, trying to get out of Logan's grip. "Logan, let go of me. I'm not leaving—"

"Yes you are," Logan said. "You need to cool down. You can come back later when you and James decide to stop being idiots!" Logan and a reluctant Kendall disappeared through the door, Logan slamming it behind them.

The minute the door shut, James sighed, laying back and hiding his face with his hands. Having a fight with his best friend was the last thing he needed right now. He closed his eye and wasn't surprised to find wetness collecting behind his eyelid. He was glad that his hand was already on his face, because all he needed to do was make it look like he was scratching his eye and Carlos would never notice.

James sighed again. He knew that Carlos was right; Kendall and James' fight was incredibly stupid. They were basically fighting over who cared about the other more, and it shouldn't have blown up the way it did. But it happened, and James could feel himself on the verge of breaking down again.

Carlos noticed this, and carefully moved himself from the chair he had been sitting him to James' bed. James felt the mattress sink from Carlos' weight, but he still didn't remove his hands from his face. It wasn't till Carlos spoke his name, sounding broken and scared, did James remove his palms from their position on his eyes and looked at his friend.

It was almost as if Carlos hadn't even spoken, judging by how he looked at the moment. He had taken his helmet off and was now holding it in his hands, staring at it intently. But James had _sworn_ he had heard Carlos' voice, so he responded.

"Yeah?" He asked.

Carlos looked up at him then, tears shining in his eyes. "I don't like this, James." He told him. Carlos sounded and looked so sad, so different from how angry he was just minutes before. "Everything is falling apart and you keep getting hurt the most."

James couldn't speak, just watched as Carlos' eyes dropped back to his helmet, his eyebrows furrowing together. The boy looked to be in deep thought, concentrating on nothing else but his helmet. James didn't want to ruin that concentration with his words.

But he didn't need to, because Carlos suddenly rejoined the world around him and looked up. "I do a lot of crazy things," He told James. James nodded, not quite sure where Carlos was going.

"And a lot of the time I want to do things like jumping out of windows and skateboarding in the Palm Woods pool and stuff that would get me hurt. But I always have my helmet, and then I get less hurt than I could have." He sighed. "I wish you could have had my helmet when that guy took you."

James felt his throat constrict with the tears that were forming. He knew that his friends cared about him, but hearing Carlos state it in such an innocent way brought tears to his eyes. "Carlos," He said, his voice squeaking a little from the tears he was trying to hold back. "I don't think your helmet could have helped me."

Carlos sighed again. "I know. But I wish you hadn't gotten so hurt. And you're still getting hurt. That police officer…he didn't mean to, but he hurt you. And Kendall hurt you, too. And I'm really afraid that if you get hurt again, you won't be okay." He told James, tears spilling from his eyes and flowing down his cheeks. But then he smiled; a sad smile. It wasn't the normal ear-to-ear grin he usually wore, but it was a smile nonetheless.

"But remember that time in hockey when I dislocated my shoulder after being checked? My arm looked so weird, remember? It was just sort of dangling by my side and it hurt really badly. And you and Logan had to hold Kendall back from murdering the guy who checked me." Carlos laughed lightly at the memory, his smile becoming a little bigger when James began to laugh with him.

When they were done with their short fit of laughter, Carlos continued. "But before I got to the hospital, I thought my arm would never be the same again. I thought I wouldn't be able to use it anymore and it would just hang useless at my side. But then the doctors fixed it and it worked perfectly, but it still hurt a lot."

"I remember that," James said. "You kept whining because your arm hurt and you couldn't play hockey for a while."

"I did not whine," Carlos protested. "But whenever the pain started to get really bad, I would slap my helmet on and it would be okay. It wouldn't completely take away the pain, but it would make it so that it didn't hurt as bad, you know? Sort of like my helmet has some secret healing powers."

James laughed at the last bit; _only_ Carlos would think that his helmet had secret healing powers.

Carlos looked down at his helmet again, biting his lip. "You keep getting hurt," Carlos repeated. "But maybe if you took my helmet, it wouldn't hurt so badly."

"Carlos, I have a helmet of my own." James told him. "You don't need to give up your helmet just for me."

"I'm not giving it to you," Carlos said. "Are you crazy? I'm just letting you borrow it. And besides, your helmet doesn't have secret healing powers like mine does."

"Carlos—"

Before he could finish, Carlos plopped the helmet on his head. "Just shut up and wear it. Now don't you feel better?"

James couldn't really describe it, but he actually _did_ feel better. The pain was already gone due to the morphine, but the morphine could only do so much; it usually just left him feeling uncomfortable, because he knew that the pain would inevitably return. But now he felt as though he would never feel pain again. He didn't know whether it was because Carlos' helmet really did have secret healing powers, or the fact that Carlos cared so much left him feeling all warm and mushy, but it worked, whatever it was.

"Yeah, I do," James said, failing to hide the surprise in his voice. "Thanks, Carlos."

…

"What is your problem?" Logan demanded once they were standing outside of the hospital. He had dragged Kendall down a few floors and decided to take the discussion outside for the sake of not causing a scene in the waiting room.

Kendall crossed his arms. "I don't have a problem," He said angrily. "James is the only one with a problem! I try to get him to talk about what happens and he turns it around and tries to get me to talk. There's nothing wrong with me."

Logan sighed. "You and I both know that's not true. You were _crying_, Kendall."

"Why does everyone keep bringing that up?" Kendall demanded. "Am I not allowed to cry? Am I supposed to be the strong one all the time? Because if I am, I'll turn off all of my emotions because apparently I'm not allowed to feel!"

Sighing again, Logan put his hands on Kendall's shoulders and looked him straight in the eye. "No one is saying that you have to be the strong one all the time. I actually don't know how you do it. I feel like you try way too hard to be the strong one, and I don't understand why you do. Crying doesn't make you weak."

"Really?" Kendall asked, pushing Logan's hands off his shoulders. "Because I've let my guard down twice during the last two days and now everyone is treating me differently and making it seem like there's something wrong with me. Can't I just cry and not be asked questions?" Kendall turned away from Logan, walking over to a bench and plopping down on it, clearly frustrated.

Logan sighed for the third time since being with Kendall, following him and sitting down gently beside his friend. "There's nothing wrong with you because you cry," He said, watching as Kendall stared coldly at the ground. "The reason why everyone keeps bringing it up is because you're always the strong one. You're the one we always look to for guidance and leadership. And since James is practically the only person who's seen you cry…it just freaks us out, because we know that if you can't keep it together then we can't keep it together."

"But that's what I hate," Kendall said. "I don't like being the leader. I don't know why people would trust me when I don't even trust myself."

Something that Logan wasn't used to was Kendall being insecure. It was new, scared the crap out of him, and quite frankly gave him chest pains at how much his heart broke.

"People trust you because you're a good person. You're smart, you're loyal, and you don't take shit from anyone, and I think that's one of the main reasons people turn to you for leadership." Logan said. "And how many times have you gotten us into trouble only to steer us back out of it? I mean, I know that sometimes you don't think things through and we end up getting stuck to the point where you turn to me to get us out of it, but you usually do all the scheming. You use logic too, you just use it for more evil purposes. Take the situation with Wayne-Wayne for example; if it weren't for your evilly brilliant logic, one of us would be living back in Minnesota right now, and based what people were saying, that probably would have been me."

Kendall put his face in his hands, refusing to show Logan how his eyes were shining with unshed tears. "Yeah, so I've gotten us out of situations that never really mattered," He said, his voice muffled by his hands. "But when it really counts, I can't get us out of anything. I'm useless. I'm waiting for you guys to realize that and ditch me."

Logan's heart broke again.

"Kendall, look at me." When his friend looked up and revealed his broken expression to him, Logan really wished he hadn't told Kendall that. But he put on a brave face and continued to talk to his friend. "You're not useless. You're an amazing friend and an amazing person and I would be lying if I said I didn't consider you to be the brother I never had. I can't speak for James and Carlos but I'm sure they would say the same thing. You need to stop being so hard on yourself every time you can't save one of us. You can't do everything."

"But I'm the leader," Kendall said, his voice cracking. "I should have done something—"

"And a good leader like yourself should know when he can't do anything else. Kendall, I know how you're feeling. This is essentially what James and I talked about. But James reminded me that I didn't have to be guilty, that there was nothing we could have done." Logan reminded him.

Tears started rolling down Kendall's cheeks, and he wiped them off before they reached his neck. He hated the stiff feeling of having tears dried onto his neck. "But I still feel like it's my fault."

Logan stood up then, and Kendall looked up at him with an expression that literally hurt Logan to look at. "Come on, then," Logan said, reaching out his hand for Kendall to take. Kendall pulled himself up, and Logan moved his grip to Kendall's wrist, dragging the taller boy behind him into the hospital.

"Logan, what are you doing?" Kendall asked, resisting so much that it was almost like Logan was trying to pull his wrist off as he brought Kendall to the elevators.

The doors opened with a _ding_ and Logan proceeded to shove Kendall into the elevator, pressing the number that would bring them up the shaft and drop them off at James' floor. "We're going to ask James a question."

Kendall shook his head violently, wincing as Logan regained his hold of his wrist and began towing Kendall out of the elevator. "Logan, do you really think that's a good idea? James and I had a fight like, twenty minutes ago, and I'm pretty sure he won't be too excited about seeing me."

Logan stopped outside of James' door, turning to face Kendall so quickly that the blonde boy staggered back a few steps. "Kendall, for someone who stands up to various intimidating people every day, you're really being a pansy right now."

"But James—"

"James is your best friend," Logan said, cutting Kendall's protests off. "He's not scary, he's not intimidating, he's your best friend. And best friends are honest with each other, so let's go ask James that very important question I talked about."

Logan sent Kendall a glare that silenced all other verbal protests, and a minute later Logan threw open the door and dragged Kendall into the room.

They were greeted with the site of James wearing Carlos' helmet, talking and laughing with Carlos. Logan and Kendall's entrance interrupted Carlos' recollection about the infamous time he and Kendall got ejected from the Duluth East game for unsportsmanlike mooning, and when he fell silent, the entire room did with him.

It was so awkward that it was almost hard to breathe.

Kendall was looking at the floor, his shoes, the various medical equipment, as if he were on a mission to steer clear of James. James himself found his gaze focused on Kendall, while Carlos was looking at Logan and Logan was looking at Carlos.

They all sat through a few more seconds of awkward silence and staring each other down until Logan recovered and began speaking.

"So James," He began, and breaking the awkward silence almost made it more awkward, but Logan continued. "I have a question that concerns Kendall's well being, and based on what you two were fighting about earlier, I'm sure you want to answer because Kendall's well being is important to you."

James had no idea why Logan always had to make things sound so sophisticated. James actually wished that he could sound smart and use fancy ways to put his words together like Logan did, but instead of spending extra time on trying to make himself sound smart, he just answered Logan like he normally would. "And what would this question be?" James asked, a little bit warily. He was still staring at Kendall, and although Kendall wasn't looking at him, James could tell that he had been crying.

"Do you think it's Kendall's fault that you got kidnapped and hurt the way you did?" Logan asked, and as soon as the words were out of his mouth, all eyes were trained on him.

Kendall and James shared the same incredulous look, and Carlos' eyes widened just a bit. But whereas Carlos and Kendall's gazes remained focus on Logan, James' eye flickered back to Kendall.

"You're kidding me, right?" James asked, surprise completely engulfing his tone. "I have no idea how you can think that any of this is your fault. There's nothing you could have done. And let me get this straight with all of you, because you all seem to think that you could have stopped what happened; there was nothing you could have done." He laughed. "Rick is a crazy-ass bastard who would have done everything he did to me to one of you guys if you were out there. Would you want me feeling this way if you were in this hospital bed?"

The silence was answer enough for him.

But when the silence was broken, it wasn't the answer of 'no' he was expecting. No, the words he got couldn't even associate themselves with James' question.

"I'm sorry," Kendall said, looking down again. "I shouldn't have gotten so mad at you for not talking yet, and I shouldn't have been a jerk about it all and—"

"Kendall?" James interrupted, and Kendall looked up at him with tear-filled eyes. "You need to shut up," James told him. Kendall blinked in surprise and the tears began cascading down his face again; he didn't think that James would respond to his apology like that. "You need to shut up," James repeated. "Because you're not letting me get my apology in," He finished with a smile, and a smile broke out onto Kendall's face as well.

"Now get your ass over here. I know you can't resist a hug from me," James said, tears rolling down the left half of his face despite his wide smile. Kendall made his way over to his best friend quickly, sitting down on the bed next to him and leaning forward into his embrace.

James only laughed again at how lightly Kendall was hugging him. "You don't have to hug me like I'm going to break you know," James said, but Kendall made no move to hug him tighter.

The boy in the bed pulled back a bit to look Kendall in the face. "Seriously, Kendall. You act like I'm going to explode. Hug me like a man, you little girl."

Kendall only laughed and pulled the other boy closer to him.

Logan smiled as he watched Kendall and James mend their friendship, hugging it out on James' hospital bed. His attention turned to Carlos, who was pouting at the sight of the two boys hugging.

"I feel left out!" He mumbled, crossing his arms and turning away from them. "And I don't even have my helmet to make up for it." He began gripping at his hair, not used to feeling it because his helmet was ever-present on his head.

Logan's smile broadened, shutting the door and walking over to his friend. "C'mere, little buddy," He said, and a smile broke out onto Carlos' face as he got up and wrapped his arms around Logan's waist.

…

Kurt and Shane Diamond made their way through the hospital doors, not even bothering to stop and ask the receptionist which floor James was on. Kurt had already gathered all the information he needed when Mrs. Knight had called him, and they made their way onto James' floor with that information.

It made Kurt's heart ache to see his younger son with tears streaming down his face as they waited for the elevator to arrive on James' floor. Shane had always been close to his older brother and it had been hard for Kurt to tell the boy the news about his brother being into the hospital.

The minute the elevator doors opened, the father and son practically scrambled out of the elevator, stopping for a moment to ask the receptionist on James' floor exactly how to get to the room they needed to be at. After receiving the information they needed, they maneuvered their way through the halls, stopping at the sight of Mrs. Knight and Katie outside the door.

"Hi Kurt," Mrs. Knight said, and Kurt stepped forward to hug his friend. "How have you been holding up?"

"Fine," Kurt replied. "Not so good now, though. And I should be asking you the same thing; you must be going through hell living with four crazy boys and only one other woman in the house."

Emily smiled, despite the situation. "I've been holding up alright," She said. She decided to cut the useless chatter and greetings and get straight to the point. "If you want to see James, you can go in now," She told him. When he started making his way past her towards the door with Shane in tow, she stopped Kurt again. "I don't think Shane is allowed to go in," Mrs. Knight said, her brow furrowing. "They said Katie wasn't allowed because she's under the age of thirteen."

Kurt sighed, turning to Shane. "Shane, stay with Mrs. Knight while I go talk to James."

Shane whined in protest. "But I want to see James. He's my brother and he's hurt and I need to see him!"

Mrs. Knight quickly relocated herself in the conversation, placing a hand on Shane's shoulder and turning her attention towards him. "If I see James' doctor, I'll ask him if you can see James, alright? I'm sure there's some exception to be made because you're brothers," She assured him. He nodded, still not pleased that he couldn't see James _now_, and solemnly took a seat beside Katie.

Kurt sent Emily a look that said _thank you_, and then turned to the door his son was behind. Taking a deep breath, he opened it and walked inside.

…

**OMWGNOTE: **Yesssss I am SO excited to be done because this chapter killed me. Like, Kendall and James weren't even supposed to fight but then they did and then Carlos was cute and then Kendall was cute and then they were all cute and then I just randomly came up with a name for James' dad and then Shane was cute and then it was just cute but angsty at the same time but I actually liked it and I'm going to end this sentence now.

So first off. The line at the beginning of this chapter. It comes from Quiet Please by Heffron Drive as stated, but I don't think you know how amazing Heffron Drive is. It's Kendall's other band with his friend Dustin Belt and their songs make me turn into goop and I love them and go listen to them (www. Myspace. Com/heffron drive). Remove the spaces, you know the drill.

Also, I said 'Kendall' so many times in this chapter that now his name sounds weird to me and I need to stop saying Kendall. Kendall Kendall Kendall Kendall Kendall.

Oh. And next chapter will be EPIC. And has a due date and will not come later nor earlier than that day, which is August 15th because I want to give Carlos a birthday present even though he's not allowed to read this.

So anyway. I'm done with this long author's note. Please REVIEW because reviews make me fist pump even though I'm not from the Jersey Shore (even though I have been to the Jersey Shore and I saw Snooki no lie she was surrounded by cops hahaha).


	16. The Age of Rocque and Rolle

**OMWGNOTE: **I definitely felt the love thanks to the reviews on C15. I honestly get surprised every time I get a review because all of them are so...nice. It kind of scares me. And then sometimes I review stories and get review replies and people tell me that they were honored that I reviewed, and that freaks me out and makes me smile at the same time. So I love you guys. Cookies for all.

So I said this chapter was going to be epic, and seriously, just look at the chapter title. That's epic. Speaking of epics…(ht tp:/ /www. fanfiction. net/s/5981387/1/) Copy and paste that and put it into your web browser, remove the spaces, then hit 'enter' and read that, because it's amazing and hilarious and if you love Bandana Man just…ohmygod, just read it. And to remind you, I'm posting it again in the closing author's note. You can't escape it. Read and review, my lovelies.

**DISCLAIMER:** Big Time Rush is not owned by me. I own Kurt Diamond, Richard Rolle and The Stray, all of who are awesome.

…

16. The Age of Rocque and Rolle

Kurt Diamond had been informed of what happened to his son the minute Emily Knight found out.

It was a little after midnight when Emily had arrived at the hospital with a tired and irritable Katie, and she knew that James' father needed to know what happened. She was almost going to wait until morning to tell him about what happened, seeing as it was two in the morning his time, but she realized that this was too important to put off.

And Kurt was very glad she called then, because otherwise he might not have gotten a flight to California so quickly.

Waking up Shane and telling him what he knew about James had been hard for Kurt. No twelve year old boy should have to hear that their older brother was in the hospital, possibly dying, due to some twisted person's sick games. But Shane had proved to be strong through the whole ordeal, and the only tears Kurt saw were still in his son's eyes.

Now looking at his oldest son, Kurt was glad that Shane wasn't in the room.

He saw the bruises, the cuts, the broken wrist. Kurt knew that there must have been worse injures, for these ones wouldn't nearly put his son on his death bed. But all Kurt wanted to do at the moment was find the bastard who did this to his son and beat him to a pulp.

But Kurt knew he couldn't do that. He had to be with his son, who was currently hugging a boy that Kurt was very familiar with, Kendall being at James' house a lot of the time and vice versa.

James didn't seem to notice his presence, nor did Kendall, Carlos or Logan. All four boys were lost in hugging, their eyes closed and smiles on their faces. Kurt hated to break the moment up, but he needed to talk to his son.

He cleared his throat, making his presence known. The two pairs of boys broke themselves apart, and upon seeing his father, James' eye widened.

"Dad?" James asked, his face breaking into a smile as Kendall pulled back.

Kurt smiled back, taking a few more steps into the room. "Hey, James," He said. "Carlos, Logan, Kendall." He added, making sure to address the other boys.

"Hi Mr. Diamond," A chorus of deep voices responded. Kurt only smiled.

"What're you doing here?" James asked, the smile still present on his face. Kendall, Carlos and Logan rolled their eyes at the idiotic question.

Kurt laughed softly. "What, you thought Shane and I were going to stay in Minnesota while you were in the hospital?"

James didn't answer. It wasn't that he thought that, it honestly just slipped his mind that Mrs. Knight would obviously inform his family of the situation he was in.

Sensing that James and his father needed to talk, Kendall spoke up. "Carlos, Logan and I are going to go grab a late breakfast," He said, noting that the time was a little after eleven in the morning. "See you later, James." Carlos and Logan followed his lead as he left the room, shutting the door softly behind them.

Kurt made his was over to James' bedside, pulling up one of the three chairs and sitting in it. He clasped his hands together and put his elbows on his knees, resting his head on his hands. "So, you look horrible." He told his son, his voice a little muffled by the fact that his chin was supporting all of his head's weight.

"I know," James said. "I got beat up pretty badly. Where's Shane?" He asked, trying to change the subject.

Kurt resisted the urge to smile; James was always one to run away from confrontation. "He's just outside. The doctors won't let him see you because he's not thirteen yet."

He saw the look of anger flash in his son's eyes. "What do you mean they won't let him in? First of all, he's practically thirteen. His birthday is in _two weeks_," James ranted. "Second of all, he's my brother. Doesn't that count for something? Kendall told me he lied about being my brother so that he could ride with me in the ambulance!"

Kurt waited until James didn't look so livid before responding. "Calm down, alright? I'm sure Mrs. Knight is getting everything straightened out. Now let's get everything straightened out here, okay?" He lifted his head from his hands, leaning back in the chair.

James gulped. "You're not going to make me come home, are you? I don't want to go home. I want to stay here. Don't make me go home."

Kurt sighed. "I'm not going to make you come home," He said, and James breathed out a sigh of relief. "Though if your mother were here, she'd have your ass on a plane the minute you got discharged."

His son laughed. "You talk about her like she's dead," James told him. "She's sick, that's all."

It was true; James and Shane's mother and Kurt's wife was currently in a mental facility, having developed catatonic schizophrenia after the death of her mother, someone she was very close to. She sat in bed all day, staring at the wall and not talking to anyone, her body completely still aside from the movements breathing caused her. It was depressing to visit her, but all three of the Diamonds still had hope that she would get better.

"I know," Kurt said. "But if it weren't for her getting sick, I don't think you would be here in the first place. You're lucky I'm easy going," He paused for a moment, then added, "And that I wanted you out of the house."

James laughed. "I'm sure feeling the love, father dearest."

Kurt reached over and ruffled James' hair with his hand, an action that caused James to slap his hand away. "You better be, Jay."

They sat in silence for a moment before they were interrupted by Doctor Drake walking into the room.

"Sorry to interrupt, but Mrs. Knight said that you were James' father," He said, noticing that the face of the man sitting behind James was different than the ones he was used to seeing there. Kurt stood up as Doctor Drake walked over to him, hand extended. They shook hands as the doctor said, "I'm Patrick Drake, James' doctor."

"Kurt Diamond," He said, introducing himself. "What's the damage?" He asked, indicating to James.

Doctor Drake sighed and began to speak as though James wasn't in the room. "Three broken ribs, one of them cracked. Broken wrist, minor head trauma, a stab wound in the lower left abdomen and a gunshot wound in his right shoulder. We put eight stitches on the stab wound and we already operated and removed the bullet." As Doctor Drake recited this, he noticed that Kurt's face paled quite a bit.

"But," Patrick added. "He's recovering quite nicely. He hasn't shown any signs of complications and hasn't given the medical staff any complications, either."

A little color seemed to flood back to Kurt's face then. "Well that's' good, I suppose. But it looks like I'm the only one he gives trouble to." He turned his head to wink at James.

"If you have any questions, you can hit the call button over there," He pointed to the button by James' bed. "And I'll come as quickly as I can." He then turned to James. "Are you hungry? I can send one of the nurses in to bring you some Jell-o if you are."

James shook his head violently. "God, no. I'm not hungry at all." Doctor Drake laughed at the repulsion in James' voice. He himself didn't like the jiggly substance either.

"Well I have to check on my other patients," Doctor Drake said. "But I'll be back soon to check up on you." With a smile, he left the room.

Kurt turned back to James. "He sure seems nice," He told James, and his son nodded. He truly did like Doctor Drake.

It was then that Kurt and James were interrupted again; this time by someone James expected to ever be visiting him in the hospital.

Gustavo Rocque stood awkwardly in the door, obviously not expecting to see James' father standing there.

"Uh, hey, Gustavo," James said quietly, breaking the two second silence. "Uh, this is my dad. Dad, this is my…boss."

Kurt walked over to Gustavo and extended a hand. "Nice to meet you," He said. "Kurt Diamond. James has told me stories about your impressive yelling." He smiled.

Gustavo shook the man's hand gently. "Does he now?" He asked, glancing between Kurt and James. "Well, he doesn't tell me stories about you. Then again, I don't listen to him half of the time."

Kurt only laughed at this. "You're a funny man, Gustavo." He turned to James again. "Well, James. You're not hungry but I am. I'm going to go see if I can grab something to eat in the hospital cafeteria, okay? I'll be back soon, hopefully with Shane." James nodded, watching as his father left.

Great. Now he was alone in the room with someone who hated him.

Gustavo awkwardly made his way to James' bedside, situating himself in one of the chairs.

"Before you say anything," Gustavo started. "I want to let you know that the album has been put on hold until you get out of the hospital. The record company is also paying for your hospital bills, courtesy of Griffin and myself."

James blushed. He didn't really know what to say other than the, "Thank you," that escaped his lips.

"Don't mention it," Gustavo said. "It is partly my fault that you're here."

James didn't say anything. Gustavo took that as a sign to continue.

"I don't know what Rick told you," Gustavo began. "About what happened all those years ago, that is. I don't know what his story is, but I know what mine is. And if you don't want to hear it, I'll leave. But if you do, I'd be willing to share."

James sat there for God knows how long, contemplating his options and staring at his hands.

Gustavo was giving him a choice, something he usually didn't have the privilege of making. On one hand, he could always ask Gustavo to leave. Then he wouldn't have to deal with his problems and he could be with his friends again, talk about things that didn't involve what happened two nights ago. On the other hand, he could let Gustavo stay and tell James his side of the story.

James was definitely interested in hearing what Gustavo had to say, but just an hour ago he had a huge fight with Kendall on whether or not he was ready to talk about what happened. Listening to Gustavo's side of what happened between him and Rick would mean that James would have to confront what happened, or at least deal with hearing about the man who caused him so much trouble.

James wasn't quite sure that he was ready.

But he realized that this might be a one-time opportunity. Who knew when Gustavo would actually act like a normal human being again?

As much as he wanted to run away from his problems, he knew he had to talk about them sometime. And maybe he wasn't ready to talk to Kendall, Carlos or Logan about anything because they didn't _know_ Rick. They've only seen snippets of what his personality might be like. Being with the man for a few hours didn't give James an all-access pass to what Rick was like, but it gave him a good enough idea.

And Gustavo—Gustavo was best friends with the man for the better part of his life. If anyone could explain Rick, it would be Gustavo. Besides, James was rather curious as to why Rick hated Gustavo so much; he didn't think that Rick gave him the entire story.

James let out a sigh. "Go ahead."

"Well, Rick and I were great friends. I know it might come as a surprise to you that I ever had a friend, but at one point Rick was one. Our mothers worked together, or something along those lines. In the end, we met when we were six and we immediately became friends." Gustavo told him.

"Even at six, there was one common factor that made us friends, and that was music. Rick and I never really had much in common, only that. It was our shared love of music that kept us together until we were seventeen, and signed up for music production at our high school play."

James cut in then. "Yeah, uh, Rick told me about that. He said that a couple of guys offered you spots in the music production career and you accepted it."

Gustavo nodded, sighing. "If I had known then that the music business would make Rick go crazy, I would have never accepted that offer. When Rick lost his sanity, I lost my best friend."

James' eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. "Did he literally lose his sanity or are you just saying that?"

"No, he literally lost his sanity," Gustavo said. "He was depressed for months at a time and wouldn't help me write songs or anything. He became really irritable and he was always angry, and I knew there was definitely something wrong with him. I ended up dragging him to the hospital and he was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder."

James was quite shocked. He had referred to Rick as a crazy psychopath during the few hours he spent with him, but he didn't know that what he was saying was actually true. He didn't forgive Rick for what the man had done to him, but he sort of felt bad for him.

"So wait," James began. "Did Rick quit after that?"

Now Gustavo was confused. "Rick didn't quit," He said. "He was fired. What did he tell you?"

"He told me that you guys had been in the music production business for a few years and then this band from Connecticut came along. They were apparently amazing and your favorite band to ever write songs for? Anyway, he told me that when he looked at the album credits, you took all the credit for every song on the album. And then he quit," James told him.

He didn't expect Gustavo to look angry. "That is not what happened," Gustavo said, barely containing how angry he looked. "We were twenty-two, and Rick and I just discovered The Stray. Rick had also been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder a month before."

James nodded as Gustavo continued. "But The Stray was unlike any band we ever had before. Not like Boy Quake who had broken up due to Hollywood fever, not like Boyz in the Attic who ended up in prison. No, The Stray were five kids from Connecticut who remind me a lot of you and the dogs."

"So you hated them," James stated bluntly.

Gustavo shook his head. "I never said I hated you," He told James. "You all just get on my nerves. A lot. And so did The Stray. But the music production business is weird; there are some producers who like the bands or artists that do exactly what they say. Rick and I always preferred to work with bands who weren't total suck-ups, the ones who gave a little resistance. Like you dogs."

"Okay," James said, finding it weird that Gustavo liked to work with people that gave him a hard time. "Then what happened?"

The large man beside him sighed. "Rick had been refusing to take medication for his problems for a while. We had just dropped Boyz in the Attic and we were searching for a new band, but I told him that if he didn't start taking the medication that I would tell Griffin and he wouldn't be allowed to write anymore."

"You guys were with Griffin then?" James asked.

"Yes," Gustavo replied. "Rocque and Rolle Records, we were called. Let's just say that Griffin wasn't very happy when we had to redo the whole studio and take out the 'Rolle' on everything after Rick was fired."

"So Rick got fired?" James asked.

Gustavo sighed again. "Yes, Rick got fired. And if you would let me get to that, you would know _why_."

James could tell Gustavo was getting angry at him, so he dropped his gaze and refused to look at the man. "Sorry, continue," He mumbled.

"Alright," said Gustavo. "So Rick decided to start taking the medication to help me look for a new band. And while we were touring the country, we ended up in Hartford, Connecticut. And that's where we found The Stray.

"Since it was the nineties, auditions back then weren't how they were when you went through them. You came in as a _group_, not a soloist. And honestly, when five guys came stumbling into the audition room, Rick and I didn't really expect them to be any good.

"They were handsome, but they looked like they couldn't sing. It's stupid, but there are people who look like they can sing and then there are people who look like they can't sing. So when people who look like they can't carry a tune sing really well, you get really, _really_ surprised. And then we signed them onto Rocque and Rolle Records."

James nodded, showing Gustavo that he was still listening

His record producer continued. "So we took Cameron, Eli, Mason, Roman and Logan across the country to California with us."

"Woah, woah, woah," James interrupted. "One of them was named Logan?"

Gustavo nodded, trying not to let his frustration show. "Yes, one of them was named Logan, but he wasn't like your Logan; he was actually more like you. Obsessed with his looks, weird as hell, and I hated him. In the beginning, anyway.

"Quite frankly, you and your friends are so much like the boys of The Stray that it scares me sometimes. Kendall is exactly like Cameron, the most stubborn person ever and sort of the leader of everything. Eli was like Logan; quiet, smart, always thought things through. Mason and Roman were actually twins, and they were both out of control. They scared me. A lot. But all of them together made practically the perfect band."

"That's sort of what Rick said," James told him. "That The Stray was amazing and everything."

Gustavo nodded. "Well, they were. But there's a reason why you never see posters of them in Rocque Records and why you've never heard of them before."

"Why?" James asked.

"Because Rick screwed everything up, that's why." Gustavo said. "I told you that when we found The Stray, Rick had been taking his medication for his disorder. But he stopped after the boys started disagreeing with his song ideas."

James became confused again. "I thought you guys wrote the songs together?"

"We did," Gustavo said. "But I wrote the lyrics and he wrote the music. His melodies didn't work with the words. And the boys liked the words better."

"So what happened?"

"Rick snapped. He stopped taking the medication and he was acting more and more irritable by the day. On January 17th, 1999, he completely snapped. The boys had rejected yet another melody he had written, and it all went downhill from there.

"I was in a different part of the studio at the time; I was discussing album matters with Griffin. He wanted me to get rid of Rick, but I didn't want to. We were arguing about it when we heard a gunshot."

James gulped. He knew he wouldn't want to hear the next part.

"We rushed to the scene but we were too late," Gustavo said, his voice cracking. "Rick had a gun in his hand and he was shaking. Cameron was on the floor, bleeding out of the back of his head."

"Oh my God," James breathed, horrified.

Gustavo nodded. "Rick fled the scene. Griffin and I didn't even do anything to stop him; we were both too shocked. He shouldn't have gotten away that day. If he hadn't, he would have been in jail and none of this would have happened to you."

He shook his head. "The Stray went back to Connecticut, obviously all too depressed to continue. We never released the album. I haven't heard from any of the boys since, not that I expected to. What happened between you and Rick scared the living hell out of me, because I didn't want to be too late again. I didn't want to lose another amazing band."

James ignored the shock of Gustavo calling them an amazing band as he said, "But Rick blames you for everything that happened," James told him. "Why would he blame you?"

"I have no idea," Gustavo said, shaking his head again. "I honestly can't come up with any logical reason as to why he would hate me so much. Maybe because I didn't give up the music business to go look for him, or maybe it was because the boys like my music more than his and he was just jealous. I don't know why he hates me. But I'm sorry that an old problem of mine turned into a problem for you."

James shook his head. "It's alright, Gustavo." He told his boss. "I'm alive, and in the end, I think that's all that really matters."

…

**OMWGNOTE: **Hey, don't yell at me, dudes. It's 11:53PM on August 15th. Okay, now it's 11:54PM. But it will be posted before August 16th!

A few things to say before I leave: One, I will be doing a companion fic based off of this chapter. It's about Gustavo and Rick's adventures with The Stray and goes deeper into Ricks' mental disorder. Two, has anyone noticed that James' right eye is still swollen shut? Three, this chapter isn't as epic as I thought it would be. Four, I'm doing a companion fic to 'Little Hollow' if you read it, so you might want to check that out. It's called 'He Lives On'. And five…(ht tp:/ /www. fanfiction. net/s/5981387/1/) Really, I don't kid you. GO CHECK THAT OUT. NOW.

Love youuussss.

Oh, just to clear things up: I DO NOT HATE RICK. I LOVE HIM. EVEN THOUGH HE KILLED CAMERON. WHO'S AWESOME.


	17. Family

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Big Time Rush or any characters affiliated with the show.

…

17. Family

"James, eat it."

"I don't want to eat it. Get it away from me!"

"Seriously? Just eat it."

"I'm not going to eat it. It's disgusting and no edible substance should ever _jiggle_ like that."

Kendall sighed in frustration. "James, it's the only thing you're allowed to eat right now. Either you eat the damn jell-o or you starve to death. It's your pick."

James contemplated this for a moment, weighing his options. "I pick the second choice," He said finally.

His blonde companion sighed again. "I don't even think that _is_ an option. I'm pretty sure you either eat the jell-o willingly or they force feed it to you in a tube. _Now_ take your pick."

"Force fed through a tube," James replied without hesitation. "Then I don't have to taste it."

Kendall smacked his palms to his face, groaning in frustration. He slid his hands down a little bit so he could look at James with tired eyes. "Really? Do you have any dignity whatsoever?" His voice was slightly muffled from the hands pressed to his face.

"Obviously not," James said. "Is Carlos and Logan smuggling me food from the hospital cafeteria a third option?"

"I don't think you want food from the hospital cafeteria," Kendall replied honestly.

James sighed. "Don't be so sure about that. I've become used to the taste of hospital food."

Kendall didn't say anything; he never liked to talk about James' mother with him. The whole situation depressed him, and not only because he had known the woman before she did nothing but stare at a wall all day. The main reason was that Kendall thought of Mrs. Diamond as a second mother, and having her in a mental facility staring at the wall all day was almost as bad as having his mother in the same situation.

"I wouldn't sneak you hospital food anyway," Kendall said, trying to avoid the subject of James' mother. "You would probably explode. So really, you're left with no other options. Just eat the jell-o."

James looked at the cup of the disgusting red substance in Kendall's hand with horror. But without a word, he took the spoon and the jell-o cup silently. He wasn't going to starve to death after what he had been through.

He dug the spoon into the jell-o carefully, frowning as he lifted the spoon up to his face and into his mouth. He chewed it still frowning, trying to ignore the disgusting taste it left in his mouth.

"There's a good boy," Kendall said, smiling. He patted James hair gently, quickly pulling his hand away before James could swat it away himself.

James sent a glare at him, spooning more jell-o into his mouth. "Don't push your luck, eyebrows."

Kendall frowned. "I thought making fun of my eyebrows was a James-hopped-up-on-morphine kind of thing."

"Well," James said. "Technically, I'm still on morphine. If I wasn't, you would know. I may not be loopy, but without the morphine I would probably go on a murderous rampage throughout the hospital."

Kendall's big eyebrows furrowed together, a sign that the boy was confused. "Why?"

James sighed, putting the jell-o cup and spoon down. He was only halfway done, but he didn't feel like eating at all. "I think it's a little ridiculous that they won't let Shane into the hospital room to see me," James told his friend. "Trauma patient or not, Shane is my little brother. He's family. And besides, I'm hardly a trauma patient. You don't see me freaking out, do you?"

Kendall gave him a look, causing James to roll his eyes.

"Alright, I freaked out that _one_ time. But that's it!"

The boy next to him sighed. "James, you were crying so hard that you had to be sedated. That's freaking out."

"I'm going to freak out even more if they don't let my brother into this stupid room. If I'm supposed to be stuck here for the next month, I might as well have some company. I mean, I love you guys to death, but you can only spend so much time with certain people, you know?" Kendall knew James was going to start rambling, and he groaned when he kept on talking. "Seriously, no offense, but it's like that time we had the day off and couldn't spend one second with each other. It gets like that. And it's not like I can get away, 'cause I'm stuck in this room. Hell, I can't even walk without it hurting like a bitch. So really, it would be nice to have some other people around here sometimes, because—"

He immediately stopped talking when Kendall stood and made his way towards the door.

James gave him a confused glance. "Uh, where are you going?"

Kendall smiled pleasantly. "You're getting sick of me."

"Kendall, you don't have to leave. Really, it's fine. I'd rather be with you than be alone."

"You won't be alone," Kendall said. "I'm getting you some new company."

And then he left the room.

James was hopelessly confused. He didn't think Kendall would just randomly get up and leave him, and he had no idea who the new company would be. Gustavo had fled after their little chat about Rick, not really knowing what else to say to James. His father was currently at the hotel he had reserved, trying to make longer reservations to stay with James a week longer than he had planned. Shane was just outside, refusing to leave James even though he wasn't allowed to see him, and Katie and Mrs. Knight were with him, and Carlos and Logan were in the cafeteria and hardly new company. So honestly, James had no idea who Kendall meant when he said 'new company.'

When Kendall walked out of James' room, he passed his mother and Katie and went straight over to Shane. His family payed no mind to him, both immersed in separate magazines. When he reached James' little brother, Kendall dropped down into a crouch, now face to face with Shane.

"Hey," He said, smiling. "How would you like to break some rules?"

Shane looked surprised. "What do you mean?"

Kendall smiled wider. "I mean, how about we sneak you into James' hospital room?"

Shane's eyes widened at Kendall's words. He wasn't like his brother really at all; he didn't care much for his appearance, and usually just ran a comb through his hair and threw random clothes on before leaving the house. He had no desire whatsoever to be in the spotlight, his dream actually to work with computers when he was older. But one thing that really separated he and his brother's personalities was the fact that Shane absolutely hated getting into trouble.

This is why the mere thought of breaking a rule made his throat constrict with tears. He didn't know why, but every time the prospect of getting into trouble crossed Shane's mind his eyes would immediately well up with tears. He had never been sent to the principal's office or gotten a detention because he was too afraid to disobey any rule. He was unlike James in this way, who would often find himself in the principal's office with his three best friends by his side, laughing and knowing he was going to get punished but not caring in the slightest.

But he wanted to see James. Sure, he was scared as to what he would find, but it was his _brother_. Someone with the same blood running through his veins, or at least technically. They were bound by the ties of family, stuck with each other for the rest of their lives. It wasn't something that either one of them could change without ripping out their DNA.

He didn't want to break the rules, but the desire to see his brother overpowered his will to do what was right. "Okay," He said finally, smiling softly at Kendall.

Shane brought himself to his feet shakily, getting used to the feeling of standing after sitting for so long. After deeming himself ready to walk, he followed Kendall to James' door.

"I have to warn you," Kendall told him seriously. "There's most definitely a reason why you're not supposed to go into the room. But you're so close to being thirteen that I'm bringing you in here because I know that you can handle it, alright?"

Shane nodded, his flow of words stopped by the dam of tears that had built up in his throat.

"You need to be prepared to see him, alright? He's beat up and it gets hard to look at his face sometimes. He's in a lot of pain so you need to be careful, okay?" Shane nodded again. "I know you're scared to see him because I sure was when I first saw him, and I saw almost everything happen to him. It's scary, Shane. It's never not going to be scary. But you want to see him and he wants to see you, and I'm not going to keep you two apart. You just need to be brave, and you'll be fine."

Now Shane was scared. If possible, Kendall had made him more frightened to see his brother. He had imagined that James wouldn't look very good, but now he was terrified to see him.

But he was going to see him. Being brave meant that you still had the courage to do something hard when you were scared shitless, and maybe Shane was brave after all, because he felt like he was going to pee his pants as he opened the door to his brother's room.

He looked down at his feet as he entered the room, concentrating on moving one foot in front of the other as he made his way into the room and shut the door behind him.

Upon seeing his little brother standing before him, his head bowed and shaking slightly, James felt both rage and happiness flood through his system. For one, he was angry at Kendall for breaking hospital rules and letting Shane come see him. On the other hand, he was incredibly glad that Kendall had the nerve to do such a thing, because all he really wanted was to see his brother.

"Shane," He said, smiling. His brother didn't know he was smiling because he was still looking down, but upon hearing James say his name, Shane looked up and immediately wished he hadn't.

It was strange. James looked like he should be in so much pain and yet he was smiling like he had just won the lottery. The broad grin looked out of place on his brother's face, covered in cuts and an ugly bruise. He took in James' other injuries and although there wasn't much to see, Shane knew there _must_ be more physical evidence under the covers.

He had overheard his father and Mrs. Knight having a conversation. They had said James had died. Shane might not be part of the hospital's medical personnel, but he knew that having a broken wrist and a few bruises and cuts here and there did not cause a person to die.

This scared him. He had no idea what happened to his brother and he didn't know if he would be okay or not.

Shane didn't even realized that he began to cry until James' grin faded into a frown. And when he started to sob, he felt awkward standing there in the middle of the room, crying like a baby and no one by his side. He wrapped his arms around himself, bowing his head as he began to cry more.

"Shane," James said again, only this time he was frowning. His heart clenched painfully at seeing his little brother cry, and even when he said his name, Shane didn't move an inch. "Shane, come here."

He stumbled a bit before walking normally, as if some invisible force had pushed Shane so that he would start moving. He stopped awkwardly at James' side, still looking down and feeling awkward.

If Shane weren't crying right now, James would have rolled his eyes. "Shane, I mean _come here_ come here." And even though it didn't make much sense, Shane knew exactly what James meant. He climbed into bed next to his brother and awkwardly sat on the edge before James pulled him into a tight hug.

Shane began to cry harder then, gripping onto James' shirt as he cried.

And then he finally voiced the words he had been afraid of. "Are you going to die?"

James could barely make out what Shane said between his sobs, but he ended up understanding what Shane said and pulled back for a second to look at his brother. "Shane, I'm okay. I'm not going to die. Nothing is going to happen to me, okay? It's all over." He pulled his crying brother back to his body, only feeling slightly guilty about lying to him as his crying came to a stop.

…

**OMWGNOTE: **I've reached a new low, everyone. Here is the shortest and most horrible chapter of Monster for your reading pleasure. Or your reading displeasure. I would go for the second one if I were you, but then again, some people actually like this piece of crap that's supposed to be a story. I guess an author is his or her own critic.

There is no excuse for my lack of an update. There's a reason. I've become very busy with school and everything and I was also depressed for a bit surrounding the topic of the one-year anniversary of my grandfather's death, so I'm back. This story will be done by mid-October. The updates will be coming more quickly because this story only has around nine chapters left. I cut a LOT out due to the lack of reviews revolving around the lack of interest many of you have in this story. To have 58 alerts and around 8 reviews per chapter depresses me so much that I've cut around 15 chapters worth of material for 'Monster' and disabled the favorite/story alerts I get sent to my email. But say goodbye to this story soon, and hopefully some of you will be joining me for the sequel.

The next chapter will be skipping ahead a few weeks due to the cut of chapters. Hopefully you're okay with that.


	18. Old Man

**OMWGNOTE: **Thank you for the reviews, all of them were awesome. Though many of you protested the idea of me cutting out parts of the story, those parts sadly will _not_ be coming back. Those parts were cut due to the fact that they would make the story way longer than it needs to be and I don't want it dragged out. Also because I'm working _really_ hard on this new story idea that's going to be around 50 chapters and I'm really excited for it. But if you want to know any of the ideas for the cut scenes, you can ask in a review or PM me or whatever. Again, thank you very much for the reviews, it's the most I've gotten in eight chapters.

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own BTR.

* * *

18. Old Man

Three weeks and two days later, James was still in the hospital. A lot had changed in his time spent there; for one, his father and brother had left just a week ago, extending their stay with James as long as possible before Shane absolutely _had_ to return to school. Another difference was the fact that James had now regained his binocular vision, a yellow ring around his right eye the only reminder of it ever being hurt. He didn't have to eat jell-o anymore and now Katie was allowed to see him and he hardly needed any morphine now.

But there was still one thing he had yet to do, and that was actually getting out of bed.

Doctor Drake had informed him the day before that _today_ he would be able to start walking around. He was finally going to be able to get out of his godforsaken bed, what with its stupid railings and uncomfortable mattress, and James should be happy. But he found himself nervous as he waited for his doctor to come into the room so he could start walking again.

James had traded his hospital gown for a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt a week before, and although he felt more comfortable in the attire, he was still pulling at the black fabric that was his shirt like it was disrupting his normal breathing patterns.

"James, calm down," Logan told him, noticing the way James was fidgeting every few seconds. "You're going to be fine."

James' frantic gaze turned to Logan. "Fine?" He asked incredulously. "Dude, I haven't walked in a month and I'm probably going to fall on my _face_ and you think that's fine?"

Kendall, Carlos and Logan sighed in unison. "James, it's going to be okay, I promise," Carlos reassured him.

"Lies."

"No, James, really, it's going to be fine—"

"Lies."

"James, stop worrying—"

"Lies."

"That doesn't even apply there—"

"Lies."

"Would you stop saying that?"

"Lies," James said, smiling when his three friends groaned in annoyance. It was fun to annoy people and not worry about getting your head ripped off. Under normal circumstances Kendall, Carlos and Logan would do just that, but they acted like he was going to shatter into a million pieces if they did something wrong. Most of the time their carefulness annoyed James—even though he knew they cared about him—but others he took their cautious attitude towards him as an advantage.

Kendall glared at him before saying, "If you say that one more time, I'm afraid I'll have to kill you."

"And I'm afraid I would have to ask you to refrain from seeing my patient," Doctor Drake said as he walked in, smiling to let Kendall know he was joking. "But murder plans aside, I came here for a reason."

"And that reason is to let me walk?"

Doctor Drake turned his head to James, who looked quite afraid of the event that was about to happen. "Yes," He said. "You're going to have to take it slow because your body is still healing and it _will_ hurt, but your body has healed enough so that you can walk around and do more things on your own." He turned to Kendall, Carlos and Logan. "Would you mind helping him sit up?"

The three boys nodded, Logan moving around to the other side of the bed and grabbing James' upper arm. Kendall and Carlos did the same on his opposite arm, and together, they helped James get into a sitting position. James only winced in pain once, and when his friends let go of him, he was able to stay in a sitting position on his own.

"Now James," Doctor Drake said. "I want you to try and stand up, alright? You can use the stand your IV is on for help, or you can use Logan. Either one works."

James nodded, twisting his body slowly so that his feet were hanging off the edge of the bed on the side that his IV and Logan were on. Putting his hands on either side of his legs, James prepared to push himself up.

He thought Doctor Drake was over exaggerating when he said trying to stand up and walk would be painful. How could such simple movements cause him to be in pain? But when James stood up, the pain crashed into him, and he would have fallen back onto the bed if it weren't for Logan reaching out and steadying him.

James mumbled a small thanks to Logan, smiling softly and grabbing onto the IV stand with both hands. Logan let him go then, knowing that the IV would give him the support he needed. He was still hovering over James however, ready to catch him if he needed to.

When the doctor deemed that James was standing well enough on his own, he said, "Alright, James. Now you're going to try and walk."

Tightening his grip on the IV, James hesitantly put his right foot forward and leaned all of his weight on it before putting his left foot forward. The small movement had an immediate reaction and James winced from the pain. He didn't know that if his body even jostled the tiniest bit, his shoulder and abdomen would erupt in pain.

He shook off Logan's hands that were trying to support him. If he had to walk, he had to do it by himself.

Soon enough, James was walking forward at a slow pace, clutching onto his IV and smiling through the pain. He hadn't walked or gone anywhere in a month and he was beginning to get a little stir crazy. Even if he couldn't get out of the hospital, he would take walking around as the second best option.

Doctor Drake smiled at James' progress. He had never seen anyone heal as quickly as James had been within the last month. Physically, he was only in minor pain and didn't even need morphine until he was ready to sleep. Mentally, James was even more impressing. Specializing in trauma patients, Doctor Drake usually had to deal with his patients having post-traumatic distress. Only a few of the victims had been mentally stable like James, only breaking down once or twice during their stay at the hospital. James hadn't shown any serious reaction to what happened since Officer Bennett visited him the first time. The officer had come back, but Doctor Drake refused to let him see the boy. Other than this one slip-up, Patrick was very impressed with James.

"Well, James," Doctor Drake began, and James turned to him. "You can start doing normal things like going to the bathroom again, and you can walk around whenever you like. But don't walk around for too long. As you've probably noticed, it causes you a bit of pain. I don't want you putting stress on your injuries because it would only take longer for you to heal. And now I have some more good news,"

James' smiled broadened. "Really? What is it?"

Doctor Drake smiled in return. "You can go home at the end of next week if everything looks good."

James wasn't the only one who got excited about this news. Carlos, Kendall and Logan literally jumped for joy, the three of them excited in their own different ways.

"Really?" Carlos asked, trying to contain his excitement. "James can come home?"

"If everything looks good, then yes, he can go home," Doctor Drake repeated.

Carlos' smile faded, turning to James with a very serious expression. "Make sure everything looks good next week," He warned. "Or there will be consequences."

Kendall, Logan, James and Doctor Drake all let out small laughs. Carlos glared at each of them. "No, I'm serious!" But the people in the room with him only laughed harder.

Soon enough, Carlos started to laugh at well. He decided that he liked laughing _much_ better than he liked crying, and he hoped he wouldn't have to deal with the latter any time soon.

* * *

James was still getting used to the fact that he was now able to walk around and do as he pleased.

It wasn't the actual movement of walking that caused him to feel this way. It just felt a little weird to be on his feet after laying around in bed for so long, and he was also getting used to how he had to take things _very_ slowly. Pain exploding through your body with every step was something that would take some getting used to.

Something else that would take getting used to were his friends hovering over his every move.

With every stumble, Kendall was there to catch him. With each step, Carlos had a hand on James' elbow, attempting to keep him steady. And every time James wanted to get out of bed, Logan would be there to help him do it. He had never had so much help from his friends, and it was a little weird that every time James got up or wanted to get up, his friends would orient themselves around him to make James walking a four person job.

It made James feel conflicting emotions. For one, he was grateful that his friends would drop whatever they were doing and lend a helping hand to him whenever he needed it. But he wished that they didn't have to do that. He wished that he was okay and didn't have to walk so carefully and slowly that Carlos' dead pet turtle could easily pass him. He wanted to be healthy and happy and not worry about whether Rick was coming back or not. He wanted to be _normal_. And normal people didn't have every move monitored by their friends.

"I'm going to the bathroom," James said now, beginning to push himself out of bed. Logan quickly moved next to him to help him get up. James pushed him away. "Logan, I've got it. I don't want to walk around with you three attached to me in some way." He smiled to let Logan know that his comment wasn't meant to be taken seriously.

"But—"

"Logan, the bathroom is like, fifteen steps away," James assured him. "I'm not going to die."

Logan sighed and then nodded, stepping aside so that James could get out of bed. He did this slowly, for each movement still caused him a lot of pain. But eventually, he was on his feet and slowly making his way to the bathroom.

Looking at James, Carlos was reminded of his grandfather. The way that James clutched the IV stand reminded Carlos of the way his grandpa clutched his cane. The slow movements, the way that James walked with his back slightly hunched; Carlos felt like he was in a nursing home instead of a hospital. But James looked to be in a lot of pain, so Carlos decided to joke around a bit to try and make him feel better.

"You look like an old dude," Carlos said, laughing a bit to let James know that it was a joke. "I bet I could beat you in a race! Yeah, I totally could. You sure are slow."

James stopped in his tracks. He knew that Carlos was joking. He knew that Carlos didn't understand that James would take his joke so seriously. But James did. Carlos' words hurt him and made him angry at the same time. It wasn't _his_ fault that he couldn't walk at a normal pace. It was Rick's fault. And James spoke without thinking.

"I bet you could," James said, turning to Carlos. "But why don't we make things _fair_? We can have you stabbed and pushed down stairs and shot and _punched _and _kicked_ and then we can have a race. But you know what, Carlos? I bet we don't even have to do that. I bet when Rick comes back—"

James stopped himself quickly, but the damage was already done. Tears filled Carlos' eyes and he looked scared, as did Logan and Kendall when James stole glances at them.

"Rick is coming back?" Carlos whispered. More tears flooded his eyes and started falling down his cheeks.

James had no choice but to tell him the truth. "Yes," He admitted, looking down.

Carlos stood up. "You lied," He cried, more tears spilling over. "You—you said that Rick wasn't coming back. You said he wasn't coming back when you knew that he was! Why did you lie?"

"I just wanted to protect you. I didn't want you to be worried," James said. He honestly thought that not telling his friends about Rick returning would be better for them. It wasn't that he was forgetting about Rick, but more of keeping him a secret so that when he did come back, James could protect his friends and be the only one to get hurt. He would do anything, even if it cost him his own life.

Kendall gave him a disbelieving look. "So you're protecting us by hiding the fact that a guy who wants to kill you is going to come back? Don't you think we'll worry when you're kidnapped again?

"No, that's not what I meant—"

"But that's what you did," Logan said, cutting in. "He could kill you, James! We need to talk to the police about this."

James fought the urge to roll his eyes. "Do you not remember what happened the last time I talked to a police officer? I freaked out, and I'm freaking out right now! I'm still not ready to talk about this. Just because I'm not crying and flinching and breaking down every five seconds doesn't mean I'm over what happened. I will _never_ be over what happened. And I really don't want to talk about what happened, so can we please just drop it?"

"If we drop it, you're not going to want to pick it back up," Carlos told him, tears still streaming down his face. "You're going to ignore the issue and then Rick is going to come back. He's going to kill you and you don't even care!" Still crying, Carlos turned to leave.

"Carlos, I—" He tried to say, but the slam of the door behind his friend was enough to stop what he was about to say. James felt a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach that only increased when Kendall gave him a hard glare before going after Carlos.

Now it was just him and Logan.

The other boy sighed. "James," He said, and he sounded tired and spent. When he looked at Logan looking at him, he felt the horrible feeling in his stomach become unbearable. He had never seen such disappointment in anyone's eyes. "Please understand that I don't hate you. I'm just really surprised by your actions. And I think that being with you right now would bring out the worst in me. I'm sorry, I really am, but what I'm about to do is because I don't want to blow up on you. Don't take it the wrong way." With one last disappointed look at James, Logan left the room and shut the door softly behind him.

James was alone.

He didn't mean for everything to blow up in his face like it just did. But it did, and now his friends were all mad at him for not telling the truth. Couldn't they understand that he was just protecting them? That when Rick did come back, James wanted to make sure that he was the only one who was hurt? He wouldn't be able to handle it if Kendall or Carlos or Logan were hurt because of him. He wouldn't be able to go on.

But wasn't that what James' friends were feeling right now? They had had to see him get hurt. They were scared and they wanted to protect him, too. But James almost died and they had to live with that. They still had to live with that. James felt selfish, and his hatred of himself swelled immensely.

He wished Rick would just come back already. Kill James so that this whole thing would be over, so that Kendall and Carlos and Logan could go on without him and not have to worry about some crazy psychopath coming after them and risking their lives.

James didn't want to think like that. But he was thinking like that and it scared him.

He slowly made his way over to his bed, where the red button right next to it innocently hung. His hand curled into a fist and he slammed down on it with unnecessary force, taking his frustration out on the poor button. Already feeling tears fall from his eyes, James carefully eased himself into bed, finally settling in just as Doctor Drake appeared in the room.

It was rare when Doctor Drake saw James during visiting hours without his friends by his side. In fact, Doctor Drake was pretty sure that he had never seen it happen before. But looking at his patient, he knew that James was in pain. Whether it be mentally, physically, or both, Patrick didn't know. But he did know that he was responsible for James' well being and that he had to take care of his patient.

"Need anything, James?" He asked. It was a stupid question, for James obviously _did_ need something or he wouldn't be calling Patrick in the room. But it was a question he was required to ask. He couldn't just give James morphine if he didn't know what was wrong.

James nodded, trying unsuccessfully to stop his tears. "Something to stop the pain," He said. James himself wasn't sure if he meant the physical pain or the mental pain. He wished that both would go away.

Doctor Drake nodded, getting out the necessary materials and began to give James a light dose of morphine. "May I ask what hurts?" He asked, not looking up from his work.

James used one word.

"Everything."

* * *

**OMWGNOTE: **This chapter totally would have been up yesterday but...I went to a free All Time Low concert at the University of Connecticut. For those of you that listen to the band, it was amazing. Jack touched my hand and I even got his guitar pick that he threw into the crowd. I'm so in love right now. But anyway..

I sort of like this chapter. Not too much, though. Again, thank you for the reviews. They make me happy. And as you've noticed, there are actual line breaks in this chapter. The … used to turn into its own grey line but that doesn't happen anymore, obviously. It hasn't been working for the past ten chapters and I'm perfectly aware of that. When I go back and edit the entire story I'm going to add line breaks, okay? Okay. So let's see. According to my 'Monster' outline, there are seven chapters left, including the epilogue. Don't expect the sequel right away; I have ten chapters outlined and I have no idea what I'm doing after that.

But hopefully you enjoyed this chapter and will review it and make me happy again.


	19. Forgiveness

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Big Time Rush or any characters affiliated with the show.

* * *

19. Forgiveness

Two hours was the amount of time it took for James to convince himself that Kendall, Carlos and Logan hated him, that it was good that they left because by being with him, they would get hurt, and that was what he didn't want. But even with the knowledge of the three people he cared most for were in the clear, he still felt tears falling down his face. He still shook with the force of keeping his sobs quiet, feeling more alone than he ever had before.

There was an empty feeling in his chest and all James wanted was for it to go away. His heart literally _hurt_ and he knew that it wasn't because of his physical injuries. It was because he was alone and it upset James that the morphine he was given wouldn't be able to get rid of this pain.

He would give anything for his friends to come back. He would give anything for the piece of his heart that they took with him. Because right now, James felt like a part of him was missing, a part that he would never see again. He was afraid that he would feel like this until he died, and that might be soon because James felt like he _was_ going to die. People can't live without their hearts, and James felt like he didn't have one right now.

He carefully turned over on his side, trying not to cause too much pain. The morphine his doctor had given him was slowly starting to wear off, but it wasn't like James cared. He was already in enough pain; more wasn't going to give him that much trouble.

James grunted softly when he shifted his weight onto his injured shoulder, the small sound coming out pathetic as he was trying to hold in his sobs at the time. He shifted again so that he was facing away from the door, simply staring at the dull wall in front of him.

This new position made it so James could hear his heartbeat from the monitor beside him and from his pillow, the pulse in his neck sounding through his ears. Both were reminders that he was still alive, no matter how much he felt like a corpse.

He shouldn't be this upset. He brought this upon himself. When he was young, his mother had always told him that lying did no one any good. That in the end, one little lie could turn into something big and hurt him and the people around him. She told him that even if he was lying to make someone else feel better, the truth would come out in the end and the person he lied to would only feel worse.

His heart ached more as he thought of his mother's words to him. She was more than right, and James wished he had remembered what she told him when he first lied to Kendall, Carlos and Logan. But even more so, he wished that his mother was still with him. He hated to think of his mother like she was dead, but being dead to the world around her was the same thing in James' mind. He wished he hadn't taken her for granted, because he had never felt so alone in the world as he did now.

James had been begging sleep to take him ever since his friends stormed out of the room in their different ways. Whenever he shut his eyes, he couldn't seem to get the hurt look in Carlos' eyes out of his mind. He would see the disbelieving, accusing look that Kendall gave him before running after Carlos. And Logan's disappointment had only ever been for a few people, and James didn't like the fact that he was now part of that crowd.

Somehow, his eyes found the cast on his right arm that he was still being forced to wear. Over his stay, he had acquired more signatures from various other people who came to visit him. But although the cast was covered in different names and handwriting styles, James found himself looking at the picture Logan had drawn of the four of them so long ago.

Conveniently enough, Logan had drawn the boys in this order: Carlos, Kendall, Logan, James. James found his eyes trained on the mini persona of himself, the stick figure hold a mirror in one of his thin hands and admiring himself in it. It was funny to James how everyone viewed him that way; narcissistic and uncaring for anything but his own appearance. Of course, Logan knew that James wasn't really this way, but James still took it as a blow.

Tears still falling down his face and clinging to his skin, James took his left hand and placed it over the drawings of Kendall, Carlos, and Logan so that it was just him. He knew now that that's how it was in reality.

He had been trying to sleep for the past two hours with no luck. But somehow, James fell asleep quickly then, knowing that he would wake up completely alone.

* * *

Carlos didn't know what to feel as he stormed out of James' room.

Tears had already been running down his face from the prospect of Rick coming back and Carlos being scared about it. But now as he stormed off towards the elevators, his tears were falling more from his frustration and anger than his fear.

Carlos was under the impression that the boys didn't lie to each other. With a friendship as close as theirs, he thought that they told each other everything. But now Carlos knew that this wasn't true. James had lied to them, had _been_ lying to them for weeks now. What else was he lying to them about? Were Kendall and Logan liars too? Did _no one_ tell the truth anymore?

He angrily jabbed at the elevator button, wiping furiously at his tears as he waited for the elevator to arrive. Carlos had never been so mad in his entire life. He wiped at his face again, getting rid of non-existent tears as he stepped into the elevator, turning around and taking in the scene before him.

He wasn't even aware that Kendall and Logan were following him until he saw Kendall speed walking toward him, trying to reach the elevator before the doors shut. He could see Logan even farther behind him, jogging now for the same reason.

Kendall stepped into the elevator beside Carlos just as the doors threatened to shut. Logan, however, was still far behind and the doors began to close again. Logan broke out into a run, finally reaching the elevator and sticking an arm into the doors, causing them to open again. He let out a humorless laugh and stood beside his friends.

Now the doors were mocking Carlos. When Kendall or Logan got close, they wanted to close before his friends could get to him. Now they weren't closing at all. He began angrily jabbing at the lobby button now, pressing it several times before Kendall grabbed his arm, saying his name in a warning tone as he did so.

Carlos looked to his friend just as the doors finally began to close. He expected Kendall to be angry, angrier than him. It was no secret that Kendall had anger management issues. This had been proved time after time—the audition process with Gustavo being one great example—and Carlos expected the normally aggressive boy to be fuming. But Kendall was so calm that it scared Carlos.

Maybe it was just the calm before the storm, but Carlos knew that wasn't the way that Kendall worked. Kendall wasn't the silently-angry type of guy. He was the 'if-I'm-mad-I'm-going-to-jump-on-your-desk-and-call-you-a-turd' type of guy. And he sure wasn't singing about turds right now.

But Logan acted the way Carlos expected him to. He was mumbling to himself, his lips moving rapidly and half-sentences coming out of his mouth for Carlos to hear. Something about 'James', 'disappointed', 'why the crap would he do such a thing?'

For one second, Carlos felt bad for James. Having Logan disappointed with you was something that absolutely _sucked. _It happened to Carlos once. He had sort of maybe accidentally used the chain of people Logan made out of the pamphlet Kelly gave them as toilet paper. But in his defense, Logan was the one who had left it in the bathroom and it wasn't Carlos' fault that all of their toilet paper was mysteriously missing whenever he needed to go to the bathroom. And he had already _used_ his and it would be gross to use it again. But when Carlos had tried to flush the evidence, the toilet ended up clogging and Logan found out about it.

He had said something along the lines of, "Carlos. Not only did you kill at least _five_ paper people in a senseless act of toilet paper replacement, but you didn't even _tell _me. I'm disappointed. I thought our friendship was more than that."

Carlos had felt immensely guilty after the incident and ended up making cupcakes for Logan. Okay, so Mrs. Knight made them and Carlos frosted them, but it was the gesture that counted and Logan immediately forgave Carlos.

But Carlos didn't think cupcakes could fix what James had done. James would have to make him a dozen cupcakes every day of his life if he wanted Carlos to forgive him, and even then Carlos probably wouldn't forgive him. Not only because what James had done was far from nice, but because Carlos would most likely get sick of the taste of cupcakes after a while and James would have to make him brownies or cookies then. But Carlos didn't think any amount of sweets could make him forgive James.

He angrily huffed as the elevator doors opened and he stormed out, not caring if Kendall or Logan were following him. Carlos was a generally happy person and he never felt so angry in his entire life. Maybe all of his anger over things that he had overlooked before was crashing into him now, making him more angry than he actually was. But he didn't care if he was taking out all of the anger he had ever felt in his entire life on James now. James _deserved _it. James was a liar and Carlos didn't like liars.

Carlos could hear Kendall and Logan calling his name, sounding worried and concerned. But Carlos didn't give a damn. He just kept walking. Through the lobby, out of the hospital's main entrance, past an unloading ambulance, and he would have kept going if Logan hadn't caught up to him and stopped him, pushing him down on a nearby bench.

"Logan, I don't want to sit down," Carlos pouted, trying to stand back up. But Logan only pushed him down again as Kendall caught up to them.

"Too bad," Logan told him. "What's your deal?"

Carlos resisted the urge to roll his eyes and stood back up again, moving away from Logan so that he wouldn't be forced to sit once more. "James is my deal!" He nearly yelled. Kendall and Logan both gave him looks that told him to be quieter, so he continued in a still angry hushed tone. "I mean, he _lied_ to us."

Kendall nodded. "Yeah, he lied. I'm not too happy about it either. But I'm not totally _freaking_. It's not like we've always told the truth. People lie all the time, Carlos."

Carlos fought back more tears. "Yeah, but none of us have _ever_ kept anything this big from each other. It's usually about who farted or who ate the last piece of cake. But James lied about something _big_. Does he not understand that he could get killed?"

"Carlos, I'm sure he understands that better than anyone," Logan told him. "Believe me, James isn't my favorite person right now. But I think the main reason why he lied to us is because he's scared—"

"Oh, shut up, Logan!" Carlos screamed, and Kendall had to shush him again. "Don't go defending him! If he was scared, he would have told us because then we would have gotten help and we wouldn't need to be worrying. He lied to us because he's _stupid_ and thinks he needs to protect everyone when _he's_ the one that needs to be protected!" He buried his hands in his hair, wishing for the helmet he had left behind in James' room. "He's so dumb," Carlos whispered, feeling sadness wash over him again.

Kendall sighed, putting a hand on Logan's shoulder as he stared at Carlos. Carlos was fuming, Logan didn't know what to do, and he didn't even know about James right now. But Kendall knew that he needed to fix it.

Kendall put another hand to his face, feeling stressed. "Carlos, calm down, okay? Everything's going to be fine."

Carlos felt his anger rise again. That was something Kendall always said and he hated it. Kendall didn't know life's answers. He didn't know if Rick was coming back and he didn't know if James was going to be killed. Kendall just didn't _know_, and Carlos wished he did. He wished that Kendall could give him some sort of reassurance right now because he was scared and angry and he just didn't know what to feel.

Without thinking, Carlos turned to the brick wall of the hospital behind him. Automatically, his arm wound back and let it snap forward again, his fist colliding with the wall and making a sickening cracking sound.

Carlos welcomed the pain. It distracted him from his conflicted emotions and he was glad to have a break from them.

"Carlos, Jesus Christ!" Logan said from behind him, shaking off Kendall's hand on his shoulder and turning Carlos around. He grabbed Carlos' injured hand, which was bleeding slightly from a scrape on his knuckle and overall looking like it hurt. "What did you do that for?" Logan demanded. "You're lucky we're at a hospital!"

Logan began to tow Carlos back into the hospital, Kendall following behind him and basically asking Carlos the same questions Logan just did. "I was mad, okay?" Carlos replied. "It doesn't even hurt. It'll be fine."

"Like hell it will be fine!" Kendall said from behind him, all three boys welcoming the cooler air of the hospital opposed to the warmer heat that Los Angeles' spring brought them. "Carlos, that looks broken. Seriously."

Carlos didn't say anything as Logan dragged him into the elevators, quickly pressing the button to James' floor and waiting as the doors slowly shut behind Kendall, the lift slowly carrying them up the shaft until they arrived on James' floor. Logan quickly dragged Carlos out of the elevator again, and conveniently enough, they spotted Doctor Drake right away.

The doctor noticed the frantic look in Logan's eyes and when he noticed the boys coming toward him, he immediately stopped to see what was wrong.

Logan came up to him and showed him Carlos' hand. "This idiot punched a wall and I think his hand is broken," Logan informed the doctor.

Patrick nodded, smiling softly. "I see," He said. "What made you punch a wall, exactly?"

Carlos looked down at his shoes. "I was mad," He replied, hoping that James' doctor wouldn't ask what he was mad _about_.

And since it wasn't Doctor Drake's place to pry for information, he didn't ask. But he _did_ take Carlos to get x-rays done, showing that, in fact, Carlos had cracked a few knuckles. He didn't get a cast, but he did get some strange brace that he didn't like at all. The entire process had taken around an hour and a half, the waiting list for x-rays that day being unfortunately long. When Doctor Drake told Carlos that he needed to tend to other patients, and to just go find Kendall and Logan, Carlos did just that. He found his two friends in the waiting area next to the room Carlos had his x-rays taken in.

"Is it broken?" Logan asked when Carlos approached them.

Carlos shook his head. "No, I have a few cracked knuckles though. But I'm sad that I don't get a cool cast like James' that you guys can draw on."

Kendall and Logan paled at his words. "Crap," Kendall said. "We forgot about James."

Carlos' friends immediately started making their way towards James' hospital room, and Carlos reluctantly followed. It wasn't that he didn't want to see James, because he did. But he was still a little mad at his friend for lying about something so important to his life.

They reached James' hospital room too quickly, and Carlos once again found himself holding back tears. No matter how angry he was at James right now, he is still afraid for his friend's life.

When they entered the hospital room, James had his back turned to them and was facing the wall. His breathing was steady, and when Logan crossed over to the other side of the bed, he revealed to the other boys that James was asleep. He didn't mention that he could tell that James had been crying.

"Should we wake him up?" Kendall asked.

"Yes."

"No."

Carlos and Logan responded at the same time, and when their answers contradicted each other, all of the frustration that both of them had pent up ever since James had first gotten kidnapped had been unleashed in that moment.

"Carlos, he needs rest. Give him that—"

"Who cares? He also needs to tell the truth, and he's skipping out on that. I don't think skipping out on sleep would make him any worse of a person—"

Kendall plopped down into one of the chairs, putting his face into his hands and willing his friends to shut up. He was too stressed out at the moment and he couldn't handle much more before he snapped on both of them.

"He's not a bad person, Carlos!"

"Yes he is, _Logayn_!"

"God, why are you being such a _jerk_ today?" Logan demanded. "You have no reason to—"

"Yes I do!" Carlos retaliated, near screaming now. "My best friend has been lying to me! I think I have the right to be pissed off."

He said it so harshly, more venom and anger dripping from his voice than it ever had in his life. Carlos wasn't this kind of person. He was happy and carefree and he liked to think about kittens. But now he was angry and quite frankly, it scared both Logan and Kendall.

Logan was about to say something back to Carlos, telling him how he was going about this the wrong way, but a pitiful cry stole his ability to speak and his head snapped in the direction that it came from.

James had woken up during Carlos and Logan's fight, the loud, angry words pulling him from his slumber. And now he was crying harder than he had ever cried before, knowing that the angry words were about him. The thought that waking up alone would be horrible, but waking up to the sounds of his two best friends have a screaming match about him was even worse.

It took a while for the three boys to respond to James, and this was because James was sobbing so hard that they couldn't possibly understand what he was trying to say in between his loud cries. But soon it became very apparent, and Logan and Kendall flocked to him then, Carlos just staring at James from the foot of the bed.

"I'm sorry," James sobbed, shaking hard despite Kendall and Logan's efforts to keep him steady. "I didn't mean to, I didn't think—God, I'm _sososososo_ sorry."

As he continued to sob, Carlos felt James' words tug at his words. He nodded slightly, his jaw clenched, not that James even noticed the movement. "Yeah, you should be sorry," He said finally, trying not to flinch when Kendall and Logan looked up to glare at him and James stared at him with the most broken expression he had ever seen anyone wear. Carlos reached down and grabbed his forgotten helmet on the chair, walking towards James with it in his uninjured hand. "You messed up and I should hate you for it," Carlos continued. He sat down on James' bed, smiling softly. "But I don't. Here," Carlos said, placing the helmet on James' head for the second time during James' stay at the hospital. "For protection."

* * *

**OMWGNOTE: **That was angsty. And God, James wasn't even in it for most of the chapter. It was basically _Carlosangst_. This is new. Oh, and I'm listening to Welcome to the Black Parade on repeat right now. WIN. THAT WAS MY JAM WAY BACK WHEN. Though I'm upset I can't like, headbang to it because I feel horrible.

Okay, so I've noticed that this story magically got changed to 'Complete'. I have NO idea how this happened or how long it's been like that. But like. It's not complete. I guess that explains the weird reviews I've been getting lately about people being sad that the story is done. It's not.

And then there were six…

By the way. Next chapter? Yeah. NO. ANGST. Okay, maybe like a TEENEY bit. But otherwise, next chapter is SUPER HAPPY. Probably the happiest in the whole damn story. OH. AND REVIEW. COME ON, NINE UNTIL 200. YOU HAVE TO MAN. YOU HAVE TO.


	20. Home

****

OMWGNOTE

: Ten chapters ago, 'Monster' hit the 100 review mark. Now it's at 215. Also ten chapters ago, James was high. Now he's high again. Funny how history repeats itself, huh?

Oh. And it's also funny how I said there would be no angst in C10 and then there was. And how I also said there was no angst in this chapter but there _is_. Don't worry, most of the chapter is light.

A huge thank you to Falling to Fly, because she's awesome and gave me ten more reviews than I had at the start of the day. I love you, man.

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Big Time Rush or any characters affiliated with the show.

* * *

20. Home

"I am _so_ excited to go home," James informed his friends, smiling. James had been admitted to the hospital on the night of his kidnapping, which happened to be in the middle of March. It was now the last day of April and it was a relief that James would be returning home that day. Being in the hospital for so long and not going outside at all had left him a little stir crazy, and he was eager to be someplace new, even if that place meant the Palm Woods.

Kendall rolled his eyes. "We know," He said tiredly. "You've been saying that for the past half hour."

James frowned and stuck his tongue out at him, replying with, "Yeah, well you're just _jealous_."

"Of what?" Carlos asked. He couldn't come up with anything that Kendall could possibly be jealous of. James' hair looked horrible because the hospital didn't provide proper hair care products for him, he still couldn't walk without wincing in pain, and he had been stuck in the hospital for a month due to some creep who may or may not be returning to have his revenge. Yeah, Carlos couldn't think of anything Kendall would be jealous of.

James rolled his eyes, stating his answer as if it were obvious. "That I get to go home today."

Logan laughed. "James, we've been going home every day. I don't think any of us are jealous that you've been cooped up in this room for the past month."

"You know, you don't _always_ have to be the smart one, Logan," James said. "Because one of these days your head is going to explode from holding all of these mathematical formulas and random facts and smartitude."

"Smartitude isn't a word," Logan retaliated.

James sat up quickly, looking like he was about to get out of bed. "You know what—"

"Woah, calm down," Kendall interjected, pushing James back into the pillows. "There's no use fighting over stupid things."

Carlos nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah," he said. "Today is supposed to be happy. James gets to come home! And tomorrow is Friday so he gets fish sticks for the first time in _forever_. So let's all think happy thoughts about kittens—"

"You know Carlos," James said, all of his past anger towards Logan apparently evaporating in that instant. "I'm pretty sure you have a secret fetish for kittens. Because you said that when we first got here, and you drew a kitten on my cast, and you're talking about them now."

Carlos' cheeks reddened but he defended himself anyway. "Kittens are the cutest thing on earth," He told James. "They make people happy. And when world peace is achieved by kittens, you won't be making fun of me anymore."

"Wait," Logan interjected. "Will kittens be the ones actually acquiring world peace? Or will people thinking about kittens acquire world peace?"

At Logan's question, Carlos' eyebrows furrowed and he looked to be deep in thought. "I don't know," He finally answered. "All I know is that kittens _will_ have something to do with world peace."

"I agree," Dr. Drake said, walking in pushing a wheelchair.

All four boys disregarded the chair for a moment and just stared at James' doctor.

"Why do you always join our conversations?" Kendall asked, because it wasn't like this was the first time Dr. Drake had responded to something one of them said to each other.

James nodded. "Yeah," He agreed. "Shouldn't you like, knock or something?"

Dr. Drake looked between the boys and the open door. "James, your door is almost always open," Dr. Drake informed him. "I just happen to come in when you guys are finishing your conversations."

The boys still thought this was a little strange but not one of them spoke out about the idea. "So," James' doctor continued. "You ready to go home, James? Mrs. Knight signed the discharge papers and the only thing left for you to do is to actually _leave_ the hospital." He smiled at James, and James smiled back. But when the boy's eyes travelled to what Dr. Drake was holding, his smile immediately faded.

"Do I really have to use the wheelchair?" James whined. He knew he was being a pest but he absolutely _despised_ wheelchairs. They were annoying and he hated them forever.

Dr. Drake chuckled. "Well, it's either this or crutches. I just assumed you would choose the wheelchair because most people like them. But I'll get you the crutches, if you want them."

James nodded and in turn, Dr. Drake did as well and left the room, bringing the wheelchair with them.

"Did you not pick the wheelchair because you knew that whoever was pushing you was going to slam you into a wall?" Kendall asked, smirking at his friend.

"I didn't think of that," James said. "And I don't think Logan would, because well…he's Logan." Logan shot him a glare. "It's not a bad thing, man. I'm just saying that you're generally the most cautious out of all of us. But in response to Kendall's question…no. I just really don't like wheelchairs. They mean bad things."

No one responded to that. They hated the way that James could bring up his mother's condition so casually and not expect his words to be the start of an awkward silence.

Luckily, the silence didn't last long. Dr. Drake returned just then holding two metal crutches. "Here you go," The doctor said, walking over to James and leaning the crutches against the rail of his bed. "D'you think you can get up on your own?"

James nodded, confident about walking now. He had been doing so for a week and it had proven to get easier and easier as the week dragged along. Of course it still hurt him to walk, which was probably why he was sentenced to use crutches, James was proud that he could do it all by himself.

He pushed himself into a sitting position and slid himself off the bed easily, putting a crutch on either side of him and standing up.

"Now when you walk," Dr. Drake informed him. "You can walk normally. You don't need to do the hopping thing that most people with crutches do. You just need to lean your weight onto the crutches and it'll act like your IV stand, alright?"

James nodded again, and as a test, he began to walk around the room.

"Good," Dr. Drake said, smiling at his patient. "I think you're good to go."

Kendall, Carlos and Logan all smiled and began piling out of the room, intent on finding Kendall's family. But James stayed behind for one moment, turning to his doctor.

"Thanks for everything," He told Dr. Drake. "You've been really awesome."

Dr. Drake smiled at him. "You're welcome, James," He said. "But in all seriousness, I hope I never have to see you again."

"Same here," James said. "Let's hope it turns out that way."

He had the feeling that it wouldn't, but he smiled at Dr. Drake one last time and then left his hospital room.

* * *

James' arrival back at the Palm Woods had been less anticipated than he thought it would be. Both Camille and Jo greeted him at the door, talking about how they were so worried and that they're glad he was okay. Guitar Dude smiled at him and gave him a high five and, as usual, the Jennifers simply ignored him.

Unfortunately for James the influx of new arrivals at the Palm Woods had arrived in his absence. The new kids only knew three fourths of Big Time Rush, and therefore James was the new kid to most of them. He didn't let this bother him too much upon his arrival because all he really wanted to do was get back to apartment 2J and simply relax.

The boys bid their farewells to Jo and Camille and while Katie went to the pool, the boys accompanied by Mrs. Knight headed up to the apartment.

Once they reached their destination James practically ran (to the best of his ability) into their home, smiling at the familiarity of things. He never realized how much he could miss a place until he hadn't seen it for a long while.

He immediately made his way over to the couch and let his crutches clatter to the floor, letting his body fall face first into the orange cushions.

"So googh t'be 'ome," James said to the cushions, sighing happily.

Kendall laughed. "What was that?"

James sighed again, this time in frustration. He rolled over and said, "it's so good to—" He rolled over too much and fell onto the ground, the force of his fall knocking the wind out of him and hurting his already injured shoulder. "Be home," He finished, wincing.

Logan chuckled. "I think this calls for your prescription, James," Logan told him, and James nodded enthusiastically. Logan chuckled again and made his way into the kitchen to get James' pills.

"SpongeBob!" Carlos exclaimed happily, hopping over the back of the couch and turning the television on to his favorite show. It was pure luck that the yellow sponge happened to be currently making his debut on the channel or Carlos might just throw a tantrum.

Kendall rolled his eyes and stepped over James to sit next to Carlos. Despite his eye roll, he was secretly addicted to SpongeBob and refused to let any of his friends know this.

Logan returned to the living room a few moments later with James' prescription bottle and a glass of water. "Okay, James," He said, setting the items down and helping his friend sit up. "You have to take one of these every eight hours." He pulled out a little book and pencil from his pocket and opened it to a clean page. "It's 1:34 in the afternoon right now, so you'll be able to take your next one at 9:34 tonight. Okay?"

James nodded. "Mhmm," He said, already taking one of the tablets out of the bottle and downing it. "Thanks, Logie."

Logan nodded and helped James sit on the couch and then together, they all watched SpongeBob. Apparently it was going to be on for a while and this excited Carlos and Kendall. They had gotten through one full episode and half of the next before James started acting…funny.

He giggled like a little school girl and his three friends looked at him with smirks. "Heh," James giggled again. "Squidward…he just like. He like. Like oh my God. He totally just like. Like. Like. Like dug through the trash to get a Fatty Patty. Flabby Patty. Krabby Patty!" James laughed again, sounding more like a hyena than an actual person.

"James," Carlos said cautiously, eyeing his friend. "Are you okay?"

James made a farting noise. "Pffffffffft, of course I'm okay," He said, patting Carlos on the head twice. "It's Squidward who won't be okay. I mean like, I don't wanna ruin the episode, _buuuut_, he gets really fat in the end and like. Explodes! I hope that doesn't happen to Gustavo."

Kendall and Carlos couldn't help the laughter that exploded out of their mouths at James' words.

"Oh God," Logan said, sighing. "This has to be some pretty strong shit he's on because he's totally high. _Again_."

"Dude," James said seriously. "Did you just say I was totally fly? Like, awesome? Lo-_gaaaayynnnn_, that's so nice of you!" James affectionately ruffled Logan's hair but after feeling how soft it was, he began to play with it, twirling it in his fingers all the while receiving a strange look from Logan.

"_Looooooooooggggiieee_, your hair is so _spikyyyy_," James crooned, using both hands now to make Logan's hair stand straight up. Logan's eyes widened almost impossibly, and he stole a glance at Kendall and Carlos. They were both staring at him with amused and shocked expressions, and Logan knew that it was taking all of their self control to stifle their laughter.

Logan glared as them as he answered James. "Yes, James, it's supposed to be spiky," he said, glancing at the boy who was currently playing with his hair.

Out of nowhere, James smoothed it out as much as he could, a good majority of Logan's hair now flat against is forehead. "I don't like it. Stop it, stop it forever," James told him.

Logan pushed his hands away. "No," he said. "I like having my hair spiky." He put his own hands into his hair then, desperately trying to get the spikes to return. James was like a brother to him, but he spent a good five minutes getting his hair to spike every morning. He wasn't about to have his efforts ruined by a loopy James.

Sighing loudly, Logan said, "When is the drowsiness part of this medication going to kick in? Because I think that should be right now."

Kendall and Carlos laughed. "What's the matter, Logie?" Carlos asked. "Is James annoying you?"

Logan glanced down at James, who was now hanging upside down off the couch. "Yes," Logan replied, watching as his friend made funny faces. "Yes he is."

Kendall chuckled at Logan's annoyance and pushed himself off the couch, stepping over Carlos' feet to where James was. He held out a hand for James to take and said, "C'mon, James. Let's go."

"Where are we going?" James asked as he took Kendall's hand and pulled himself into a sitting position. "Because I think we should go to the elephant graveyard."

"Maybe later," Kendall told him. "Right now you're going to take a nap."

As if the words had some magical effect on him, James suddenly felt tired. "Okay," He agreed. "But I don't want to walk. Carry me?"

Kendall sighed but said, "How about Carlos and I drag you?"

James shrugged. "Whatever," he said, holding out both of his arms. Kendall took one and Carlos took the other and together, they pulled James off the couch carefully. Once they had set him down on the floor, they began to drag him away from the couch and towards his room.

As his friends were dragging him, James became aware of two things. One, his friends were hurting him. It was like they were trying to pull his arms out of their sockets as they dragged him across the floor. It hurt and James was uncomfortable and it brought him to bad times, which made him realize that he was also _terrified_. The last time he had been hurt by another person was when Rick had abused him in the warehouse, and as his friends were tugging and pulling on his arms and hurting him, all James could see was _Rick_ hurting him.

"Let go!" James screamed, shutting his eyes tightly and ripping his arms away from Kendall and Carlos who immediately let go. They watched as James curled into a ball and buried his head in his knees, shaking and trying to compose himself. Both of the boys were shocked, confused and worried because of the sudden outburst of their friend.

Carlos sunk to one knee behind James and put a hand on his friend's shoulder. He tried not to notice the way his best friend flinched at the contact and immediately moved away.

It took several moments but James finally looked up, and both Kendall and Carlos felt _horrible_ when they saw the red-rimmed eyes and wetness on James' cheeks. But James brushed it off like it was nothing, like he _didn't_ just freak the hell out over something that was supposed to be fun.

"I'm just going to walk," He said shakily, pushing himself up with only minor difficulty. Kendall and Carlos were still staring at him and he was beginning to feel a little embarrassed by the attention. He hadn't _meant_ to freak out; in fact, he had been really good at suppressing all of the memories he had with Rick. But there was something about the feeling of pain that James now associated with Rick and only with Rick, and he could only hope it didn't stick with him for the rest of his life.

James tuned around to grab his crutches from where they had been resting against the couch, but he found upon turning that Logan was already there holding them out to him. James chose to ignore Logan's scrutinizing stare and instead grabbed the crutches from him, mumbling a quiet, "Thanks," and immediately leaning all of his weight on them.

He didn't say another word as he staggered off to the room that he and Kendall currently shared. Once inside, he found it quite difficult to maneuver through the various items that were strewn across the floor. James hadn't been in this room in over a month and it definitely showed.

Usually James kept the room neat, or if there _were_ things on the floor you could at least navigate throughout the room. Obviously Kendall hadn't stuck to James' method of organization during his absence because almost every one of Kendall's pairs of Vans were on the floor along with several pairs of jeans and t-shirts. James sighed, wanting the mess to just be gone. He would clean it up himself but he honestly was tired. It was hard to go from high to serious in a matter of seconds and James was definitely worn out from the mood change.

He let his crutches rest against the wall and then collapsed into his bed, making sure not to irritate his shoulder or abdomen. The only thing that James liked to have messy in his room was his bed, because a slept-in bed was _much_ more comfortable than a bed you had to unmake and sleep in to get it just right. James sighed in comfort after his body hit the mattress, the cushioning of his bed much more comfortable than the horrible cot he had been forced to sleep in for the past month.

Before the incident a month ago, James had always slept on his side or on his stomach. But after being in the hospital for so long and practically only being able to sleep on his back, James had become accustomed to the new position and that's exactly how he found himself seconds after he got into bed.

Smiling, James pulled the covers over himself and adjusted his head on the pillow. His exhaustion from the day's events finally hit him and James quickly fell fast asleep.

* * *

**OMWGNOTE**: Okay that was like. Two seconds of angst. Probably a new record for me, huh? I think the only chapter that doesn't have serious angst is C1. How sad is that?

So sorry about the delay. I've had horrible Writer's Block on this chapter for reasons unknown to me and it was really hard to write. Plus I've been really busy, what with marching band games and actual band concerts and getting chased by evil clowns at Dark Manor…-sigh- Obviously life is just horrible. Not really. But seriously, I am sorry about the lack of activity on this story within the past month.

This author's not is getting pretty long _but_ I just want to make something aware to my Why I'm Home readers (because honestly, most of those who read this have read that. Yeah): A companion piece for that story will be posted on Halloween. And it will be slightly really epic. Okay? Okay. Be ready.

And for the Monster cool cats, I totally haven't forgotten about the companion piece for C16. It'll probably be added as a C26 bonus for Christmas or something. Hahaha. Because honestly, it's not super super important, though I am still writing it.

Anyway. So yeah. Review. If you want to. I hope you do.

FIVE CHAPTERS LEFT WOOOO.


	21. Doctor Logan

**OMWGNOTE: **So I sincerely hope you enjoyed the small angst break last chapter because…well…it's back. It's back at full force, man. I honestly think the only chapters that I've written in this story that haven't ended with me overdosing on angst are chapters one, ten, and twenty. Maybe two. But seriously…that's kind of really sad.

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own Big Time Rush or any characters affiliated with the show.

* * *

21. Doctor Logan

Several hours later, James groggily opened his eyes to find himself surrounded in darkness. He frowned at the wall he was facing when he realized that he had a horrible case of nap mouth, that gross feeling one gets in their mouth after taking a nap. He tried to swallow the feeling away and then turned away from the wall and rolled over onto his back, craning his neck to glance at the alarm clock on his bedside table. His eyes widened when he realized that it was only one minute until midnight.

Groaning quietly, he pushed himself into a sitting position, running a hand through his hair. Apparently his new medication made him more tired than he thought because he had slept most of his day away. At least it had knocked him out long enough so that he didn't have nightmares. In fact, James had dreamt about prancing through a field of flowers with Logan, who had turned into a rabbit. Obviously his pills made him crazy while unconscious as well.

And glancing at the clock again, which had just changed to midnight, he realized that he had missed lunch and dinner. Just thinking about the two meals he missed made his stomach growl. His gaze traveled over to Kendall's bed, where said boy was snoring softly and looked to be drooling. He vaguely remembered his friend and roommate coming into their room to try and wake James to get him to eat something. James had responded with smacking Kendall in the face and saying something about how Kendall's eyebrows would eat James if his friend didn't leave. Chuckling at the blurry memory, James got out of bed, blindly walking across the room to the door. He knew he should be using his crutches but he honestly didn't care where they were at the moment. Besides, he was only up to get some food.

He had forgotten how messy the floor was of his room and just before he reached the door, he stumbled over one of Kendall's many pairs of Vans. Fortunately he didn't fall to the ground, but he still sent a glare in his sleeping friend's direction.

But James wasn't hurt and so he stopped glaring and stepped out of the room, quietly walking through the apartment and into the kitchen. He made a beeline for the refrigerator, where he found a plate of dinosaur shaped chicken with mac and cheese and a glass of chocolate milk.

He smiled brightly and retrieved the plate and the glass from their shelf, setting the glass down on the kitchen counter. He stole a stegosaurus-shaped chicken from the plate, munching on it happily as he put the remainder of his food into the microwave and set a time. As he chewed on the head of his dinosaur, he discovered that dinosaur shaped chicken was really good when it was eaten cold.

Just as he killed the last of the chicken dinosaur by eating it, the microwave beeped and he quickly took his food out, trying not to make noise as to not wake anyone in the house up. Then he sat down at the counter, eating his meal quickly so that he could get back to bed. Despite having slept for several hours, James was still very tired and he didn't want to get into a strange sleeping pattern. The boys would return to the studio next week and James wanted to be alert for they would be working very hard on the album.

He soon finished his food and downing the rest of his chocolate milk, placed his dishes in the sink. Smiling happily, James started making his way back to he and Kendall's room. He no longer had to deal with hunger and as an added bonus, he wasn't feeling any pain even though the medication he had taken had surely worn off by now.

James carefully opened the door to his room, shutting it softly behind him so that he wouldn't wake Kendall. But since it was still dark and he had no idea where he was going, he was bound to run into something. And when he did, the noise he made would prove that his efforts to be quiet were made in vain.

Almost immediately upon entering the room James walked right into the corner of his dresser. It would have hurt him normally no matter what, but unfortunately the corner had hit right where Rick had stabbed James a month previous. Something as sharp as the corner of the dresser hitting his still healing wound was almost as bad as getting stabbed the first time.

James made a loud noise of discomfort and noticed that the sound caused Kendall to stir a little bit. To his relief the noise didn't wake his sleeping friend and James tried to put the pain aside, clutching his abdomen as he travelled across the room back to his bed.

But again James was unlucky and tripped on one of the many pairs of shoes Kendall had littering the floor. This time he wasn't able to regain his balance and he was sent crashing to the floor. James cried out again, this time louder, and it definitely got Kendall to wake. James glanced through tear-filled eyes as his friend sat up in bed.

"James?" His friend asked sleepily, looking around the room. It was stupid of him because his vision was still clouded with sleep and the entire room was pitch black.

The boy in question rolled over onto his back, staring towards the direction of Kendall's voice. "Help," he whined, his voice sounding pathetic and pain-filled to his own ears.

Kendall was immediately wide-awake after hearing the pain evident in his friend's tone. He untangled himself out of his covers in a hurry, scrambling to get out of his bed and over to wherever James was in their messy room. Surely it wouldn't be that hard to find another human being in a dark room, but Kendall figured that he would find James using his sight, not tripping over his friend.

James' pain was amplified as Kendall fell on top of him, most of his friend's weight finding itself pressing against James' source of distress. Again James cried out, this time feeling tears escape from the corners of his eyes and run along his temple before disappearing into his hair. He ignored the urge to wipe the wetness they left on his face and instead pushes Kendall off of him forcefully, leaving the blonde boy to go rolling in a pile of discarded shoes and clothes.

Once Kendall is off of him James turns his head to the side, burying his head into the ground and letting out a groan that is muffled by the carpet. Suddenly he's bathed in light and he squeezes his eyes shut, clenching his teeth as Kendall reappears at his side.

"James?" He asks, resisting the desire to touch his friend. James is obviously in pain and the last thing Kendall wants to do is make it worse. When James doesn't answer him, Kendall tries again. "James, where does it hurt?"

But James can't answer him. The pain is almost as excruciating as when he first received the wound. James' mind is suddenly clouded with the image of Rick, his knife digging deep into James and twisting while inside, molding his skin into something jagged and unnatural. James remembered how horrible it felt, how he just wanted the knife that was intruding his body to go _away_. In response to Kendall, James only whimpered. He hated sounding pathetic but that's what he was for the moment.

Kendall's mind was reeling. He had no idea what to do and that's what bothered him. Kendall lived to help his friends but his strong points could not be found in the medical field. "Do you need your pills?" Kendall asked desperately. Pills were something that Kendall could provide him with.

James whimpered again but nodded, turning over on his side and sort of curling into a ball. Kendall smiled in relief but just as quickly as it had come, the smile faded. His eyes flashed to the clock and back to James. He tried to rack his memory of when Logan had given him the pills, what time he had written down in that pocket-sized book he always carried around with him, but every time Kendall tried to recall the time his mind drew a blank.

He was pretty sure that James was in the clear for taking another pill but he wasn't sure. It was well past midnight and if only Kendall could remember the first time James took a dose he would be okay. Kendall would just give him another pill to stop his friend's suffering but Kendall had an aunt who died from a drug overdose and since then, he had always been careful with pain killers. He didn't want there to be any possibility for James to overdose.

"I'm going to go get Logan," Kendall said quickly, lightly placing his hand on James' shoulder. James nodded and Kendall said, "Alright, be right back."

He knew that he was making a little too much noise for it being close to one in the morning but Kendall didn't care. Kendall didn't even care that he was going to be waking Logan and probably Carlos from a good night's sleep. The only thing that mattered was James because their friend was in pain and it was partly Kendall's fault.

Kendall did not hesitate in bursting the door open to Logan and Carlos' room and immediately turning on the light, exposing both of the sleeping boys. Logan stirred instantaneously and it took only a few seconds for his eyes to flutter open.

Logan squinted, trying to adjust to the sudden brightness in the room. "Kendall, wha—"

"James," Kendall said, interrupting what Logan was going to say. It was like their friend's name meant that there was a free math seminar currently happening downstairs, because Logan was suddenly in a haste to get the hell out of his bed. Like Kendall, he got a bit tangled in the sheets and his foot was caught as he was trying to get up. This ended up causing him to fall flat on his face, which in turn caused Carlos to wake up. But Logan payed no mind to his clumsiness and followed Kendall out of the room, and several moments later a disoriented Carlos was in tow.

They all found themselves in the doorway to James and Kendall's room and while Kendall and Carlos remained there, Logan rushed forward and was immediately at James' side.

"What happened?" He demanded, and for someone who woke up less than two minutes ago, Logan was being extremely level-headed at the moment.

James winced but finally found his voice to explain what happened. "I went to get something to eat and when I came back it was really dark," He said through his clenched teeth. "I rammed into the dresser because I couldn't see and the corner hit me right where Rick stabbed me. Then I tripped over Kendall's shoe and fell down which made it worse and then Kendall fell on top of me and now it feels like I'm getting stabbed all over again."

After James finished Logan's eyes glanced up to the clock. It was exactly fifteen minutes until one. He racked his brain and soon realized that James was due for another pill a little over three hours ago.

He turned to his friends. "Carlos, go into the bathroom and get the orange bottle of James' pills from the medicine cabinet. They'll say James' name on them, so try not to get them confused with Kendall's allergy medication. You might want to get a glass of water, too," He informed his friend. Carlos nodded, disappearing into the hallway. "Kendall, help me get James onto his bed."

His blonde friend nodded as well, finding himself by Logan's side and helping James get into a sitting position. James groaned at the movement and soon, after only slight protest and a few whines from James, Kendall and Logan had him standing. They carefully walked James over to his bed and helped him lay down. James sighed when his head hit the pillow, the slight movement Kendall and Logan made him make causing him to become exhausted.

"Okay, James," Logan said. "I just need to check your wound real quick to make sure that it isn't bleeding."

James nodded but reluctantly moved his hands away from his abdomen. Pressing his hands there made his discomfort less intense and now he felt the pain flare in his abdomen more, causing him to let out a hiss.

Logan, noticing James was uncomfortable, tried to be as careful with his friend as possible. He slowly lifted up James' shirt, revealing the injury that was causing his friend so much trouble. It wasn't bleeding but the jagged line was an angry red and definitely looked irritated. He gently ran his fingers over it but immediately pulled back when James winced and produced more tears.

Pulling down James' shirt for him, Logan said, "There's not much I can do until Carlos comes back."

James nodded, obviously still in pain. Just then, Carlos returned with a glass of water and thankfully, the correct medication. He handed the bottle to Logan who poured one tablet in his hand, mentally noting the time on the clock. Carlos handed the glass to James and with the assistance of Kendall, he sat up and took the pill from Logan, downing it and most of the water in one gulp.

Now it was just a matter of waiting until the pills kicked in. Logan, Kendall and Carlos sat by James' side for at least a half an hour until James' tears slowed. It took another fifteen minutes for James to fall asleep, and when he did the boys all let out a collective sigh.

None of them liked to see James in pain and this was the worst it had gotten since the actual incident. Bidding Kendall a pair of goodnights, Carlos and Logan quietly left the room to return to their own.

Kendall ran a hand through his hair and gently eased himself off of James' bed. He looked around the room at the mess he had made over the past few weeks and sighed again, bending down to retrieve one pair of shoes. It took him several minutes but soon Kendall had cleaned the entire room. It was now not a safety hazard for anyone to walk through the room and Kendall was glad. He definitely didn't want another repeat of tonight.

It was late when Kendall finally shut off the light and collapsed into his bed, falling into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

**OMWGNOTE: **What did I say about the angst. WHAT DID I SAY. ABOUT THE ANGST? That was intense. Don't even deny it, man. It was so intense that right now I bet you want to explode.

**FUN FACT**: This is the first chapter to be written in one sitting. And now it's midnight so I'm going to bed.

Four chapters left.

I miss the _man_. D:


	22. Talk

**OMWGNOTE: **Thanks for the four reviews on the last chapter. It really means a lot. No, really. Thanks to the people who actually did review.

Also, lately I've been noticing that a lot of people use Shane as James' younger brother in their stories. I was definitely the first one to do that. I feel as though I've started a revolution.

Oh. And one more thing: bitches Carlos replied to me on Twitter! It was an exciting moment. So now I've got a reply from Carlos, James follows me, and I just need something from Kendall and Logan and my life will be complete. Though they never reply to anyone and both of them only follow someone on the fifteenth, so obviously my life will never be complete.

**DISCLAIMER**: I don't own anything.

* * *

22. Talk

The next morning James woke up much later than usual. He again blamed his excessive amount of sleep due to the fact that he took one of his pills beforehand. Almost on its own accord James' head shifted and his gaze found Kendall's bed. Upon seeing its emptiness James immediately knew that if Kendall was up before him, he was definitely sleeping late.

But he found himself not wanting to move. Catching a glimmer of the clock he knew that it was past ten and that he should be getting up, but he didn't have the energy to do so. He wasn't sure if it was because he was being lazy or if it was a side-effect of his medication, but either way he didn't want to leave the comfort of his bed.

There was also the fact that facing his friends may be potentially embarrassing for him. His last two encounters with them had involved him being high, then him freaking out, then him tripping over everything and crying and being a baby about it. Deep inside James knew that his friends wouldn't judge him but still, this was another factor that kept him in bed.

Luckily James didn't have to wait long to see his friends. Just then Kendall opened the door to their room, obviously intent on grabbing something and then leaving right away. But when he saw that James was awake and staring at him, he stopped.

"Oh," He said in surprise. "You're awake. Hi."

James nodded, pushing himself into a sitting position. "Yeah," He said, running a hand through his hair. "Hey, uh, can I ask you something?"

Kendall looked even more surprised but nodded anyway. "Sure," He said, taking a seat on his own bed across from James. "What is it?"

"Well," James began. "I was wondering if you could possibly get Carlos and Logan to come in here."

"James, I refuse to initiate another Giants versus Leprechauns French Toast Stick war—"

If Kendall had been near him, James would have smacked him in the back of the head. "I don't want to start a Giants versus Leprechauns French Toast War!" He exclaimed, swinging his legs out of the covers and choosing to sit on the edge of his bed like Kendall was. "Though, in retrospect, that was fun. But back to the point—I was wondering if you guys, you know, maybe wanted to talk about what happened. With Rick and everything."

His friend's large eyebrows rose in surprise and James quickly sought out to explain himself. "I mean," James said hastily. "I've been thinking about it for a while now, and I realize that you guys don't really know anything that happened other than what you saw on camera. And I also sort of wanted to explain my whole freak out yesterday and then the freak out I had in the hospital a while back.

"And besides," James continued. "I think this would stop the freak outs because maybe if I got it off my chest I would feel better about everything, you know? And then you guys wouldn't have to worry and then I wouldn't have to—"

"James, you talk a lot," Kendall said. "I think talking about…well, everything, is a great idea. I'll go get Carlos and Logan. Try to catch your breath while I'm gone, okay?"

Before James could even comprehend it Kendall was already out of the room in search of their other two friends. Subconsciously James reached to his bedside table to grab his lucky comb, running it a few times through his messy hair in an attempt to tame it. Although there was no mirror for him to see if he had succeeded his task, he deemed that his hair looked appropriate and waited for Kendall to return with Carlos and Logan.

He didn't have to wait very long at all. Within a few moments Kendall walked back into the room, Carlos and Logan following closely behind. Carlos took a seat beside Kendall on his bed and Logan sat on James' right.

"So you wanted to talk?" Carlos asked, looking a bit nervous.

"Yeah," James replied, nodding his head. "I think now is as good of a time as any."

Logan nodded as well. "I was wondering when you would want to start talking about it," He said. "It was really only a matter of time before you cracked."

Before James could reply to Logan, Kendall cut in. "So just," Kendall said, trying to find the right words. "Just start from the beginning, I guess."

James nodded, taking a deep breath. "Well, I'm just going to start at the part about me throwing up, because you were there for me leaving the studio and eating and everything," He began. "I went outside to throw up, and uh, I did. After that I hung outside for a few minutes, knowing that I probably shouldn't go back inside. But then I started looking at the warehouses, and as stupid as it sounds, I was getting afraid. I thought there was going to be some four-headed warehouse monster waiting to devour my soul.

"So I was getting freaked out and that was when I went to go back inside. But when I opened the door, just—the smell. It had smelled _so good_ when we first came in, but after throwing up the food the smell of grease just hit me in the wrong way or something. And then, well, I threw up again. I'm sure you all remember that from the way you were laughing."

James took another deep breath before continuing. "That's when I first saw Rick," He said, glancing up at his friends' reactions. Carlos looked scared. Logan had flinched. And Kendall remained expressionless, stony. "He—well, he creeped me out. At first I thought he was selling drugs and in retrospect, I wish he had been. But he made me nervous so I started playing Monopoly on my phone.

"And then Kendall came outside," James said, folding his hands together and looking at them. "And of course, he had his nine-year-in-the-making revenge and made me throw up for a third time. Then we had an epic wrestling match before Kendall went back inside. And then Rick started to talk to me.

"Um, he started telling lame jokes and started asking questions about why I was here," He continued. He was still looking at his hands, because he knew there was no way he could look at his friends while reciting his story. "So I told him about the band and when I was done, he told me what happened between him and Gustavo, even though he didn't really name who it was. He started playing it like Gustavo was the bad guy, and I believed him, or at least until Gustavo told me what really happened."

Logan held up his hand to show James that he wanted to talk. "What really happened between them?" He asked, Carlos nodding in agreement to his question.

James sighed. "It goes back to this band called 'The Stray' or something. It was five guys from some random state on the east coast. Cameron, Mason, Roman, Eli, and Logan. They were a lot like us, apparently."

"So what happened then?" Carlos asked.

"A lot of things," James told him. "Rick was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder before they found the band, I guess. But after they _had_ found them, The Stray started disagreeing with him, I guess. Rick had stopped taking his medication and things went downhill from there."

James paused for a moment to collect himself. "He snapped," He whispered. "He shot and killed one of them."

He looked up to see all of his friends looking ghostly pale, but not one of them wore an expression that urged James to stop talking. So taking another deep breath, he continued.

"Rick hated Gustavo after that," James said. "Gustavo doesn't know why but I think Rick said something about Gustavo always getting his way. That's what he said to me before he held his gun to my head and made me get into his car.

"The funny thing is, you guys came out of the restaurant right when we left. Of course I wasn't conscious long enough to see whatever else you did because Rick smacked me upside the head with his gun.

"And, well," He continued. "You guys didn't really miss a lot. I woke up and Rick made me call Gustavo and then he called Kendall and then apparently I was a sucky liar because he punched me in the face? Yeah, that's how I got the black eye. And then he pretty much only smacked me around before we started talking to you guys. Then you know the rest."

The boys fell into a comfortable silence after James finished speaking. Each of them was off in their own thoughts and speaking would only destroy that thought process. But it only took a few moments for James' words to sink in and for Kendall, Carlos and Logan to comprehend everything that he had said and then the room was filled with conversation again.

"Okay," Carlos said, breaking the silence. "I'm gonna start off by saying Rick is still really creepy." Although the man scared them all, Carlos' statement sparked laughter in all of them. When it died down, the shortest boy continued. "So, um, why did you start freaking out in the hospital? When you were talking to the officer?"

James took another deep breath. "Well it was really because I was looking at my cast," He said honestly, his eyes flicking to the item in question that was still secured around his wrist. "I was looking at all of the pictures and stuff. This was way before I told you anything about Rick coming back, and uh, when I looked at Logan's picture everything sort of came flooding back to me.

"After you guys had left to come and get me and then you were there at the warehouse, Rick came downstairs to come and fetch me, I guess. And he started going on about how after I was done with him, I would go to the hospital and everything would be better after a while and that I would forget about him," James said all in one breath. "And he said that when I do forget about him, he would come back and kill all of us.

"And, well, when I was talking to Officer Bennett and he asked me what happened, I looked at the picture of all four of us that Logan drew and thought about what Rick said," James explained. "That he was going to come back and kill us all. And I guess it kind of got out of hand." He blushed, running a hand through his hair and making it stick up in several directions.

Logan put a hand on his shoulder. "You shouldn't be embarrassed by it," He told James. "A lot of people in your situation would have reacted a lot worse than you did. You're being pretty calm about this whole thing and you've had what, two or three slip ups? That's remarkable."

Kendall nodded his head in agreement. "If I were you," He said. "I would have freaked a long time ago. But speaking of freaking out, what happened yesterday?"

James' blush intensified and he looked down. "Oh," he said. "When you and Carlos were pulling me I guess I sort of hallucinated or something, because you were pulling on my arms and it hurt and for a second, I thought you were Rick." When he looked up, Kendall and Carlos wore guilty expressions and he quickly explained to take that guilt away. "But I think it's just because I associated the physical pain with Rick. It had nothing to do with either of you."

"But we still hurt you," Carlos said. "And that's not cool."

James shook his head. "Barely," He pointed out. "But you didn't do what Rick did. And that's what matters."

* * *

After all four boys had showered and dressed, Logan had convinced James to take all of the information that he had given them to the police. He pointed out that it would help build a strong case against Rick when he was caught and there was a trial. Logan also told James that if he was ready to talk to them, then he was ready to talk to the police.

James agreed, knowing that it was probably best, but he had never liked police stations. All of the officers made him uncomfortable and he didn't like talking to strangers. Although he had met Officer Bennett before, it wasn't like he and the man assigned to his case were best friends.

But while confessing to him, Officer Bennett hadn't once pushed James to give him information. He was recording the entire conversation like he was going to do at the hospital, but gave James encouraging glances and urged him to look at the officer instead of the recorder. Ultimately this was how James finally got his entire statement out, and he was very grateful to Officer Bennett for being so kind.

Before he left, Officer Bennett had given James a business card with his phone number on it. He had told James to contact him if he had any more information or wanted to know about the case. In return, James had given the officer his own cell phone number per request, just in case Officer Bennett needed to call him and give him news about Rick or the case.

Now James and the boys were home and although he had only woken up a few short hours ago, James felt like doing nothing more than crawling into bed and sleeping the day away. They were going to pick up with recording bright and early tomorrow and surely it would be a long work day after not working for a month and a half.

But just when he was about to collapse into bed, Kendall came into his room. Even though he wanted to sleep, he knew that he couldn't just kick Kendall out. It was his room, too.

"Hey," Kendall said, sitting on the edge of his bed like he had done this morning. "Can I talk to you about something?"

James nodded, sitting across from Kendall on his own bed. "Sure," He said. "What's up?"

Suddenly Kendall looked nervous, running a hand through his blonde hair and looking down. "Uh, you know how when you were in the hospital and we had that huge fight?" He stammered out, peeking through his eyelashes to see James nod before continuing. "And how I was being a total jerk and wouldn't say anything about what I thought about the whole—" He took a deep breath. "the whole kidnapping thing?"

"And you were an idiot and thought it was your fault?" James clarified, earning a glare from Kendall. Nonetheless he continued. "Yeah, I remember. Why?"

Kendall looked up, giving him a sheepish grin. "I'm ready to talk about it."

Although he should have seen it coming, James was surprised. "Are you sure?" He asked. "I mean, you don't have to talk about it just because I did. Really, it's okay to wait."

Kendall shook his head. "No," He protested. "I'm seriously fine, James."

Deeming that Kendall was being honest with him, James shrugged. "Okay," He said. "Just—um, start whenever."

"Before I knew what was going on, I was pissed at you," Kendall confessed, wasting no time in sharing his side of the story. "Because I thought you were just messing with me. I mean, I made you throw up twice and I left you outside afterwards. I would be mad at me if I were you. So I thought you were just hiding, and then you were going to jump out and scare me or something.

"But we looked everywhere for you and you weren't jumping out from behind the bushes or anything so we started to get a little worried. Then I found your lucky comb lying abandoned on the ground and—well, you never leave that thing behind. So I knew something was wrong then." They both let out small chuckles, knowing that the statement was entirely true.

Kendall swallowed before continuing. "And uh, funny thing about the lucky comb. I kept talking to it when you were gone. I mean, we called my mom and she told us to go back to the Palm Woods but then you called us and we went to Rocque Records and I almost left it in the car so I had to apologize to it, you know? Because I wouldn't want to be left in the car when it's all dark and—"

"Thank you, Kendall," James said seriously. "I'm glad you didn't leave my lucky comb alone. You're a good friend."

Kendall chuckled again. "Okay," He said. "You're welcome then. Uh, basically you know everything that happened after Rocque Records because you were there. But like, the whole time I was feeling really angry, you know? Angry at Rick for taking you, definitely, but I was more angry at myself for _letting_ him take you. If I had just stayed outside—"

"He would have either killed you or taken us both," James interrupted. "Seriously, Kendall. I thought we already went over the whole blaming yourself thing. There's nothing you, Carlos or Logan could have done to stop Rick. He's crazy and he would have done it whether you were there or not."

A sigh came from Kendall's side of the room. "Fine," He complied. "But that doesn't mean I didn't blame myself at the time. And then we basically had to watch you get _tortured_ and I swear to God, that was the worst thing I've ever had to see in my life. It was horrible, James."

James nodded. He knew it was horrible because he was the one who suffered through it, but he imagined watching someone else suffer is almost as horrible. "I can imagine," He finally commented.

"And then we gave Rick counterfeit money. Did Gustavo ever tell you that?" James shook his head, his eyes widening in surprise. "Well, we did. He essentially got nothing. Though maybe he can sell the case we gave it to him in to make a profit."

"You really gave him fake money?" James asked. "That's so…badass."

Kendall nodded, a smug expression on his face. "Heck yeah," He said. Suddenly he went serious, his face paling. "But then he shot you," Kendall said. "And you fell into my arms and you were bleeding everywhere and I thought you were going to die, James. I lied to the EMTs and told them that we were brothers so that I could ride in the ambulance with you. I couldn't leave you because it felt like if I did, you would die."

"But I'm not dead," James pointed out. "I'm totally fine, Kendall."

Kendall had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. "But you weren't," He said. "There was no way of knowing back then. I mean we got to the hospital and you were in an induced coma, so obviously you don't remember, but we had to wait two hours for your heartbeat to stabilize so that they could bring you into surgery. I was covered in blood and I was freaking out and then you _did_ die during surgery."

"Why does everyone keep bringing that up?" James demanded. "Yeah, I died. But I'm alive now! I mean, it wasn't really much of a debate. Because like, Logan of Christmas Past, and you and Carlos and three of me and Muzzy, Kendall. _Muzzy_."

"Okay," Kendall said awkwardly. "That makes no sense to me whatsoever."

James sighed heavily. "Just—it would take way too long to explain. Just continue."

"Um, okay," Kendall said, uncertainty lacing his tone. "I don't know where I was."

"You were scared," James reminded him.

"Right," Kendall said. "I was scared. I still am. Especially since you said that Rick was coming back. If I couldn't protect you the first time, then there's no way in hell I'll be able to protect you the second time."

Again, James sighed. "I don't need protecting, Kendall," He said tiredly. "This isn't your responsibility."

"But it feels like it is."

"But it's not," James pointed out. "Kendall, it's not, not at all. I know you think you're the leader, and in a lot of ways you are, but you can't take lead in this situation. Rick is going to come back if he wants to come back and we can't do anything to stop it. If Rick wants to hurt me or you or Carlos or Logan, then we can do something to stop it. But for now, you've just gotta let things happen, Kendall. You can't take control of everything. If you try to, I swear, it's going to blow up in your face and things are only going to get worse, okay?"

Kendall nodded. "Okay," He said finally, standing up. "Thank you, James."

James stood up as well, wasting no time in pulling his best friend into a hug. "No problem, Kendall."

* * *

**OMWGNOTE: **Another chapter cut! This is the last chapter. Except not really because I'm sure I would be murdered if it was. Actually, it has to do with this chapter. C22/23 were originally Talk Pts I and II, but then I realized that it would be better to have it as one chapter and therefore C24 became C23 and C25 became C24. That was how the original outline was when I first cut the story, anyway. This cut has absolutely no relation to reader response. It's mainly because it flows better as one chapter and personally, I thought this was kind of boring. So I didn't want to drag it out.

I expect to have this story done by Monday the 29th? Of course when I put time limits on myself I usually fail. But I know where I'm going and C24 is mostly written and well. C23 was partially written so long ago that I can't even remember working on it. So there's that.

It would be nice to have some reviews? Two chapters left.


	23. Reliving The Past

**OMWGNOTE: **I really enjoy being mean to the boys. You should read to find out why.

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own the Big Time Rush.

* * *

23. Reliving The Past

Ever since the boys had discussed what happened, James felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off of his chest. Although he was still fearful of Rick's return and what it might bring, he was finally getting over what had happened between them and was beginning to move on with his life.

It had been a very long week at Rocque Records. Because of the month and a half the record company had given him to recover, the boys had many songs to record in order to get the album out on time. In addition to this, there were also several new dance routines that they needed to learn in order to be able to perform at the concerts they would be doing on their tour. Because James was still recovering, they had started dance rehearsals off lightly. But as the week progressed, the dance routines became more difficult, and finally on Friday the boys were all extremely exhausted and hungry.

After Kelly and Gustavo had bid them goodbyes, all of the boys hopped into Logan's car with one goal on their minds: food. Normally, Logan would have driven to Five Guys without another thought. But since Five Guys was now a place of bad memories, Logan knew they would have to eat somewhere else.

"Where do you guys want to go?" He asked, his fingers drumming on the steering wheel as he waited for a response. When there was none, he added, "I know there's a McDonald's somewhere by here. Or we could go to Burger King. Or Wendy's. Maybe even Friendly's?"

"The Burger King scares me," Carlos said. "I always think he's going to kill me."

Logan sighed. "Okay, Burger King is out then. What about McDonald's?"

James shook his head. "I refuse to eat there after seeing Supersize Me last year. That crap does shit to your livers," He said seriously.

Rolling his eyes, Logan asked, "What about Wendy's?"

"I don't trust gingers," Kendall pointed out.

Logan turned to his friends in the back seat, glaring. "Then where _can_ we go? Friendly's is pricy and knowing you three, I'll have to pay for all of us!"

Kendall, Carlos and James wanted to deny this but they knew it was true. Logan was the only one who carried a decent amount of money with him and the three other boys always only brought enough for a fast food fix.

Each of them was contemplating where to go. Before the incident at Five Guys, there had been no question as to where they would eat after a long day at rehearsal. James appreciated that his friends would change their eating location just for him, but it didn't make much sense. It was food and it was cheap. It wasn't like James was going to get kidnapped again.

He decided to voice his opinion. "Why don't we just go to Five Guys?" He asked innocently. Immediately after he spoke, everyone's heads whipped around to face him. Each of his friends were staring at him as if he had two heads.

"James, you can't be serious," Logan said after several moments of silence.

James shrugged. "But I am serious," He said quietly. "I mean, it's not like Rick is going to be hanging around the parking lot. He's been wanted by the state of California long before he met me, so obviously he's going to be in hiding. Besides, Five Guys has cheap and good food. And I promise I won't eat all of the burger so that we're not taking any chances," He promised. "Really. It's either Five Guys or we go home."

Kendall sighed. "Well, when you put it like that…" He trailed off. "I think James is right. Carlos?"

"It's fine with me," Said boy answered, shrugging. "But Logan's the one who's driving us. Logie?"

Logan wanted to agree with his friends but he couldn't help but think about the last time they went to Five Guys. James had gotten kidnapped and because of that, he almost got killed. As Logan confessed in the hospital to James, he had been absolutely terrified when this happened. Now when he thought of Five Guys, he thought of fear.

But he didn't really want to go home. He wanted a full meal and a quick one at that. Mrs. Knight never prepared the boys dinner and if they went home, they would have to fend for themselves or just settle on snacks for the night. Logan knew that it wasn't good to skip a meal.

Finally he sighed. "Alright," He said, turning around and jamming the key into the ignition. "We're going to Five Guys, I guess."

Logan pulled out of the Rocque Records parking lot with ease and began the familiar route to Five Guys. On the way there, the car was silent, something that was becoming a more natural occurrence for Kendall, James, Carlos and Logan. Fortunately it wasn't an awkward silence. No one spoke because there was nothing to say.

Soon Logan was pulling into the parking lot, and the boys couldn't remember the ride being that short. Regardless, each of them got out of the car and made their way towards the eating establishment. All of them were careful to avoid glancing at the warehouses sitting innocently across the street.

As per usual, Five Guys wasn't horribly crowded for the time they were coming in and the boys ordered how they always did, collecting their meals and taking a seat at a usual table. Similarly to the last time the boys ate at Five Guys, the first few minutes of being in the restaurant were filled with silence, each of the boys far too hungry to say anything.

And like last time as well, Carlos was the first to break the silence. "I honestly forgot how much I loved Five Guys," He said, his mouth full of food and his words nearly incoherent. He swallowed before continuing. "Really. You have not lived if you haven't eaten at Five Guys."

"Agreed," Kendall said. "I would eat Five Guys every day if I didn't know I was going to be dead by the end of the week."

James nodded. "And you totally would be, too," He said. "If McDonalds can do damage to some dude's liver after only a few weeks, imagine what Five Guys can do to you after a few days. You _will_ perish."

"Indeed," Logan added, dropping his half eaten burger on his tray. "I don't even think I could do it anyway. I'm totally full. I might go into a food coma."

James sighed, also setting down his burger. "Same here," He said. "And I honestly don't feel like paying the bushes a visit tonight."

"Yeah," Kendall agreed. "No one make James throw up. Not a good plan at all."

Carlos and Logan agreed with grumbles, neither one really wanting to talk about it. Soon Kendall and Carlos were both done with their meals and together, all four boys disposed of their leftovers and headed out of the restaurant, walking towards Logan's car.

However, while Kendall, Carlos and Logan all kept going towards the car, James stopped, the warehouses across the lot catching his attention.

He felt fear grip his heart in an icy grip, squeezing it and causing a pang in James' chest. But while there was fear and dread in him, there was also curiosity. He wanted nothing more than to stride across the street and charge into warehouse 143. Although talking about the incident had lifted a huge weight off of his shoulders, James still felt something crushing him. Maybe if he actually went inside the warehouse, if he saw the tangible evidence of what happened, then maybe he would feel even better. Maybe he wouldn't have to be afraid anymore.

James began his trek to the warehouse without even considering that there were three other people with him. However he was reminded of their presence when they called out to him.

"James!" Kendall called, running up to his best friend and turning him around. "Where are you going?"

"To the warehouse," He said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

He turned to continue walking but Logan's voice stopped him. "Are you mental?" He demanded, his voice rising in pitch and volume. "That place is a crime scene! And how do you know that Rick's not lurking around in there?"

James rolled his eyes. "Yeah, Rick would totally be in there," He said sarcastically. "Logan, a few weeks ago the place was swarming with police. Do you really think Rick—who, as I mentioned before, is _hiding_ from the cops—would be in the one place where the police would expect him to go? Rick may be bipolar, but he's not stupid."

"But it's dangerous," Carlos protested.

"I don't exactly see how," James pointed out. "I mean, if the police have been there obviously there aren't any traps or anything. The only thing that's there is a bunch of blood and horrible memories. But if I'm ever going to get over this, I need to go in there. I _need_ to. I can't explain it, but there's something about going in there that I know will help me get over everything. Now, you guys can come or stay here, but I know that I'm going in there."

And with that, James turned and was once again on his journey to warehouse 143. At first he couldn't hear footsteps behind him and he was disappointed that his friends wouldn't side with him on something as important as this was. But after a few steps and hearing three distinctive sighs, he heard footsteps behind him and James couldn't fight the smile that appeared on his face.

It was a long walk, something that none of them were too happy about. At first they had gotten lost and gone down the wrong row, but they took a shortcut and soon were facing warehouses that had numbers extremely close to 143. And after a half hour, they finally found the warehouse they had been looking for.

Of course, they didn't even have to look at the number. One look at the bloodstain on the ground before them and several flinches from Kendall told the boys that they were at the correct place.

Kendall, Carlos and Logan all seemed rooted to the spot, all crowding around the bloodstain. The bloodstain made by _James_. And because it didn't look like they were moving any time soon, James took it upon himself to edge towards the warehouse door.

To his surprise it wasn't locked, and he swung it open to reveal nothing but darkness. He felt a wave of irrational fear of the dark crash over him and he turned to his friends, giving them a sheepish grin. "You guys are coming, right?" He asked, his voice sounding small and pathetic even to his own ears.

With only slight hesitation they all nodded, getting in line to follow James into the warehouse.

Almost immediately after entering James ran his hand across the wall, desperately searching for a light switch. To his relief, he fingers met a switch and he turned it on, smiling when light flooded the room.

James couldn't exactly remember what the upstairs of the warehouse looked like, due to the fact the only time he had been brought through it was when he was clinging to consciousnesses and wasn't really taking in his surroundings. But looking at it now, James found it absolutely creepy.

It was a mixture of what he expected and then random objects to throw those expectations off. There were many posters, band posters of bands James could only assume he and Gustavo had sponsored and like Rocque Records, there were various instruments sitting around the warehouse. But there were also random paintings, _creepy_ paintings, paintings that looked as though the artist used blood instead of paint. There were also several mannequins with knives driven through their torsos and other random knick-knacks that made James queasy.

James tried to ignore these objects as he carefully navigated his way through the upper level of the warehouse, hearing Kendall, Carlos and Logan behind him. They were all speaking to him, suggesting they should stop and go back outside where they felt safer, but James didn't listen. He _needed_ to do this. Although he had been feeling so much better about the situation with Rick since he had talked about it, he still feared that nightmares would come back and plague him throughout the rest of his life. To James, this was the only way to put the fear behind him.

Walking through the warehouse with his friends in tow, James realized that he hadn't really seen much of the warehouse's upper level. Like the basement, it was filled with posters of bands Rocque and Rolle Records had sponsored. But there were far more'The Stray' posters than anything else. James actually found himself stopping in front of one poster.

It was a picture of five teenage boys, who, judging by the title at the bottom, James identified as The Stray. They were all smiling happily, looking like nothing could ever touch them. In the middle was a tall boy, probably the tallest of the group, with his arms crossed. James immediately knew that this was Cameron, the one that Rick had killed. He felt a twinge of sadness arise in his chest but he kept studying the poster, now along with his three best friends.

To Cameron's left were two boys who looked exactly alike, one's arm draped across the other's shoulder. The twins, Mason and Roman. They looked happy and carefree, so much like Carlos. And finally, on Cameron's right were the other two boys. They held the same position as the twins did. One of them towered over the other and his hair was neat and generally looked very nice. James assumed that this was Logan, and that left the shorter boy to be Eli, so much like his own Logan.

The boys all looked so excited and James felt happy seeing how happy the boys were. They couldn't have been this happy when their best friend was murdered.

James felt fear rise in his chest when he remembered Rick saying something about how Kendall and Cameron were so alike. When and _if_ Rick came back, James wondered if Rick could possibly hold a grudge against Kendall for being so much like the member of The Stray that he killed.

James tried to push these thoughts aside as he moved away from the poster. He thought that he was going to have trouble finding the door that led to the basement and was therefore surprised when he found a door directly to the right of the poster. He knew that it _had_ to be the basement door because, looking down on the ground, he saw tiny splatters of blood that he knew came from him when Rick dragged him up the stairs. Also, if he looked to his right there was a dead end, just a simple hallway.

Taking a deep breath, James extended his hand and wrapped his fingers around the doorknob. He twisted the handle and pulled, the door swinging open afterwards. Immediately he noticed the blood on the handle from when he tried to open it so long ago, and he gulped.

Taking his eyes off the doorknob, James stepped to the top of the stairs and again felt for a light switch on the wall. It didn't take long for him to find one and when he turned it on, the stairs and part of the room below him were flooded with light.

James took another deep breath and began his descent down the stairs, Kendall, Carlos and Logan a few steps behind him. It was hard for all of them to ignore the blood smeared on the steps and, more importantly, the large blood puddle on the landing. James' hand gripped the railing tightly, afraid that he would fall down the stairs once more.

After what seemed like forever, they finally reached the bottom of the stairs. James came to a stop, halting all of the other boys' movements as he stared at the scene before him.

Everything was exactly as he had remembered. The band posters, the table next to the stairs. The Mac was still there, the _chair_ was still there. Even the rope that had been secured lamely around James' wrists was lying innocently behind the chair.

James swallowed loudly and stepped off the landing, his foot hitting the floor with a loud smack. He heard Kendall, Carlos and Logan gather on the landing behind him but he payed no attention to him. Instead, he was too busy paying attention to absolutely every detail in the room.

There were various places in which blood darkened the cement floor. Flashbacks of his encounter with Rick flooded James' mind, making him remember that it was _him_ who made the blood stains, _him_ lying in a pool of his own blood. It made him sick to his stomach.

Cautiously he ventured further into the room, stopping a few feet from the chair that rested in the center of the room. He had almost _died_ in that chair.

"James?"

James' head immediately turned at Kendall's voice and he even jumped a little, startled because it was the first thing spoken in a long time. "Yeah?" He found himself responding, his voice hoarse.

"Are you okay?" Carlos asked, his eyes flickering between James and the chair that James had been preoccupied with.

James' head moved stiffly as he nodded. "Yeah," He said quietly. "I'm fine. Just a few more minutes."

He didn't wait to hear their answer and turned around again. This time, instead of looking at the chair, a hint of red caught his peripheral vision and he looked down to his feet.

Staring back up at him was a bloody handprint, the fingers pointing towards him. James honestly didn't remember ever making the handprint but it didn't matter. He knew it belonged to him.

Without thinking about it James changed his position, moving around the handprint so that he was facing away from the direction of the fingers. Fighting back tears he dropped to his knees, his eyes never straying from the bloody outline of his hand.

Slowly, James brought his left hand from his side and placed it over the bloodstain on the floor. Just as he had suspected, it was a perfect match, his hand completely covering the one imprinted on the floor. He could feel his friends' eyes on him, their stares burning into him, but he payed no attention. All he could focus on at the moment were the bits and pieces of horrible memories coming back to him.

Suddenly James couldn't stand to be in the warehouse much longer. The posters, the blood, seeing The Stray…it was all too much of him. He shot up so quickly that he made himself dizzy, but before Kendall could even straighten him out he was flying past his friends and taking the stairs two at a time. He didn't care if his friends were following because all he was focused on at the moment was getting out of the warehouse.

Navigating through the main level was easier than it had been before and James didn't dare look at anything that decorated the room. To his relief he was soon out of the building completely and embracing the night air, inhaling huge intakes of oxygen as if the air outside were cleaner.

But no matter how much oxygen he took in couldn't change the fact that his stomach wasn't agreeing with the rest of his body. James barely had time to make it a few steps before he dropped to his knees, retching and gagging and sputtering everything he had eaten that day onto the pavement. The violent vomiting left his throat sore and scratchy and the taste of bile lingered on his taste buds, almost making him vomit again.

James didn't even realize that his friends were by his side until he registered that the buzzing that had developed in his ears was not buzzing but instead, the voices of his friends saying his name worriedly. "I'm fine," He tried to assure them, his voice shaking, but it wasn't very convincing because after he said it, he was throwing up again.

After his second time throwing up, James wasn't able to stop shaking. His arms, which we supporting his weight, were trembling violently beneath him, making his entire body quake. He tried to stop this by bringing his arms to wrap them around himself but still he found his body quivering.

He felt someone rubbing soothing circles on his back and felt two other hands on each of his shoulders but he didn't care enough to know which hand belonged to who. All James was trying to do was get the horrible memories that had attacked him in the basement out of his mind.

Through the haze in his mind, James heard one thing.

"You're going to be fine, James," One of his friends said, who he wasn't entirely sure. "Everything is going to be alright."

And that's what he held onto. Because he knew that someday, the words would be true.

* * *

**OMWGNOTE**: So. This is a little longer than the stuff I've been posting. Which is good? I really want to get this story to 100,000 words and I'm super close to reaching that point. But to get there I think the next chapter has to be like. 5,000 words. I'll try. But I'm letting you know right now: If this crap doesn't reach 100,000 words I'll either go back and add shit to past chapters to MAKE it 100,000 OR I'll add the C16 companion as C25. Probably the second.

This really should have been up yesterday but I got caught up in the wonderfultude that is A Very Potter Musical and of course my procrastination skills failed me when it came to this story. But it's 11:11 and right now you should all wish that I get the final chapter up tomorrow. Things are looking pretty good, seeing as I started writing this a few hours ago with only 900 words and how the last chapter has around that many. If I start working on it when I get home from school I should definitely have it up sometime in the evening.

Really, this is it people. I'm really glad to be done with this story. It's taken way too long and it's been really demanding and time consuming. And this is the last chapter you can tell me to "UPDATE SOON!" so get it in while you can.


	24. Over

**OMWGNOTE: **I posted this story so long ago, long enough to where the Big Time Rush archive only had around 80 stories on it. Now we have over 1,000 and this story is _finally_ coming to an end. It's obviously taken far too long and while I'm sad to see it go, I'm happy at the same time. It gives me time to update my other multi-chapter stories and even work on one-shots again. And I don't mean to go all Shane Dawson on everyone, but the support for this story has been astounding and I sort of never expected it to become as big as it is. I really appreciate everyone who's taken the time to read this story and even more so if they've taken the time to review. You all get virtual cookies made by Kendall, James, Carlos and Logan. They thought it was for charity.

(Also, big props to Falling to Fly because she was the only one to mention the stabbed mannequins in her review.)

I apologize in advance for the shortness of this chapter.

**DISCLAIMER**: When I own Big Time Rush (which I will one day), I'll let you know.

* * *

24. Over

It had been several weeks since the boys' trip back to Five Guys and the warehouse and James was improving miraculously. He hadn't had one nightmare at all in the weeks after his encounter with Rick and although he still didn't like the idea of Rick coming back, going back to the warehouse where everything happened had helped James quite a bit. He was definitely shaken up directly after experience, but the very next day he was feeling better about Rick's parting words to him. He definitely wouldn't forget about Rick and everything that happened and therefore he would be a little more prepared when and if he came back for James.

Now, everything had slowed down for the boys. They were doing very well as far as recording and dancing went and their album was almost complete, so Gustavo had been giving them many more days off. On a particularly warm Thursday he had given them a break and now Kendall, James, Carlos and Logan were all headed down to the pool in hopes of having some actual fun.

After arriving at the pool area, James' three best friends immediately stripped themselves of their shirts so that they could go swimming. However, when they offered him to join, he declined.

"I want to work on my tanning," He lied. "I've been looking pale-tastic when I should be looking _tan_-tastic!"

But because this was a normal thing for James to say, the three boys shrugged and went into the pool without a second thought. Sighing, James sat down on one of the lounge chairs, laying back and putting his hands behind his head. He would love to go swimming, but it would require him to take off his shirt. Normally he would jump at this opportunity, wanting to show off his washboard abs, but lately he had been feeling insecure about his body. He had a horrible, jagged scar marring his left side and on the back of his right shoulder there was a bullet wound.

James had always tanned without his shirt on before the incident and therefore, tanning was the perfect excuse not to take his shirt off. He lifted a hand to bring his sunglasses from on top of his head to down over his eyes, shielding them from the sun, and then James closed his eyes, thinking happy thoughts about kittens.

He had no idea how long he laid there but soon enough he felt a presence beside him. He rose one eyebrow and then lifted his sunglasses from his eyes, seeing Kendall standing over him and dripping wet.

"Dude," He said, pointing at James' phone on the table. "You have a text, just so you know. And I'm going to grab a smoothie. Do you want one?"

James nodded. "Sure," He said, watching as Kendall slipped his shirt on.

"Alright," Kendall told him, grabbing his wallet from off his chair. "But you owe me two dollars."

Rolling his eyes, James pulled out his phone as Kendall walked away from him. He sat upright in his lounge chair and leaned over the screen, taking off his sunglasses and trying to make out the letters on the screen in the sunlight. Growing frustrated, he placed a hand over his phone and was finally able to read what it said.

The number was unknown to him, but he decided to read the message anyway. There wasn't even much to read, either; only three words, and none of them made sense to James.

"_See you soon."_

He had no idea what the message was supposed to mean. If this person really _was_ going to see him soon, shouldn't James have them in his contacts? More importantly, James didn't remember making plans with anyone so no one should really be texting him anything of that sort.

James was horribly confused, and he was still horribly confused when Kendall returned with his smoothie. He was still contemplating what the text could possibly mean and didn't even notice his friend's arrival.

"I'm going to dump this on your head if you don't take it," Kendall said, trying to make James aware of his presence. Luckily for James he realized Kendall was there and absentmindedly took the smoothie from his impatient and went back to over analyzing the situation at hand.

He dimly heard Kendall sit down behind him. "What's up with you?" He asked, pausing to take a sip of his smoothie. "You look like you're thinking when you should be relaxing."

James took a sip of his own smoothie before answering. "It's the text I just got," He explained, running a hand through his hair. "It's confusing."

"What did it say?" Kendall asked, one of his bushy eyebrows raising.

Just as James was about to answer, his phone vibrated in his hand. He was going to ignore it because he figured it was another text, but it vibrated again, signifying it was a call instead. He looked at the caller ID and his eyes widened in surprise at who was calling.

"Hold on," He said, holding a finger up to Kendall. "It's Officer Bennett." He quickly accepted the call and then turned away from his friend, speaking into the receiver. "Hello?"

"Hi James," The officer said on the other line. "Listen, I know it's short notice, but I need you to come down to the station as soon as you can, preferably today. I have some news and I'd rather tell you in person than over the phone."

James was surprised again. "Okay," He agreed warily. He had no idea what Officer Bennett needed to tell him and he wasn't entirely sure that he wanted to find out. "I'll be there soon, I guess."

"What was that about?" Kendall asked the minute James hung up.

James set his phone down. "Apparently he has some news he needs to share with me," James informed his friend. "So he wants me to come down to the station as soon as I can. Do you guys want to come?"

Kendall shrugged. "I'm fine with it," He said. "And I bet Logan and Carlos would want to come, too."

"Okay," James said, standing up. "Then let's go."

* * *

None of the boys really expected to find themselves at the police station on their day off. But there they were, fully dressed and waiting in an interrogation room like they were prisoners about to be questioned. In reality, the receptionist had brought them here to meet Officer Bennett because his office was currently being painted, but even that fact didn't make the room any more comforting.

The walls and floors were gray, and there was a door and a window on the same wall. The table and chairs were both metal and cold to the touch. Overall, it looked exactly like a scene out of Law and Order and the boys didn't feel entirely comfortable in the room.

To make matters worse, they had left Mrs. Knight and Katie in the waiting room, so there wasn't any adult comfort occurring in the room at the moment. All of them felt scared out of their minds and all they wanted was someone else in the room.

Fortunately their wishes were granted soon and Officer Bennett entered the room, the bright lights reflecting off of his shaven head.

He smiled at their appearance. "Hello, boys," He said. "Thank you for coming so quickly. I know you must have been very busy."

He turned to James. "I'd like to start off in thanking you for speaking to me about your case a few weeks ago, James," Officer Bennett said, smiling kindly and walking around the table to take a seat in the metal chair across from the boys. "All of the information you provided would have been very useful in building a strong defense against Rick in court. But I have news that changes everything."

James' face immediately paled at the officer's words but before he could get anything out, Kendall spoke for him. "What?" He demanded, tensing as James' hand latched onto his arm in an iron grip.

Officer Bennett remained calm as he relayed the information the police had gathered to the boys. "Four days ago officers in King City, California identified Rick trying to purchase something from a package store. Rick has been on California's wanted list for years for Cameron Leighey's murder and, more recently, your kidnapping, James. Because of this, the officers recognized and indentified him as Richard Rolle. Rick, however, refused to give up without a fight.

"He immediately fled from the scene and the officers pursued him on foot, but in the end it was no use. Rick had literally jumped into the Salinas River, which flows through King City. The Salinas River is also, conveniently, the largest river in all of central California. For the past four days officers and investigation teams have been searching, but Rick hasn't turned up. However, the hat he had been wearing was found," He held up a picture of a baseball cap. "And pieces of the clothing he had been wearing as well. If Rick was alive, he's surely not now."

As Officer Bennett finished, James released his tensed posture, letting the hard grip on Kendall's arm he had adopted go completely limp. "He's dead?" James asked quietly, his tone disbelieving. He was afraid that he had heard the information wrong, that Officer Bennett really told him that Rick was alive and well and coming to kill him.

"Yes," Officer Bennett confirmed. "The body hasn't been recovered but we have enough evidence to safely say that he's not coming back."

The officer had told him twice but James still had trouble believing the words he had heard. It was hard to wrap his mind around the fact that he didn't have to live in fear anymore, for himself and for his friends. There was a strong chance that Rick was dead and it felt like all of the burdens had been carrying for the past month and a half had been lifted from his shoulders. All he had left of Rick were the horrible memories that came with the experience he had shared with him.

But he knew that while the man that had caused so much trauma in his life was gone forever, James would still have to life the rest of his life with the horrible memories. But somehow this fact didn't register to James because all he could feel at that moment was a huge wave of relief crash over him, drowning him in the wonderful feeling.

James laughed lightly, completely at ease for what felt like the first time in years. "He's dead," James repeated, as if maybe if he said it several times it would become truer than it already was. He removed his hand from Kendall's arm as the smile from his face faded completely. He could feel his friend's eyes on him but he paid no mind to the attention when so many emotions were flooding his body at once.

"He's dead," James whispered, again repeating the same sentence. He covered his mouth with his hands, staring at the table before him. "He's dead." His voiced was muffled by his hands but his friends understood what he was saying. Logan placed a hand on James' shoulder just as James began to cry, his whole body shaking with the force of holding in even more powerful sobs.

"Thank God," James said almost incoherently, but it was clear enough for all of his friends to understand him. They crowded around him as Officer Bennett left the room to give them privacy, feeling tears in their own eyes from the immense relief that came with knowing that Rick was gone.

And so the boys sat there, James' head buried into Logan's shoulder as he continued to mumble things in between sobs. But for the first time in a long time, they weren't afraid. The tears they cried weren't from pain or frustration or sadness.

The four boys cried tears of relief and happiness, something they hadn't done for a long time. And now, finally, everything really was okay.

* * *

**OMWGNOTE: **That's a wrap. For real this time. Again, I can't thank everyone enough for all of the support this story has received and it makes me incredibly happy that you all liked it. It was the very first kidnapping story on the archive and I'm proud to be finally finishing it. Thank you thank you thank you for sticking by this story and leaving encouraging reviews and making me all around happy. I ask you to review one last time and stick around for the sequel (to be posted on January 2nd just because it's my birthday). Although this isn't 100,000 words, the companion piece will be a separate story. I love you all and thank you again.

I'm going to go borrow Miss Fenway's Weeping Corner now. Bye. Sob.


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